Marriage after 3 WEEKS??

[Choclatcotton]

Anyone have a friend or know someone who was engaged quickly and making plans for marriage after 3 weeks of dating? This person feels like they have met their soul mate and has even moved in with the man along with their son from a previous relationship. This is a person very close to me and I feel like they are setting themselves up for disaster. I just hate to see them fall if this doesnt work out.

 

[honeycomb719]

I know someone who has done something similar aftet 3mths of dating but not 3weeks. If they really mean something to you state your concerns but then back off. You must keep in mind they are grown and will ultimately do what they want. No need to cause bad blood between you two. If things go south just be there as a supportive friend without the I told you so's.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

You can talk to your head is off. I think she is beyond listening. I've know my god-parents got married within a week and still are married 31 years later.

Sometimes its hard watching those closest to us make questionable decisions however all you can do is support them through their thick and thin. Hopefully it will turn out wonderful if not try not do do the I told ya so and be the more I'm here if ya need to talk. But, love can be funny like that...

 

[Sosa]

eeep...3 weeks?! I won't even commit to a new brand of deodorant after just 3 weeks, I'ma need a whole month at least... let alone another grown human being already with an offspring .

To "me" that sounds crazy, but everyone is different. I'd just let her know my concerns, hopefully she'll give them some consideration while she makes up her mind. Alas, the decision is ultimately hers to make and
all its going to come down to is your opinion vs hers.

ETA: is the son hers or the man's? If she is the one with the child I'd be even more against it...3 weeks is too soon to know if someone is trustworthy enough to live under the same roof with your child IMO. Things are so much more critical when children are involved...too many sickos out there

 

[msbettyboop]

When my SO and I met each other, within a week we knew we wanted to be together forever and were ready to marry immediately but we managed to talk ourselves down from that tree. We both realised that we needed time to build the relationship, to get to know each other better, see the bad sides of each other as well since after one week all we had seen was the excellent sides of each other. I'm very very happy we did this. I've learnt that relationships are hard, it's no longer all about you, there has to be compromise here and there and these things need patience and time to build on. If we had married each other immediately I think we'd probably be divorced by now. If your friend has made up her mind, I don't think you can stop her. She is the only one who can stop herself but you can try to make her realise that you need to see all the sides of a person and decide if you can live with all those sides before you jump into marriage with them and this is not possible within 3 weeks. It takes time, effort and a lot of commitment. HTH.

 

[Almaz]

I got married after 3 months but in the Orthodox community this is normal. No such thing as long engagements.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

One of my aunts after 4 weeks and they will celebrate their 17th wedding anniversary so in her case, it worked.

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

I'm sure people do it all the time with various degrees of success but it's not something that I would recommend. I will say that I think it was more "acceptable" back in the day compared to now. As other posters have said, state your concerns and leave it alone.

 

[soulfusion]

It's probably not something that I would do, but I've heard of similiar situations working out. I think it probably just depends on the individuals involved. Like somebody said upthread, I'd just voice my concerns as a friend and back off. Ultimately, it's your friends decision and I think you should support her regardless of her decision.

 

[TayMac]

It may work for some but I don't think it's the best idea in most cases. Especially when there are children involved, you should exercise extra precaution and really think it out. What could you possibly know about someone in less than a month?

 

[hopeful]

She is being very careless. Why would you move in with someone so quickly when you have a child? I'd keep a close eye out for the son and pray long and hard for the both of them. I think there should be a law against this type of behavior--showing no type of protective instincts for her son or herself.

 

[Zaynab]

If I had a child I'd take more time and be really cautious. However, I know people that have met and married within weeks. I met dh and 6 weeks later he proposed, so it is possible to know you love someone quickly. We didn't act on marriage right away, just that we knew we wanted to marry each other.

 

[BeautyPoint]

I knew of a couple that married after 9 days of knowing each other and they have been married for over 30 years. I've known of other similar situations where the couple married after a short time and have long stable marriages.

If both parties know that's what they want, why not go for it? Some people date for years, then marry and divorce shortly after. So you're taking a risk either way.

However I will say that when there are small children are involved, one would need to proceed with caution.

 

[Choclatcotton]

In reference to the op question, She has a five year old son so he must get used to the man as well. So far she says he also like the man. They are currently engaged. I will just leave it alone and hope she finds happiness. Its just that she's allowed herself to be hurt so many times. Its just so hard because she is like my sister.

 

[song_of_serenity]

To the ones who know people who've married after a week or so of knowing each other and it working out, times were different then...people stuck it out. People today are too wishy washy, they meet, greet, fall in love, and fall just as quickly out of it when issues arise...they just don't take the time to work things out...I hope things work out for your friend. If she's the listening type, let her know your concerns, but don't be shocked if she responds somewhat negatively!

 

[ThickHair]

Ex BFF did it after 6 weeks, she moved in. It was a disaster 6 weeks later and she had a 5 year old son. I kept my mouth shut because I knew she was a strong willed person and wouldn't listen. I didn't help her move in and I barely talked to her during that 12 week period. She knew I cared but it was a horrible thing to do. So when she called for me to help her move OUT, I did not hesitate because I knew it was coming. I never mentioned it, I never said "I told you so". I just helped her move and we never spoke about it EVER.

 

[Choclatcotton]

Thanks ladies for your insightful input. Sometimes you just need to hear from someone else through the madness. I want this to work out for her so when I get mine, we can go on double dates together and share marriage tips but my beef is that she is going about it the wrong way and I am concerned about her son, my little adopted nephew.
Anyway, I spoke or rather she spoke again to me about it and is going through with it. She just got an almost 2 karat ring so she's really geeked. I just wished her the best and listened to her fears because, he has diabetes and high blood pressure and is a candidate for gastric byp, but treats her like a queen.

