Natural, but never wears hair out

[IntelligenceisBeautiful]

Ok, I have two friends who are completely natural, but you'd never know. They both wear extensions at ALL times and I've only see their natural hair on few occasions over the years. To each her own on all that good stuff, but sometimes I wonder what is the point of going natural if you NEVER show it, if you never rock your fro etc. Did you really embrace your natural hair if it's always hidden? I've had this discusiion with them numerous times esp. since I've become a natural. These are a combined list of reasons the reasons I hear:

-they are growing their hair out (one friend in particular has about apl hair when stretched, I'm not sure I buy that excuse)
-weaves are less damaging on natural hair and she loves weaves
-she doesn't attract men when she wears her natural hair
-doesn't know how to style her natural hair

I have no problem with extensions, but I do think it's strange when you NEVER wear your own hair. Just some thoughts....

 

[AfroKink]

some people prefer weaves to their own hair. They may think to themselves "why spend money and effort on relaxing when I'm just going to wear a weave/wig/extensions all the time anyways".

Lys

 

[PinkSkates]

Maybe your friends do not know how to properly care for their natural hair. So instead of taking the time to learn how to maintain it, they take the easy way out and cover it up.

 

[anon123]

My mother is always in extensions. She also does not have a relaxer. I think people (including myself) aren't looking at it like "what is the point of being natural if you aren't going to wear your hair out?" but rather "what is the point of having a relaxer / chemically processed hair if all you're going to do is wear wigs or extensions?" She's on a break from the extensions, thank goodness, because they were destroying her hairline. She's on to wigs and weaves now. She, and indeed her community, are not napp-friendly. Not having a relaxer does not mean at all that you are willing to wear your hair natural. I was press and curl for years without stepping out of the house with nappy hair and, really, so were a lot of black people before relaxers became mainstream.

 

[dicapr]

They may just like the look of braids. Some women feel that braids without extentions looks too childish. So if they plan to wear their natural hair in braids, they may feel that in order to have a grown looking hairstyle it is necessary to wear extentions.

 

[Braided~Beauty]

They may just like the look of braids. Some women feel that braids without extentions looks too childish. So if they plan to wear their natural hair in braids, they may feel that in order to have a grown looking hairstyle it is necessary to wear extentions.

Exactly. I wore my natural hair in braids for some 8 years. I liked them, got compliments all the time and it was easier than having to do my hair all the time. I don't like the look of braids w/o extensions either. I still miss my braids but it was time for a change. Also at the time I did not think of myself as "going natural" I just changed my hairstyle...I did not think I wasnt embracing my hair, just trying something new, ya know- no biggie

 

[barbiesocialite]

some people prefer weaves to their own hair. They may think to themselves "why spend money and effort on relaxing when I'm just going to wear a weave/wig/extensions all the time anyways".

Lys

my hair is 100% natural and that's exactly how I feel. Why get a relaxer when my hair is always in cornrows underneath a weave. The only time I wear my own hair out is in a bun inbetween installs.

Also, I love big hair on a daily basis so I regularly abuse the hell out weave with hot rollers, ceramic/curling irons, holding spray, all kinds of goops and gels with alcohol in them... I would NEVER disrespect my real hair like that. It would all fall out.

 

[ladylibra]

My mother is always in extensions. She also does not have a relaxer. I think people (including myself) aren't looking at it like "what is the point of being natural if you aren't going to wear your hair out?" but rather "what is the point of having a relaxer / chemically processed hair if all you're going to do is wear wigs or extensions?" She's on a break from the extensions, thank goodness, because they were destroying her hairline. She's on to wigs and weaves now. She, and indeed her community, are not napp-friendly. Not having a relaxer does not mean at all that you are willing to wear your hair natural. I was press and curl for years without stepping out of the house with nappy hair and, really, so were a lot of black people before relaxers became mainstream.

exactly what i was gonna say

 

[Candycane044]

I have been natural for about 2.5 years and I NEVER wore my hair out until a few months ago. I love braids with extensions so much. I can admit that I am addicted to them. I love my natural hair and I have come to realize that it's beautiful but I love braids too. Also, it's much easier to just wake up and go when you have braids in. With my own hair I have to put some effort into styling it.

