Look what she did to my baby's hair.....cry, mad, angry!! I NEED HELP!!!

[*5+5]

My heart goes out to the both of you, esp. that you are working overseas, I know the great sacrifice that comes with that. God Bless you though and I hope that you can get someone to care for your daughter's hair the way you would. She is a pretty lil' girl and I would've been crying too knowing that you had Naomi's hair perfectly maintained before you left only for someone to come in and totally undermine your progress. Blessings to you and it's going to be ok.

 

[gymfreak336]

SpicedTee......

I don't have any else to add about the hair situation. All the ladies here gave great advice and I hope you are able to work out an agreement with the two ladies here that offered to help. I know they will have your daughters best interest at heart while you are away.

One another note.............. I think you are being used. You seem like a very nice person who likes to be helpful and accomadating but she is using you. You gave her an inch and homegirl is trying to run a marathon. The fact that you pay all of the bills and let her do as she wishes BUT She can't manage to follow your instructions when it comes to your daughter is blantant disrespect and makes me question her character. Even if I wasn't good at doing hair, out of respect and appreciation for you, I would have done better. I would have called a salon and gotten it pressed if nothing else. The attitide towards what she has done in light of what you do for her is unacceptable. I wish I lived closer so I could help.

When you return, she has to go. Change the locks, get her out of your house!!! I understand trying to be nice and help people but its a two way street. I wouldn't mind helping someone in this way( if I was able) regardless of whether they were true family or not but its a give and take. She is taking and taking and she isn't going to stop until you cut her off.

It would be different if she was just watching your material possesions.....your house, your car but this is your daughter. Insurance can fix your car or your house but not your daughter. If the shoe was one the other foot, you wouldn't have done the same. That is where the problem lies..

 

[Honi]

Oh Spice You have a kind heart but this ***** is taking advantage of you. She should be :whipped:. Get one the LHCF girls here to do her hair. I wish you could kick this ***** out of your house. If you don't do that then make her contribute SOMETHING!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I'm STILL mad about this.

Ok, so your mom has been there two times in months? And once was to pick up a check? She said she would come over once a week to check in on things? What happened!!!!!

You need to get that chic OUT OF YOUR HOME immediately. Shecan not be trusted to do the right thing? How are things with your husband? Can your daughter stay with him while you are away or is he trife too? I wish that there was a family your daughter could stay wit, like one of her good good school buddies that you are close with the family, even if you had to pay them for her care at least you know she is in better hands.

Please do not continue to leave your daughter with the cousin. Is there any one else you know will treat her right???

 

[ChocoKitty]

The whole situation makes think extra violent thoughts toward your "cousin"... I would've beat that trick so bad my story would have made national headlines... But thank God you're better that.

However--I hope your beautiful baby's hair recovers speedily with whatever method you choose. Your "cousin's stay" needs to be made a bit more uncomfortable. Obviously you've been more than generous to her but she's decided to violate your trust using the highest level of intensity-neglecting the care of your innocent baby. It's time for you to disconnect from her. There is no true value or benefit to this relationship. It's just makes my blood boil and stomach hurt!

My prayers are with you concerning this whole situation.

 

[Ladyhenri]

wow...i dont think anythinng i've read on here has ever got me so horrified.
You need to beat some sense into that cows head.

It seems to have been done purposely. You mention that her child was perfectly coiffed but you met your baby girls hair looking the way it does....that sounds very malicious to me, If it was ignorance, her child's hair would be tore up too.

People are so so evil

 

[Qetesh]

I am also sorry you had to go thro this.

I would suggest you baby her hair while you are around and if you feel like the babying will not go on once u leave again to get braids. also talk to your daughter about her hair. she is 8 so she can at least let you know if it was recently washed or if its being looked after, at least now u know this is something you have to keep an eye on.

i feel there is obviously some underlying issues going on here, i am sure you know the specifics of the situation more then us, she may have some jealousy issues but still be a good person at heart. i feel you should have a heart to heart with her b4 doing anything drastic and judge from there, only you and your intuition can really say what your cousins true intentions are. and going thro a divorce has got to also be hard on everyone involved

i will pray for you and your family, stay positive

 

[mrsjohnson75]

I am soooo mad along with you. I just keep thinking what if this happened to one of my daughters. Please get that woman out of your house and away from your child. I'm praying that everything works out for you!!

 

[DeepBluSea]

SpicedTee......

I don't have any else to add about the hair situation. All the ladies here gave great advice and I hope you are able to work out an agreement with the two ladies here that offered to help. I know they will have your daughters best interest at heart while you are away.

