"Naturals > Relaxed." Thoughts?

[robot.]

I was in a computer lab earlier this week and heard two girls talking. I didn't want to eavesdrop, but it's a small space and they were the only ones in there. I was minding my own when they started talking, rather heatedly, about naturals and their "attitude."

They were saying things like, "I don't need to be natural to be "black power." I don't hate myself if I get a perm," which I didn't really care about, because I already knew alladat. It was when one of them said, "They (naturals) think they are better than you because their hair is natural."

One girl went onto say she was relaxed because she got tired of her natural hair (she was a healthy looking SL and her friend was weaved up). But this girl also said that she couldn't do much with her natural hair (lies!), so she most likely got tired of her hair because of her ignorance towards all the different styles naturals can achieve.

It surprised me a little because I'd never experienced that attitude before, natural or relaxed. I can understand where she's coming from - I think my natural hair is the business on all levels, but I never thought of it as thinking my hair is better than someone else's, it's always been about me and my head.

But I also think it goes both ways. I'm sure there are some relaxed women out there who think they are better because they're relaxed. They may think natural hair is unattractive, "nappy," too "ethnic," etc.

Just something I thought was interesting. What do you think? Have you ever experienced "attitude"?

 

[ryanshope]

Nein...I haven't as a relaxed or a natural..but this is a loaded thread...(backs out slowly)....


No disrespect to the OP.

 

[Neith]

Some people on both "sides" have stink/unhealthy attitudes in my experience

 

[LatterGlory]

 

[robot.]

Don't do that.

 

[Tafa01]

I have been relaxed and natural (twice), and right now I am relaxed. So I feel I know what I am talking about. I personally believe they are somewhat right. Many naturals think they are better because they dont put "these nasty chemicals" in the "hair god gave them", and they do not "hate themselve".
that is MY observation, not saying it is right or wrong.

 

[LatterGlory]

Don't do that.

where are my manners... (got a bigger one for all who wants some)

 

[WAVES4DAYS]

 

[30something]

Nothing superficial is really going to be better than each other. If you really think about it superficial variables (such as natural or relax) do not equate to anything, they don't hold certain value, or real significance because they are just visuals only measured by individual interpretations. Thats just those girl's opinions it doesn't hold any superiority over each other, or any of ours. Their just hair styles, nothing more. Only way to determine what is better is through the eye of the beholder.


BUT ANYWAY, what im trying to say is there is NO SUCH THING as being better, or better off, or being more practical, or looking better because its all superficial, only on the surface, based on personal interpretations which them selves are based on bias beliefs

 

[SEMO]

Ok, I'll throw 2 cents at this (instead of "popcorn").

I really think it's just insecurity that makes people concerned about whether their hair is better or worse than someone else's (or perceived to be better or worse). But I don't judge people for their views (whatever they are) b/c their concerns don't spring out of nothing. No one wants to be judged as "less than" for their hair choices.

But I think that hair is too small a thing to make any kind of character judgments about a person (good or bad). How one chooses to wear their hair shouldn't be the defining characteristic of their personality. Humans are too complicated and multi-faceted for that.

 

[SelahOco]

I think she has a point - she seems a little touchy in her delivery, but I can see her point. Many naturals act "enlightened" when they stop relaxing and see relaxed girls as "poor ignorant heathens."

I think some naturals have had to fight so much to be accepted and have had to ignore crticisms from people that didn't understand their choice. They've had to reject suggestion after suggestion that they "do something with that mess" on top of their heads that you build up a defense. A wall if you will.

A wall of kinks, kanks and naps And no skinny hairs is allowed!

Many people are balanced and see their hair as a personal choice. I have to admit, I've been burned by an over zealous natural more than once. I hated her attitude and she seemed to jump on every pro-relaxed comment I made. But, she was right about it. I didn't yet understand or appreciate my hair.

Like a Christian w/ bad delivery, a tactless natural can seem like a self righteous, self important judge of others - a nappy nuisance.

 

[SelahOco]

This man's face is very interesting to look at.

 

[jennboo]

Question: Exactly what is it that makes some relaxed heads think that natural heads think that, as people, they are better?

What is it that some naturals DO/SAY to make relaxed heads feel like that?

 

[Neek-a-Nator]

I think she has a point - she seems a little touchy in her delivery, but I can see her point. Many naturals act "enlightened" when they stop relaxing and see relaxed girls as "poor ignorant heathens."

I think some naturals have had to fight so much to be accepted and have had to ignore crticisms from people that didn't understand their choice. They've had to reject suggestion after suggestion that they "do something with that mess" on top of their heads that you build up a defense. A wall if you will.

A wall of kinks, kanks and naps And no skinny hairs is allowed!

