New Female Friends?

[MrsBurns82]

My SO and I have been in a long-distance relationship for almost three years, and he's a very social guy. Actually an admitted flirt. He's committed to our relationship, and we've been very happy until lately. He's always gone out about once a week and meets a lot of new people, some of them females. It's never really been a problem, but lately it seems like it's too much for me.

All of a sudden during conversation, he'll tell me "Yeah, random girl X and I just went to the movies" or "Random girl Y and I just had dinner" alone and I'm sitting here like "Who?". If he were trying to hide something, he wouldn't tell me about them. He says that all of them know he has a girlfriend and to him it's just a random outing, nothing more. If I were there, he'd be doing these things (dinner, movies, etc.) with me. I'm just a bit insecure about it right now, but it's kind of unrealistic for me to say stop socializing with any girls until I meet them because I only get up there every 2 months.

So, is it ever okay for your SO to have a new female friend? Why or why not? or for the singles, do you have new platonic guy friends even if they're in a relationship?

I don't agree with new close female friends, now a female co worker or something like that who invites you to their house warming or cookout cool but someone to use as a girlfriend subsitute to go to the movies and dinner with is unacceptable to me.

You've said he's an admitted flirt which means if he's flirting with these women to get to know them then that friendship is already starting on the wrong foot. In addition to these are NEW WOMEN which means he hasn't explored every aspect of them prior to meeting you may find something in them that tickles his fancy. Unlike old friends who are old news and have been established as just friends because of the experiences that have been had with them or lack their of.

In addition to the best place to hide something is in plain site and the fact that the women know he has a girlfreind is as unimportant as the price of tea in China. We all know that some women could care less. Or are in the same situation and just need something to do until their SO pays a visit.

But nothing is ever written in stone and as strange as we may think things are sometimes they are exatly what they seem to be. So these women may be just what he says.

 

[MrsBurns82]

I think I may have been talking about myself
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=187437

 

[abordeaux]

Me and my SO were long distance for two years. I was living in NYC and he was in Texas and Iraq. We saw each other about once a month except when he served in Iraq. During 2006, we only saw each other ONCE, for a two week period in the summer.

I would never have dreamed of going to the movies or a private dinner with another male unless it was a group setting. And the same for him. Although, I was asked out quite often, I never gave in. I felt like it was too disrespectful to him and our relationship. Besides, I was missing him so much, I couldn't even think about another guy.

This situation sounds too iffy to me. I feel like he is purposely telling you about the girls to make it seem like he's innocent. That whole "he were trying to hide something, he wouldn't tell me about them" could be to just throw you off of his trail. I would just be careful and make sure you are protecting yourself!

 

[tthreat08]

My SO and I have been in a long-distance relationship for almost three years, and he's a very social guy. Actually an admitted flirt. He's committed to our relationship, and we've been very happy until lately. He's always gone out about once a week and meets a lot of new people, some of them females. It's never really been a problem, but lately it seems like it's too much for me.

All of a sudden during conversation, he'll tell me "Yeah, random girl X and I just went to the movies" or "Random girl Y and I just had dinner" alone and I'm sitting here like "Who?". If he were trying to hide something, he wouldn't tell me about them. He says that all of them know he has a girlfriend and to him it's just a random outing, nothing more. If I were there, he'd be doing these things (dinner, movies, etc.) with me. I'm just a bit insecure about it right now, but it's kind of unrealistic for me to say stop socializing with any girls until I meet them because I only get up there every 2 months.

So, is it ever okay for your SO to have a new female friend? Why or why not? or for the singles, do you have new platonic guy friends even if they're in a relationship?

No. It is not okay now, and was not okay prior to our getting married. This is on both ends. No dinners for two, movies....nada.

 

[Opal1821]

Update

Thanks for all of the advice in this thread. Definitely got more than my $5 worth . I had a conversation with my SO and was finally able to articulate my feelings on the issue. He's agreed to not do it anymore and make the limitations in his friendships clearer. This is really an issue of me expressing my wishes and him learning to make better decisions. I have to accept that he will meet new people and I have my eyes wide open. He's truly one of the best people I've ever met and we're still growing in the relationship every day. I hope we're able to make it through these next couple of years!