One another note.............. I think you are being used. You seem like a very nice person who likes to be helpful and accomadating but she is using you. You gave her an inch and homegirl is trying to run a marathon. The fact that you pay all of the bills and let her do as she wishes BUT She can't manage to follow your instructions when it comes to your daughter is blantant disrespect and makes me question her character. Even if I wasn't good at doing hair, out of respect and appreciation for you, I would have done better. I would have called a salon and gotten it pressed if nothing else. The attitide towards what she has done in light of what you do for her is unacceptable. I wish I lived closer so I could help.

When you return, she has to go. Change the locks, get her out of your house!!! I understand trying to be nice and help people but its a two way street. I wouldn't mind helping someone in this way( if I was able) regardless of whether they were true family or not but its a give and take. She is taking and taking and she isn't going to stop until you cut her off.

It would be different if she was just watching your material possesions.....your house, your car but this is your daughter. Insurance can fix your car or your house but not your daughter. If the shoe was one the other foot, you wouldn't have done the same. That is where the problem lies..

Ya know I was thinking the same thing, but since ole girl has been living there she may be able to claim residence. SpicedTee may have to consult an attorney to get her out and formally evict her. I feel even worse after reading your further explanation. You have to leave in another few days and this is not an easy situation.

 

[Tayw29]

I am so sorry you had to come home to this, I truly feel your pain. I have a 7 yr old DD and I have vowed to never relax her hair, and I fear that while in someone elses care they will too do something as retarded as this. My DD father called me a week ago and asked if DD could spend the summer in Texas with her grandparents, and I agreed. However I told him in the very next breath that his mother nor his sisters are to relax my babies hair by no means. He has 3 sisters and all 3 including mom are snatched bald from inproper care after relaxing. DD has very thick 4a natural hair that is very hard to manage and being that I have been the only one to do her hair her entire life I know how to handle it. Of course he said he would never let them do that, but I stated your not gonna be there with her the entire 2 months, so please let them know not to $%& with her hair or it will be some slow singing and flower bringing come August . Aside from the overall issue with your cousin, I think that relaxers have always been the answer to all of our hair woes. But with the knowledge we all have gained from this forum we now know better, but there are still far too many women still in the dark about this matter at hand. Your cousin is clearly clueless as to what it takes to deal with 4 texured hair because her DD doesnt have it and she didnt have to deal with it prior to your DD. So being that so many women equate relaxer with better hair manageability she probably thought she was doing the right thing, or simply didnt care because the bottom line is it would make it easier for her.

I agree with what the other ladies have suggested regarding what to do from this point on. It can be fixed by taking the proper steps from here on. Your return home should have been filled with relaxation and enjoyment with your children not this traumatizing event which I'm sure has placed a funk in your home and tension between you and your cousin. I just ask that you try to reassure DD that everything will be alright and that she is still as beautiful as ever, because I'm sure your reaction to this has her a bit upset and confused about her hair. Teaching her the right things to do from now on will be her best tools for the future.

 

[gymfreak336]

Ya know I was thinking the same thing, but since ole girl has been living there she may be able to claim residence. SpicedTee may have to consult an attorney to get her out and formally evict her. I feel even worse after reading your further explanation. You have to leave in another few days and this is not an easy situation.

Great Advice. I didn't think about that.

 

[HAIRapy]

Ya know I was thinking the same thing, but since ole girl has been living there she may be able to claim residence. SpicedTee may have to consult an attorney to get her out and formally evict her. I feel even worse after reading your further explanation. You have to leave in another few days and this is not an easy situation.

This girl doesn't sound like the brightest bulb in the pack if you know what I mean. I'm willing to bet all the money in my purse ($10, I use my debit card a lot) that this chick doesn't know anything about the law and if she did, she doesn't have enough money to retain a lawyer. I say when you get home for good, kick her a$$ out. She's not gonna do anything about it.

ETA: I would say that when you leave, leave on seemingly good terms with your cousin, because you do not want her treating your kids differently out of spite once you're gone.

 

[fuchsiastar]

I am so fired up right now There have been some great suggestions and please PM the ladies that you know on here that have offered to help. Whew...I really need to calm down....Are all of your children school aged? If so, have you considered hiring a full time live in nanny? It might sound expensive, but considering that freeloading cousin, it might be cheaper than keeping her around to wear your clothes and mistreat your children. That way you would know that your children are being well fed, well kept, and treated in the exact way that you want them to be treated. You also could have someone install digital cameras in your home, so that you could communicate with your family while you are away, and so that you could see that all is well in your home. Also, with a nanny there your sister and mother would have to come and see about the children. They might even be dropped at your mothers house on Saturdays/Sundays to give the Nanny a day off....just another option put out there, among the many pieces of advice that have already been given...I pray that everything works out for you

 

[lisatamika]

I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.

Will you please cut it out and call me. I just left you a voicemail . . . .

