My Boss Tells Me NO MORE BUNS! How Can I Look My Best & Keep Hair Healthy?

[MekyakaKinkerbelle]

so, i run home to mommy and daddy and what happened? my parents co-signed: "that crunchy bun doesn't flatter your face..." "your roots stick up" "...you used to wear your hair down more often do that." blah, blah, blah...

another co-worker: "....well, it looks okay to me, but..."

Perhaps it's not the idea of the protective style, but rather the way it's being done?? I've seen a lot of protective styles that don't flatter the wearer. Is the bun as polished as you can possibly make it? The idea that your roots are sticking up makes me think of the frizzies. What are you using to put your hair back? You yourself hinted in another post that "you're no DLewis"...maybe you need a little more practice and a little change up...

I think that maybe people are trying to tell you there is something amiss with the way you're doing it. Just my thoughts.

ETA: while I agree that no one can tell you to comply to a narrow, Eurocentric standard, corporations do have the right to promote (or not) based on "fitting into the culture" (that's how they justify their craziness these days)...it totally sucks, but as someone else stated, you have to decide if it's a job, or a career; if it's a holding pattern or a place where you see yourself sitting on top one day. You have to figure out where you are willing to compromise. Another poster stated basically do what you need to do to get the promotion and then slide back to your buns. But you either have to stay and change up the style to get the promotion, stay and keep your current position with your current style, or use the door.

 

[MonPetite]

OP, could we see pictures of your bun?

You mentioned you just slick it back with conditioner. Perhaps it's not the bun; but, as other posters have noted, the style/look of the bun?

A snappy part, mirror smooth, glossy chignons and french rolls (with or withouth embellishment) can be absolutely DECADENT. But they do require styling products as opposed to conditioner. They can still contribute to you HHJ and make you look fantastic in the meantime.

You can use a scarf and glossing serum at night, given your texture to look like you've flat ironed. I did it for years while texlaxed. You avoid heat, have pin-straight, shiny hair and can wash as often as you like, as your style will set while you sleep.

Pictures of your hair in its usual bun and down and styled would be very helpful. That way we could give you really solid, specific suggestions.

I'm rooting for you, dear heart!

 

[MekyakaKinkerbelle]

^^^ Very good point. Bunning only with conditioner is a hot frizzy mess for me. If I want to wear a bun to work, I HAVE to use a styler or pomade.

 

[CenteredGirl]

IMHO that's sexual harrassment. Unless you are stinky, unkempt and slovenly with poor performance there is no cause for his comment on your hair. I'm shocked.

 

[Miss*Tress]

I don't have a picture of my buns and I will say that i suck at making buns (i'm no DLewis.) BUT this pressure to wear my hair down is getting to me. Even worse when my parents agreed with my boss. my mom has ALWAYS hated my buns - she also thinks they're "unprofessional" on me because they "don't look good on me."

I have to admit I can't get indignant on your behalf, as I haven't seen the bun and by your own admission you say you don't do buns very well. You'll have to look at yourself objectively and see how or if you can do better with your protective styles.

Playing devil's advocate: step up your bun game - practice makes perfect. DLewis has tons of tutorials and there are even more on youtube. Try changing the position of your bun to a more flattering angle, for example, higher buns can look more elegant. Also liven up your look with impeccable makeup and dressier earrings.

Whatever you decide, good luck with your promotion. I'm sure you'll know what the best course of action is.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

A little off topic:
This kind of sounds like the Devil Wears Prada(not sure if you work in a fashion magazine industry and remember how the one lead actress changed her total look just to be able to get recognition at work by her manager).

Her job sounds JUST like The Devil Wears Prada... all the clears and others are in there with hair down and flowing, bouncing around. They are all dressed to the nines. Remember in the book, her friend at Runway pulls her aside and says she'll be fired if she doesn't change her look? This happens to everyone, black white or otherwise. Let's not try to make it more than it is.

I don't think that BIG BAD BOSS is the problem. I think that the system is the problem and the example that we have been setting as black women is the problem.

I think boss is just telling it as it is and trying to get her staff promoted. Its not in Boss lady's interest not to have her staff progress as she also will not progress. My guess is that Boss lady knows she is or soon will be up for promotion but usually one of the pre-requisites for that is that your own staff are also progressing.

We can attack boss all we like in this thread, but the facts remain that until society changes we gotta suck it up and play the system until we are in the positions of power to break it down.

