MIXED IDENTITY MIX-UP

[Barbie83]

When I wear my twistout in a messy, tendril-y high bun, people tend to assume I'm mixed with naturally curly hair....

I don't really mind it, I just wish people (especially black men) were more open-minded. ALL mixed people don't have curly hair and ALL black people don't have nappy hair that won't grow. My mother is bi-racial, superlight-skinned with a thick, MBL lion's mane of natural, 4-b fluff.

Beauty comes in all varieties!

 

[Mz.MoMo5235]

I don't understand why someone would assume anyone is Jamaican, Dominican, Puerto Rican etc. just by the way they look. I mean, those are nationalities, not ethnic groups. In the end, they too have African ancenstry, so the only difference is the place of birth and cultural background. Neither one affects the way they look or the texture of their hair. I do understand that there is plenty of racial mixing in the islands, but to assume that anyone that looks like they have a trace of non-black blood in them is not black, totally escapes me...

Just a thought...

FREAKIN JEEZ THANK YOU!!! being puerto rican, i always have to defend my "blackness" or defend my "ricanness" (making up words again lol). its soooo freakin retarded. i always have to explain that, like really, you honestly cant look at some one and say "oh you're black" and "you're puerto rican" because most of the time you cant freakin tell because the only difference is WE HOPPED OFF THE DARN ISLAND! we still have the same ancestors... DAG!!!!

 

[southerncitygirl]

I get so annoyed with this as though black can't be beautiful....because everyone has put interracial people on pedstal(you can be unattractive and be any race, ethnicity or mixture of,lol) the media has sold everyone the hype that black is evil and ugly and the general population buy it. Don't start me up...white folk acted like they hadn't ever seen attractive black people or families until the Obamas came along Black is beautiful because we come in an amazing range of skintones, have a wide range of hair textures that are lush and versatile, and have a wide range of different types of facial features. I don't wear my hair out much (I use wigs as my protective style) but I anticipate once I get past armpit length as a natural that I hear the same nonsense. As a relaxed head peeps though I had a weave when my hair was btw shoulder and armpit. when I first moved to ny 8yrs ago ghetto *** black people would ask me "You mixed or whatcha mixed with?"

 

[southerncitygirl]

When I wear my twistout in a messy, tendril-y high bun, people tend to assume I'm mixed with naturally curly hair....

I don't really mind it, I just wish people (especially black men) were more open-minded. ALL mixed people don't have curly hair and ALL black people don't have nappy hair that won't grow. My mother is bi-racial, superlight-skinned with a thick, MBL lion's mane of natural, 4-b fluff.

Beauty comes in all varieties!

s


I hate this!!! Its been assumed that there is a mixed hair texture, when in fact its not. I have seen a many of non-black mothers struggle with kids with type4 hair that ends up lookinh chewed up and dry cause they relax or don't know how to care for it. I shake my head cause i know the have beautiful hair and I see its potential. I make a commitent when a see a young black girl with natural hair or is darker skinned how beautiful she is cause the media and world is reinforcing that she's not and thats so not true

 

[glamazon386]

My hair's not long but I get similar comments based on texture. It used to get on my nerves at first but now I don't really pay it any mind. People are ignorant. They can be disappointed if they want I don't care.

 

[Bella_Atl]

I think it's rude! I went to the Dominicans with my sister and they kept speaking to me in spanish until finally I told the lady that I am as black as they come. She said sorry. I look black, I think this site is gonna help to change the way black women and their hair are viewed.

Huh? I am Dominican and speaking spanish in a DOMINICAN hair salon is not rude. Dominican women are black. And we come very dark and very fair. And we also have very coarse hair to silky fine hair. She probably was speaking Spanish because you were sitting there and wouldn't know any different unless you stated otherwise. And I personally would never have apologized for speaking my native language in my native salon.

 

[Nice & Wavy]

I'm Dominican and get asked if I'm African American, Cape Verdean, Cuban, Puerto Rican (that one I actually have), Brazilian, or mixed. I say yes to them all! Its an annoying question so I just pretend I'm from that country and say "yeah I'm ____" LMAO - well if they're strangers anyway. I've had people yell at me when I say I'm Dominican LOL one man yelled at me in Portuguese, then told me in English that he hates Cape Verdean women like me that pretend to be American! I cursed him out. One woman asked me if I was Cuban, I said no, she started to raise her voice and call me a liar because she could recognize my Cuban accent. Ummm sure, crazy lady.