 

[winnettag]

I never wear my hair out anymore, unless it's in a bun. I wore a fro with a headband and although it was very cute, it was h*ll detangling it to do anything else with it at the end of the day! Plus, it seemed that my ends were a little dryer than I wanted them to be.
I prefer to wear individual braids because my hair seems to grow fastest when I have them (I too, like your friend am determined for my hair to grow!) Or I wear cornrows for easy access to my scalp.
I don't want to wear my natural hair out until I hit my goal length, and it would only be on special occasions or weekends.

 

[LilBrownied]

Ok, I have two friends who are completely natural, but you'd never know. They both wear extensions at ALL times and I've only see their natural hair on few occasions over the years. To each her own on all that good stuff, but sometimes I wonder what is the point of going natural if you NEVER show it, if you never rock your fro etc. Did you really embrace your natural hair if it's always hidden? I've had this discusiion with them numerous times esp. since I've become a natural. These are a combined list of reasons the reasons I hear:

-they are growing their hair out (one friend in particular has about apl hair when stretched, I'm not sure I buy that excuse)

I'm with her on that-- it's SO much easier to grow my hair in braids. It's not at the length where I can do anything very easily, so I plan to braid or weave it up until I'm at a comfortable point.

-weaves are less damaging on natural hair and she loves weaves

-she doesn't attract men when she wears her natural hair

It's sad, but I had my natural hair out for a month and never got more attention than when I put some braids back in. :-\ But I'm not doing it for shallow men...

-doesn't know how to style her natural hair

I have a friend who was in that situation-- she's recently decided to master caring for her hair.

I have no problem with extensions, but I do think it's strange when you NEVER wear your own hair. Just some thoughts....

I can understand how CURIOUS others get about the hair forever-underneath the weaves and braids! I used to think a girl doing it didn't like/ didn't have her hair. That may not be the case!

 

[Blaque*Angel]

protective styling???

 

[SheenaVee]

my cousins and my aunts are exactly the same way. they wear braids. i think its coz they cnt be bothered to be styling their hair every day.

 

[LayneJ]

My mother is always in extensions. She also does not have a relaxer. I think people (including myself) aren't looking at it like "what is the point of being natural if you aren't going to wear your hair out?" but rather "what is the point of having a relaxer / chemically processed hair if all you're going to do is wear wigs or extensions?" She's on a break from the extensions, thank goodness, because they were destroying her hairline. She's on to wigs and weaves now. She, and indeed her community, are not napp-friendly. Not having a relaxer does not mean at all that you are willing to wear your hair natural. I was press and curl for years without stepping out of the house with nappy hair and, really, so were a lot of black people before relaxers became mainstream.

Pretty much.

My mother was natural for the 1st 15-20 years of her life, and she can't even tell you what her texture looks like. She straightened it every 2 weeks without fail. The same goes for my aunts.

And the bolded is why I went natural. I was weaving and braiding constantly, and there is absolutely no point to relaxing if you're always weaved/braided up, IMO. Surprisingly enough, I haven't worn a weave or braids w/ extensions since I've been natural.

 

[EMJazzy]

Maybe your friends do not know how to properly care for their natural hair. So instead of taking the time to learn how to maintain it, they take the easy way out and cover it up.

Prior to joining LHCF that was my EXACT reason for never wearing my natural hair out. I kept my hair braided up and as a result my edges suffered.

 

[glamazon386]

some people prefer weaves to their own hair. They may think to themselves "why spend money and effort on relaxing when I'm just going to wear a weave/wig/extensions all the time anyways".

Lys

I would agree. It's just easier for me to put a wig on or wear a weave. I do wear my own hair on occasion but that also means that I have to comb it/wet it/style it, etc in the morning. Too much drama. I'd rather just roll out the bed and go. I like my hair but it never does what I want it to do and half the time I don't feel like fighting with it. Until it's long enough to be pulled back on it's own with no gel or hang as a wash and go I can't be bothered.

