Affection in your relationships

[PracticallyMe]

I'll be the first to go against the grain and say that I'm not all that affectionate. I need my own space, and I'm not very touchy-feely. I mean, we can cuddle for a while, but then I like to have my own space after a little while. DH & I have been together for over 6 years and married for over 4. I'm not into PDA either.

I'm like this too. I'm not very affectionate but I can be affectionate for periods of time. I just can't deal with it all the time. And like you I definitely need my space. I could never be compatible with someone that needed to be up under me constantly. It would drive me nuts. I just have to have a certain amount of me time (time by myself to decompress) or I get irritated or my patient gets short.

My DH and I have been together for 18 yrs. and married for 14. He is more affectionate than me but gives me space when I need it. I think it works out also because he likes his space at times too. I'm funny about PDA too, but I compromise if he initiates it.

 

[BonBon]

I consider myself a person that has a high tolerance for affection. With me and SO we both are affectionate and both have high tolerance. Its like theres no rejection ever so we just express, express vocally and physically.

However, although I enjoy it and can heap it, or take it, I don't feel I need this level of affection neccesarily. I have dealt with men that are less affectionate than me, or have a lower tolerance level and it's been OK.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

One way I know I like someone is if I want to hold his hand or cuddle with him. I need affection in my relationships, it helps me feel connected. I'm not a fan of making out in public but I'd have a hard time being with someone who wouldn't hold my hand in public or let me lean into him if we're out. At home I definitely expect more affection.

ETA: It should be obvious from my screen name but I'm a Scorpio.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I do like affection, I love giving it and receiving it. Funny thing is, before dh, I didnt think I was like this. In my last relationship, I swore I just was not that affectionate. It turned out that it was not me, it was the way I felt about that person. NOW, I am totally opposite of who I was back then. Not saying everybody is like this, but I think a good majority will see that it may be who you are with. Sometimes people just dont bring it out of you. Then you find the one who does. Then of course for others, you know what you are and NO one brings it out of you

 

[preciouslove0x]

It would be interesting to know everyone's zodiac sign that's commenting.

I'm not a touchy feely type of person which I believe contributes to me not being overly affectionate with SOs. I'm a scorpio.

What about everyone else?

 

[ChasingBliss]

It would be interesting to know everyone's zodiac sign that's commenting.

I'm not a touchy feely type of person. I'm a scorpio.

What about everyone else?

That's funny I was about to include the same question in my post. I'm a gemini.

 

[StarScream35]

I personally always thought I was a non-affectionate person UNTIL I met my current BF. He's quite affectionate and I find myself responding to that affection in ways I thought I never would. Like we hold hands in public, kiss on the lips in public, hold hands in the car. I love things like rubbing his back, playing with his hair. I think the reason for this is I've never met a guy I shared such deep emotion with who allowed me to blossom and be vulnerable while reassuring me it's okay.

 

[meesch]

It would be interesting to know everyone's zodiac sign that's commenting.

I'm not a touchy feely type of person which I believe contributes to me not being overly affectionate with SOs. I'm a scorpio.

What about everyone else?

im a cancer and bf is a pisces.

 

[gabulldawg]

I'm a gemini/non-touchy/feely. I think most of that has to do with my upbringing, though. My parents are not very affectionate or touchy/feely people, including my mother. We were/are definitely loved and well cared for, but they didn't kiss us or hug us much. That kind of stuff dwindled as we got older.

 

[meesch]

I'm a gemini/non-touchy/feely. I think most of that has to do with my upbringing, though. My parents are not very affectionate or touchy/feely people, including my mother. We were/are definitely loved and well cared for, but they didn't kiss us or hug us much. That kind of stuff dwindled as we got older.

i never really had much affection growing up either. i dont tell people i love them. but im fine being affectionate with the children. my immediate family from my own childhood tho? nah son.

 

[kandake]

I'm a gemini/non-touchy/feely. I think most of that has to do with my upbringing, though. My parents are not very affectionate or touchy/feely people, including my mother. We were/are definitely loved and well cared for, but they didn't kiss us or hug us much. That kind of stuff dwindled as we got older.

Can I ask a personal question. And you don't have to respond if you don't want to.

