Natural Ladies: Has Your View of Your Hair & Attracting Men Changed??

[Crystalicequeen123]

Here's a question for you natural ladies (or ladies who have BEEN natural before)....

Did you find that your views about your natural hair and men changed when you went natural?


Let me explain lol.....

I've now been natural since late 2010 (so...over 3 years now), and I'm finding that while I LOVE experimenting with new hair styles (straight styles, weave, twists w/added hair, etc), I'm almost hoping that I DON'T meet a guy (or a potential bf ) when my hair is either heat-straightened, or in a straight weave. erplexed

I guess, my fear is that maybe the guy will get used to my hair in those styles and think that my hair (or my look) is always like this, and it's not....

Idk...it's weird, because ever since I went natural, I find that I feel very disingenuous with hair weave and my natural hair straightened. Whereas, when I was chemically relaxed, I NEVER felt this way.

I feel like if I meet a guy and my hair is in its natural state, and he likes me regardless, then that would be cool, because THEN...if I decide to "switch it up" every now and then I would know that he still liked me with natural hair. But the reverse....Idk...it just feels very different for me and I can't exactly explain why... It's almost as if I feel like I want to be the most "real" me as possible when I'm meeting or might be introduced to a potential guy who could be a romantic prospect. Idk...maybe it's silly...


Has anyone else ever felt this way??

 

[daydreem2876]

The men I have been attracting have been attracted to my natural hair, however I style it. I don't wear weaves or wigs but they have seen it straightened, curly, wash n go, afro puff. As long as its soft and smells good so they can play with it, it all good

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I've been natural about the same amount of time. I didn't have hang-ups about my natural hair to begin with. I got the most attention from men with my TWA and secondly, straightened shoulder length.

 

[Nelli04]

Strange, I also don't want to meet a potential date with my hair straightened. I believe it is because my hair is in a natural hair style more often than it is straight.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

The men I have been attracting have been attracted to my natural hair, however I style it. I don't wear weaves or wigs but they have seen it straightened, curly, wash n go, afro puff. As long as its soft and smells good so they can play with it, it all good

daydreem2876
How was your hair styled when you first met these guys??

I've been natural about the same amount of time. I didn't have hang-ups about my natural hair to begin with. I got the most attention from men with my TWA and secondly, straightened shoulder length.

Well see, it's not that I have any hangups with my natural hair (I actually LOVE my natural hair and wouldn't want it any other way ), but I notice that when I heat straighten my hair, or wear weaves, I tend to get a LOT more attention from men. Black men in particular....


Idk....I guess maybe I didn't word my original post the right way lol.... What I'm saying is, now that I'm natural, I feel very phony with fake hair or straight hair erplexed whereas before, I never used to feel this way. So, I don't want some guy to meet me with straight hair or weaved hair and then be shocked when I'm rocking my natural look.

I guess it's one thing if a guy has known you for years and has seen various hair styles on you, as opposed to a guy who has just met you. Men hate change....especially when it comes to women's hair I've noticed.....


Maybe I'm just thinking out loud lol....

I've been thinking about getting a weave for the winter (to give my hair a break lol) but every time I think about it I'm turned off because there's such a stark change. I want a guy to be attracted to me WITH my natural, coily hair....if that makes any sense.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Strange, I also don't want to meet a potential date with my hair straightened. I believe it is because my hair is in a natural hair style more often than it is straight.

Nelli04

YES!!!! Thank you! THIS is what I'm talking about!

The feeling is hard to put into words..... erplexed

 

[daydreem2876]

Crystalicequeen123

It was styled however I had it combed that day I would let them know I'm natural up front, but beyond that they kind of get what they get. There are men out there who like natural women.. curly hair, bareface, Birkinstocks and all. I think as long as a woman is confident about her hair, however its styled, men will appreciate that. Sweetie... men are simple and they like what they like. If he is trippin' about your hair, move onto the next one.

 

[FollicleFanatic]

I always let the guy I'm seeing upfront that i change my hair a lot and they never have a problem with it. As long as it looks nice and presentable they don't care.

Why not try a kinky weave or crochet braids with curly/kinky hair similar to a style you normally wear? That way you can PS and it won't be a complete shock once you reveal what you're working with.

 

[Prettymetty]

When I met dh I was relaxed. I secretly big chopped and hid my hair under wigs until one day he walked in on me taking down my cornrows. He fell in love with my natural hair. He insists that I wear it natural daily but im still wigging it out of convenience.