Many people are balanced and see their hair as a personal choice. I have to admit, I've been burned by an over zealous natural more than once. I hated her attitude and she seemed to jump on every pro-relaxed comment I made. But, she was right about it. I didn't yet understand or appreciate my hair.

Like a Christian w/ bad delivery, a tactless natural can seem like a self righteous, self important judge of others - a nappy nuisance.

Well said. People respond to THEIR experiences, they had bad experiences hence their reaction and I'm sure it can be said for the opposite. Right wrong or indifferent.

 

[blacksapphire]

I think it really depends on the personality of the person and what they say/ act.
I have a friend that went natural 3yrs ago and I'm still relaxed, she doesn't compare or suggested I went natural. I was contemplating transitioning to texlax and when I asked her what she thought, she simply said she'll advocate going natural/ as as close to natural because it works for her, but she understands that its my own decision and she hasn't said anything about it after i asked her what being natural is like.
This girl is one of the greatest person I've known so I can say without a doubt that she doesn't judge people for their decision in going natural or relaxed

 

[jamaraa]

Anybody who behaves like this needs to get their mind strong! Honestly some people are so superficial yet insecure, that they're way too much up in other folks' business. Life would be so much kinder and simpler if people sometimes just kept their opinions to themselves. Yes you have "a right to your opinion", but your listener has a right to find you a jerk for saying it. Sometimes exercising the "two prisons" approach is better. Your tongue has 2 prisons...your teeth and lips. Simply keeping one shut ain't too hard.

BTW OP...why'd that girl have to be a "liar"?

 

[Neek-a-Nator]

Anybody who behaves like this needs to get their mind strong! Honestly some people are so superficial yet insecure, that they're way too much up in other folks' business. Life would be so much kinder and simpler if people sometimes just kept their opinions to themselves. Yes you have "a right to your opinion", but your listener has a right to find you a jerk for saying it. Sometimes exercising the "two prisons" approach is better. Your tongue has 2 prisons...your teeth and lips. Simply keeping one shut ain't too hard.

BTW OP...why'd that girl have to be a "liar"?

You are absolutely right Jamaraa. Sometimes people just don't know when to be quiet. If you have a bad experience who am I to tell you you're not allowed to feel that way if that girl felt that way then OK, that's fine. People need to RESPECT other ppls choices even if they are not in line with yours. It's all about respect and tolerance.

 

[robot.]

Anybody who behaves like this needs to get their mind strong! Honestly some people are so superficial yet insecure, that they're way too much up in other folks' business. Life would be so much kinder and simpler if people sometimes just kept their opinions to themselves. Yes you have "a right to your opinion", but your listener has a right to find you a jerk for saying it. Sometimes exercising the "two prisons" approach is better. Your tongue has 2 prisons...your teeth and lips. Simply keeping one shut ain't too hard.

BTW OP...why'd that girl have to be a "liar"?

Liar? I don't follow.

 

[robot.]

Question: Exactly what is it that makes some relaxed heads think that natural heads think that, as people, they are better?

What is it that some naturals DO/SAY to make relaxed heads feel like that?

I think they're part of the BSU (Black Student Union). Last week, they had a meeting about the "good hair" movie. A friend of mine who went said the naturals and relaxed ladies started arguing about it. Maybe they were talking about that.

 

[jamaraa]

I was in a computer lab earlier this week and heard two girls talking. I didn't want to eavesdrop, but it's a small space and they were the only ones in there. I was minding my own when they started talking, rather heatedly, about naturals and their "attitude."

They were saying things like, "I don't need to be natural to be "black power." I don't hate myself if I get a perm," which I didn't really care about, because I already knew alladat. It was when one of them said, "They (naturals) think they are better than you because their hair is natural."[/b]

One girl went onto say she was relaxed because she got tired of her natural hair (she was a healthy looking SL and her friend was weaved up). But this girl also said that she couldn't do much with her natural hair (lies!), so she most likely got tired of her hair because of her ignorance towards all the different styles naturals can achieve.

It surprised me a little because I'd never experienced that attitude before, natural or relaxed. I can understand where she's coming from - I think my natural hair is the business on all levels, but I never thought of it as thinking my hair is better than someone else's, it's always been about me and my head.

But I also think it goes both ways. I'm sure there are some relaxed women out there who think they are better because they're relaxed. They may think natural hair is unattractive, "nappy," too "ethnic," etc.

Just something I thought was interesting. What do you think? Have you ever experienced "attitude"?

The bolded was what I was referring to OP. Perhaps she knew of many styles, tried them, and they didn't work for her. Maybe she was telling the truth about HER hair.

 

[robot.]

The bolded was what I was referring to OP.

Ohh. I said "lies!" because you can do a lot with natural hair. I wasn't calling the actual girl a liar. Sorry for the confusion.

