So his sister doesn't like me...

[RegaLady]

She probably doesn't like you because you're with her brother. Some people are just like that.... I don't really know why. It's one thing to have a reason why you don't like someone but to say, "I don't know why I don't like her, it's just something about her" is immature.

Anyway, I would just take it and KIM. You don't have to be best friends with her at all, but being cordial would let things not get worse or make it seem like you're the evil one.

There's people I know that don't like me but I just say hi and go on my merry way....

Usually I suspect some weird incestual emotions. I mean I have three brothers, and I could careless about their women. As long as they were respectful to me and my family and they were happy, thats all I would care about

She hasn't told me anything that he.hadn't already told me. Also I know its true because I've since then, I've heard him responding to her talking ish about me. When she starts talking crap, he gets agitated at her and tells her to mind her own business. She has told him once that she doesn't think we should be together because I seem fake or too perfect or some crap like that... like I'm acting or something. She's always trying to give... force her relationship advice about us to him.



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I think that perhaps she thinks you are too good for him. Maybe she thinks you are suppose to be some chicken-head, ghetto girl who she needs a reason to dislike. But you aren't giving her one. So she is disliking you because you aren't fiting her non-worthy criteria. I don't understand women...

 

[Lucie]

Regardless of why she doesn't like you, you can still be polite. Ignoring her shows no home training and I know you have that.

 

[nappystorm]

Regardless of why she doesn't like you, you can still be polite. Ignoring her shows no home training and I know you have that.

Riiiiggghhhttt....

 

[Mortons]

I'm blaming your boyfriend for most of this mess. He had no business running back to you, just to report that sis didnt like you "just cause". He should have just listened and kept it moving, instead of starting up stuff. He knows how women are gonna react to this type of thing, or at least he should since he is in his mid 30's (I assume).

Anyway, what she thinks of you really should not matter much to you. Now that you know, note it and keep it moving as well. Be polite, but not overly friendly, and go on about your life.

 

[knt1229]

She hasn't told me anything that he.hadn't already told me. Also I know its true because I've since then, I've heard him responding to her talking ish about me. When she starts talking crap, he gets agitated at her and tells her to mind her own business. She has told him once that she doesn't think we should be together because I seem fake or too perfect or some crap like that... like I'm acting or something. She's always trying to give... force her relationship advice about us to him.


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Ok. Maybe she thinks she is protecting her brother. Or maybe she's just hateful Regardless, I don't think you should let it bother you. Keep being cordial and let it be her problem and not yours. Remember you are dating him not her.

 

[aribell]

I'm not so sure. OP is probably a cool person, so this isn't about her in particular. We tell women all the time to trust their intuition. We don't always know why we get signals about a person or a situation, we just do. Sometimes the reason why we feel that way doesn't reveal itself until later. But I kind of think a sibling should be able to disclose how they feel about a potential in-law w/o worrying about it getting back to the person. Better to bring it up now than after the wedding when it's too late.

I see what you're saying. I do respect intuition, but it's one thing to feel something within yourself about someone and another thing to take it to someone else. I have had feelings of dislike for people before but I don't think it's right to speak about someone based purely on a feeling. I've seen more often than not people saying "I just don't like X" and it really has more to do with them and not the other person. So, "she just seems too...I don't know...I just don't like her" ends up meaning "she's really put together and, actually, seems more put together than me and I don't like that." Vague dislike is a lot of times projection, though there are times when it's spot on. I would trust that more if it were coming from the SO's brother rather than his sister, tbh.

________________________________

On the kindness thing, perhaps there's more I have to learn, but I think it's easy spend way too much energy keeping up appearances. I believe that being cordial is always appropriate, but I would not go out of my way to reach out in friendliness, not after this long. Of course if she is in need or something, that's different, but I don't see a reason that op would go out of her way to be friendly toward the sis when the sis has made it clear to the SO that she doesn't like the op. I don't see the point of doing that.

 

[RegaLady]

Regardless of why she doesn't like you, you can still be polite. Ignoring her shows no home training and I know you have that.

I think she should speak, but keep convo and everything else limited. I mean, why converse with someone who has said they don't like you? Best to KIM. I won't speak unless spoken to and my answers would be short and sweet. Not rude, but I wouldnt be doing everything in my power to be her friend.

Been there and done that and I wouldn't "cast my pearls before swine".

 

[MizzBrown]

Well I was in a similar situation for two years. My so's mother hated me. Eventually he dumped me and I'm pretty sure she had gotten in his ear. If your so and his sister were close, I would be careful before wasting two years like I did just for it not to work out.

A little OT but at this point in my life, if I knew my SO's mother didnt like me then I'd have to end it right then. That really pisses me off that he couldnt break the umbilical cord and wasted your time like that.

