My ignorant sister...vent!

[lana]

My ignorant sister sent me an email asking if I want "them" (my other sisters and her) to stop inviting me to "stuff"?

She's sooo stupid! This is why I don't hang around her. I don't mean to name call, but I'm sooo irritated. My sisters and I unfortunately have "issues". I don't hang around them, because I don't trust them not to turn on me and stab me in the back when I'm not looking. If you can't relax around your own family...I just don't think its worth it.

I didn't respond to her ignorant message. Prior to this she sent me an email that said "I love you and I want us to get along." This was probably sent to convince me she was harmless and I should hang out with her again. Um, yeah right. I'm sticking by my decision to stay away from her and the other one. It's very hard for me to avoid them like this, but it's for my own health. I never know when they are going to "trip" (ie curse me out for no reason, threaten to fight me, speak badly about me). It's sad, but true.

I don't think there is any hope for our relationship...it just makes me want to break down and cry.

 

[Much2much41]

She's trying to put you on the spot. If you say yes, then YOU'RE the troublemaker. If you say no, then you NEED them. You're d@mned if you do, d@mned if you don't. I would tell her "That's up to you", and throw the ball right back in her court. Let her wallow in her own misery ALONE.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I was going to start a sister drama thread. I'm convinced my sister hates me for no reason. I hate to think this way, but I know she's a notorious hater, I think she has this competitive gene in her and I don't know, I think she think she's like the fairest of them all and doesn't like anyone who may be a little fairer if that makes any sense. And I know this is silly, but I've especially noticed her extra animosity towards me since my hair has reached her length. She noticed one time and said 'wow it's growing' and ever since she's been evil witch.

 

[Much2much41]

I thought this article might be interesting. I stumbled upon him not too long ago, and I find him fascinating. HTH!!!

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/

 

[frostydoll]

I thought I was on the only one with sister issues. I'm back to non speaking terms with one of them, cuz she's a troublemaker.

 

[locabouthair]

lana i dont know what to say. i remember you started a thread before about the drama with your sisters. stay strong girl. i hope things get better. i always wished i had sisters.

 

[donna894]

I was deeply disturbed by your previous threads about your sisters. I remember those threads so clearly. Listen to your heart and do what's best for you. Don't worry about trying to please others at your own expense. Things really got out of hand several months ago. Next time (if there is a next time), it could be much worse.

 

[lana]

She's trying to put you on the spot. If you say yes, then YOU'RE the troublemaker. If you say no, then you NEED them. You're d@mned if you do, d@mned if you don't. I would tell her "That's up to you", and throw the ball right back in her court. Let her wallow in her own misery ALONE.

Girl that's smart! I should just say "that's up to you!" next time someone is being ignorant!

Okay I love your post thank you! In the meantime what I did was just NOT respond, I know she hated that. The truth is I would love to be around them if they ever change. Change how? Like learn that cussing anyone out is not "cool", that picking on others is not "okay". That being "ghetto" is not the way you were raised. That calling me out of my name on any given day at any given moment won't work with me.

My sister is in her early 20's, but that doesn't excuse her behavior and I refuse to partake in it.

 

[lana]

I was deeply disturbed by your previous threads about your sisters. I remember those threads so clearly. Listen to your heart and do what's best for you. Don't worry about trying to please others at your own expense. Things really got out of hand several months ago. Next time (if there is a next time), it could be much worse.

Wow, Donna894, thank you for keeping up with my posts about my sisters. It's sad, the situation that I'm in. It's like I grieve over not having the family that I want. But guess what? I did not sit around feeling sorry for myself, I went on with my day and today I feel fine. Yesterday evening I had a wonderful convo with my fiance and he just encouraged me so much.

I know that things won't always be this way, in the meantime I'm keeping my head up. (trying anyways) We're coming close to the anniversary of my mom's death, so it's always a tough time of year. But I just try to keep in mind that my mom would not want any of us to be overly sad or depressed. So that's another reason to keep my head up.

 

[lana]

I was going to start a sister drama thread. I'm convinced my sister hates me for no reason. I hate to think this way, but I know she's a notorious hater, I think she has this competitive gene in her and I don't know, I think she think she's like the fairest of them all and doesn't like anyone who may be a little fairer if that makes any sense. And I know this is silly, but I've especially noticed her extra animosity towards me since my hair has reached her length. She noticed one time and said 'wow it's growing' and ever since she's been evil witch.

Svelte, I would suggest that you limit your time with her to an extent that's comfortable for you. In fact one of the things that works for me when I was around my sisters is not being alone with them. I actually would bring a buddy or make sure it was more than just me and her (the evil one). That tactic worked, until I got weak and saw them on a weekend alone.

