My Cousin Told Dh That He Was The King

[Ganjababy]

Of our house while he was away for a month.

DH was away from home for a month once. We had just moved to a new town and i found out i had some relatives i did not know.

While dh was away this male relative would check on me as I was unwell and bring me dinner and we would hang out. When i got better i would cook for him and a male friend of his occasionally in return.

DH does not like him. I asked why and he told me about his comment. We no longer hang out because DH cannot stand him.

But I am reconsidering because we are isolated and I have been told by my Drs to socialize and make connections.

Do you think he is overreacting?

 

[awhyley]

You need to find other friends.

 

[Godsdaughter001]

No, I don't think your dh is overrreacting. Your dh may have picked up a bit more from your cousin and just can't or won't articulate that. What kind of a dude tells another man he was king of his house for a month anyway?

 

[Ivonnovi]

Ms Ganja

Consider reviewing the situation with the roles reversed.

"You went a way for a month, and during that time your husbands cousin frequently checked in on him. (seems innocent so far right?) BUT THEN this [female] cousin has the audacity to TELL YOU/REMARK TO YOU that she is the QUEEN of YOUR house. .....​

Nope! Your DH IS NOT over reacting AND I totally understand you wanting to maintain a relationship with this person that you are related to, BUT HE NEEDS TO BE CHECKED by you; and do so unappologetically!!!!! Then keep him at double-arms length.

 

[tilati]

Girl you drs told you to socialize not to befriend a man that disrespected your dh!
That's a big fat no imho

 

[okange76]

Ain't no man on this planet going to be cool with another man trying to dominate his home even if it is for 5 min let alone a month. That was a direct challenge to your hubby's manhood. It never ends well.

Even the most trifling man on the planet feels challenged if another man takes care of his ex and his kids when he doesn't and won't be bothered to. He'd rather they suffer than thrive in another man's household.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I don't know anybody sane that would tell a man this. Sounds like somebody who wants to BE the king of your house. Keep him at arm's length.

 

[knt1229]

Your cuz sounds trifling and I don't blame your hubby for not liking him.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Does your cuz have some weird cousin crush? Like why are you claiming to be the man/King of your Cousin's house like you're bragging? Bleech.

Cuz would get no more cooking from me. And I'm not a fan of him bringing over other men friends. That's just too much. It's not his house. I'd see him at family events and no more. I think it's silly and hubby shouldn't make it a big deal, but I do think that cuz was trying to at the least create conflict or at the most he's trying to claim territory that isn't his. Either way it's odd, weird, and I'd stop it in its tracks by not answering his little "drop offs" (I was sleep, I wasn't there, you should call before coming). He can come over when my hubby is home and my man can decide if it's appropriate for him to show up with random men (that I certainly wouldn't cook for).

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I don't know anybody sane that would tell a man this. Sounds like somebody who wants to BE the king of your house. Keep him at arm's length.

THIS. Like you're the cousin. What is wrong with you dude?

I laughed when I read the Op's thread. I would've laughed if I were married and my imaginary DH said this to me. And I would've told him okay, so dude isn't going to get any more meals from me and I'm not letting him in when you're not here because that's just too weird. And that would be the end of that. It's funny that dude even thought it was appropriate to say something like that. It's funny that dude perceived kindness as taking over someone's house. It's weird that he wishes to be the King of my house. So yes, though he wouldn't get much of a second thought about it, I'd nip it in the bud right there and move on with a quickness to ensure that cuz doesn't start bull crap. Sometimes people just want to create drama where there is none too. So I'd just nip it in the bud to prevent either. I wouldn't make it a big deal, you just would never be over when my hubby left, period. You'd get the hint because no door would be answered, no food would be made.

 

[Pat Mahurr]

But I am reconsidering because we are isolated and I have been told by my Drs to socialize and make connections.

I'm rooting for you, girl, but honestly, truly, I think you enjoy testing your DH and your marriage for some reason. Your Drs. said make connections (presumably with any of the billions of people on earth that you don't already know), but you are instead thinking about re-establishing a connection that has been problematic for your husband and your marriage in the past. Please don't do that. Focus on resolving your issues without creating new ones. Your DH is with you in the fight right now. Don't bring in distractions or divert attention onto what you think his issues are. If there's ever a time for analyzing his feelings about your cousin, it is NOT right now. Wishing you the best as always.

 

[lana]

Dear OP, you're lonely. That is the only explanation for this thread right here. Instead of bashing you, please consider these ideas for making new friends:


Join a gym
Find a hobby that involves others
Join a sewing circle, knitting, crochet.
Join a garden club
Move to where you're less isolated

Do anything but what you suggested above. I hope that helps.

 

[Evolving78]

THIS. Like you're the cousin. What is wrong with you dude?

I laughed when I read the Op's thread. I would've laughed if I were married and my imaginary DH said this to me. And I would've told him okay, so dude isn't going to get any more meals from me and I'm not letting him in when you're not here because that's just too weird. And that would be the end of that. It's funny that dude even thought it was appropriate to say something like that. It's funny that dude perceived kindness as taking over someone's house. It's weird that he wishes to be the King of my house. So yes, though he wouldn't get much of a second thought about it, I'd nip it in the bud right there and move on with a quickness to ensure that cuz doesn't start bull crap. Sometimes people just want to create drama where there is none too. So I'd just nip it in the bud to prevent either. I wouldn't make it a big deal, you just would never be over when my hubby left, period. You'd get the hint because no door would be answered, no food would be made.

He couldn't even drive down my block if SO was told something like this!

 

[Evolving78]

Dear OP, you're lonely. That is the only explanation for this thread right here. Instead of bashing you, please consider these ideas for making new friends:


Join a gym
Find a hobby that involves others
Join a sewing circle, knitting, crochet.
Join a garden club
Move to where you're less isolated

Do anything but what you suggested above. I hope that helps.

Knitting or crochet would be great! You can sign up on Ravelry and find meetups in your area,or take a class. I'm in the house a lot, but I'm into crafting and that keeps me busy, it's relaxing, and it gives me a sense of accomplishment when I finish something.

 

[Ganjababy]

Thanks for keeping it real ladies.

Upon reflection my cousin seems like a creep.

Also some of the posts in here gave me food for thought. A lot of my behaviour and thoughts are governed by my bpd. It is not healthy and it us taking a toll and i need to work on it in order to sort out my marriage and myself.