Letting Go of the Past

[straightlovely]

Ok.. I am in a new relationship with the man that I really believe is the one. He is everything that I could have prayed for and I'm IN love...like never before. The problem is that my past relationship (2 years ago) was full of him cheating on me and lying which I put up with for far 2 long. But now I am skeptical of everyone and everything. The man I'm dating now has introduced me to his mother and his best friends as his girlfriend and told them I'm the ONE. But how do I stop myself from doubting his honesty? He's given me no reason to not trust him but my past has jaded me somewhat.

I don't project this onto him as yet...but I worry that I will. Any advice? Thanks ladies!

Ohhh also for the time being it is a long distance relationship so that is not helping me.

 

[Bunny77]

This sounds so cliche, but take it one day at a time.

Let him earn your trust by continuing to show that he's a good man, but don't automatically doubt him just because of what happened in your last relationship.

Don't come to any conclusions right now about him (good or bad)... just keep your eyes and ears open, and if he's the right one, he shouldn't do anything to make you doubt his sincerity.

 

[straightlovely]

Thank you! I am definitely going to take this advice.

 

[Xavier]

I am in a similar situation. Long distance relationship, and with a great guy. I too was jaded and in a way I still try to tell myself that my guy is too good to be true and he'll mess up sooner of later. It's hard to not bring past experiences into present relationships.

I have gotten a lot better and you do have to take it one day at a time.

 

[Bunny77]

By the way, I am marrying a person who I dated long-distance...

 

[straightlovely]

Well I'm glad I'm not alone! So @Bunny how long did you date long distance? Did one of you move? Sorry for being nosey but this is the only serious long distance relationship I've ever been in and I want it to work! Thanks

 

[Bunny77]

Well I'm glad I'm not alone! So @Bunny how long did you date long distance? Did one of you move? Sorry for being nosey but this is the only serious long distance relationship I've ever been in and I want it to work! Thanks

Hey!

Well, we met last April (of 2009), and he proposed in April 2010 on our one-year anniversary. As you can see by my ticker, we're getting married pretty soon -- in November.

I will be the one who will be moving. The plan is to move after the wedding, but I am interviewing for jobs in his town, so if I get one soon, I'll move before that. At this point though, the wedding is so close that it really doesn't matter too much now when I move!

I guess I should ask how you're defining long distance too. Some folks might not consider mine as long distance, but it feels like it! I live in Michigan and he is in Ohio -- it is a four-hour drive between our two cities. We still manage to see each other once a week (mostly). Sometimes we skip a week, and in February, we didn't see each other for a month because I was in Canada working!

I think the key to LD relationships is continued effort by both people to see each other... also, I don't think you should go very long without someone moving, and I knew that I wasn't going to move without a ring. Of course, I'll be marrying two days before my 33rd birthday, so I'm in a place in life where I expected a relationship to move quickly. It might be different if you're a bit younger.

 

[BlairWaldorf]

By the way, I am marrying a person who I dated long-distance...

that genuinely just gave me hope

 

[straightlovely]

Hey!

Well, we met last April (of 2009), and he proposed in April 2010 on our one-year anniversary. As you can see by my ticker, we're getting married pretty soon -- in November.

I will be the one who will be moving. The plan is to move after the wedding, but I am interviewing for jobs in his town, so if I get one soon, I'll move before that. At this point though, the wedding is so close that it really doesn't matter too much now when I move!

I guess I should ask how you're defining long distance too. Some folks might not consider mine as long distance, but it feels like it! I live in Michigan and he is in Ohio -- it is a four-hour drive between our two cities. We still manage to see each other once a week (mostly). Sometimes we skip a week, and in February, we didn't see each other for a month because I was in Canada working!

I think the key to LD relationships is continued effort by both people to see each other... also, I don't think you should go very long without someone moving, and I knew that I wasn't going to move without a ring. Of course, I'll be marrying two days before my 33rd birthday, so I'm in a place in life where I expected a relationship to move quickly. It might be different if you're a bit younger.

This gives me sooo much hope as well! Unfortunately it's very long distance as I am out of the country for a good part of the year playing volleyball. We just spent a lot of the summer together but I won't be able to visit again until December. But we talk everyday on skype and bbm.

I'm 24 but I am at a point in my life where I am ready to get married and we've had this discussion as well. So it seems like I'm doing the right things. And he even said he would move so I feel good about that.
Thanks so much for your insight. That's a great story.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

OP I know how you feel. I'm sort of at the same point where you are now. I'm not dating anyone currently at the moment, but I am ready to start dating again. HOWEVER, I can sense that my previous experience with another guy in my past has caused me to be a little jaded. Not bitter mind you, just a LOT more *cautious* and jaded with men these days.

I'm trying VERY hard not to let my past insecurities and my previous experience w/that particular guy taint my view of ALL men however.

It can be hard, but whatever you do...DO NOT (I repeat) DO NOT punish your new lovely boyfriend (he sounds lovely ) for mistakes that your ex made with you. He is NOT your ex, and he shouldn't have to pay for the crummy way that your ex treated you.

IF you think about it like that, it might help you to see that it really isn't fair to judge all men based on a bad experience or two that you've had in the past.

I know it's hard, and sometimes it can seem like a man is "too good to be true", but you know what?? Sometimes SOME men really ARE just that GOOD! LOL! Enjoy it and revel in it, because you deserve it.

Like others have already mentioned, just give him a chance to prove his trustworthiness to you. Let him be "innocent until proven guilty" instead of the other way around.

When I meet new guys who could be "potentials" for more, I sometimes have to continuously remind myself that: "He is NOT my ex....he is NOT my ex!" Keep saying that until it really sticks in your mind. I know you wouldn't want to be judged unfairly based on his previous bad experiences with one of his ex girlfriends, so please...don't be so quick to view him as untrustworthy.

Besides, I'm always a firm believer of: "Whatever you are looking for, you will surely find." So, if you are constantly looking for ways that he's untrustworthy, you will probably find fault in every little thing. So, just relax, enjoy, and have fun! I wish the best for you both!