If one more natural..............

[LaidBak]

I'm thinking the dirty look is because you have nice shiny APL hair. I can't imagine she can tell you are relaxed. I mean did you tell her it was? How could she know it wasn't pressed?

 

[FunJoy!]

I relaxed because I LOVE straight hair, natural hair is beautiful but certain things aren't for certain people. With relaxed I can have straight, big curls, small curls EVERYTHING I want, same goes for naturals, I hate people who judge and are against a certain hair state, mind your damn business and K.I.M and I'll keep swangin my relaxed tresses that indeed ARE HEALTHY, same goes for naturals, the women who make stupid comments have some deep insecurity....or they are just uneducated about ethnic hair. SEE YA

 

[gissellr78]

My hair is relaxed (or texlaxed? It's not relaxed bone straight, so whichever one that is,) and isn't unhealthy looking, and I get dirty looks from naturals pretty often. I've even had more militant naturals comment on my hair while it's flat-ironed, and I've had natural friends complain as well.

I don't want to be relaxed anymore either, but I do see plenty of healthy relaxed heads...just like I see plenty of raggedy ones...just like I see plenty of healthy and raggedy natural heads. I wish we could all get along too!

I agree.



I see plenty of healthy of relaxed head...including me.

 

[Sweetgirl08]

Maybe its you as a whole and not just the hair. If you're a bad chick you tend to get those "green" eyes veering in your direction.
I'm just saying!! LOL

 

[TCatt86]

I just don't understand why what people do with their hair can be seen as an accessory. Women of all races chemically alter their hair all the time and its not an issue. I do understand that natural hair is looked down upon in the black community hell my mama calls me nappy headed at least twice a month BUT why women choose to relax is not known to me. I can tell you why my friends relax but every black woman that relaxes her hair is not self hating just like not every black woman with natural hair is concious and stopped relaxing as not to conform.

 

[spelmanlocks]

I do notice that some naturals make rude comments towards relaxed heads even on this forum. In my opinion that's just wrong. I had natural hair for 22 years (rocking natural hair when it wasn't popular) and never once did I look down on a woman because she chose to have relaxed hair (although I did get comments that I needed a perm often when I was natural). I was never one to go around preaching that a woman should go natural either. Unless its my hair or my daughter's hair, I could care less what someone does to their hair. I think hair is fun to play with and do different things with, so its nice to see variety.

ETA: Also, I wish some people would stop looking at relaxed hair as if it means you are hiding something or are harboring some form of self hate. Its really not that deep for everyone, at least for me it isn't.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

^^^I agree with your post Spelmanlocks. I've never been militant as a natural and I was not one when I was relaxed. Everyone has their reasons as to whether they relax or wear their hair natural. I compliment beautiful hair, relaxed, natural, whatever.

 

[Southernbella.]

IRL, I'm very happy to see healthy relaxed hair, and we have a lot of it here in ATL. Wht bothers me is all the weave I see. I say work with what grows out of your head, relaxed or natural. I hate seeing so many bw with someone else's hair glued to their scalp.

 

[Nayna]

I think everyone has the right to do whatever they want with their hair. And, I'd be completely ok with relaxing if it were just a hair style choice, but it's not.

I constantly hear comments like...

"why don't you comb your hair?"
"why do you leave the house looking like that?"
"you need to get that nappy s*** relaxed"
"you would be so pretty if your hair were relaxed"
"I would put a relaxer on my baby's hair if it were nappy, I don't care how old she is, good thing she has good hair and doesn't need one"


...so I know relaxing isn't just a style choice. For a lot of people it's a way to fix, what they consider, a problem. Relaxed hair is pretty, desirable, and better...nappy hair is ugly, undesirable, and a curse. I will be against relaxers until natural/nappy hair is looked upon just as positively as relaxed hair by a majority of the black community.

I feel what ur saying, but dont be like them, u think people didnt look at me sideways when i went natural? i just dont let it phase me because its my personal choice just like its theirs to be relaxed, im not going to stoop down to that level and u shouldnt either because its ur right to be who u are

 

[prettynatural]

I think that we all have to get honest and say that natural hair is not considered beautiful. If you have to deep condition 2xw, take hair vitamins, use xyz product, stretch relaxers then "health" is in question, is it really healthy or is it the products that are coating the hair to prevent tragedy? We need to take an honest and long look at our selfs and motivation. For me personally, I have coily hair, would I still be natural if I was a C-napp? That is hard for me because those sterotypes and issues of self acceptance runs deep. To answer the question, yes I would but I think that I would need more self assurance and confidence. I am being completely honest, with that being said, I love all natural styles and wish all black women would embrace their natural hair. I compliment a nice style be it relaxed or natural but in real life, I have not seen a healthy head of relaxed hair. I have seen some "appearance" of healthy hair because they stay in the shop every 2 weeks lathering it down with miracle products and that is not health.