 

[chicacanella]

You know, I am really angry too. Since you told her off, the only thing I can think of doing is getting your daughter some flat cornrows. Before you leave for Iraq, make a liquid moisturizer mixture and tell your daughter to spray her hair every two days. That should be simple enough for her.

 

[septemberbaby]

I am so sorry this has happened to you and your daughter.

I'm CERTAIN that the ladies will chime in and tell you exactly what to do.

(((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[wannabelong]

I am sooo angry about this. I'm sorry this happened. The ladies have already given you great advice, I'm here for support.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

Will you please cut it out and call me. I just left you a voicemail . . . .

Maybe you are closer to her!
I will help!!!!

 

[DeepBluSea]

This girl doesn't sound like the brightest bulb in the pack if you know what I mean. I'm willing to bet all the money in my purse ($10, I use my debit card a lot) that this chick doesn't know anything about the law and if she did, she doesn't have enough money to retain a lawyer. I say when you get home for good, kick her a$$ out. She's not gonna do anything about it.

ETA: I would say that when you leave, leave on seemingly good terms with your cousin, because you do not want her treating your kids differently out of spite once you're gone.

This is how it'll go down. SpicedTee comes home tells cuz it's time to go. Cuz is going to drag her feet and eventually she will say she won't leave. SpicedTee will call the cops to make her leave. The cops will tell her that she cannot make cuz leave if cuz has been living there, receiving mail there, etc then she has a legal right to stay on the premises. Spiced Tee will have to act as landlord and evict her.

The only reason why I know this becaue it happen to a goo dfriend of the family. She let her ex-husband stay at her place while he was "getting himself together" and it took her 2 months to get the kneegrow out. So be careful who you allow to stay at your place.

ETA: But I am in TN, maybe laws are different in Cali. Defintely check it out to save yourself some trouble because cuz will act like the OP is in the wrong.

 

[MissLawyerLady]

In this situation I think you have clearly shown that the Christ working in you is greater that the adversary working in her.

Remember:
"When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him." Isa. 59:19

Don't be troubled! God's got your back and your baby's and he's blessing you right now with LHCF sister who will assist you with your child's hair.

Be blessed!

I am so overwhelmed with the support here. I really, truly am appreciative of all of the advice given and all of the Ladies here that are p*ssed right along with me. I am a lot calmer now, and it has taken five days to get to this point. I live in Victorville, CA...about 2 hours northeast of LA. There is a LHCF member that lives close by, and she's probably REALLY mad at me right now, because I could have called her, and she would have helped, but I didn't want to impose. But now Imm'a have to impose on her.

A little background info on the family situation:

1. She is a cousin by marriage, meaning she is my husband's cousin. She fell on hard times in 2006 and she, and her two children, have lived in MY home since then.

2. I am divorcing her cousin, my husband. He no longer lives in the home. But his cousin does. I consider her family, despite the fact that we are a few months away from not being "related".

3. She lives bill and rent free. I pay everything from the mortgage down to the trash bill. Her contribution to this household is that she mind my children. That is our agreement.

4. She wants for NOTHING. If she calls me and says that she broke a nail, then I pay for it to be fixed (not literally, but close). She does not spend a dime of her own money towards the upkeep of the house or cars. I don't even expect it. I have left her with my most prized "possessions", my CHILDREN.

5. I am discovering as time goes on, that the more I GIVE, the LESS she does. I sense that somehow she may think that I owe her more than what she provides. Hmmmmm.....I need to think on that.

6. When I left last October, my Mother made a BIG OLE DEAL about how she would come out to my house once a week to help out with her grandchildren, make sure that the house was being taken care of properly, etc. I left for Iraq, on the pretense that I had FULL family support in all matters. She has been to my house twice since last November. Once to pick up a check because she was borrowing money from me.

7. I was home from May 2007 until October 2007 and I spent that time nursing her hair. She was pulling her perm (boxed no-lye) to the ends on top of bleached blond hair. She was gluing in tracks with that black bond stuff. She was washing her hair with White Rain, no conditioner to be found. She was spraying her bonded weave down with Aquanet. I introduced her to the hair boards. Along with me and my daughter, Saturday became the wash day for all of us in the house. By the time I left, I was SURE that she was clear on healthy hair practices. I had spent five months with her as she watched me do my and my daughter's hair. I even done her hair. By the time I left, I had trimmed her broken blond ends off, had her doing sew-in weaves as a protective style rather than glue, had her using MTG as a growth aid, had her using Dominican conditioners, along with Mizani lye relaxers and other quality products. I was certain that she had it right and was well on her way to being MORE than able to take care of both her hair and my daughter's hair.

