Naturals....how do you respond to.....

[saved06]

How do you respond to your parents negative comments about your hair. Lol, I did a big chop last week and I sent my mom a picture and she said "I'm going to pray for you" (Kept repeating it) and that I'm "trying to be Nigerian" (which my boyfriend is but that didn't influence my big chop)...I really think it's funny, I've been laughing out loud all day, I know my co-workers think I"m crazy...but what were some comments you received from family and how did you handle it?

For those thinking of going natural do it for you and not to please anybody.

 

[ChocoKitty]

IMO you can't respond verbally. That's a lot of time wasted... Just let them witness your long term results. That will most definitely shut their mouths in the end and may inspire them too. Just keep doing what works for you.

ETA:
I used to get a lot of "Your hair looks better straight..." and "What is going on with your hair???" and a lot of other comments I don't care to/or even remember... I still hear how "*They*won't get a promotion if your hair isn't straight nonsense from another family member. But I don't think they realize I'm natural...

 

[LongHairDreams]

The only negitive response I got was from my sister. She was like "that doesn't look good on you." Or if im picking my hair out and I ask how does it look and she'll respond "its nappy." I just ignore her. I don't ask her how my hair looks anymore. My parents like it though.

 

[Rapunzel*]

lol
sorry about that

my mom doesn't really like the fact of me transitioning either. i just hate it when she use 2 say u need a relaxer or a touch up so ur hair can grow and natural hair pulls[mind u that she made me get it relaxed at 9

 

[domniqqt]

the only negative response i got was form my little bro.. he told me specifically " i don't want no bald headed sister"

 

[brownsugarflyygirl]

I ignored them and kept doing my thing

Now that my hair is APL thick and healthy...they know that going natural was the way to go.

So just keep on your journey and tune out the naysayers...even if they are your parents.

 

[RegaLady]

When I told my mother about going natural, she said, "Wait til summer time, you are going to regret it." Mind you, she has natural hair.I just laughed! Sometimes just results will shut them down. Never win the argument or response, just through action.

 

[kweenameena]

Just thank her for keeping you in her prayers. My mother always had something negative to say about my natural hair when I had a twa. Now she wants me to help her go natural and she makes comments like "You got good hair that's why you can go natural" But at first I was every nappy-headed whatever under the sun. Continue to come here for support and start stalking some fotkis with hair that looks like yours for inspiration. Don't let her stop you from reaching your goal.
Just do you!!

 

[InnerSoul]

like others have mentioned... let your actions of your healthy thick hair speak for itself! I am sorry that you had to deal with that from your own mother... luckily my mom loves the fact that I cut the relaxed off.. she says it looks so much healthier and feels better to the touch! Though my mom likes it I am sure there are others that don't, however I have to be confident with my decision and keep on going!

 

[cmesweet]

Yeah you are going to hear some negative things. My mom didn't care much but my sister wasn't so positive about me becoming natural.

I would just tell your mother thanks for the prayers because we all need them.

 

[saved06]

Thanks ladies, at first I thought maybe I made a mistake. But then I was like this is who I am lol. God didn't make me with straight hair. I'm fine with it and I feel so free. I love yall thanks. The funny thing is the white people at my job are very amazed, can't stop talking about it, and love my hair

 

[Nay]

I've always been natural, but when I stopped pressing my hair and started wearing twistouts, my brother would look at my hair, give me this look and then tell me I looked like a poodle (Which, of course, I didn't, but you know how family just has to say something.

Well, now (about three years later) he is AMAZED at my hair (especially amazed at how long it is) and seems to think that my hair is rather pretty. But what's weird is I swear my hair looks basically the same that it looked when he called me a poodle. The only thing that changed is his perception of it. He got used to it not being straight.

Give them time. They'll come around.

 

[BklynHeart]

My mom saw how long my hair was able to get relaxed so before we passed away we were talking about having natural hair and she was all for it. Now, my uncles and them they act like I won't be able to keep my husband because I'm letting my relaxer grow out and he met me with long hair. Please, that ain't the reason he wanted to marry me....