I have people come up to me on the street and talk Spanish to me. I usually get annoyed and ask myself, what if I DIDN'T speak Spanish? Not sure why I get annoyed tho, I actually do speak the language. I like to be incognito LOL jk

I thought I was the only one. This woman asked me at the airport, coming from Jamaica..I'm hot, tired and don't feel like being bothered...getting ready to go through customs, and she asked me something in spanish. I said that I am not latina and that she can ask me in english. She looked at another woman and said something to her in spanish about me. I asked the lady what did she say, and the lady said that she said "she's a liar...she just doesn't want the men (customs) to know that I'm from Dominica." ...ok, lady.

The other time was when my dear husband wanted White Castles (i know...it's a man thang ) and so I go inside and placed my order. This black guy comes in and says hello to me, I said hello. He places his order, and then keeps looking at me (i can see him with my sideeye.) He then says to me "ummm, you Dominican?" I said "no I am not" He yelled "well you ain't black" I said "ok, whatever you say." I was just trying to get my husbands White Castle on, I didn't come out for crazy...ya know?

Bookmarking...

Ladies who have experienced this...if you could use one word to describe the look on the faces of the folks who asked you if you are mixed and then found out that you are not...what would it be?

Emoticons are welcome.

blush:

 

[GodivaChocolate]

My dd pediatrician, an African lady would always ask me if I was mixed and from the West Indies, she said I looked like one of my parents was from India and the other Black.

I said yes I am mixed, my hair is Indian and I am black...lol (just joking)

Seriously, I get that a lot but I think people have been programmed to think that black people only look a certain way and if anyone has any subtle differences then they must not be black....What they fail to realize is that being Black comes in many forms, mixtures and features and being black displays it's traits uniquely on each individual.

 

[jasminestar]

I'm always getting asked what I'm mixed with, especially now that my hair is getting longer. The thing is, I'm kind of a mutt, so no one can ever guess the right combination.
I've been called Mexican, Puerto Rican, Dominican, Cuban, Indian, Pakistani, Native American, half-Chinese, half-Japanese, half-white, and I-dunno-what-but-not-black.
I can't see it, I just think I look black. *shrug* It doesn't bother me anymore.

 

[Miss AJ]

I could shave all my hair off and wear a 4B afro wig and still get asked what I'm mixed with.

 

[tomnikids3]

This is a great topic. I get it alot being fair and have been taken for being puerto rican, dominican, or bi-racial, but when i say im BLACK i get reactions like, "someone in your family has got to be spanish or white". Both my parents are black and their parents are black, as far as i am concerned im not going back 10 generations to say im anything else. Sometimes i get the feeling some people think you have to be mixed to look a certain way, well im proud to be a black woman, and part of the diverse looking race of blacks/african americans. We are beautiful no matter what the shade or hair texture.

 

[Almaz]

All the time

 

[Lita]

I get that when my hair is out..



Happy Hair Growing!

 

[curlicarib]

It happens to me constantly, but it doesn't bother me - I am mixed. I'm a typical Caribbean mutt. What does bother me is when someone makes an ignorant comment like - "yea, you got that good hair". SERIOUSLY!?! Like my Daddy says - "hair don't spoil, there is no such thing as good hair or bad hair".

 

[aquajoyice]

It just goes to show that the world has a long way to go when it comes to being educated on hair and the fact that as long as your breathing and alive it grows, LOL. Unless there is a medical condition that stops your hair from growing. There are some caucasions, mexican, asianetc that can't even reach some of the lengths the ladies on here have acheived.

 

[aquajoyice]

"I wonder if she's mixed look at those curls.. she can't be black!" J/K LOL!!!!!! Some people just don't get that black hair is gorgeous!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT1Of375JM8&feature=sub

 

[Dposh167]

only if i have a braid-out. I've only had a few bold men actually come up to me and ask what was i. I'll never forget the night i was at a house party with my rockin' braid out. and this guy approached me (after watching me all nite)..and says Hi, how are you. Are you mixed?. errrr right in that order as well. His demeanor(sp) changed when i told him no. But it was awkward. So you only approached me cuz u thought i was mixed. obviously i was good enough to approach period...but now that u know i'm not, the attraction changes. i hate to say it but BM tend to be the dumbest idiots i have ever met in my life lol

 

[curlicarib]