I have noticed that I get a lot more attention from men when I wear my hair natural. That was a shocj to me since I lack confidence when my hair is natural. I have really tightly coiled 4c hair

 

[sgold04]

I know exactly what you mean. I have thick "long" hair when straightened at slightly past BSL, (I don't consider it long, but I recognize that I may be suffering from Hairexia) and I get a lot more attention from Black men when my hair is straight. A good chunk of them will straight up ask me if its all mine, when I say it is (if I bother answering), I feel like they are more attracted to me. However, my hair is in some natural style 90% of the time, and I don't plan on straightening it more. Due to the reification of hair in the Black community, generally speaking, I don't want someone to date me or consider me attractive because of that one particular style, so I feel if I meet someone with my hair naturally styled, they will like anything else I do with my hair. Of course it varies by the type of man, the sister-queen-mother earth-dudes love my natural hair lol.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Crystalicequeen123

It was styled however I had it combed that day I would let them know I'm natural up front, but beyond that they kind of get what they get. There are men out there who like natural women.. curly hair, bareface, Birkinstocks and all. I think as long as a woman is confident about her hair, however its styled, men will appreciate that. Sweetie... men are simple and they like what they like. If he is trippin' about your hair, move onto the next one.

daydreem2876

Thanks girl! You're SO right. But it's not that I don't feel comfortable in my natural hair ( I LOVE my natural hair!), but I just want a guy to know me as a "natural" first, and then if I decide to wear a long straight yaky or remy hair weave, then so be it... I just don't want THAT to be the reason why he was attracted to me in the first place.....if you catch my drift.

Idk...maybe I'm not making sense lol...

It's funny, I don't feel this way about makeup haha!

I always let the guy I'm seeing upfront that i change my hair a lot and they never have a problem with it. As long as it looks nice and presentable they don't care.

Why not try a kinky weave or crochet braids with curly/kinky hair similar to a style you normally wear? That way you can PS and it won't be a complete shock once you reveal what you're working with.

That's actually a REALLY good idea! I think I may try that out. I think I'd rather a hair weave that was kinky as opposed to the straight ones. While I still LOVE my hair straight (people always look so shocked and gush over my pictures when I show them old pictures of my hair relaxed ) I MUCH more prefer my hair natural and coily . Straight weave/wig hair just seems so PHONY to me now, and I don't know why! It's JUST a styling option!

Ugh! See...going natural RUINED me lol!

When I met dh I was relaxed. I secretly big chopped and hid my hair under wigs until one day he walked in on me taking down my cornrows. He fell in love with my natural hair. He insists that I wear it natural daily but im still wigging it out of convenience.

I have noticed that I get a lot more attention from men when I wear my hair natural. That was a shocj to me since I lack confidence when my hair is natural. I have really tightly coiled 4c hair

Prettymetty

Rock it girl! Rock your hair with confidence!

I actually think I get more attention when my hair is straight....well, at least I do from blk men... erplexed, and at first it used to bug me a little bit, but now that I'm natural I'm finding that I'm getting a lot more attention from DIFFERENT types of men...so...It's all good I suppose. I just kind of miss the attention from blk men... NOT saying of course that NONE haven't looked my way, but it's been a STARK difference since I went natural. #realtalk

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I know exactly what you mean. I have thick "long" hair when straightened at slightly past BSL, (I don't consider it long, but I recognize that I may be suffering from Hairexia) and I get a lot more attention from Black men when my hair is straight. A good chunk of them will straight up ask me if its all mine, when I say it is (if I bother answering), I feel like they are more attracted to me. However, my hair is in some natural style 90% of the time, and I don't plan on straightening it more. Due to the reification of hair in the Black community, generally speaking, I don't want someone to date me or consider me attractive because of that one particular style, so I feel if I meet someone with my hair naturally styled, they will like anything else I do with my hair. Of course it varies by the type of man, the sister-queen-mother earth-dudes love my natural hair lol.

Ceemarie82

Thank you.... this is me as well.... erplexed



Exactly...This is how I feel as well!!! To quote India Arie, I am more than just my hair lol. LOL @ the term "mother-earth dudes" lol

 

[daydreem2876]

I understand what you mean, but just tell them that up front. "I have a afro puff today that could turn into a weave to my butt tomorrow. Take it or leave it, but thats the way this cookie crumbles". I keep saying men are simple, they like what they like and do exactly what/who they want to do. Me, personally, I don't even try to compete with that and just be myself all the way around. He likes me as is or he doesn't, either way, thats his choice and not really my problem.... on to the next!