 

[NikStarrr]

Honestly, there is something wrong when someone has to put someone else down to make themselves feel better about themself, which seems like is being done moreso by some naturals, IMO. You don't have denounce, dislike, be against relaxed hair to be able to have pride in or see the beauty in your own natural hair. You don't have to refuse or pretend to not see beauty in straight styles because you no longer wear them. It's like someone who's quit drinking because of alcoholism, putting people down or trying to deter other people from drinking period. Not everyone has that issue. Not everyone has a bad experience with it. It's like, just be proud of your own personal journey and let others be happy with where they are at. There is no right or wrong.

 

[BGT]

Is it really an individual choice if you weren't the one who made it? Your mother made the decision to relax for you. It's not like you weighed both sides, having experienced both, and then decided relaxed was easier/better for you.

And as far as the bolded, how do you know that your hair is more manageable relaxed if you've haven't ever experienced a head full of natural hair? You said your new growth is "just a little more difficult to maintain" but that definitely doesn't mean having a whole head of natural hair would be. It could just mean that having both at the same time is difficult.

Anyway, the relaxed/natural debate is going to continue on as long as the overwhelming majority of black women continue to relax.

I personally think it's sad (and quite telling) that there are hordes of grown women who don't know/remember their natural texture or think that nappy hair is so disgusting that they have to get in my face and tell me how ugly they think my hair is. I guess when that stops happening, I'll stop being a natural advocate. Then I'll know it's just another hairstyle, not a community wide problem with self-acceptance.

I got my relaxer at age 8, and it was my decision... no one else's. I never grew up hearing the phrases good hair or bad hair. My mom was very proud of my tight and coily 4b natural hair. She actually didn't want me to get a relaxer because I would lose my virgin hair.

But I got one because my mom literally couldn't comb through my whole head without ending up with a hand full of hair, even though she was very gentle. Actually, she couldn't even comb through it. She would have to wash my hair still in plaits because that made it somewhat more manageable. And after it was dried, she'd have to pull a hot comb through it... it was never bone straight, wasn't even wavy... it was still very coily. And it would take FOREVER to do my hair in the morning.

I never had a single issue with a relaxer burning or damaging my hair. I guess I was lucky because the people who handled my hair, handled it with care. I don't hate my natural hair, but I know I couldn't be natural because I'm not strong enough. I do think I could go through transitioning, doing a BC and then having to hear all the comments. I'm too weak. I have loads of respect for those than do/can.

 

[Shimmie]

Now normally i'm relaxed (stretching 6 mths post) and I dont' have beef with ya'll naturals,

but if one more Natural in real life looks at my relaxed looking hair with an attitude, i'm gonna snap (no violence for ya'll thinking it.

I have experienced this several times before; even chicks with weaves have tried to play me.

I was at work and this chick has natural hair, she wears it in a puff, i guess she just started on her journey. That's cool I love all hair, I was in the bathroom and she was in there I went to wash my hands and she gave my hair a dirty look (I know in her mind she was like relaxed heff#r lol).

I don't look at naturals hair with dirty looks nor do I care, I accept all hair because when taken care of black hair is beautiful.

just had to get this off of my chest.

To the Naturals do you look down on women with relaxed hair?

And to the relaxed ladies do you look down on chicks with natural hair?

It shouldn't even matter but I just posted this because I have noticed my hair getting dirty looks from naturals and chicks with weaves.

***and I have no issues with weaves, naturals, relaxed, or chicks with longer hair than mine***

Wow... I never knew this going on with women; at least not to this degree.

Hair is hair, we all have good days and not so good days with it; natural, relaxed, colored, henna'd, braided, weaved, different textures and different races, or whatever. Hair is still hair.

Maybe she thought you were 'too proud' of your hair. And I say this not to be true about you. I don't think you are vain at all. But sometimes when we're feeling good about the way we look, it can come off to someone else as 'vain.'