Not only BM be acting stupid. Back in the early 80's when the Dominicans were just starting to come to NYC in large numbers, there was a lot of static between them and, well, everybody else (the various islanders). One day I'm driving thru the S. Bronx, looking rather fly, if I do say so myself, and some Dominican brother's roll up next to me. They look at me and one starts talking to me. The other one looks at me and says, "don't talk to that black *****!". The first one says, "you're not black are you? You're Spanish right?" I say both (in Trinidad you're allowed to multi-racial/cultural). He says, "sorry I can't be talking to no black *****" and they drive off. Race & ethnic identity (of women) is a serious issue with men of color.​

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Not only BM be acting stupid. Back in the early 80's when the Dominicans were just starting to come to NYC in large numbers, there was a lot of static between them and, well, everybody else (the various islanders). One day I'm driving thru the S. Bronx, looking rather fly, if I do say so myself, and some Dominican brother's roll up next to me. They look at me and one starts talking to me. The other one looks at me and says, "don't talk to that black *****!". The first one says, "you're not black are you? You're Spanish right?" I say both (in Trinidad you're allowed to multi-racial/cultural). He says, "sorry I can't be talking to no black *****" and they drive off. Race & ethnic identity (of women) is a serious issue with men of color.​

Good thing for you that it is a serious issue as you just got rid of a serious jerk!

 

[curlicarib]

Good thing for you that it is a serious issue as you just got rid of a serious jerk!

Yeah, every race, creed and color has their share of jerks!

 

[ActionActress]

I get asked where I'm from a lot....... and I don't ever know what they mean..... may have something to do with how I talk more than looks.... I dont think I have an accent (besides a southern one lol) at Auto Zone a man thought I was from the islands.... and some random person wrote me on facebook to say I didnt look like I was from America...... ummm ok......

Same thing happens to me from time to time. Born and raised in the Midwest!!

 

[Mizz Diamonds]

I get asked where I'm from a lot....... and I don't ever know what they mean..... may have something to do with how I talk more than looks.... I dont think I have an accent (besides a southern one lol) at Auto Zone a man thought I was from the islands.... and some random person wrote me on facebook to say I didnt look like I was from America...... ummm ok......

What does an American look like?

 

[NYAmicas]

Bookmarking...

Ladies who have experienced this...if you could use one word to describe the look on the faces of the folks who asked you if you are mixed and then found out that you are not...what would it be?

Emoticons are welcome.

I get from some men who assume/insist I'm mixed. Even got a from a guy before when I told him I wasnt. He looked very disappointed. Other times I just get , as if they believe I'm lying.

I got the mixed question when my hair was short too but more now that it's longer and I wear it in braid out styles.

 

[werenumber2]

I don't understand why someone would assume anyone is Jamaican, Dominican, Puerto Rican etc. just by the way they look.

I don't know about an "outsider" making assumptions, but as BostonMaria said, many Latinos are pretty adept at narrowing down another Latino's country of origin. This is similar to how Asians can tell subtle differences between Chinese, Koreans, Japanese, Thais, etc. Or South Asians being able to tell the differences between Indians, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, Sri Lankans, etc. Of course it's never an exact science (like with BostonMaria's "albino Asian man" who was Puerto Rican ) - and accent/dialect also come into play along with "looks" - but they usually come pretty close.

 

[MangaManiac]

It's funny because so many people have written about this being a race issue and it being insulting coming from non-black people, but I've only EVER been asked this question by BLACK people.

And honestly, regardless of my length, I get asked the same question and I've simply come to label those people as ignorant and move about my business.

And when people start speaking to me in Spanish I just go with the flow. I don't think it's appropriate to get bad, because there are people that are/look black everywhere especially in Spanish speaking countries.

 

[toyagurl]

I have gotten this many times and I don't know where it comes from. I look like every other attractive woman that is properly groomed and dressed. I guess having two AA parents causes dissonance in too many peoples heads. Especially other AAs it seems. I get this from some of my own relatives! It's crazy I mean I know they have seen my mom and she is pretty homegrown. My dad has some stuff in the mix but that's neither here nor there. Although I am sure they are a lovely people I AM NOT PORTUGUESE! My hair is short right now but when it's longer folks are going to nut up! I cant wait

 

[sunbubbles]

*SMH* Ive had to protect myself on BOTH ends of the spectrum!
My dad is of mixed heritage (Irish/NativeAmerican/black) and my mom is black. Ive had a few ppl ( 1 girl in particular whos my BEST fried lol) who Ive debated with for years about if Im mixed or not! She always says Im not. I get it ALL the time. THEN I have to argue with the ppl who say Im not BLACK even tho I am!
A few weeks ago I went to a party with some friends and my friend motions me to come off the dance floor because there was a girl next to her who wanted to know what I was mixed with??!!! Are u kidding me??