 

[MrsHdrLe]

Wowsers! I didn't introduce my son to my fiancee for five years! Now I don't recommend taking it as slow as we did, but certainly I think it would be easier if her son was older. Then he could at least defend himself better if he needed to. A small child is too vulnerable and easy to manipulate. He (the child) may even turn on the mother if it doesn't work out b/c he wanted a traditional family so badly.

 

[DarkVictory]

Thanks ladies for your insightful input. Sometimes you just need to hear from someone else through the madness. I want this to work out for her so when I get mine, we can go on double dates together and share marriage tips but my beef is that she is going about it the wrong way and I am concerned about her son, my little adopted nephew.
Anyway, I spoke or rather she spoke again to me about it and is going through with it. She just got an almost 2 karat ring so she's really geeked. I just wished her the best and listened to her fears because, he has diabetes and high blood pressure and is a candidate for gastric byp, but treats her like a queen.

Bless you for being such a good friend to her.

Has she KNOWN him only three weeks? Or known him longer, and just started dating? I'm thinking with some of these short engagements, the families already know each other or something, so the person is not a total unknown quantity. IMO 3 weeks is not long enough to know if someone is violent, mentally ill, addicted, etc. IMO he's trying to block out something with that big rock he gave her.

 

[TayMac]

Hmm..got some big health problems there.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I am concerned for the child. My stepfather was a total asrse.

 

[kandake]

I've always wondered what happens in a relationship in 3 weeks or even 3 months that would have people rushing to the alter or the court house. I'm not knocking anyone's decisions. Its just something that I've always thought about.

 

[HairBarbie]

I know someone that got married after only one date and that was the first time he met her and has now been happily married for over thirty years.

But I think someone with a child should definitely be more careful, there's a lot more risk there. Hopefully he is a good man and nothing happens to her innocent child.

 

[Choclatcotton]

Bless you for being such a good friend to her.

Has she KNOWN him only three weeks? Or known him longer, and just started dating? I'm thinking with some of these short engagements, the families already know each other or something, so the person is not a total unknown quantity. IMO 3 weeks is not long enough to know if someone is violent, mentally ill, addicted, etc. IMO he's trying to block out something with that big rock he gave her.

She met online three weeks ago. Never knew him before. Said they just clikd

 

[MrsHdrLe]

She met online three weeks ago. Never knew him before. Said they just clikd

Girl, you better put protective services on speed dial! STRANGER DANGER...... STRANGER DANGER!!!!!!

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

Hey I am all for love stories and I hope it works but I just know I could not bring a child into it.

 

[Kookie]

She met online three weeks ago. Never knew him before. Said they just clikd

YIKES!
She met him online too?
That hits very close to home for me....

I met a dude online...we "clicked"....we spoke of marriage and all. But I was in school and wasn't making any BIG MOVES until I finished up after a year and a half. He continued to be this AMAZING gentlemen...and upheld that charade consistently. Until finally...FINALLY...his TRUE character came out. He was truly a totally DIFFERENT character than the sweet gentlemen I had fallen in love with. In the end of it all...he confided that he has severe anger management issues that he's known he's had all along. In the midst of us "getting to know one another" and confiding our flaws to one another...he failed to mention quite a few of his personality flaws. Once his true character was found out--it only got worse and became unbearable for me. Over something very small: He completely "blacked out" and became this zombie-like-unbearable-image of a human being (but that's a whole different post). Ultimately: I had to leave.

Thanks to prayers to God for guidance....I did NOT marry this dude--->and I was the one to walk away.

I was heartbroken in the short term...but relieved in the long term.

Good luck to your friend. There's really not much you can do to help her though. Experience will definitely have to be her teacher--just as it was with me. That's life. I'd love to hear an update on their progress. It could turn out to be the BEST relationship ever! You just never really know....

 

[naijamerican]

Thanks ladies for your insightful input. Sometimes you just need to hear from someone else through the madness. I want this to work out for her so when I get mine, we can go on double dates together and share marriage tips but my beef is that she is going about it the wrong way and I am concerned about her son, my little adopted nephew.
Anyway, I spoke or rather she spoke again to me about it and is going through with it. She just got an almost 2 karat ring so she's really geeked. I just wished her the best and listened to her fears because, he has diabetes and high blood pressure and is a candidate for gastric byp, but treats her like a queen.

I'm going to be perfectly honest here: I'm just as concerned about the depth of his health issues as I am about the 3 week time period. If he's a candidate for gastric bypass surgery then frankly, he must be, according to clinicial (not Naijamerican, but standard clinical) definitions, morbidly obese. High blood pressure AND diabetes? I know that we cannot choose our health profiles or genetic predispositions. Nonetheless, I'm certain that his conditions arise from his obesity - that is, his lifestyle. Again, no judgement call; only a perspective grounded in research.

I hate to ask you this but I will: is this a situation of desperation on both sides? Is the impetus for doing this so quickly because both of them feel like no one else would want them?

 

[coconow2007]

Anyone have a friend or know someone who was engaged quickly and making plans for marriage after 3 weeks of dating? This person feels like they have met their soul mate and has even moved in with the man along with their son from a previous relationship. This is a person very close to me and I feel like they are setting themselves up for disaster. I just hate to see them fall if this doesnt work out.

Its one thing to move urself in after such a short time but to bring ur child in that type of situation does not seem to be too responsible. You know the saying God protects fools and children I hope this is the case in her situation.

 

[FlowerHair]

She seems irresponsible, considering that she has not only herself to think about but also her child.

If he is a long time friend that she's known for years and she know everything about that person and his background etc, it might be different, but still - the child needs to get to know him first slowly... IMO.