 

[BostonMaria]

A good friend of mine has been natural since 2006 and she never leaves her hair down. She only braids it and hides it. She says its too "nappy" and is embarrassed by the curls. So between the tight braids and hot combs she's lost her hairline in the front. She has a hectic personal life so I can't blame her for the braids, its much easier for her. I just wish she'd embrace her naps, but she doesn't wanna hear me out. Its sad because she's the one that inspired me to go natural in the first place.

 

[Nonie]

Hey, I'm one of those strange people that wears my hair in braids all the time. I've actually considered wearing my hair out, but do you have any idea how much fun I have being able to whip my hair into a style in less than 5 mins and not have to worry about tangles or whatever? How exciting it is to enjoy styling my hair without losing length from breakage? I don't think I would have grown my hair from the TWA of Feb last year to where it is now if I were wearing it out. Plus I had enough of being forced to comb my hair out EVERY single day of high school that being able to braid it and leave it alone is a luxury I'm so happy I can afford. I can't wait till it's long enough to fall on my shoulders when shrunken. But I'll probably still wear it in braids or twists only without extensions because I'll have the length to style it any way I want.

As for embracing being natural? I don't think I have EVER had a problem with it. It's how I've worn my hair for 5/6 of my life, and ever since I was a kid, wearing hair in a pony tail or afro was just a once in a blue moon event. And more so now, that I'm trying to keep breakage at bay. Most of the time--before I went to boarding school where no braiding was allowed--I wore creative cornrow designs, courtesy of my stylist and I have never lost my love for beautiful cornrow styles. (That's why I drool at Mook's Hair and Cybra's designs. ) The only reason I don't wear cornrows now is I find doing them very tiring on my arms. Otherwise, I'd be rocking a new do every week. And no, I'm not having anyone else touch my hair.

So yes, I will wear my hair out one day. But not now. I'm having too much fun being lazy.

 

[IntelligenceisBeautiful]

I understand what you ladies are saying, but I still don't buy ALWAYS hiding your hair. I don't get it and probably never will. I will get braids or a weave, but why not enjoy your own hair once in awhile at least? I mean if you're forever hiding your hair something is off IMO.

 

[vestaluv1]

I'm not even natural, but I haven't worn my hair out for a good 7 or so years... it's just too much trouble and too time consuming!

 

[CurliDiva]

Ok, I have two friends who are completely natural, but you'd never know. They both wear extensions at ALL times and I've only see their natural hair on few occasions over the years. To each her own on all that good stuff, but sometimes I wonder what is the point of going natural if you NEVER show it, if you never rock your fro etc. Did you really embrace your natural hair if it's always hidden? I've had this discusiion with them numerous times esp. since I've become a natural. These are a combined list of reasons the reasons I hear:

-they are growing their hair out (one friend in particular has about apl hair when stretched, I'm not sure I buy that excuse)
-weaves are less damaging on natural hair and she loves weaves
-she doesn't attract men when she wears her natural hair
-doesn't know how to style her natural hair

I have no problem with extensions, but I do think it's strange when you NEVER wear your own hair. Just some thoughts....

I have two words to share: Protective Styling

We all do things to protect our hair as it grows out - whether it is baggie, braids, weave, wigs, stretching, twists, etc.

Why is growing out their hair not an "acceptable" excuse to you?

Especially here at LHCF – when we see women do all sort of things to grow and maintain their hair to new lengths.

Is that only one way (aka rocking a FRO) to show your hair pride? Is knowing what will damage your natural hair (one said that weave is less damaging) and avoid such chemicals or harsh strengtheners not hair pride?

I have read many post from long-haired naturals who say that they get much more attention when straighten because people can see the length. We LHCF’ers blow out threads with praise when somebody straighten, not so much because they are straight (I hope) but because we can see the length (their progress).
(so why is this so weird?.......she doesn't attract men when she wears her natural hair, esp if she is not good at styling her hair yet)

Why worry about someone else's hair?

 

[Extremus]

I understand what you ladies are saying, but I still don't buy ALWAYS hiding your hair. I don't get it and probably never will. I will get braids or a weave, but why not enjoy your own hair once in awhile at least? I mean if you're forever hiding your hair something is off IMO.

I agree I don't buy the "I'm growing out my hair (but after 20 yrs "of growing it out" you never see their hair)" excuse either.

