my boyfriend's business is not going well

[lesedi]

Just need some advice. .
My man owns his own business but things are going really badly of late (losing contracts, clients delaying payment) and i really want to know how to support him. I'm scared of emasculating him by offering financial help but I can see he is becoming more distant towards me, I'm guessing it's a defence mechanism. Things are really tense of late and I believe it is because he is embarrassed.
I want him to share his feelings with me but he blocks all money conversation.

What do I do?

 

[Urban]

If he's your boyfriend, I wouldn't offer financial help. Unless it's money that you are happy to give away and wouldn't mind not getting back.

Has been forthright about what's causing him to lose clients? Perhaps this is something you could look into and as an 'outsider' spot areas where he can streamline his processes. I think getting detailed feedback from the clients who have left would be a good start - which I think can be easily done by taking a sample of those clients to lunch/coffee individually or via a structured/semi-structured interview over the phone.

On delayed payments, he might need to look into how other businesses in his industry are billing customers. Again perhaps getting feedback from those who have delayed payment. Perhaps his payment process is more complicated than other companies, or there's a particular kind of client that delays payment that he needs to avoid etc

On him being distant I'm sure it's all a combination of the reasons you've said. But have you been upfront about your feelings about how he's behaving? Maybe he's not aware and your honesty could probably ease the tension??

 

[lesedi]

Thanks Urban I think will try and have a talk with him and offer him the suggestions you made. He is not being forthright about what is causing this bad spell and is feeling really sorry for himself but that is frustrating me cos I feel like he is not dealing with the problem. I think you are right, offering him money will not help at all. I just want to help him but he won't let me

 

[CarLiTa]

I don't know what I would do in this situation, so I think I'd ask him what, if anything, I can do. I would not offer financial help, but there are other ways to help (contacts, drafting emails, organizing papers/documents, or just lending a listening and judgment-free ear).

Sometimes things are just to stressful to seek or accept help. Because when there's a lot to juggle, and someone says they're ready to help with whatever, it takes a good amount of upfront effort to figure out what to allocate to them, to follow up, etc. So, even when you're swamped, it can feel "easier" to just do it yourself.
AND it's also possible that his business is really personal to him, so implicating his SO might not be something he wants to do -- understandably.

I think this underlines the point of asking how to help rather than jumping in and doing what you might feel is needed, because that might yield more harm than good, even though you have the right intentions.

And in my experience (though not a man), reminding the stressed-out person how stressed out they are and how things don't seem to be going well (particularly for a person who takes a lot of pride in their work) can feel... insulting (is that the right word?) or just not helpful. Being encouraging (without being pushy) is good... but such a tricky balance.

I think all in all, easiest thing is to say that you're there and willing to brainstorm if needed, but not trying to prematurely do anything you're not asked to do.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

I would be supportive (ask if there's anything you can do, make him a nice dinner, listen if he wants to talk) but I wouldn't try to offer any suggestions or come up with any solutions. I doubt he wants that from you, plus he doesn't want to feel like you think you know more than he does about how to run his business. I also wouldn't try to force him talk about it.

I would say something like you know he has a lot on his plate, but you don't want to be pushed aside because of it - if you feel like that's what's happening.

Other than that your role is to support, not to fix or manage.

 

[LiftedUp]

I think that his reaction feeds into how most men deal with problems. They're not a "let's talk all about it until we find a solution" bunch. I think that your role right now should be a supportive one and lending an ear when he's ready to talk about it and offering advice when he comes to you asking your perspective.

 

[CaraWalker]

if it were me i would just follow his lead on how he was dealing with it. if he didnt want to talk about it i wouldnt constantly force the issue. i would be supportive as a girlfriend but not supportive as his financial advisor/watchdog.

id probably just be extra nice/sweet and wait for him to come around. i don't think you should offer any help or advice unless he asks for it.

 

[SmileyNY]

In these types of situations, the only thing you can do is let him handle it and encourage him along the way.

If it doesn't work out and he has a true entrepreneurial spirit, he will be disappointed for a short minute and then start planning a comeback.

If he doesn't have that spirit, then he wasn't cut out for business ownership and will hopefully move on to something more stable.

 

[abcd09]

Nothing boosts a man's confidence like feeling sexually wanted. Maybe boost up the sex antics?

 

[Alta Angel]

Be his encourager. Speak blessings into his life and business. Ask him how you can help him. Give him some extra stroking. It sounds like he relishes his role as a provider/breadwinner. Owning a business is hard! Be that soft spot for him to find peace.

 

[Holla]

Ditto on keep your money in your pocket! As a girlfriend, fall back on that aspect. Step up the encouragement, moral support, and understanding. Promote his company to friends, family etc. as you would when business is doing well. Rub his back. Cook dinner. Fix his plate. Basically, help him with his basic needs so that he can spend his free time on his business. Keep yourself busy and pretty. At the end of the day, a man wants to be reminded that he has a beautiful and supportive woman by his side.

 

[FemmeCreole]

The last thing you should do is offer the man money.

DH is an entrepreneur as well and when we were dating we'd have similar issues. Businesses all go through highs and lows. It's just more hard hitting to a small business owner, when the lows come.

You just need to be supportive but not pushy. Listen to him when he needs to vent. You could offer to help with his receivables by calling the customers regarding their unpaid balances. Only do that with his permission though. The key is, let him ask you for help. But know that he won't come to you if he feels like you'll be judgmental.