 

[CarLiTa]

I don't think I ever used my hair to attract men because I don't wear my hair out often at all. I never really have, despite the fact that my hair has been at or around MBL many times in the past 8 years (thanks LHCF)

Guys I've dated are often surprised to see the length, in fact. Though it's not on purpose, I do like that it feels like revealing my hair is a treat. Actually, a few years back I used to love the saying "I'm like an onion, I have many layers" -- the idea of a slow reveal I'd like to think it also applied to my hair?

I've been dating interracially more and more in the past 3 years, and non-black men (particularly Jewish) are very vocal about their love of my hair. In fact, the more serious one once saw me with straight hair and commented: what did you do? where are the curls??

My sense is that because I wear my hair curly most of the time (I rarely straighten) that I simply attract men who like big curly hair. I don't think I could attract men who like straight hair at this point because I don't wear it. Almost everyone I've dated since the big chop has liked my hair... (My ex actually did the big chop for me )

Well, everyone except 2:
1. One was a guy who had had a string of exotical girlfriends with straight hair... not sure why he approached me.
2. Another black guy who I was honestly kinda smitten with. Met me with straight hair on that one-off chance it was actually straight, but then I wore it curly on all of our dates. He dumped me after the 3rd date. Not sure why and never investigated. He did mention having had a long teenage crush on a Latina that I knew of. She too had straight hair

Anyway, I'm not trying to attract all men. Just the ones who like what I look like regularly, and then I'll take my pick from that group. I do understand that certain types won't be interested, though... and fortunately I've accepted that some of those groups and I aren't compatible on a few other key things as well.

 

[CarLiTa]

One other thing to add... With the guys who are very vocal about my hair... That's nice and all, but I'm frequently bewildered when they either dig their hands in it, or bury their faces in my fro talking about: "I love your haiiiirrr" I'm both flattered but also feeling like: Hm... do you know you're supposed to ask before doing this?
This often happens by the 3rd date when we have built some rapport. With the overzealous ones (we coincidentally never make it far), this happens on the first date.

I watch out for men who try to tug on my hair. I do not like that at all!! In bed or no. And I'm turned off that someone I'm nowhere near intimate with would try to do that. I've had to tell a few people that I don't like that... I'm allowing them to touch, but no pulling!

 

[Fine 4s]

I understand your question.

My ex thought my twist outs were WnGs until I schooled him that it was manipulated to look like so. He didn't think anything of it because I made nothing of it. He knew/knows I love my hair.
He never saw my hair straight and while he likes the twist out look, I have a slight suspicion he would be over the moon with the straight hair glam look. Actually, he met me with a hat on, my FB pic was a puffy twist out and our first date was a failed straight hair look. I subsequently found out he was disappointed with the hair on that date lol

Another friend met her SO with straight WL hair. A few weeks later she comes out of the shower with major shrinkage and he was excited to know his lady was natural! I remember she used to say that she couldn't rock Celie braids while she was searching for a guy. That's a "surprise" that comes later lol

It's the pressure to "keep up" the look. Better under sell an over deliver. I love the wow affect!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I don't think I ever used my hair to attract men because I don't wear my hair out often at all. I never really have, despite the fact that my hair has been at or around MBL many times in the past 8 years (thanks LHCF)

Guys I've dated are often surprised to see the length, in fact. Though it's not on purpose, I do like that it feels like revealing my hair is a treat. Actually, a few years back I used to love the saying "I'm like an onion, I have many layers" -- the idea of a slow reveal I'd like to think it also applied to my hair?

I've been dating interracially more and more in the past 3 years, and non-black men (particularly Jewish) are very vocal about their love of my hair. In fact, the more serious one once saw me with straight hair and commented: what did you do? where are the curls??