8. What pisses me off the most is that I would ASK her "How is your hair doing? What's going on with the baby's hair?" When she said that Naiomi's hair took too much time in the morning, I directed her to a braider that works out of a salon ten minutes away. I'd ask her "Hey did you get Naiomi's hair braided?" And she always was like "we had to reschedule" or "the braider cancelled". I thought it was odd, because this woman was always pretty reliable for me, but I didn't question it.

9. She NEVER said that Naiomi's hair was a problem. Never. She never asked me for help, or gave the impression that she was overwhelmed. I truly thought that she was on auto-pilot and that everything was fine.

10. Ya'll are right, there are other things that are terribly wrong. She has no respect or regard for my personal property. She is STILL wearing my clothes, although I have told her that my belongings were off limits. My house was in complete disarray...but I don't want to veer to far off subject.

 

[FemmeCreole]

the pics seriously shocked me....how could she let the child's hair get that bad? This look like she just slapped some relaxer in her hair and never cared for her hair again. She is such a cutie...I hope her hair will recover quickly.

 

[Harmony0221]

I was speechless coming into this thread.. I still am... I don't have children but I have one nephew and I treat and love him as my own and would die before I let anyone do any harm to him so I can imagine...I must say that she has to go.. on a legal front she broke your contract. so everything is voided. and like someone else said how was she caring for your child overall?The other part that kills me is I am I giver. if you need it I will give it and it really pains me when it's not appreciated.. We are damn near in a RECCESION and she is living high off the hog ! with her children! when her life could be so much worst and she doesn't appreciate it!(i know this post is all over the place but this kills me)I am sorry this happened and I will be praying you get the proper support you need..

 

[MissJ]

Seriously, your "cousin" needs a beatdown! There's no excuse for what she did to your daughter's hair.

 

[Qualitee]

I'M STILL MAD OOOOOOHHHHHH! TELL THE GIRL TO GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE . THIER HAS TO BE A UNLINE REASON WHY SHE DID THAT TO YOUR DAUGHTERS HAIR. IT'S LIKE SHE PURPOSELY DID IT!!!!

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Oh man, I am still steamed about this...and then to read the ***** is living in your home RENT FREE?! She is a triflin' user and no better than a cockroach.

And you say you introduced her to the hair board?
Then I'm sure she's reading this thread.

I don't know if she has a screenname here but I have a personal message for your "cousin":

What you've done to this little girl is absolutely disgusting and wrong. Thank goodness you are not part of my family. And best believe, what goes around comes around.

 

[nicki6]

OMG!!............


Wow!! My first instinct would be to kick my cousin's ***!!!

My feeling is she did that on purpose...esp since her child's hair is fine. I am beyond sorry this happened to your baby. She is a doll and her complexion is

 

[Soul♥Flower]

I am sooo sorry this happened. My heart almost broke when I saw those pictures. I didn't read all the rest of the posts, but I'm sure the ladies here have provided you with some valuable insight to your situation. Ugh! I can't believe this happened! That's just messed up

The good news is you can bring her hair back to health......just as long as your daughter is healthy and happy. If your daughter isn't upset by this, I wouldn't let her know how upest you are, I wouldn't want her to start feeling sad about how her hair looks. That's just my opinion though.

 

[PittiPat]

OH. MY. GOSH!!

I cannot believe what I'm seeing. I'm so sorry that this happened to the both of you. My heart actually dropped when I saw the after picture. I'm just stunned at how it could get to this.

Urghhhh! I'm so heated right now.

 

[mscocoface]

SpiceTea,

Please impose on the LHCF sistah. She will do it even in this state. If she doesn't then let me know I am in SoCal but I know there is a way to get your babies hair back to its former state.

For your clothes, shoes, etc, pack them up place them in bags or suitcases and see if someone can store them for you until you return or take them on base and store them there. Base storage is waaay cheaper than commerical storage.

I use to be an marine wife I know.

I won't even comment on the cousin, you have some serious thinking to do. Once you return back for good you are going to need to make some serious changes and the first one is to give your cousin notice she has got to go.

It is hard being a single mother and having to depend on others, but when you find someone you can trust hold on to them because they are worth their weight in gold. Your cousin....not so much!

Action items:

Contact the LHCF sistah to do your daughters hair, set up a consultation and how this is going to happen. Word of warning do not depend on your cousin to get her to this person. Set up some type of arrangement for pick up and or drop off.

Contact the base to see if storage is available and began packing your stuff that you do not want worn, used or handled.

You do not owe your cousin any explanation for what you are doing. Just do it. You pay the bills and own the property.

Blessings,

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

OMG!! I would be pissed. Your cousin would have to find somewhere to stay. Why is it that your daughter can't stay with your mom or better yet her father and have them send her to someone to get her hair cared for. That is just un believable that she would just do that.