I dont know how others do it but I couldnt. Yo momma said she cant stand me? Thank you! Go ahead and lose my number..

Any other family member i couldn't care less but its the mother or father that poses an issue for me.

 

[DarkAngell]

@HAIRapy Clearly I'm not as mature as the other posters because I'm the same way. Why should you go out of your way being nice to this cow when she doesn't like you? I don't subscribe to "kill em with kindness". I subscribe to "I will ignore you and your foolishness unless you make me cuss you out".

I'm a sister (to brothers) and we can see through @$$ kissing. I don't even fake it. Ironically, sisters, mothers, and female cousins seem to like and respect that about me.

Kill them with kindness is an oxymoron. It's a way to piss them off further. Not a way of kissing their @$$ to get in good with her. And either way it usually ends in your favor. Trust me....i'm not THAT nice lol. Been in this situation before and once i found out i was hated for no reason, all I wanted to do was piss her off further! However I did it in such a way where to others it just seemed like i was a nice person & she had no reason to hate me.....which got her more mad. Such a deviant game.....but it's so much fun to play

 

[*5+5]

I've been in the same place before with my ex and his sisters so I'll just say I wish you the best girlie. I was always nice to them knowing they disliked me for no reason at all. They were 2 face like a mug, smile in my face and then talk trash behind my back and then would get mad when I wouldn't spend time alone with them.

His two sisters and mom called me on three-way..yes three way on New Year's morning, no hello or happy new year...just instant tell all. He cut them off after that. Now they all emailing me pics of the first grandchild, wondering if were still together and sending nice messages...I ignore hard...back then didn't want me, now I'm gone they all on me.

 

[RegaLady]

Kill them with kindness is an oxymoron. It's a way to piss them off further. Not a way of kissing their @$$ to get in good with her. And either way it usually ends in your favor. Trust me....i'm not THAT nice lol. Been in this situation before and once i found out i was hated for no reason, all I wanted to do was piss her off further! However I did it in such a way where to others it just seemed like i was a nice person & she had no reason to hate me.....which got her more mad. Such a deviant game.....but it's so much fun to play

I will agree with this to a certain extent, except I slightly ignored her but killed everyone who she would talk crap about me to with kindess. Before I knew it, people were looking at her like she was crazy

 

[HAIRapy]

Thanks ladies! I found this thread and the different POVs very interesting.

 

[zzirvingj]

If My SO sister did not like me and she did not have a valid reason and I know I have not done anything disrespectful from my knowledge, I really would not care. I would assume that it is just some issue she has. BUT I will not ignore her. I would definitely be polite but I would not act like she is my best friend.

^I like this; just continue to "be yourself", I say.

 

[ThickHair]

Ask her.......

 

[MissSenegal]

OP your post reminds me of my brother. I don't like and have never liked his soon to be ex wife. I was 17 when they started dating and from the first time I met her my spidey senses went off. Now unlike you she is a rude wilderbeast so I chose to ignore her. Fast forward to last month and we find out the child she gave birth too in September is by another man and if it were not for a dna test she would have never admitted to anything she's done over the last 5 years of their marraige. It may not be jealousy just a feeling she has. I also felt this way about my sisters estranged husband and once again I was right to feel this way.

 

[HAIRapy]

Ask her.......

I don't care enough to ask. I know I'm a good person and I've definitely been a hella good woman to her brother, so I don't feel her approval to be necessary.

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[LuvlyRain3]

To be quite honest I wouldn't care. as long as she keeps her feelings to herself and doesn't disrespect you then you're good.

 

[NaijaTroll]

I think your SO should have kept that to himself though...

Exactly. What was the point of telling you? Unless he actually is/was expecting you to start kissing her behind for "peace" else I cant think fo any reason why he would tell you? what did expect your reaction to be?

 

[brg240]

I took me a while to like my brothers' SOs. I did not like them much at first. Of course I kept these thoughts to myself. I think you should still be nice to her, she'll probably eventually come around if you aren't a horrible person. I like my brothers' gf and one's most recent ex quite a bit now. And if she stays irrational, i don't see a point in being rude. I was always nice/cordial with them, I don't think it's fake. I don't approve of rude behavior, acting like I didn't like them would just be disrespectful and hurtful imo.

I don't think the bro should have told you, what's the point of doing that?

edit: reading some comments some of the sisters were being pretty rude so i can understand if you wanted to ignore them.