OP I think you should listen to Boss lady, selectively filter what does not contradict your principles (within reason) and play the game accordingly.

Lets not get things out of context now. You paid a LOT of money for your education and to get where you are so guess what you already made a few sacrifices so do not get hysterical and emotional now and sabotage yourself.

There are so may Fotki's you can stalk for Inspiration until those promotion papers are signed.

If it were me I would have the hottest and hair health focus stylist on the case for the next few weeks and go out shopping for a few new bits.

And for all those who don;t like the suggestions - this is the game - just like in high school - just like in the jungle. The toughest survive and the rest get left behind.

YES, stellagirl, you are 100% on point here. The game is what it is... there are white girls in teh office who would like to come in wearing a granola-crunchy hippie outfit 5x per week but they don't, because they have to play the game. There are white guys who might want to skip the shaving and let a huge mountain man beard hang down to their belt buckle, but they don't... because they have to play the game. Everyone has to do it, or suffer the consequences.

Others don't KNOW what we have to do in order to get that flowing bouncy style... how could they? So let's not get our panties in a wad about it. The boss has SEEN the OP looking a certain way with her hair down, so she knows it's possible. She's not asking her to be white, she's asking her to look like she did at the baseball game: polished and flyyyy!!!

OP, I would wear my hair down for certain events and meetings to appease her. A bun can look either elegant or frumpy - you have to be sure you're making it look presentable.

However, I would also outline the straightening process to her so she understands it's not as simple as she may think and your hair can be messed up very easily (perspiration, humidity etc).

I'll never forget a girl in college who had natural hair. A friend of hers (a white guy) poured water on her head as a joke; it may have been after a track meet. She made him come to her room and do her hair from start to finish so he would understand to never do that again.

If only you could get your boss to do that so she would shut up, lol. But since you can't, see if you can come to a compromise.

Exactly my point... a Korean woman has no basis of knowledge to draw from here... she doesn't KNOW she's asking the OP to risk damage that could result in chewed up broken off hair. We can't be too mad at her for not knowing that. Yes, there is basis to be angry at the OP being asked to change her physical appearance for a promotion, but Becky or Min Cho has to do the same thing... let's not take it too personal, shall we?

Practical advice: get yourself an Omega part wig. You would have a leave-out of only a few inches that you could easily rollerset and pin curl throughout the week, while the rest of your hair is cornrowed... maybe leave out your edges as well. You can remove it to DC and dry your hair, without the potential mildew/takedown/hairloss risks that a weave brings. You can have that fly, bouncy flowing hair that the office values and get promoted. You can have confidence knowing you look glam AND have your work skills on point. You can be happy knowing that you real hair is healthy, happy and thriving. And once you get to a super high up position, you can wear your real hair out in some cute buns when you want to, without anyone saying anything about it.

GET THAT MONEY, GIRL!!!!!

 

[Firefly]

I know how you feel and have faced being under this microscope myself. Here's my little 2 cents: It is what it is. You have worked hard to get where you are...don't let anything break your stride. Get yourself a lace front wig, braid your hair underneath. You can still get your workouts in, have your protective style and they'll have no idea that it's a wig. Play the game until you are in the position to make the rules. Don't cut off your own foot by making waves over this unless you have weighed the consequences of the worst that can happen and desided that it's worth the price. It's easy for us to give advice but you are the only one living your life....think carefully because you are the one to live with the outcome.

 

[Firefly]

Practical advice: get yourself an Omega part wig. You would have a leave-out of only a few inches that you could easily rollerset and pin curl throughout the week, while the rest of your hair is cornrowed... maybe leave out your edges as well. You can remove it to DC and dry your hair, without the potential mildew/takedown/hairloss risks that a weave brings. You can have that fly, bouncy flowing hair that the office values and get promoted. You can have confidence knowing you look glam AND have your work skills on point. You can be happy knowing that you real hair is healthy, happy and thriving. And once you get to a super high up position, you can wear your real hair out in some cute buns when you want to, without anyone saying anything about it.

GET THAT MONEY, GIRL!!!!!

This is sound advice!!!

 

[jada1111]

^^^ Very good point. Bunning only with conditioner is a hot frizzy mess for me. If I want to wear a bun to work, I HAVE to use a styler or pomade.

I have to agree with this. Any slick down style I do requires the above.