ETA: In responses to what you added... I find it hard to believe that she found NOTHING. I don't think she tried her best to find a style that worked for her - there are plenty. But given that, maybe natural hair just was too much work and not enough pay off. Relaxed would give her more flexibility in regards to style. You're right, I don't know her hair personally, but I do think with research and persistence, she could've found a lot of different options.

 

[LatterGlory]

_____________:reddancer:

 

[Tafa01]

Ohh. I said "lies!" because you can do a lot with natural hair. I wasn't calling the actual girl a liar. Sorry for the confusion.

ETA: In responses to what you added... I find it hard to believe that she found NOTHING. I don't think she tried her best to find a style that worked for her - there are plenty. But given that, maybe natural hair just was too much work and not enough pay off. Relaxed would give her more flexibility in regards to style. You're right, I don't know her hair personally, but I do think with research and persistence, she could've found a lot of different options.

See, that to ME is a patronizing and judgemental statement. what I understand you are saying is that she didn't try hard enough, and naturals are more persistant and imaginative, and relaxing is the easy way out. How do you know how hard she tried or did not try? Why can't it just be that she did not like the natural styles on her and preffered relax?

 

[robot.]

See, that to ME is a patronizing statement. what I understand you are saying is that she didn't try hard enough, and naturals are more persistant and imaginative, and relaxing is the easy way out. Why can't it just be that she did not like the natural styles on her and preffered relax?

But she didn't SAY that she didn't like them - she said nothing worked for her. I could say that I like braids, but they don't work for me. Too heavy, fake hair breaks me out, I like my hair, etc. But she wasn't talking to me, so it would've been rude to ask her to clarify.

If she prefers to be relax, that's her choice. Ease of styling, more options for her - she made a decision that she obviously likes, so there's no problem. But the things a relaxed person can do, so can a natural, so the statement "I couldn't do anything with my natural hair," is a bit... superficial (not sure if that's the word I'm looking for)? It may take a little bit more work, but you can definitely do it. But like I said, if being relaxed is easy for her and she likes it, then I love it.

 

[jamaraa]

Ohh. I said "lies!" because you can do a lot with natural hair. I wasn't calling the actual girl a liar. Sorry for the confusion.

ETA: In responses to what you added... I find it hard to believe that she found NOTHING. I don't think she tried her best to find a style that worked for her - there are plenty. But given that, maybe natural hair just was too much work and not enough pay off. Relaxed would give her more flexibility in regards to style. You're right, I don't know her hair personally, but I do think with research and persistence, she could've found a lot of different options.

OK Robo I hear ya...thanks for clearing it up for me. I still disagree w/ this part tho. I wasn't beating up on ya, but given the context of the post, that part was like "huh"?

I do understand why you posted this thread and I'm glad you did. As a lifelong natural, I've always been distressed at the idea that someone may think I'm a snob, attititudinal, or whatever simply because of my hair and be reluctant to get to know me for this reason. I think all Black hair is great!

 

[locabouthair]

Some naturals have that attitude. I've never come in contact with one but I've heard stories mainly from this site.

When I was natural, I knew a girl who was relaxed and seemed to have a "my hair is better than yours because it's relaxed). She didnt hide her disgust for natural hair

 

[CheLala13]

As a new natural, I DO feel very enlightened. But I don't look down on anyone. The only person I've tried to "convert" is my mother because she has bald spots and hair that is gradually getting shorter and it IS because of her relaxer use.

I don't feel as if my hair is better than anyone's. It seems like relaxed heads are the ones trying to make excuses to me. They come up to me and say "Ooh, your hair is pretty. See, you got that good stuff, I could NEVER do that with my hair, etc" I just want everyone, relaxed and natural, to understand their choices and have it actually be a choice that they are relaxed...not because nobody will think they are cute with that "nappy itsh."

 

[Irresistible]

I think she has a point - she seems a little touchy in her delivery, but I can see her point. Many naturals act "enlightened" when they stop relaxing and see relaxed girls as "poor ignorant heathens."

I think some naturals have had to fight so much to be accepted and have had to ignore crticisms from people that didn't understand their choice. They've had to reject suggestion after suggestion that they "do something with that mess" on top of their heads that you build up a defense. A wall if you will.

A wall of kinks, kanks and naps And no skinny hairs is allowed!

Many people are balanced and see their hair as a personal choice. I have to admit, I've been burned by an over zealous natural more than once. I hated her attitude and she seemed to jump on every pro-relaxed comment I made. But, she was right about it. I didn't yet understand or appreciate my hair.

Like a Christian w/ bad delivery, a tactless natural can seem like a self righteous, self important judge of others - a nappy nuisance.

ummmm hmmmmmmm!