Don't doubt your instincts. You deserve to be treated with love and kindness - not hate or jealousy.

Also may I say, that while I was in an unhealthy married relationship, I allowed my sisters to treat me like crap. I got out of that and was able to break away from their influence as well.

I truly believe my sisters prefer to see me dirt broke, ugly and depressed. I would hate to see how they treat their husbands/friends/loved ones.

 

[lana]

I thought I was on the only one with sister issues. I'm back to non speaking terms with one of them, cuz she's a troublemaker.

Feel free to talk about it here. What did she do "this time"? If you're not up to talking about it. I hope things work out for you soon. It's not good when sisters don't get along. Of course, sometimes there are valid reasons.

 

[lana]

lana i dont know what to say. i remember you started a thread before about the drama with your sisters. stay strong girl. i hope things get better. i always wished i had sisters.

I still wish I had sisters. From what I can tell the ones that I have are actually "enemies", not sisters. I hope things work out as well. Thank you for your well wishes.

I should let you guys know so that you don't become overly concerned that I do have friends in my life that love me like a sister or a daughter. It's because of their love that I know how damaging the relationship with my sisters IS.

I don't have to beg my friends to hang out with me. I don't have to ask twice if I'm having a problem at work or with my hair for help or advice. My motherly type of friends, know exactly what I need, my sisterly girl friends are there for me. They also give encouragement to me if I get down about my mom or my sisters. God has blessed me with an abundance of love in my life and I'm grateful.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Svelte, I would suggest that you limit your time with her to an extent that's comfortable for you. In fact one of the things that works for me when I was around my sisters is not being alone with them. I actually would bring a buddy or make sure it was more than just me and her (the evil one). That tactic worked, until I got weak and saw them on a weekend alone.

Don't doubt your instincts. You deserve to be treated with love and kindness - not hate or jealousy.

She's been that way towards me all my life. If she didn't move back with family and if I didn't move back with my family for the next few months I would have nothing to do with her. She's selfish, she's always angry. I'm the type of person where you can call me for help and I'll be there in a drop, you ask me for something, if I can, I'll help. She'll have no problem calling when she's in need, but let YOU have a problem...she's very all about herself F everybody else, especially when she feels she doesn't need anyone. And she'll give me the dirtiest looks. I'll call her name and she's like the nastiest person. I'm glad I'm getting myself together and moving out soon because I really want to punch the S out of her just thinking about it, I mean I literally feel like fighting her just because she is this way to me for no reason, it doesn't hurt me, it angers me. It makes me want to start a physical fight with her. Only reason why I wouldn't is because my mom would be hurt, because I'd tear her daughters face up.

 

[lana]

She's been that way towards me all my life. If she didn't move back with family and if I didn't move back with my family for the next few months I would have nothing to do with her. She's selfish, she's always angry. I'm the type of person where you can call me for help and I'll be there in a drop, you ask me for something, if I can, I'll help. She'll have no problem calling when she's in need, but let YOU have a problem...she's very all about herself F everybody else, especially when she feels she doesn't need anyone. And she'll give me the dirtiest looks. I'll call her name and she's like the nastiest person. I'm glad I'm getting myself together and moving out soon because I really want to punch the S out of her just thinking about it, I mean I literally feel like fighting her just because she is this way to me for no reason, it doesn't hurt me, it angers me. It makes me want to start a physical fight with her. Only reason why I wouldn't is because my mom would be hurt, because I'd tear her daughters face up.

Wow, well I can see you're really upset. It sounds like your sister doesn't have a valid reason for how she treats you. I think you're doing the right thing, don't allow her the satisfaction of knowing that she "angers" you. I also believe in the "kill them with kindness" theory. Because it works, it drives people crazy when they can't upset you. I think that you'll feel much better once you're out on your own. In the meantime, I hope that you don't offer help so readily and become unavailable. NO ONE should get you this upset.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Wow, well I can see you're really upset. It sounds like your sister doesn't have a valid reason for how she treats you. I think you're doing the right thing, don't allow her the satisfaction of knowing that she "angers" you. I also believe in the "kill them with kindness" theory. Because it works, it drives people crazy when they can't upset you. I think that you'll feel much better once you're out on your own. In the meantime, I hope that you don't offer help so readily and become unavailable. NO ONE should get you this upset.

My natural reaction is cool, collected..but lately it's been hard to keep that composure. She's definately written off as far as favors or anything else goes from me though, for life. I don't even look at her as my sister. Like you, I experience more sisterly love from non-related friends.