In addition, I am where that young lady is so pardon me for playing devil's advocate.
However, I don't see myself as a downgrade.
When my fiance met me, he was "talking" to a young lady (very pretty girl) who lived in Canada. In fact, immediaetly after I met him she came down here from Canada for a week and stayed at his house.
erplexed Their plans had been in the works for a few months. We had JUST met and been on only onen maybe two dates and weren't even thinking about a relationship so I couldn't complain at all even though I was a bit jealous.
erplexed However, he had known this lady SIX years and lived up in Canada right with her and spent A LOT of time with her when he was in college but NEVER committed to her. He hung out at her house, ate her mama's food.
She had been pining away after this man for six years.
Well when she came down he told her that he had met someone (me) that he was wanted to pursue a relationship with (no marriage talk yet but he had only known me for a few weeks at this time). She was devestated and she had just been accepted into a school 3 hours away from him in the US and had come down here to tell him the wonderful news and this is what she got in return.
Afterwards she wrote him this letter which he forwarded to me.
Hey, somewhat off topic, I realize that you now have a girl-friend. I am not blind nor unaware of the facts. So if my being in contact with you as a friend is a problem, then please do me the courtesy of saying so. I am not trying to interfere or create any problems for you and the Mrs. Also, my apologies if I have come across as overly distant for the past few months. This was never my intention. The truth is that although I've been busy trying to make things happen for myself, I have also been busy trying to accept a lot of things. I realize that there is still a lot of hurt and confusion surrounding the events of my visitation and thereafter. I thought I had been able to make peace with the way things have played out, but every now and then there's that pang or that memory that randomly comes to mind and then I find myself once again, over analyzing and asking a lot of questions. I often wonder if I had said or done enough to convey to you how I felt and whether or not I tried hard enough. Did you truly feel or know that I loved you or did you and I simply give up and let our worst fears overcome us? Looking back, I don't regret sharing our thoughts, feelings and experiences, nor do I resent you. I understand more than anything else that we are human beings and that we are constantly evolving and growing and that nothing in life remains constant. I don't believe that it was ever your intensions to hurt me or to cause me to feel as though I was not worth fighting for but, the reality is that you have made me feel this way. And if I have hurt you in some way that I am unaware of , I apologize and hope you realize that this was not my intent. I really thought and felt that you were the guy that I would make that move for, exchange wedding vows with one day and create little miracles with. I really do believe that you are still that amazing guy that God had blessed me with the opportunity to meet. And for the record, I didn't need Eddie pointing that one out to me, lol. If anything, when I was at a low in my life and was beginning to give up on my dreams, you made me realize that someday, whether it be in the near or distant future, I do want to get married and start a family of my own (even if it may never be with you
) so thanks for that. If I were a machine, life would be much more simpler but unfortuately, I do not equipped with buttons and therefore I don't know how to shut off my feelings or erase the past. I'm simply trying to find a more plausible and appropriate way to go back to being friends again and to give myself time to overcome some old feelings. With all this said, I hope that you can be patient with me. And for the record and as your friend, if you ever find that person you truly love, tell them. Stop trying to feel your way around to love. Just do it! Let go of all your inhibitions and be receptive to love. You are loveable. You are worthy of being loved and are more than capable of loving if you would just let yourself. I really do want to see you happy and healthy. You deserve to be
Anyhow...I didn't mean to go off on this big spew. I just needed to get somemore things off of my plate. As you know, I'm a strong advocate of honesty and speaking what's on mind...lol. This is how I try to heal so that I can find peace and move forward with life. So if you need me to back off, just say so. There's no hard feelings
"And so I write numerically, from my heart to yours...143" ~ Musiq Soul child
With warmest regards,
Pea
So, some of you probably recall that I posted some "discontent" with this letter when he forwarded it to me awhile back. I suppose he just wanted me to know what was going on but I was
about the entire thing.
I didn't tell him not to talk to her at all though, I just told him to keep it clean and i also encouraged him that if they really did have unfinished business that he needed to get it over with and I even suggested her talk to her because she seemed SO sad.
Well he kept in contact with her but the more he was "nice" to her the more she felt "lead on" and she couldn't understand that after all the time they shared, he still wouldn't commit to her but he'd commit to me who he had only known a few weeks at the time.
I guess after he felt things were getting a little sketchy with their conversations he told her he needed to take a break and she apparently got upset (during one of their telephone calls and she hung up on him so) he finally sent her this email:
I do apologize for the pain and anger that I may have caused you, someone that has always been a good friend, a open ear and did care...I'm sorry in every way I can be, I'm sorry to you and I feel sorry as a person to have even done this to you without being able to explain why.
As I look to make myself the exact 180 of what I am now I'll never forget the pain I caused you. I do apologize, but I need you to understand I'm going to work hard at my relationship with (Adequate) who I know you've chatted with/contacted several times. I'm going to do my very best to be the person that earns her trust (which is hard to do if we keep talking) and have a relationship with her but that doesn't take away from the great person you are. This note carries many sorry's and apologies all meant very much!!
(deleted name)
And then she sent him this email:
I appreciate that you wrote this, but it's too little too late. This was the letter I was looking for years ago. I detect that there might be an ounce of sincerity but you're being "sorry" is a lie...it's obvious you're oblivious to the extent of your damage or maybe you don't see a problem. Maybe you just really suck at expressing whatever it is you have to say using words...but let me guess, you're much better at physically expressing yourself! Either way, don't think that I accept your shallow apology and expect me to ever forgive you. I'm glad you've finally decided on what you want. I hope you stick to it. (Adequate) most definately doesn't deserve **** so wipe your ****ty ass clean!
I don't mean to laugh but I had to guffaw when I read that. I mean she was mad and I can laugh because I felt this to when the idiot I named above hooked up with the coke head.
Now, I posted all this stuff to show that you are not alone and this is how this stuff plays out a lot of times.
One day you'll be the scorned and another day you'll be on the other side.
Believe me, most desirable men have someone who wants to be with them so if you meet a man that falls for you and you fall for him you can almost be certain that there is a woman (like you) who is heart broken over it.
The thing about it is you DO get over it. It may take one day at a time little by little but you DO recover!
And believe me, bashing HER might make you feel better but it's not really the answer. This young lady didn't bash me. I've talked to her several times and she's sweet as sugar cane. He had NO reason not to want to be with her other than just one of those crazy chemistry things that cannot be explained because she truly is a great person. I still chat with her on MSN from time to time about life and school and I'm currently trying to hook her up with my handsome guy friend in ATL.
You DO deserve better and you WILL find better.
We have all been where you are standing. We just have to lean from our mistakes and acknowledge the part we play in leading ourselves on.
HE was all kinds of WEIRD. Talk about leading a girl on! LOL 
, so I know that probably had something to do with it also. 
I still get a little ticked when I think about it but que sera que sera. Lesson learned and it was good for what it was worth. I think I kind of overreacted but I felt hurt that he didnt tell me from the beginning and kept me strung along all this time. But its almost a new year and life is too short to dwell on it. Thanks again for you input. 