Are you trying to break the cycle with your own children? I only ask because I'm really sensitive about this topic. I grew up in a household with no affection and as I grow older, I'm finding that it's seriously inhibited the bond between my mother and I. I don't feel a connection with her and I'm resentful. I guess, I'm mostly resentful because she simply blames it on her parents and doesn't take ownership and didn't even try to break that pattern of limited/to no affection. I really wished she would have tried harder.

Since you recognize what happened in your childhood are you actively trying to do things differently? Is it difficult for you to show affection to your child? I guess I also ask these things to get an idea of what it may be like for me when I have children.

Sorry for rambling.

 

[BlueEra]

I'm a gemini/non-touchy/feely. I think most of that has to do with my upbringing, though. My parents are not very affectionate or touchy/feely people, including my mother. We were/are definitely loved and well cared for, but they didn't kiss us or hug us much. That kind of stuff dwindled as we got older.

This is me. My family is very loving and we care about one another a lot, but we have NEVER been affectionate with one another. To this day, I have to be very comfortable with someone (or drunk ) for me to get touchy-feely. I like to hug and cuddle more than anything, and I love being out in public and holding hands or having his arm wrapped around my shoulder.

I think another poster said it upthread, but you will know if I like you when I let you hold my hand or I allow you to get clingy with me and I actually embrace you back. If I'm dating someone, by reflex I will pull away from them if they get too close. It's gotten to the point where I forewarn current suitors not to be offended if I don't want to touch them. I don't like my personal space being invaded.

Now kissing? That's one thing I LOATHE and I WILL express my disdain for. I just don't like the idea of swapping spit with someone. I HATE sloppy kisses, and I know a LOT of men who will lick your face off trying to kiss you. I like little pecks, but I don't want to be tongued down. I actually had a guy get offended a few weeks ago because after our first date he got upset because I didn't want to kiss him, and when he tried to "steal" a kiss I swear I could smell his breath on my face and I was done.

Now with kissing, I DO like small pecks on the cheek or forehead. Those are more endearing to me than anything...it's corny but they actually make my heart flutter, and I prefer those to a kiss on the lips.

 

[beebellkel]

*deleted the post*

 

[gabulldawg]

Can I ask a personal question. And you don't have to respond if you don't want to.

Are you trying to break the cycle with your own children? I only ask because I'm really sensitive about this topic. I grew up in a household with no affection and as I grow older, I'm finding that it's seriously inhibited the bond between my mother and I. I don't feel a connection with her and I'm resentful. I guess, I'm mostly resentful because she simply blames it on her parents and doesn't take ownership and didn't even try to break that pattern of limited/to no affection. I really wished she would have tried harder.

Since you recognize what happened in your childhood are you actively trying to do things differently? Is it difficult for you to show affection to your child? I guess I also ask these things to get an idea of what it may be like for me when I have children.

Sorry for rambling.

I actually don't and didn't see a problem with it. It just was what it was. I never doubted my parents' love for me and still don't doubt it. They have proven their love in other ways. I am definitely affectionate with my daughter because she is an infant. I'm honestly not sure how long my affectionate behavior will last. My DH's parents are also the same way. They are not touchy-feely at all. Rarely hug or say "I love you." But it's also apparent that they love their children and adore their grandchild. It's very interesting that both DH and I hooked up with each other and were raised similarly.

If you are someone that desires affection I can see how my upbringing may not have worked for you. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that with your mom! I've found that I have not had a hard time being affectionate with my daughter. It's like it's a natural response for me. It's actually kind of weird. I'm like, "where did this come from???" I never thought of myself as a very nurturing person, but I guess it was in there somewhere!

I hope my post helped.

 

[kandake]

gabulldawg, thanks for responding. Your post did help. It was nice to read your experiences and perspective.

 

[preciouslove0x]

Love this thread. I wish it wouldn't die so soon

 

[topnotch1010]

kandake, I share the same experience and I have resentment toward mother because we could've been closer. I'm VERY loving and touchy feely, always have been. My parents didn't like it and vocalized it too. I knew I was loved but they weren't affectionate.

I make a point to be extra affectionate with my children. DH isn't as nearly as affectionate as me and I worry that I may become too dependent on my children for the affection I need. :-/

Can I ask a personal question. And you don't have to respond if you don't want to.

