Naturals....how do you respond to.....

Qetesh said:
you did say "many" so i am assuming your more or less generalizing based off of what u see or perceive, i think its more socially acceptable to relax so and also if someone is used to seeing you that way, its tough for them to see you another way.

i was always natural, but i was pressed at all times, so when i did start to wear my hair in its natural state i did get comments like " how are u gonna comb thro all that?" and " your gonna end up matting your hair up if u dont press it"

my fam never wanted me to get relaxers and now they like my natural hair esp now that i know how to handle it better. co-workers and the like have always liked it as well usually asking if i got indian in me or, what did i do to get it like that
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When ppl ask me that, I tell em I have good hair because I have BLACK in my me...then the confusions sets in:lachen:
 
It bothered me at first but I got over it. I think a lot of times it's not just that you went natural but you cut all your hair off too. Once your hair grows out the comments will stop. Don't worry about them you have to do what's best for you.
 
I had family members offer up un-solicited advise and opinions but I basically told them where to go and they left me alone after that. I showed them how ignorant they sounded and pointed out a few things to them to let them know they didnt have a leg to stand on when it came to me and my hair. For instance, my uncle hated my natural hair but just 5 years ago he was sporting a Jerri cURL IN A HIGH TOP FADE HAIR-CUT. Well, you know I let him have it. The only person I didnt lambaste was my grandmother. I just looked at her like this :rolleyes: everytime she went off in a tangent.

I dont care what ANYONE says about my hair. They dont style it and they dont pay to get it done so they can kiss well...you know! :lachen:
 
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I think it depends.

I knew which family members I'd have issues with. Some I repeated thier comment, dissected it, and showed them how warped their thinking was. Others it was a witty retort, still others ignored, pointedly.

I had questions from non-family members, mostly white women. I only let one touch my texlaxed hair as she asked nicely and wasn't just "Ethnically curious". My natural hair I'm more protective of. Your motives count to me with the "Can I touch it?" request.

I have learned I have to be confident in myself much more than before with my TWA (I BCed Feb 08). With stares on the sidewalk or sideways comments from family. Which, have now stopped as they see my TWA suits me and they know I can "Grow me some hair". Which means, wash, condition, and not fry the heck out of it as they do. :lachen:

But confidence (not militancy!) is the best way to respond to whoever it is, IMO whether its in using the situation as a teaching experience. Or smiling calmly, elegantly at them as you stride by.
 
A couple of days after my initial BC, my mom tried to convince me to get a texturizer. :ohwell:I said GTFOOWTBS.

When I shaved my head, she liked it more than my nappy napps but let it be known she didn't want me to keep my hair like that.

My grandparents also hated when I shaved my head. I mean HATED it. My grandpa said I was setting a bad example for my 13 y.o. sister, never mind the fact my 18 y.o. sister has 2 kids. WTF?

For the winter I put kinky twist in and after a month it was time to take them down and put in some fresh ones. My mom's like, "No! Why'd you take your hair out?" I'm like "Uh, calm down, I'm putting them back in. But this summer you're going to have to get over it cuz I'm rockin' the napps." She just rolled her eyes and I kept it moving.

She doesn't realize that her opinion means absolutely nothing to me anymore. A couple of years ago my feelings would have been hurt but I don't have time to try and make her happy with MY hairstyle choices. It's my head and I'll do as I please.

Once you start showing length these are some of the responses you'll probably get:


"Oh, you look good with your hair like that."
"You can wear your hair like that cuz you got that good hair."
"I wish I could wear my hair like that but mine is too nappy."
"What did you do to your hair to get it like that. I like it?"



:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
 
My mom was negative at first, but now she accepts the natural look and has encouraged one of my sisters to go the same way.

My dad sucks. He's always making negative comments about my hair. He thinks it's unkept and that people think I'm in some kind of "black power" movement. He makes comments like, "We're fighting for the people" with his fist raised. I just ignore him. :nono: Or I call him fat, and we're even. :yep:
 
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saved06 said:
How do you respond to your parents negative comments about your hair. Lol, I did a big chop last week and I sent my mom a picture and she said "I'm going to pray for you" (Kept repeating it) and that I'm "trying to be Nigerian" (which my boyfriend is but that didn't influence my big chop)...I really think it's funny, I've been laughing out loud all day.
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That's really funny. Thing is, I don't know many Nigerians who have natural hair. Most of them here in London have relaxed hair, or wear extensions and weaves all the time.