 

[almond eyes]

My opinion, this is just a ploy by your boss!!!!!!!!!!!Good luck.

And your parents, a different generation. Like my parents hair styled means curled.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[mscocoface]

Wyldcurls - have you made any decisions as to what you are going to do?

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I'd like to hear your decision as well. So far the suggestions in this thread I've seen have been:

- go hard and file a federal complaint

- wear your hair down (as you did at the game)

- practice some fancier updo's

- learn to rollerset (this is easier than it sounds rollersetting is HARD) and wear your hair down during the work week

- keep rocking those dusty buns and dare anyone to speak up erplexed

- get a half wig, lacefront or Omega Part wig

 

[caribeandiva]

Wear your hair down until you get the promotion and stay on top of moisturizing your ends. In the mean time, find some youtube updo tutorials so that you can start doing some protective styles that vary from your slicked back style.

You can be indignant after you can start spending that promotion money.

Exactly. I agree with this entire post. There are other protective styles besides buns and they allow you to wear your hair down. Half wigs are a great option.

 

[imaccami]

Her job sounds JUST like The Devil Wears Prada... all the clears and others are in there with hair down and flowing, bouncing around. They are all dressed to the nines. Remember in the book, her friend at Runway pulls her aside and says she'll be fired if she doesn't change her look? This happens to everyone, black white or otherwise. Let's not try to make it more than it is.



YES, stellagirl, you are 100% on point here. The game is what it is... there are white girls in teh office who would like to come in wearing a granola-crunchy hippie outfit 5x per week but they don't, because they have to play the game. There are white guys who might want to skip the shaving and let a huge mountain man beard hang down to their belt buckle, but they don't... because they have to play the game. Everyone has to do it, or suffer the consequences.

I agree. Everyone has to change their look for work. What's wrong with a wig? You can work out, avoid heat, and protective style all in one.

It says a lot to me that even your parents agree with her.

You say that a lot of clients like you because of your personality despite the fact that you're not fixed up as nicely as everyone else, well why not go all the way? Have your personality and your attire working on your side and go as far as you can.

White women don't wake up instantly glam either, they put a lot of work into that straight hair.

 

[Shananyganz]

My feelings/opinions on the topic range. While I personally think that no one can tell you how to wear your hair, I am aware that is not always an everyday professional reality. I'm not certain if I discovered this during college or if it was something I was always aware of, but the bottom-line is that we, as women, more so as black women are held to a certain standard when it comes to the way we look. It DOES NOT MAKE IT RIGHT...but speaking to this case, there is a way to be militant (for lack of a better word) in your beliefs, while also doing what is best for your career and subsequently your livelihood.

What the boss is "requesting"...it will take work...end of story. The pictures posted by Rastafari are PRIME examples of how I'd do my hair for work. A piece added here...some curls added there and I was good to go. I rarely wore my hair down, it was ALWAYS in some kind of pony tail, bun, updo; but I kept it ever changing. One week it was this style, the next it was that. This took more time in the morning, but it was necessary. If you are MBL, I think you know what practices helped you get to and retain that length, enough so that you can step out the box a little. Sure it means more manipulation, but that just means you kick it up a notch when at home. If you choose to wear your hair down one week because that is the week all regions come together, then the following week, go back to your upgraded bun. If you don't mind my saying, I would step out on a limb and say it may not necessarily be that you bun...but that it is the same thing day in and day out. Those other women, they wear their hair down, but are they constantly changing? Some just may, but I doubt that all come in one day straight hair, the next day crinkled, the next day curled and so on.

I can not recall the poster, but you have to decide what is important. Is this a job or a career, was all the schooling (required or not) time and training just because you could.

It sucks and feelings of outrage are warranted, but after all that is said and done, what is the bigger picture? Speaking for myself, I am not suggesting you lay there and take it, but if you sincerely feel that your boss was coming from a good place, make the change in YOUR WAY. You can STILL protective style and look fly. Accessories work miracles at times, some fly make-up (if you into it) to play up facial features, your options really are endless. There are SO many simple things that you can do with your hair and STILL maintain your personal goals.

 

[Br*nzeb*mbsh~ll]

Two words.

Law
Suit

 

[topnotch1010]

Oh boy. You done open a can of worms with this comment.