I know that when I wear my hair down and it's swinging and bouncy, I feel and act the same way. Having a good hair day, just makes you feel good about yourself all over. I feel good about my progress and my entire attitude reflects it. This may be what your co-worker is picking up on, not so much your hair. Again, I'm not saying that you are vain or insensitive, but others may see it that way.

When my hair is in 'hair therapy' (protective buns or braids), I don't feel or act as "pretty." I want to hide under a pretty hat or scarf.

Many naturals have been misplaced, quite unfairly into a negative category that says 'unattractive' in comparison to what society thinks is beautiful hair. Perhaps this co-worker felt that you were 'among' them.

Anyway, I'm sorry for your experience and I wish you happier days ahead and perhaps a beautiful friendship with this coworker.

Blessings...

 

[that_1_grrrl]

I love this comment.

I try not to look down on anybody for anything, but I am most definitely an advocate of natural hair.

And i will be honest, i strongly believe lots of women relax their hair in an attempt to hide what they deem unsatisfactory to society...it's not always an active thing either, its subconscious.

It's pc for women to say "I like my natural hair just as much as my relaxed hair OR I like my natural hair, but it's just soo difficult to manage Or your natural hair looks good on you, but i could never do it". Women go to great lengths to be "beautiful". If natural hair were really looked upon as beautiful by people, women wouldn't give a flying hoot about the upkeep and tons of women would in fact be wearing their natural hair. 80% of black women would NOT be relaxed if folks didnt have a problem with natural hair.

The truth of the matter is, it's not considered beautiful to LOTS of people. I'd rather folks start admitting that they don't think their natural hair is pretty/acceptable, and that this is the reason they wear it straight 100% of the time.

Like others have stated, the day people stop referring to natural African hair as nappy(in a negative connotation), unkempt, unacceptable in the work place, undone, disheveled-looking..,is when i will be more inclined to think of relaxed hair as a STYLE-choice rather than as a mechanism to hide natural hair and escape censure in a society dominated by white aesthetics

 

[alopeciagrl]

Maybe they are just looking b'c your hair is pretty and that's what they want...I think that's it. I'm natural and I couldn't see myself giving a nasty look to anyone unless there hair was completely unkept. When someone is confident in their own skin they don't give off nasty looks... That's what it is girl ...Hair envy of what they want and wish their hair was like. I see you in your siggy...Girl you probably be swingin that healthy hair left and right...Justa creatin hair enemies...LOL!

 

[alopeciagrl]

Oh now I'm reading the post above I seee people here agree. Confidence is something isn't it. I know when I have a good hair day to...I'm swingin back and forth... More than people with long hair. I heard a couple of APLs and BSL ladies I know all the sudden trying to find something else to do w/ their hair. I know it's b'c of all the body in my hair...LOL!

 

[I'mBloomingWithin]

I have bc'd twice and rocked a natural for 9 months the first time and then 3 years the next. Now I'm relaxed. I don't want to be/look "white", I just enjoy the versatility of my hair. I appreciate both natural and relaxed styles. Too many black women are insecure about how they feel about their own hair (maybe they feel they were trying to look/be a different race) than they are because they relaxed, so they feel all black women who aren't natural have the same issue. Or maybe they're relaxed and actually DO want to look/be a different race than they are so they look down on a sister with a natural.) I can only speak for myself and say "Who cares?!" It's just hair and I don't care what you do with it... it's your's. If you look down on me, fine. I'm not going to stop doing me because you can't get passed the Willie Lynch letter.


I typed, all this to say: I'm comfortable with myself so hair is not an issue for me. I shave it off and go natural when I want, I relax it when I want. If someone doesn't like it, maybe they should focus more on themselves and why they can't get over something as superficial as hair.

 

[Sridevi]

LHCF has made me hyper-aware of hair when I go out. I notice women with healthy hair and think "she must be taking care of her hair." I also notice women with jacked up hair and wish there was a subtle non-offensive way to refer them to LHCF. Never do I get "angry" with someone for being relaxed or natural.

I will confess to being somewhat tired of seeing so many of us with very obvious Asian-hair wigs. I think of how beautiful our hair is in it's many forms and wonder why --short of being bald- so many of us are walking around with someone else's hair on our heads. I'm not angry about it so much as sad.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

Now normally i'm relaxed (stretching 6 mths post) and I dont' have beef with ya'll naturals,

but if one more Natural in real life looks at my relaxed looking hair with an attitude, i'm gonna snap (no violence for ya'll thinking it.