Also, her "praying for you" comment. Wow, is it that serious? For me, relaxed or natural is only a STYLING CHOICE (I was natural and now am relaxed). No biggie. But from comments like these, I can see that for some people it really is a case of thinking that our hair is UNACCEPTABLE the way grows out of our scalps. Which is just crazy. If they didn't think that, why is natural hair considered so weird, different, and necessary to explain? :nono:

My suggestions are:
* Ignore them. OR
* Tell them:
"It's my hair, I'll do what I want with it"
"99% of women of other races wear their hair "natural", what's wrong with me and my hair that I can't do the same?"
"I love it. It's beautiful isn't it? Feel my kinks how textured and soft they are." :grin:
"Are you saying I wasn't created in God's image?"
"If how we wear our hair is a CHOICE, why are you trying to FORCE me to do one thing??"
 
My grandmother and my mom were the worst. :nono:

Grandmother: Are you going to be an activist or something?
Me: no
Grandmother: What is wrong with perms? (Now my grandmaother is bald from all the perms and the dye she's been doing to her hair all the years and she's a hair stylist)
Me: I wanted a change and didn't like my hair relaxed anymore (i didn't want to go intot he full details of why I went natural becuase that would be a neverending battle)
Grandmother: Your hair is all cut off now. What are people going to say when they can't tell the difference between you and your bf?
Me: They won't

Mom: So you cut all your hair off? Why?
Me: I love being natural
Mom: Perms are really ok you just don't know how to apply it.
Me: Perms are not for me
Mom: You'll see your going to go back to perming. Becuase your hair will get wild and bushy and start to dread up!!
Me: Great. :)

Now my mom is going natural becuase she sees how much my hair is growing and how nice and full it is. Actions do speak louder then words and I love being a leader not a follower. :)
 
sugaplum said:
My grandmother and my mom were the worst. :nono:

Grandmother: Are you going to be an activist or something?
Me: no
Grandmother: What is wrong with perms? (Now my grandmaother is bald from all the perms and the dye she's been doing to her hair all the years and she's a hair stylist)
Me: I wanted a change and didn't like my hair relaxed anymore (i didn't want to go intot he full details of why I went natural becuase that would be a neverending battle)
Grandmother: Your hair is all cut off now. What are people going to say when they can't tell the difference between you and your bf?
Me: They won't

Mom: So you cut all your hair off? Why?
Me: I love being natural
Mom: Perms are really ok you just don't know how to apply it.
Me: Perms are not for me
Mom: You'll see your going to go back to perming. Becuase your hair will get wild and bushy and start to dread up!!
Me: Great. :)

Now my mom is going natural becuase she sees how much my hair is growing and how nice and full it is. Actions do speak louder then words and I love being a leader not a follower. :)
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Yes, girl! I will just keep growing and take care of it. And next thing I know mom's will be sending me her picture of her big chop lol :lachen:

After my BC, when I call my mom now she answers the phone in an African accent. She is just being funny, so I brush it off. And she said that next I'll be sending her pictures of me having dreds:lachen::lachen:
 
When my mom first saw me after my BC, the only thing she said was, "Hmmph. That must have taken a lot of courage". Then she turned to my dh and asked, "What do you think?:rolleyes:"

I was hurt, I can't even lie. But now, of course, she's always in my face, talking about "that hair is just perfect on you! It suits you so well!"

I also get the, "That looks good on you, but not a lot of people can wear their hair like that". Huh? Not a lot of people look good with the hair that grows out of their scalps?:rolleyes:
 
My family has been supportive for the most part. I get a lot of "when are you gonna straighten your hair" or "when are you gonna put braids in again." So, I suspect that they may not be 100% on the nappy team. Needless to say: my husband still loves me, I got a job with nappy hair, wear my nappy hair to work, and the world has not turned on it's axis.

It's a shame what black women go thru just to wear the hair growing out of our heads.
 
O my goodness:lachen::lachen::lachen:Lawdae Lawdea Lawdae

My dad sucks. He's always making negative comments about my hair. He thinks it's unkept and that people think I'm in some kind of "black power" movement. He makes comments like, "We're fighting for the people" with his fist raised. I just ignore him. :nono: Or I call him fat, and we're even. :yep:[/quote]
 
My mum :love: natural hair - hers is a very soft 4b and is just like cotton wool- she gets miffed that I colour so much and now I've texlaxed...:rolleyes:but she saw a recent length/ health shot and has been restraining her comments :lol:
 
My dad was the one who actually encouraged me to do it. He told me to cut it all off and start over. That was some of the best advice I ever received.
 
My parents didn't have anything to say about when I cut my hair. They both had afros back in their days, so it was no biggie to them. As of late, I've been getting comments from other family members. I just brush it off and keep it movin. I could care less what anyone thinks of my hair, I'm doing me, and that's all that matters! :)
 
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