Really? I don't think so. What's wrong with being creative? You don't have to wear your hair in a bun everyday to retain length, we all know that. There are plenty of other ways to protect your hair without recycling the exact same hairstyle day after day. Step your game up a bit, especially if your livelihood depends on it. There's nothing wrong with telling someone to step their game up.

If you are the face of your company, you should look your best. Sleek buns occationally are ok, but everyday....I don't think so and it seems her employer feels the same way. Since when did crunchy edges become ok for a client meeting? Client meeting are a presentation and I don't know about anyone else but if I'm presenting something, you better believe I won't be half-stepping.

 

[almond eyes]

I would really do an thorough self-examination of your relationship with your boss. And I am not telling you to play militant, however what I am saying is that you might do all of that and still not get what you want or you might do all of that and end up having to compromise yourself more. How do the other women present in the office (hair wise), why has this issue come up?How did you used to wear your hair? Is your boss new?How do you dress?Have you ever had issues with your boss before?How do other black women carry themselves in your office?Has your job performance ever been questioned?Are there any lay offs being planned?

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[Liege4421]

what does your hair have to do with your job??

People are probably going to disagree with me...but hair has a lot to do with your job, especially if you work in the business industry. Unfortunately, people use your hair to make judgements about you (WRONG OR RIGHT), just as they use your clothing, your speech, etc. to make similar judgements.

With that being said, I do not see how a BUN could be so offensive, especially because the bun is the hairstyle of choice for military ladies like myself; however, that depends on how you finish it. It is possible to have a bun that looks unkempt, but you really have to "work" to achieve that effect.

My bottom line...I disagree that people have the "right" to wear their hair in any style they want and then be upset that their supervisor addresses it. Hair/dress/appearance all tie in to the corporate culture of your organization. If you want to wear flip-flops to work, you have the "right" to do it, but your supervisor also has a right to state that dress is not part of the corporate culture. However, if your hair is in a nice, neat bun, which is probably one of the least offensive hairstyles possible, and your supervisor just thinks you look "better" with your hair down, (and you don't work in an industry where having "sexy" hair counts) then it may be time for you to speak with your company's HR manager.

 

[topnotch1010]

Okay, I'm lost. Maybe I'm not up to date on the latest bun look here, but the buns that I remember or see folks wearing is slicked back and neat. The back is rolled up pretty like this:

http://tinyurl.com/2xkdkg
PW: nappyhair

This to me is as professional as you can get. It's a style that looks great on anyone.

Is there some other bun style I'm not aware of that looks like crap?

I was talking about her edges that her parents were commenting on. Of course all buns don't look like crap. As a matter of fact I'm rocking one today with a hellified swoop.

I believe in creativity. Buns every single day for months on end is neither creative nor do I think it's professional and/or polished. I think it shows a lack of effort.

 

[almond eyes]

What constitutes unkempt? I mean if hair is dirty then I get that but if your hair is natural and you don't use heat to wear your bun then your hair will never have that smooth slicked back look. My natural hair is fine with fly aways and no amount is slicking is going to make it have that perfect neat look so when I want to impress then I just use a beautiful head band (does the trick every time) and use a bit of heat at the front of the roots.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I read your siggy and see that you're 3b/c which means you most likely can achieve a smooth sleek straight look with minimal direct heat and harm to your hair if you do it right. I think you should really master rollersetting then wrapping or pincurling to get the sleek straight look, if you havent before start getting religious with the moisture DCs step things up in the fashion dept if thats an issue as well, get that money continue to move up in the firm then three promotions later you do whateva the heck you wanna do with your hair to reach your goals get that money girl.

Hair is not that deep to compromise a promotion in a profession you're clearly happy to be in and excelling in, make the compromise for now, if you continue on this trajectory you'll be in her position in no time and you'll be in the position to do whatever.

When I got licensed to sell real estate I was 19 and when I joined my firm I was one of the youngest amung my peers. Initially my hair was pressed and in a low bun (I NEVER wear buns normally and find them severe and boring but please believe in that interview and in the beginning my hair was in one) eventually my capabilities spoke for itself and I became one of the highest grossing amung my colleagues....little by little I busted out my fro, straw set, twists, twist-outs you name the style I rocked it with my clients and strolled right into those luxury buildings and lofts.

Make a little comprimises in the beginning at the rate you're going you're gonna be in your boss's position in a few years anyway.