 

[spelman_diva]

This is slightly random but this reminds me of the episode of the Cosby Show where Denise's husband (can't think of his name) told Denise his mother didn't like her. Denise is super nervous to meet his mom and finally Claire just asks his mom why she doesn't like Denise. I don't remember exactly how it went but come to find out Denise's husband misunderstood what his mom said and it turns out she never said she didn't like Denise it was just a miscommunication. Ok I just relived the 80s to say that it could be the same situation and maybe his sister wasn't saying she didn't like you. You know men don't listen too carefully so maybe you should ask her for yourself if she has a problem with you.

 

[SqrpioQutie]

why is it we tell our children to ignore people who are "mean" to them or don't like them, but we tell adults that they lack home training or are rude when they ignore people who are "mean" to them or don't like them?

 

[HAIRapy]

why is it we tell our children to ignore people who are "mean" to them or don't like them, but we tell adults that they lack home training or are rude when they ignore people who are "mean" to them or don't like them?

Wow. How true is this post? I choose to not surround myself with people who do not wish me well if I can help it. I couldn't care less who her brother is.

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[deltadreamland]

why is it we tell our children to ignore people who are "mean" to them or don't like them, but we tell adults that they lack home training or are rude when they ignore people who are "mean" to them or don't like them?

Exactly. This is why I stated in my response that I would not kill her with kindness. I would just simply act as though she was not there by ignoring her. Acting in that way has nothing to do with a lack of home training and neither is it rude. I actually see it as showing that you do have some home training because you know better than to acknowledge an individual's nonsense. Then and only then, when she was ready to act like a mature woman minus the fake foolishness, we MIGHT be able to carry on.

 

[Bmack]

Exactly. This is why I stated in my response that I would not kill her with kindness. I would just simply act as though she was not there by ignoring her. Acting in that way has nothing to do with a lack of home training and neither is it rude. I actually see it as showing that you do have some home training because you know better than to acknowledge an individual's nonsense. Then and only then, when she was ready to act like a mature woman minus the fake foolishness, we MIGHT be able to carry on.

When ur a child, ur not marrying into families and ish, but I get ur drift. I would not be worried either way. I would go on as usual and be cordial. Hi-bye and nothing extra in between. My SIL was not all that nice to me when I first started dating DH, but I could care less. Now, she loves me. I think she was just jelly that her big bro had another major woman in his life...whatev

 

[dm81]

Regardless of why she doesn't like you, you can still be polite. Ignoring her shows no home training and I know you have that.

 

[ThickHair]

I don't care enough to ask. I know I'm a good person and I've definitely been a hella good woman to her brother, so I don't feel her approval to be necessary.

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Then you will never know and just go by second hand information from your man. Ok by me if it is ok with you. IMHO that type of attitude is very immature. No were did I state that you needed her approval, because YOU DON'T, I feel like a simple question would shut it down right away and for years to come. I am sure you can really care less the reason, which is perfectly OK.

If you ask you may find out that she does have a reason and she may not even have one. If you find out the reason or non reason then there wouldn't be anything rank that she could say to you, because your follow up will be, well she doesn't even have a reason to dislike me or well, she dislikes me because of xyz. If not valid, will make her look like a plumb fool.

 

[deltadreamland]

When ur a child, ur not marrying into families and ish, but I get ur drift. I would not be worried either way. I would go on as usual and be cordial. Hi-bye and nothing extra in between. My SIL was not all that nice to me when I first started dating DH, but I could care less. Now, she loves me. I think she was just jelly that her big bro had another major woman in his life...whatev

But where you're a child, you are shaping the type of individual you will be when you become an adult. A lot of the things we learn and are told as children follow us into adulthood and serve as a barometer for the way we deal with situations and the way we treat people.

 

[LiftedUp]

From the OP it sounds as though she's cordial to you despite her feelings. I don't see the problem with being cordial back. We aren't perfect individuals and we will not connect to everyone we meet.

I honestly don't see an issue with how she feels or why she should be snubbed because of it. I actually think that she is being the bigger person despite her feelings.

 

[anon123]

From the OP it sounds as though she's cordial to you despite her feelings. I don't see the problem with being cordial back. We aren't perfect individuals and we will not connect to everyone we meet.

I agree. I can't tell that she's done anything wrong to you. Okay, she doesn't like you. Everyone doesn't have to like everyone. She's still polite to you. Likewise, you don't have to like her, but can still be polite. And that can be the end of it.

And it's not even like she's going around talking about you behind your back, right? I assume your BF asked her her opinion. For all we know, she could have said some reason that he doesn't want to tell you. If you don't care at all, just be cordial and go on with your life. But if you do care (I mean, it's on your mind enough to create a post about it), then ask her. "Are we okay? Is there anything you want to discuss with me, or any problem you have with me that's on your mind?"

 

[LoveisYou]

I don't think your SO should have told you. There are certain conversations that take place inside a family that's better left within the family, especially when said conversations can lead to strife.