 

[jada1111]

I agree I don't buy the "I'm growing out my hair (but after 20 yrs "of growing it out" you never see their hair)" excuse either.

I don't either. Not when you cover it 100% of the time for years on end.

 

[Nonie]

I understand what you ladies are saying, but I still don't buy ALWAYS hiding your hair. I don't get it and probably never will. I will get braids or a weave, but why not enjoy your own hair once in awhile at least? I mean if you're forever hiding your hair something is off IMO.

I am not hiding my hair. I'm actually showing it off now by wearing bangs w/o extensions that I have to sweep to the side coz they're hanging over my eyes <--woo hoo! Every time I'm tempted to undo all the braids and wear my hair out, not only do I wonder if I have the time to deal with it, but I also remember Yvette and how her patience in wearing a puff day-in day-out paid off. I plan on being in braids for as long as I can stand it hoping that I can retain more hair this way.

I think the other reason I'm not too crazy about wearing my hair out is as I said before, it was always a "special occasion" thing when I was growing up. Just like wearing a full face of makeup. I can't stand to spend that much time more than once in a blue moon. And I think when my hair is longer, this so-called "hiding the hair" will even be more so the norm. I do dream of having a Glamour Shots pic taken of me with a full-fledged afro that I will blow up and frame. (Yeah I'm vain, and? ) but it's not something I could do more than once. I remember when people used to complain about wearing their relaxed hair bunned all the time and I always wondered why and would say to them how much fun I thought it was to keep it a "secret" and then one day let your hair down for a special event, a romantic evening...and have that wow factor. I love fresh surprises; I hate when things become old news.

ETA: CurliDiva, I think we're on the same page.

 

[glamazon386]

I agree I don't buy the "I'm growing out my hair (but after 20 yrs "of growing it out" you never see their hair)" excuse either.

I would agree. That's a bit much.

 

[LittleMissScientist]

I understand what you ladies are saying, but I still don't buy ALWAYS hiding your hair. I don't get it and probably never will. I will get braids or a weave, but why not enjoy your own hair once in awhile at least? I mean if you're forever hiding your hair something is off IMO.

I understand what you are saying IIB, but I think you're assuming that she would enjoy her hair w/out extensions and that may not be the case. I tend to think that women enjoy their hair- whether it's relaxed or natural- when it looks and behaves the way they want it to. If she can't style her own hair to achieve a look that she likes, wearing it out would not be an enjoyable experience. It would be more like a chore and I can definitely relate to that sentiment. How does her hair look when you have seen it out?

I agree I don't buy the "I'm growing out my hair (but after 20 yrs "of growing it out" you never see their hair)" excuse either.

Yeah, 20 years is a bit much...but sometimes it can take 3 or 4 years of consistent protective styling to gain really great length.

This is just an interesting topic to me because I have been wearing half-wigs pretty consistently for the past couple of years and although I'm not at the length I want yet, I'm getting ready to ditch the extensions. I've gained some great length and thickness thanks to the low manipulation they afford, but I'm concerned that I won't be able to style my own hair when I finally do get the length I want.

Plus- warning: about to go off on a tangent- I was at the beauty supply store recently and everyone in the shop was shocked when I took my hair down in an effort to smoosh it under a wig cap so I could try on some different wigs. They could not comprehend why someone with plenty of hair was buying a wig that was actually shorter than her real hair. The salesgirl was so nice and sweet as I went through a dozen different wigs but every time she would gently admonish me to just wear my own hair. Of course I didn't have the time or inclination to go into detail about how time-consuming it it is to style highly textured/curly hair or the concept of protective styling to retain length, but it was yet another reminder of the fact that people think that extensions = baldheaded.

Conventional thinking: if you have hair, wear/show it.

And to be honest, when I looked at most of the women in the shop, I did feel some kind of way about the fact that 96% had a weave or wig. Those who were wearing their own hair while looking at weaves did have very short hair. Of course I understood that they could be doing the exact same thing I had been doing for the past couple of years but I wish there was more long/longish hair in the group to support that view.

Anyway, the point of this ramble being: I can see both why your friend loves her wigs/weaves and why you would think it odd that she never shows her own hair. As a friend, I would just support her and give plenty of positive feedback.