 

[Rastafarai]

Really? I don't think so. What's wrong with being creative? You don't have to wear your hair in a bun everyday to retain length, we all know that. There are plenty of other ways to protect your hair without recycling the exact same hairstyle day after day. Step your game up a bit, especially if your livelihood depends on it. There's nothing wrong with telling someone to step their game up.

If you are the face of your company, you should look your best. Sleek buns occationally are ok, but everyday....I don't think so and it seems her employer feels the same way. Since when did crunchy edges become ok for a client meeting? Client meeting are a presentation and I don't know about anyone else but if I'm presenting something, you better believe I won't be half-stepping.

It's the implication you made that it's "unprofessional to meet with clients with your hair like that" (hair buns) that is opening a can of worms. You're suggesting its unprofessional and lazy, which is not always the case.

The OP can still be creative with buns and be professional wearing them. I think her colleagues saw her in another look outside the bun and preferred she wore it that way...all the time. And it was at a baseball game where the OP decided to let her hair down, not in a conference room.

While I agree she will have to consider changing her daily styling, she can also do that while wearing buns. Her boss should not be deciding for her what is best for her hair. I'm sure folks would have less to say if the OP decided to step it up a notch with her buns.

 

[wyldcurlz]

I'm confused but here's my dos centavos
leave your hair down, get promoted, put your hair back up

I'd love to know where you work

i'm all for leaving my hair down. i just get nervous about giving my hair constant attention (styling it) and trying to retain length/grow it longer. its a little past bottom of bra strap now. i had a major set back a year ago that i'm trying to recover from.

i want to know the best way to style my hair so i can wear it down/make it look great everyday WHILE continuing to nuture and protect it.

 

[Rastafarai]

i want to know the best way to style my hair so i can wear it down/make it look great everyday WHILE continuing to nuture and protect it.

So no more buns, OP?

 

[jada1111]

I'd like to hear your decision as well. So far the suggestions in this thread I've seen have been:

- go hard and file a federal complaint

- wear your hair down (as you did at the game)

- practice some fancier updo's

- learn to rollerset (this is easier than it sounds rollersetting is HARD) and wear your hair down during the work week

- keep rocking those dusty buns and dare anyone to speak up erplexed

- get a half wig, lacefront or Omega Part wig

This would be MY choice. I'm not about to damage my hair for NOBODY!

I would also invest in some cute wigs that could be cut by a stylist to fit my look as well. This would all be done until I got my promotion and could be left the hell alone.

Also, again the OP's buns "might" be on the sloppy side, so this could be the gripe of the boss.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

My opinion, this is just a ploy by your boss!!!!!!!!!!!Good luck.

And your parents, a different generation. Like my parents hair styled means curled.

Best,
Almond Eyes

That's what I am thinking. Keeping her jumping through hoops. I've seen it many times before.

 

[Traycee]

Don't cry...There are so many options of no heat or no direct heat styling....You just need to do some research...Off hand I would suggest rollersets ( alot of the ladies do the rollersets and retain so so much growth) bantu knot done right looks great...So you can even make a braid out look nice for work..

Cheer up...I think you will have lots of fun experimenting finding new healthy styles

 

[jada1111]

It's the implication you made that it's "unprofessional to meet with clients with your hair like that" (hair buns) that is opening a can of worms. You're suggesting its unprofessional and lazy, which is not always the case.

The OP can still be creative with buns and be professional wearing them. I think her colleagues saw her in another look outside the bun and preferred she wore it that way...all the time. And it was at a baseball game where the OP decided to let her hair down, not in a conference room.

While I agree she will have to consider changing her daily styling, she can also do that while wearing buns. Her boss should not be deciding for her what is best for her hair. I'm sure folks would have less to say if the OP decided to step it up a notch with her buns.

Agree with your entire post, especially the bolded. I have a problem with folks of another race (especially one that worships pale skin and super straight hair) giving me "hair advice".

 

[jada1111]

i'm all for leaving my hair down. i just get nervous about giving my hair constant attention (styling it) and trying to retain length/grow it longer. its a little past bottom of bra strap now. i had a major set back a year ago that i'm trying to recover from.

i want to know the best way to style my hair so i can wear it down/make it look great everyday WHILE continuing to nuture and protect it.

You're a 3b/c, you should have no problem finding wigs or half wigs that match your texture. This is what I would do if I was in your shoes. Then once you get your promotion you can do what you damn well please. I would also consult with a labor attorney as well.