Are you trying to break the cycle with your own children? I only ask because I'm really sensitive about this topic. I grew up in a household with no affection and as I grow older, I'm finding that it's seriously inhibited the bond between my mother and I. I don't feel a connection with her and I'm resentful. I guess, I'm mostly resentful because she simply blames it on her parents and doesn't take ownership and didn't even try to break that pattern of limited/to no affection. I really wished she would have tried harder.

Since you recognize what happened in your childhood are you actively trying to do things differently? Is it difficult for you to show affection to your child? I guess I also ask these things to get an idea of what it may be like for me when I have children.

Sorry for rambling.

 

[LovelyRo]

I'm a gemini/non-touchy/feely. I think most of that has to do with my upbringing, though. My parents are not very affectionate or touchy/feely people, including my mother. We were/are definitely loved and well cared for, but they didn't kiss us or hug us much. That kind of stuff dwindled as we got older.

gabulldawg I know upbringing has a lot to do with it but I'm a Gemini, one of my best friends is a Gemini and another best friend's husband is a Gemini and none of us are affectionate like that... Lol!!!!

I'm more into attentiveness vs affection. Touchy feely and PDA are not my thing. My current SO isn't supper touchy feely but, he has his moments. He's definitely more affectionate than me. I kinda had to explain to him my love language so that he didn't feel like the feelings weren't reciprocated. I also don't have a problem telling him when he's being too touchy feely for me. Sorry

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[BonBon]

It would be interesting to know everyone's zodiac sign that's commenting.

I'm not a touchy feely type of person which I believe contributes to me not being overly affectionate with SOs. I'm a scorpio.

What about everyone else?

I'm in an Aries-Aries relationship.

 

[Briabiggles]

I'm a Gemini and my SO is a pices. We're very affectionate. We must hold hands or be touching when we're out. At home, we're snuggled up always.

Sent from my iPhone. Excuse the typos!

 

[Urban]

Cap here ... I like affection to a certain extent. It can get kind of annoying if overdone. Usually the guys I've gone out with have been more affectionate than I am. That includes aries and pisces.

 

[lilanie]

I'm a gemini who loves affection from her family; but hates it from a dude (think it's just a parlay to coloring)...

I am weird ~ but it works since I'm celibate and single

 

[Honey Bee]

I'm a Taurus so, of course, I love to touch and be touched... and to smell, and to taste... basically all the senses. He's a Scorpio so, while he wasn't all that affectionate at first, we've reached a happy medium. He knows me, I need touch like I need air and so he checks in with me often. When he's leaving the room, he'll stop and kiss me or rub my shoulders. We call it his 'toll', lol. But no PDA. I respect his wishes in that, although we do hold hands.

 

[misseyblue]

Like someone else mentioned, I crave it! The boo and I are very very affectionate. We are always kissing or caressing one another. It feels so good to be with someone who loves affection as much as I do.

 

[Kindheart]

I m veery affectionate with my son and other children but i can't bring myself to be touchy with my husband,perhaps cuz my mother has always been very cold towards my dad ,never seen them kissing or saying "i love u" to one an other.
I m Sagittarius rising sign in Cancer ,i definetley have traits of both signs.

If i m "freshly" in love, i crave being touched and touching,smelling ,but not french kissing.

 

[Kindheart]

kandake, I share the same experience and I have resentment toward mother because we could've been closer. I'm VERY loving and touchy feely, always have been. My parents didn't like it and vocalized it too. I knew I was loved but they weren't affectionate.

I make a point to be extra affectionate with my children. DH isn't as nearly as affectionate as me and I worry that I may become too dependent on my children for the affection I need. :-/

kandake that sounds EXACTLY like my story!

 

[VeryBecoming]

I grew up in a super affectionate family. I don't think my bf did. We cuddle and sleep wrapped up in one another. We hold hands or he puts his arms around me when we're walking about 50 percent of the time. I'm not too needy but I occasionally get upset if we go too long without touching.

 

[Skyfall]

...

 

[A856]

Another Gemini checking in; echoing the same sentiments stated from the other Lady Gemini's.....

I'm affectionate when I want to be.

 

[Victorian]

I'm a Scorpio. I really don't like PDA. It's like everything physical is super private to me or something. But when alone I do like affection. Sometimes I actually like giving it more than receiving it. I think my energy tends to be a bit more masculine than is typical for women. Or it could be, as some have experienced, I just haven't met the right guy yet. I kinda hope that's what it is