I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.
A little background info on the family situation:
1. She is a cousin by marriage, meaning she is my husband's cousin. She fell on hard times in 2006 and she, and her two children, have lived in MY home since then.
2. I am divorcing her cousin, my husband. He no longer lives in the home. But his cousin does. I consider her family, despite the fact that we are a few months away from not being "related".
3. She lives bill and rent free. I pay everything from the mortgage down to the trash bill. Her contribution to this household is that she mind my children. That is our agreement.
4. She wants for NOTHING. If she calls me and says that she broke a nail, then I pay for it to be fixed (not literally, but close). She does not spend a dime of her own money towards the upkeep of the house or cars. I don't even expect it. I have left her with my most prized "possessions", my CHILDREN.
5. I am discovering as time goes on, that the more I GIVE, the LESS she does. I sense that somehow she may think that I owe her more than what she provides. Hmmmmm.....I need to think on that.
6. When I left last October, my Mother made a BIG OLE DEAL about how she would come out to my house once a week to help out with her grandchildren, make sure that the house was being taken care of properly, etc. I left for Iraq, on the pretense that I had FULL family support in all matters. She has been to my house twice since last November. Once to pick up a check because she was borrowing money from me.
7. I was home from May 2007 until October 2007 and I spent that time nursing her hair. She was pulling her perm (boxed no-lye) to the ends on top of bleached blond hair. She was gluing in tracks with that black bond stuff. She was washing her hair with White Rain, no conditioner to be found. She was spraying her bonded weave down with Aquanet. I introduced her to the hair boards. Along with me and my daughter, Saturday became the wash day for all of us in the house. By the time I left, I was SURE that she was clear on healthy hair practices. I had spent five months with her as she watched me do my and my daughter's hair. I even done her hair. By the time I left, I had trimmed her broken blond ends off, had her doing sew-in weaves as a protective style rather than glue, had her using MTG as a growth aid, had her using Dominican conditioners, along with Mizani lye relaxers and other quality products. I was certain that she had it right and was well on her way to being MORE than able to take care of both her hair and my daughter's hair.
8. What pisses me off the most is that I would ASK her "How is your hair doing? What's going on with the baby's hair?" When she said that Naiomi's hair took too much time in the morning, I directed her to a braider that works out of a salon ten minutes away. I'd ask her "Hey did you get Naiomi's hair braided?" And she always was like "we had to reschedule" or "the braider cancelled". I thought it was odd, because this woman was always pretty reliable for me, but I didn't question it.
9. She NEVER said that Naiomi's hair was a problem. Never. She never asked me for help, or gave the impression that she was overwhelmed. I truly thought that she was on auto-pilot and that everything was fine.
10. Ya'll are right, there are other things that are terribly wrong. She has no respect or regard for my personal property. She is STILL wearing my clothes, although I have told her that my belongings were off limits. My house was in complete disarray...but I don't want to veer to far off subject.
I love you guys! I'm serious, if you need me to take that ride, PM me. 
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. I was expecting some damage but I didn't expect to see that drastic of a difference. This makes me so mad. We take care of our daughters hair so well and then someone just goes and sabotages it. My sisters & cousins know how I feel about perms on little girls' hair so if any of them was to do that, I would transform into Laila Ali and then it would be a long time before I talk to the ***** again because everybody in my fam has seen what relaxers can do to a baby hair over time (= no excuses), so don't put that crap in my baby's beautiful natural hair especially when you have no idea how to care for your own relaxed hair. 
UP IN THERE. HOW DARE SHE DO THAT TO YOUR PRETTY ANGEL!? I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU HOW MUCH I WANNA COME OVER THERE AND HUG YOU. ALL THAT WORK AND THAT POOR LITTLE GIRL HAS TO GO THROUGH THE RIDICULOUSNESS AND HARD WORK ALL OVER AGAIN. THAT POOR BABY. SHE NEEDS TO BE PUT IN BRAIDS TILL YOU GET BACK. I MEAN, WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO????
Ok. Seriously she has no respect for you or your children...it seems. If she lets your daughter walk around with her hair like that...then GOD knows what else she would do??? She seems selfish and inconsiderate and I would really try to distance myself from her. JMO.
. your cousin knows she was wrong; i don't understand what she thought gave her the right to relax your child's hair when you told her not to. that's beyond rude and disrespectful. 
What did the ***** say to all this destruction? Just nurture her hair and never let your cousin near her EVER! Is there anyone else you can trust to do your hair while you are gone?