 

[Ivie184]

Maybe your friends do not know how to properly care for their natural hair. So instead of taking the time to learn how to maintain it, they take the easy way out and cover it up.

I was the exact same way...My idea of maintaining my hair was to wear braids for 2-3 months at a time, remove them, let my hair rest for a couple of days and braid again. I didn't know how to care for my hair nor did I want to learn. In addition to that, I was also a bit embarrassed and shy about my hair. What made it worse was that the people around me (middle school, highschool and during some college years) had very negative attitudes towards natural hair so that also influenced (I let it get to me) my reason(s) for not wearing my hair out.

Now...I love my hair and the only reason why I wear extensions is if I don't want to deal with my hair for a couple of months/give it a rest.

 

[RegaLady]

Both my mother and sister have natural long and SL hair, and their hair has NEVER seen the light of day. My mother wears wigs, my sister is in sew-ins. They like the convenience of it. I never understood, until now I find myself getting a bit addicted to these PS. There hair has flourished with the help of extensions. It seems, I was the one not getting great growth from what I was going, and I tried toooo hard. They have convinced me to go natural and cover it up.

 

[RegaLady]

I understand what you are saying IIB, but I think you're assuming that she would enjoy her hair w/out extensions and that may not be the case. I tend to think that women enjoy their hair- whether it's relaxed or natural- when it looks and behaves the way they want it to. If she can't style her own hair to achieve a look that she likes, wearing it out would not be an enjoyable experience. It would be more like a chore and I can definitely relate to that sentiment. How does her hair look when you have seen it out?



Yeah, 20 years is a bit much...but sometimes it can take 3 or 4 years of consistent protective styling to gain really great length.

This is just an interesting topic to me because I have been wearing half-wigs pretty consistently for the past couple of years and although I'm not at the length I want yet, I'm getting ready to ditch the extensions. I've gained some great length and thickness thanks to the low manipulation they afford, but I'm concerned that I won't be able to style my own hair when I finally do get the length I want.

Plus- warning: about to go off on a tangent- I was at the beauty supply store recently and everyone in the shop was shocked when I took my hair down in an effort to smoosh it under a wig cap so I could try on some different wigs. They could not comprehend why someone with plenty of hair was buying a wig that was actually shorter than her real hair. The salesgirl was so nice and sweet as I went through a dozen different wigs but every time she would gently admonish me to just wear my own hair. Of course I didn't have the time or inclination to go into detail about how time-consuming it it is to style highly textured/curly hair or the concept of protective styling to retain length, but it was yet another reminder of the fact that people think that extensions = baldheaded.

Conventional thinking: if you have hair, wear/show it.

And to be honest, when I looked at most of the women in the shop, I did feel some kind of way about the fact that 96% had a weave or wig. Those who were wearing their own hair while looking at weaves did have very short hair. Of course I understood that they could be doing the exact same thing I had been doing for the past couple of years but I wish there was more long/longish hair in the group to support that view.

Anyway, the point of this ramble being: I can see both why your friend loves her wigs/weaves and why you would think it odd that she never shows her own hair. As a friend, I would just support her and give plenty of positive feedback.

ITA...Again, I have family members who have longish hair, who wear weaves. People wear it for different reasons. People like to prejudge and thats fine. Surely, the people wearing the wigs don't care what people think of them. I don't think people should have to PROVE what their real hair looks like. My sister and mother have beautiful hair, that I even get annoyed. But, it works for them!

 

[LadyPaniolo]

-they are growing their hair out (one friend in particular has about apl hair when stretched, I'm not sure I buy that excuse)

This is funny to me... cuz I'm APL when stretched as well. My hair is never out. I was on a 2 year Crown and Glory challenge that I failed, and now I mostly wear cornrows, which hang to my shoulders. I am nowhere near my hair goal of Classic length, and I am focused on getting it to grow, grow, grow! It's not like APL is that long.

Wearing my hair out is a major chore. It's very thick and gets very tangled. The detangling process is enough to cause major damage and frustration. It takes forever and a day to style, and it's just not worth the hassle.

But you made me smile, implying that APL was long!