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

For the most part, my family was very supportive...but sometimes my sister makes veiled comments, like, dang, I'm so used to you have long straight hair...I have to get used to this OR Do you have to wear a fro? Put it in a puff....or my favorite, When are you going to straighten your hair?

It doesn't bother me though, b/c I'll be reaching armpit lenght at the end of this month, and hers is not even grazing her shoulders...

Just do you...let your hair grow...and prove em wrong

 

[jamiss]

I tell people to mind their mutha effin bizness!

 

[naturalgurl]

Ummmm, I've always been "different" so no one even batted an eye when I went natural. Like I"ve said before, I'm like a new age hippie or flower child. Anything natural I love so they just figured I finally am all natural. But I"m not, I still eat french fries from Mickey Dee's!

 

[Forever in Bloom]

When I first did the bc, one of my brothers said that I looked more like a boy than ever before I could care less. His hairline is receding and he has to shave his head My older brother was the only one I told I would do the bc. He was the most supportive because out of five children, he is the one who isn't afraid to experiment with hairstyles (his girlfriend loves his twists and cornrows).

My younger brother didn't care too much. His afro is way bigger than mine. But my mom was my biggest opponent. She said my hair was ugly, disturbing, and that I looked just like a little boy. My sister advised me to simply say "Thank you for your opinion" and leave it at that. The thing is, it does not hurt my feelings at all. Years ago maybe. But now, I have too many important things to worry about than what someone thinks of my hair.

My dad passed away on Thanksgiving Day, so that was part of the reason why I chopped - letting go, acceptance. I tried but couldn't explain it to my mom the reasoning, but it's pointless. This is my journey, no one elses.

 

[BklynHeart]

When I first did the bc, one of my brothers said that I looked more like a boy than ever before I could care less. His hairline is receding and he has to shave his head My older brother was the only one I told I would do the bc. He was the most supportive because out of five children, he is the one who isn't afraid to experiment with hairstyles (his girlfriend loves his twists and cornrows).

My younger brother didn't care too much. His afro is way bigger than mine. But my mom was my biggest opponent. She said my hair was ugly, disturbing, and that I looked just like a little boy. My sister advised me to simply say "Thank you for your opinion" and leave it at that. The thing is, it does not hurt my feelings at all. Years ago maybe. But now, I have too many important things to worry about than what someone thinks of my hair.

My dad passed away on Thanksgiving Day, so that was part of the reason why I chopped - letting go, acceptance. I tried but couldn't explain it to my mom the reasoning, but it's pointless. This is my journey, no one elses.

TooTrendy, I completely understand! My mom passed away in Jan. 07 and I needed to do this to not only let go, but to also honor her.

 

[JustKiya]

My standard response to someone saying some foolishness to me that is none of their business/way out of line??

"Aren't opinions fun!??" with a dead face and a steely eye.

Shuts em down, erry time.

 

[saved06]

For the most part, my family was very supportive...but sometimes my sister makes veiled comments, like, dang, I'm so used to you have long straight hair...I have to get used to this OR Do you have to wear a fro? Put it in a puff....or my favorite, When are you going to straighten your hair?

It doesn't bother me though, b/c I'll be reaching armpit lenght at the end of this month, and hers is not even grazing her shoulders...

Just do you...let your hair grow...and prove em wrong

Hey girl, I'm such a fan lol...I watched all your youtube videos before I made my choice to go natural...keep it up girl.

 

[socurlyqt]

I COMPLETELY understand. When i told my mom that i was growing my hair out she was fine with it, but when she saw it she was SOO upset. You would have thought i told her i wasnt gonna wash anymore!

My mom, my grandmother, and my uncle sat me down and told that, i didnt look cute and asked me if i was a lesbian. THEN my uncle who was back from Iraq told me " i see those girls over there fighting growing out there hair and that ish aint cute". It hurt really bad.

But i kept it up, and now their all in my face like, "your hairs soo pretty..blah blah...it looks soo cute on you." And im keen to remind them that they were the ones who were against it.

Your family's your family, you cant do anything about that. Suck it up and just do you. Cus in the end its YOUR hair and YOUR life, not theirs.

