Married Ladies..Dividing Chores w/ DH??

[chiprecious]

I've been married now for about 1.5 years and our big fights often center around household chores. We both work and I'm not down with doing the majority of the chores just because he's not even aware they need to be done. However, it's slowly becoming that way because most men IMO simply don't always notice stuff that needs to be done like we do. But then he has the nerve to say I don't pull my weight! I do stuff he's not even aware of!!!!!!

When I say chores, I'm including cooking, groc shopping, washing towels & sheets, changing the bed linen, dusting, cleaning fridge, dishes, just to name a few. Anything to keep the house running efficiently...

How do you split the chores in your house?

 

[RockCreak]

For me.. the hubby works 7 days a week, but he gets home early during the weekday... Unfortunately I consider him to be my eldest child. I usually have to tell him what I want done for the day... then text it to him to remind him, then follow up with a phone call just to make sure. He also has a major responsiblity of helping the kids with their homework and he also takes them outside for a break.. ( I made it sound like their dogs or something). So, I guess I pick of alot of the slack.. In return I charge hime... so when I say I need an extra $300.00 and he ask for what... I say.. washing your clothes, cleaning your house, ironing your clothes, keeping "our room" clean.... whatever... He usually agrees because he don't have to do it....

It works for me... my part time job!

 

[Cxshortie]

We do not have a particular way that we split the chores, we pretty much just do whatever when it needs to be done.

 

[chiprecious]

We do not have a particular way that we split the chores, we pretty much just do whatever when it needs to be done.

I get that, but do you "notice" things that need to be done more than him? For example, I typically wash the towels. I didn't this time and he let out towels get down to none!!!!!

 

[chiprecious]

For me.. the hubby works 7 days a week, but he gets home early during the weekday... Unfortunately I consider him to be my eldest child. I usually have to tell him what I want done for the day... then text it to him to remind him, then follow up with a phone call just to make sure. He also has a major responsiblity of helping the kids with their homework and he also takes them outside for a break.. ( I made it sound like their dogs or something). So, I guess I pick of alot of the slack.. In return I charge hime... so when I say I need an extra $300.00 and he ask for what... I say.. washing your clothes, cleaning your house, ironing your clothes, keeping "our room" clean.... whatever... He usually agrees because he don't have to do it....

It works for me... my part time job!

He's not that generous or I don't think I'd be fussing. But that's my fear. We are now expecting and I already feel like I have a child that I have to tell to do everything, remind them, and then have a conversation about when it's going to be done and why it's not done!!! But then he wants to parade around like he does so much and then have the nerve to complain that I don't pull my weight....dude!!! I multitask! I wash dishes while washing loads of clothes. He washes dishes, while messing up the floor and it takes an hour!!!! It's the attitude behind it and I think it goes back to "women's work."

 

[JustKiya]

We are still working through this, and we had a rather intense 'discussion' about it right before our vacation - he had the nerve to say that I don't do the majority of the housework. Poor deluded fool.

I plan on making a list of every chore that needs to be done in a house (maybe using some of FlyLady's stuff), and record how often I do a particular chore (dates, and all) and how often he does it (dates, and all) and after 6 months we are going to sit down and split them. Usually, the only thing we can agree on is that whoever cooks, doesn't have to clean that night. Otherwise - yeah. He doesn't see (or smell) dirt - he'll let things go 3-4 weeks longer than I would - and then has the nerve to act like he's doing me a favor to clean when I ASK him to.

UGH.

I fully plan on training him out of this madness, though - esp. since it's been highlighted by the fact that he's been out of work? Ain't no damn way I should have had to do ANY cleaning when I got home. NONE.

Ugh. This is one thing that really pisses me off, to be honest.

 

[chiprecious]

We are still working through this, and we had a rather intense 'discussion' about it right before our vacation - he had the nerve to say that I don't do the majority of the housework. Poor deluded fool.

I plan on making a list of every chore that needs to be done in a house (maybe using some of FlyLady's stuff), and record how often I do a particular chore (dates, and all) and how often he does it (dates, and all) and after 6 months we are going to sit down and split them. Usually, the only thing we can agree on is that whoever cooks, doesn't have to clean that night. Otherwise - yeah. He doesn't see (or smell) dirt - he'll let things go 3-4 weeks longer than I would - and then has the nerve to act like he's doing me a favor to clean when I ASK him to.

UGH.

I fully plan on training him out of this madness, though - esp. since it's been highlighted by the fact that he's been out of work? Ain't no damn way I should have had to do ANY cleaning when I got home. NONE.

Ugh. This is one thing that really pisses me off, to be honest.

I totally agree on everything you said! As I was typing this thread, the list thing also came to me. However I was going to TRY to have a discussion and make a chore calendar so everyone is happy. I don't think I have the patience to record stuff for months w/o getting pissed off in a week.

It seems to be a common complaint with women and it ALMOST sounds like the only solution is to just do the majority to keep the peace and bugs away, lol. EVERY woman that I know that has been married for years end up doing this and I'm fighting that.

 

[DarkHair]

Since I'm not working he expects me to do the dishes and clean the house....however I disagree with this. If I sit in one spot all day and the house is still a mess.....who needs to clean? When Im out of the house he does clean though. When we're both contributing, everything is split down the middle.

 

[dlewis]

We have more traditional roles around here BUT I work outside the home and run a home business.

During the warmer months my DH does all the outside chores at our house, my mothers house, his mothers house and his grandmothers house as well as sometimes helping his other grandmother and he works two jobs. Now that its cooling off some he won't have any outside chores to do so I'll make him lists of things I need help with. He'll do them just to keep me quite. Our kids help out alot so really noone has to do a whole lot.

At one time I was try to do everything with small children, once I express to him that I needed help he wondered why I never said anything. Now I make list for everyone including myself.

 

[dlewis]

I totally agree on everything you said! As I was typing this thread, the list thing also came to me. However I was going to TRY to have a discussion and make a chore calendar so everyone is happy. I don't think I have the patience to record stuff for months w/o getting pissed off in a week.

It seems to be a common complaint with women and it ALMOST sounds like the only solution is to just do the majority to keep the peace and bugs away, lol. EVERY woman that I know that has been married for years end up doing this and I'm fighting that.

I don't know how my SIL lucked up. My brother works 6 days a week, does all the cleaning and washing. She's a SAHM, all she has to do is cook and maybe wash dishes.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I know I am junky. Add a man and his cat and my cat I plan on spending 55.00 a week for merry maids.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

DH does the laundry, ironing, floors (tile & carpet) & takes out garbage/recycling. We take turns cleaning the bathroom (whomever gets to it first) and we usually make the bed together. We also grocery shop together (think huge items from Costco) unless it's picking up something quick on the way home.

I do everything else (90 - 95% of the cooking) although he does sometimes wash the dishes since he knows that I hate dishes in my sink.