I guess ppl see Light skin/light eyes (even tho my hair is 4abcdefgh.......) and think "Oh she MUST be mixed". But its sooo IRRITATING because I have SEVERAL friends and fam who look similar to me and they are black.*sigh*
Actually to be honest I never know how to answer that question
What do I say?? I mean to ME Ive always been black, but when ppl ask me if Im mixed it really just kinda throws off my whole balance. (I dont know why) This is how I usually respond.......... "uuuummmmm welll my dad is mixed up, but Im black"........ I know that that response makes no sense. They usually look at me like :scratchch..... and then walk away. LMBO!! Can yall tell Im slightly confused??!! LOL

ETA: Funny Story: My grandpa (dads dad) passed away in March. The family had a traditional Apache funeral in the mtns. When I told my friend (the girl who always claims Im not mixed with anything) she paused and was like.... "ooooo, so u was for real this whole time??? Dang!"
I was like :buttkick: "Rigghhhhtt" and I walked away. LOL

I guess the point is, that while I think its a perfectly natural thing to wonder different things. I think its outrageously rude to go up to someone who you DO NOT KNOW and ask them that. Talk about putting someone on the spot!! To me pretty much ALL of humanity is mixed with something. Lets not forget that we all came from the SAME 2 ppl to begin with!! Thats why there is such diversity ESP with ppl of color.

 

[Br*nzeb*mbsh~ll]

I do. ALL THE TIME. But it has nothing to do with my hair length. Short, Long, i still get asked the same question. It has more to do with my facial features/complexion, I think.

 

[BostonMaria]

*SMH* Ive had to protect myself on BOTH ends of the spectrum!
My dad is of mixed heritage (Irish/NativeAmerican/black) and my mom is black. Ive had a few ppl ( 1 girl in particular whos my BEST fried lol) who Ive debated with for years about if Im mixed or not! She always says Im not. I get it ALL the time. THEN I have to argue with the ppl who say Im not BLACK even tho I am!
A few weeks ago I went to a party with some friends and my friend motions me to come off the dance floor because there was a girl next to her who wanted to know what I was mixed with??!!! Are u kidding me??

I guess ppl see Light skin/light eyes (even tho my hair is 4abcdefgh.......) and think "Oh she MUST be mixed". But its sooo IRRITATING because I have SEVERAL friends and fam who look similar to me and they are black.*sigh*
Actually to be honest I never know how to answer that question
What do I say?? I mean to ME Ive always been black, but when ppl ask me if Im mixed it really just kinda throws off my whole balance. (I dont know why) This is how I usually respond.......... "uuuummmmm welll my dad is mixed up, but Im black"........ I know that that response makes no sense. They usually look at me like :scratchch..... and then walk away. LMBO!! Can yall tell Im slightly confused??!! LOL

ETA: Funny Story: My grandpa (dads dad) passed away in March. The family had a traditional Apache funeral in the mtns. When I told my friend (the girl who always claims Im not mixed with anything) she paused and was like.... "ooooo, so u was for real this whole time??? Dang!"
I was like :buttkick: "Rigghhhhtt" and I walked away. LOL

I guess the point is, that while I think its a perfectly natural thing to wonder different things. I think its outrageously rude to go up to someone who you DO NOT KNOW and ask them that. Talk about putting someone on the spot!! To me pretty much ALL of humanity is mixed with something. Lets not forget that we all came from the SAME 2 ppl to begin with!! Thats why there is such diversity ESP with ppl of color.

That's a hard one. I really don't know how to answer that. IMO you are mixed because of your dad. My DD is half white/half Dominican and her daughter's father is half Dominican/Half Puerto Rican. So does that make my grandbaby mixed? I think so. Who knows. I just say she's Dominican (cuz I am LOL)

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

My DD said that twice this week a couple of girls at her school on separate occasions asked her if she was mixed.

She said one asked her if she had Indian in her family. And then asked her was her mom and dad black.

And the other one asked if she had Indian or Finland in her family??? Finland??? Where she get that from

She thought it was funny.