 

[Irresistible]

We cant Add Subtract or Multiply the hairs on our head, yet we let it divide

To my natural sistah's (from your relaxed sistah)

So, you think im tryin to conform? when for all ive ever known is
this to be the norm. you say im trying to be something that im not, when my
hair will never make who i am whether it's straight, kinky, or bought , you
cut your eyes at me ova my 'do when you were once in the very same shoes. so i
apply this creamy stuff to make my hair straight, but you act is if your
kinks gave you a pass through heaven's gate? why do you put me up under this kind of pressure? and act as though because you now have naps you are now up
to measure? you say you are so enlightened, but it seems to me as though
you just might be somewhat frightened. are you scared you will face the
temptation to straighten out the kinks again? do you project that fear unto me
distorted and full of disdain? i wish i could show you that just because my
hair is straight doesnt mean i cant relate to your pain. you say my ignorance
runs deep, as though just because my hair is straight i must have no sense, my sistah have you forgotten when you were on this side of the fence? you look
your nose down on me now that you have naps growing freely from your head, when really you should be concerned about the kinks in your heart instead.

To my relaxed sistah's (from your natural sistah)

So you say you can relate to my pain? no i dont think you can, not
till you have worn an all natural mane. you see, there is no pain like this,
when your very own people ignorantly diss what our hair really is. yes i feel
enlightened and free to be me, and yes , maybe i am a little
frightened of what my nappy experience will be. you see, i feel the pressure every single day , to once again make my hair lay down, i just dont want to give in and lose this freedom that i have found. no my naps wont give me ticket through heavens gate, but i have a new love for what God made me instead of living with self hate. I no longer damage and abuse the hair God gave me just to fit in, im no longer in bondage to white people's greatest sin. The promotion of self hate within us to oppress and degrade us, as though
we are not acceptable the way the creator made us. I may come off as though i
think im better than you, but my sistah that is so not true, it's about so
much more than just your 'do. Maybe i dont say it right, but really we are
all in the same fight and all i want is to share my insight. your acting as
though your so righteous because you feel slighted, maybe you as well are
somewhat frightened. Why do my naps cause you distress? when you have the same thing coming from your head under that chemical mess? you fit in with those you choose cause your hair looks like theirs, and turn your back on me
when im your real reflection, you can straighten your naps all you want to,
but its the kinks in your heart that need inspection.


To all sistah's (from God)

I count the hairs on all of my children's heads. My word does not say
"I count the hair on a relaxed head" nor does my word say " I only
count the hairs of a natural head" It is I that count the hair on my children's heads. Do not make it your job to count the hair on your sister's head! It is I that count them and it is I that formed them! YOU CANNOT ADD THEM, NOR SUBTRACT THEM, NOR MULTIPLY THEM , BUT YOU LET THEM DIVIDE YOU! i desire the peace, happiness and joy in the hearts of all my children and this strife amongst you saddens me greatly. for it is my purpose for you to unite and walk in love notdivision. I say unto you before you check your hair in the mirror to see whether it is perfectly straight or perfectly natural , i tell you to to check to see if your heart is perfectly straight AND natural before me first. and before you look at the condtion and state of the hair of your sister, I tell you to look at the condtion and state of your own heart first. for the hair on on your head and the head of you sister's is but a small matter in my sight.

Do not bother to straighten your hair to fit into this world or to be
accepted by it , while your heart is not straightened out and you dont accept
your very own sister in love...I say to you , you will surely then not fit in
with me, nor shall you be accepted by me, nor fullfill my purpose for you. what you call the path of least resistance, i call the path of fools, when you resist walking in love for others.

Do not bother to wear your hair natural and untainted with chemicals
as you have said in your heart "to be as i made you" and not walk in love
towards your very own sister , then i say to you, it is then that your heart
shall surely be tainted in my sight, and you will then surely not "be as i
made you" what you call the path of enlightenment i call the path of darkness, if you are not enlightened enough to walk in love for others.

I know the pain of all of your hearts and i know all the tears shed by
all of my children and all the pain inflicted on you and the division that
has been caused amongst you, surely i say unto you those people will be held
accoutable for every action and deed before me. but you will not be
able to come before me and say "Lord but my sister did not love me due to the
chemical or lack of a chemical in my hair, and Lord this is why did not walk in love towards her in return" for i tell you she will be held accountable for
herself and you will have your own accountability unto me.


Title:
We cant add, subtract or mulitply the hairs on our head, yet we let it
divide us

written by, . Iris on 10/25/03

 

[jamaraa]

Some naturals have that attitude. I've never come in contact with one but I've heard stories mainly from this site.

When I was natural, I knew a girl who was relaxed and seemed to have a "my hair is better than yours because it's relaxed). She didnt hide her disgust for natural hair

Loca chile you must stay safely on this site and outta some (ehem) obvious threads. You're right tho, this drama goes both ways and is tired as heck.

BTW, you never finished telling us about meeting Cathy Howse, or did you? I was left hangin'