My sense is that because I wear my hair curly most of the time (I rarely straighten) that I simply attract men who like big curly hair. I don't think I could attract men who like straight hair at this point because I don't wear it. Almost everyone I've dated since the big chop has liked my hair... (My ex actually did the big chop for me )

Well, everyone except 2:
1. One was a guy who had had a string of exotical girlfriends with straight hair... not sure why he approached me.
2. Another black guy who I was honestly kinda smitten with. Met me with straight hair on that one-off chance it was actually straight, but then I wore it curly on all of our dates. He dumped me after the 3rd date. Not sure why and never investigated. He did mention having had a long teenage crush on a Latina that I knew of. She too had straight hair

Anyway, I'm not trying to attract all men. Just the ones who like what I look like regularly, and then I'll take my pick from that group. I do understand that certain types won't be interested, though... and fortunately I've accepted that some of those groups and I aren't compatible on a few other key things as well.

And see...that's why I would prefer to meet or start dating a guy when I have my NATURAL hair...shrinkage and all... Because I figure that if he likes me like that, then a weave or a change-up hair style wouldn't be a big deal, because I wear my hair NATURAL more than I wear fake hair lol.


Shame on that guy that dumped you after 3 dates.... Ahhhh well...if HAIR was the only thing that made him attracted to you, then he was probably dense anyway and wasn't worth your time. See...that's why I don't like meeting guys when I'm wearing straight hair anymore... I know that ALL guys are visual and all....but my natural hair tends to weed out the guys who are ONLY about the superficial....

I understand your question.

My ex thought my twist outs were WnGs until I schooled him that it was manipulated to look like so. He didn't think anything of it because I made nothing of it. He knew/knows I love my hair.

He never saw my hair straight and while he likes the twist out look, I have a slight suspicion he would be over the moon with the straight hair glam look. Actually, he met me with a hat on, my FB pic was a puffy twist out and our first date was a failed straight hair look. I subsequently found out he was disappointed with the hair on that date lol

Another friend met her SO with straight WL hair. A few weeks later she comes out of the shower with major shrinkage and he was excited to know his lady was natural! I remember she used to say that she couldn't rock Celie braids while she was searching for a guy. That's a "surprise" that comes later lol

It's the pressure to "keep up" the look. Better under sell an over deliver. I love the wow affect!

ROTFL @ "Celie braids" LOL!!! YES!! That's how I feel too sometimes lol!

But yeah, I definitely agree with UNDERselling, and OVER delivering.

 

[PeaceFlow]

When I met SO I had bald spots, so I was wigging it.

When we decided to be an item I told him my bob was fake. He didn't even blink. He just said " you looking cute is my main priority", or something like that.

I don't think he really cares if I have braids, twist out, weave etc... as long as it looks nice and I'm well presented. He is slightly shallow in this way LOL. Back when he started having a crush on me I had cute kinky twists and I know he's liked other black women with natural styles.

The only thing I'm guessing he doesn't like is medium - big afros. He's commented a few times when he see's one which I am noting. I don't wear fro's and didn't intend to anyway, but thats what he's ganna see on washday. Oh well, I can't expect him to like every style.

I don't like the way he does his hair (shaved) and I prefer beards (he's clean shaven)

 

[greight]

I'm at a crossroads with my hair, but it never stopped me from attracting men. Natural for almost a decade. I do get a lot more attention when my hair is out, however. Equal parts white/black attention.

However, if I do my makeup all bets are off. My skin has issues with dark spots (sigh) and my coworkers have mentioned that it makes the biggest difference for me.

 

[MzSwift]

I understand what you mean about it kinda being like false advertising. I'm making an effort to wear my hair straightened (not bone-straight) more often. I would not like to meet someone who preferred that look b/c when the warm weather comes, I'm gonna be in natural styles.

 

[Dee Raven]

I used to have that worry. But as time has passed I got over it. My hair is what it is when it is. If you don't like it, then that helps me know that there is a lack of compatibility. No biggie. As far as the Celie braids, I find that even black men (black women if I'm being really honest) can be rather clueless to the hair routines of natural-haired women. When I wear a loose twist out, my texture comes out stretched but maintains my natural texture, people like to tell me I have "good hair" and I just shake my head and laugh to myself. If they only knew the work that went into the style, cuz it sure ain't a wng. So when the relationship evolves to the point where this comes up, a little education is going to be required regardless.

 

[kupenda]

Ive met plenty of people that dont like natural hair. When it comes to guys im interested in dating, I make it clear up front that im natural and rarely straighten. However the last time I straightened, many of my coworkers said they preferred my hair in its natural state, which was nice. I hope more black people becone nore accepting of ourselves and others in our original forms. Anything else is just fun.

The main guy im dating right now loves my hair. Cant keep his hands out of it. And thats just fine with me