I have experienced this several times before; even chicks with weaves have tried to play me.

I was at work and this chick has natural hair, she wears it in a puff, i guess she just started on her journey. That's cool I love all hair, I was in the bathroom and she was in there I went to wash my hands and she gave my hair a dirty look (I know in her mind she was like relaxed heff#r lol).

I don't look at naturals hair with dirty looks nor do I care, I accept all hair because when taken care of black hair is beautiful.

just had to get this off of my chest.

To the Naturals do you look down on women with relaxed hair?

And to the relaxed ladies do you look down on chicks with natural hair?

It shouldn't even matter but I just posted this because I have noticed my hair getting dirty looks from naturals and chicks with weaves.

***and I have no issues with weaves, naturals, relaxed, or chicks with longer hair than mine***

No. I don't feel jealousy or look my nose down. I just went natural I haven't even worn my own hair. I like natural hair because of personal aesthetic factor: To me, it just looks better than relaxed hair, regardless of how long the relaxed is . But, you know what it could be: a lot of women went natural thinking it was the relaxers that broke off their hair.
But, I'm going to be frank: If you don't know how to take care of your relaxed hair and grown it long and strong, I highly doubt it was the relaxer that did a bit of damage to it.
I just went natural about two months ago, and my hair has grown so long already even my stylist was shocked. You have women who've been natural for years are still wearing that tired, bleached afro. The sole contributor to all of this (whether your hair is natural or relaxed) would essential have to be the person wearing the hair. Some people feel played by the natural craze--"oh, If I go natural, this this and this will happen to my hair, I'm going to love my blackness, blah blah" and when all of that doesn't work out they take their frustrations out on others.

Its just like naturals who are salty at girls with 2c-3c curls when they are CNAPPs. That is bound to be frustrating, cutting your hair off with the intentions of looking like T'keyah Crystal Keymáh and not getting that result.

I would just let it go and not worry your head about it. She's just projecting her insecurities on you.

 

[Liege4421]

I'll be honest...I'm slightly disappointed that people assume that because hair is relaxed, they are succumbing to unconscious beliefs about what is beautiful. I would hope that no one on this forum is relaxing/straightening their hair because they are ashamed of their natural hair, as this is an ignorant notion, and I believe that the women on this forum are educated, or at least attempting to educate themselves. I appreciate that at one time, being closer to white meant better; of course, let's look at slavery and we see our fairer slaves in the "big" house with the slaveowners; if they were lucky to be fair enough, they could even "pass" for white. Those of us who were darker worked the fields, which was a much lower caste. The "good" hair, "bad" hair argument is a reality in the Black community, and I will not deny this; however, I am saddened that it is a reality. I would have hoped that over two hundred years after the abolition of the slave trade would have placed us on higher ground.

Although its roots are true, I do not think it is fair to assume that people who relax their hair are ashamed to be black, just as I do not assume that a person with natural hair is a member of the Black Panther movement. It is high time for all of us to embrace the different colors of blackness with natural hair, straight hair, and all the steps in between. My mother-in-law is white (another reason that I am particularly saddened by this argument, because everyone assumes I don't want to be black because my husband is not), and she perms her hair...whites don't assume that because a woman curls her hair that she does not want to be white, just as they don't assume that tanning makes them want to be black, nor getting collagen in their lips to have full (I like to say "Africanesque" lips, nor collagen implants in their rears to have full bottoms like many women of color. In fact, these things are all done for the sake of "beauty," but this beauty can be indirectly attributed to the beauty of a black woman. I always get compliments on my lips, which are fuller than Angelina's! I always have compliments about my toned physique, which, although it receives help from my gym work, I know is due to my genetics (from Africa!). Why is it that these women can make choices without their counterparts making assumptions about what they "want to be" and we cannot? It's not because of slavery...slavery is over...it's because we as a people will not allow this arguement to die. We will not be free of prejudice until we free ourselves and allow each person to make individual decisions, be it about marriage, hair, weight, profession, without the risk of backlash from their community.

As proud as I am of President Obama, even the fact that he is the first "black" president is disheartening...he is no more black than he is white. His mother and her family, who were his primary caretakers, are white. Yet, we, America, in our slave mentality (one drop of black blood makes you black) still call him "black." He is not bi-racial, he is not dual-heritage...no, he is just black. Slavery is still alive in America...mental slavery.