 

[Country gal]

How do you respond to your parents negative comments about your hair. Lol, I did a big chop last week and I sent my mom a picture and she said "I'm going to pray for you" (Kept repeating it) and that I'm "trying to be Nigerian" (which my boyfriend is but that didn't influence my big chop)...I really think it's funny, I've been laughing out loud all day, I know my co-workers think I"m crazy...but what were some comments you received from family and how did you handle it?

For those thinking of going natural do it for you and not to please anybody.

My grandfather said I was going african. Just laugh it off. When they see how healthy your natural hair is later down the road they will be coming to you for tips.

 

[PeggyFair]

When I was natural some years ago, my parents were cool with it. My male couisin told me that I looked like one of those "ugly Africans" walking around. It never fazed me.

 

[lovinmylocs]

Scene 1:
Mom: "I don't like that negro hair thing going on" (my mom is natural btw - not by choice - relaxers make her bald)
Me: "Well I like it and my hair is doing better than ever. I also feel better with it."
Mom: "Well why did you have to cut it all like that? You look like a boy with breasts." (My mom is Carribean so this was a joke.)
Me: "It was just time..." change subject

Scene 2 (some months later):
Mom: "You know what - your hair doesn't look bad. It suits you.
Me: Gee thanks, ma. *Blush*
Mom: But Tawanda from church just looks terrible with all of that nappy hair. (What can I say you win some and you lose some.)

I agree with everyone else here. Family is not too cool when it comes to going natural, sometimes. For them they can't understand it and I think that people don't do well with changes. This is a big change - changes the way you look and how the world sees you. The other day someone who I know who has only seen me with natural hair/braids asked me when I was going to relax it. I was like I already told you this is it. Some folks don't get it.

They will come around. Now I get comments like "if I had hair like you I would stop relaxing, blah, blah, blah." My brother was the only one who was supportive and he has locs.

 

[Mimi22]

I hope I'm not in the minority

My mom & dad love my hair. I was natural all my life until I decided to relax for 2 years (what a disaster!). They were happy when I went back to my natural state. My dad says I have my grandma's hair, he says it always makes him smile. lol.

My sister is a pain in the left , always staying how tuff my hair is and wondering when I'm gonna get over this revolutionary bug I have. Mind you I've been natural all my life up until I was 17. So we're pretty much lol

 

[naturalpride]

Many parents feel like their childrens hair is a reflection on them and when it is in the natural state they can not handle that they have birth a child with nappy/kinky hair.

 

[angaliquew]

Many parents feel like their childrens hair is a reflection on them and when it is in the natural state they can not handle that they have birth a child with nappy/kinky hair.

Wow, that's pretty sad....its like they're mad at you for wearing your hair in its natural state but they are the ones who gave us this hair texture....its so dumb.

 

[Qetesh]

Many parents feel like their childrens hair is a reflection on them and when it is in the natural state they can not handle that they have birth a child with nappy/kinky hair.

you did say "many" so i am assuming your more or less generalizing based off of what u see or perceive, i think its more socially acceptable to relax so and also if someone is used to seeing you that way, its tough for them to see you another way.

i was always natural, but i was pressed at all times, so when i did start to wear my hair in its natural state i did get comments like " how are u gonna comb thro all that?" and " your gonna end up matting your hair up if u dont press it"

my fam never wanted me to get relaxers and now they like my natural hair esp now that i know how to handle it better. co-workers and the like have always liked it as well usually asking if i got indian in me or, what did i do to get it like that

 

[Kay.Dee]

My dad has been the main one.

Sometimes he just looks at me and sighs, "Why don't you just get a perm? Do you need money? I don't understand that $hit."
He's retired military and says I 'm gonna look like these women he used to work with, and how no one will think it's cute.
And I haven't even BC'd yet!

It's kind of funny, but I was really disappointed with him because he's supposed to be into African history and other things, but doesn't understand natural hair? I though he would be my biggest supporter.

But my mom is definitely there for me. I think she may go natural in the future because she is getting tired of chemicals (she's been having bad experiences with her texturizer). But My 15 y/o sister is my biggest support!

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

I tell people to mind their mutha effin bizness!

WORD!