Maybe you're right. He's the man I naturally love, and this is the first time HE'S the one wanting a commitment like marriage. Maybe I should agree to continue seeing him. And just see what happens.
Marriage Proposal (Sort of)- Would You Accept?
- Thread starter w332
- Start date
Maybe you're right. He's the man I naturally love, and this is the first time HE'S the one wanting a commitment like marriage. Maybe I should agree to continue seeing him. And just see what happens.
DarkJoy
Bent. Not Broken.
I dont get his reasoning.
There are plenty of broke newlyweds (most actually) who work on their finances and future life together--matter of fact that is EXACTLY what marriage is about, in part. Many many end up being a fine older/middle class well-to-do family after a few years. To me, his line makes ZERO sense.
His reasoning and plan is faulty at best. A farce and/or detrimental to you and your future children at worse.
Nope... would not be me.
There are plenty of broke newlyweds (most actually) who work on their finances and future life together--matter of fact that is EXACTLY what marriage is about, in part. Many many end up being a fine older/middle class well-to-do family after a few years. To me, his line makes ZERO sense.
His reasoning and plan is faulty at best. A farce and/or detrimental to you and your future children at worse.
Nope... would not be me.
Consider seeing other people too. You are in your 30s after all and he can't give you what you want right now, if ever. Don't want you to wake up 45 and pissed (and single). It's a lot harder to get rid of someone you love especially after you've invested a lot into making it work.
*CherryPie*
Well-Known Member
He sounds like he has a wife back home in his country, and is never going to marry you. It sounds like he's trying to make you happy for now...and get to do boyfriend stuff when he is available...and have you all to himself and away from other men...while he still get's to talk to his 'friends'.
This WHOLE thing sounds fishy.
This WHOLE thing sounds fishy.
I was just thinking the same thing!
LivingInPeace
Well-Known Member
OP, I don't even understand what you're talking about. This was not an almost proposal. This was a let me string this babe along for a few more years. If you have a goal and a timeline for what you want in life, find someone who fits in with your plans. Stop trying to turn this nonsense into what you want.
I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't have children until the situation was stable, we were together, and I could see it was a good and lasting relationship.
That's what I did. I moved on. Last week he popped up with this. I only listened because he sounded pitiful and he actually mentioned marriage. Plus, I know his work situation, and he doesn't have any choice but to stay where he is- he's not lying about that.
He is trying to sort all that out. He was here on a student visa now he's trying to keep a work visa.
I'm leaning towards no- too much water under the bridge I'm afraid. But we can be cordial should we see each other again in person.
Briabiggles
Well-Known Member
SincerelyJane
New Member
Tl;dr: DON'T DO IT, WALK AWAY
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SincerelyJane
New Member
I would be more concerned if he was trying to rush her down the aisle, but this is the worse.
But be careful, he may have a wife already. Can't put nothing past them!
Briabiggles
Well-Known Member
Did he say he wants to get married soon, have kids and then live together in 2-3 years?
erplexed Sounds like an arse backwards "proposal" Either way, time to cut ties with him!
Bklynqueen
Well-Known Member
Hey OP, the post above just proved his actions, his contradictions and manipulations. He knows you very well; he used the keyword "marriage" to reel you in.
Control move#1: First he gives you a deadline on whether you get back together or not and tempts you with the offer of "marriage" as an incentive to give him another chance. What if you asked him to give you more time? Would he rescind his offer? Are there other contenders that he's considering? What's the rush?
Control move #2: Now that you told him that you wanted to be just friends, he wants to extend the offer so you could think on it some more- Why? Because you gave him an answer he didn't like nor expected. This is not love nor does love work that way.
Love is not about control, ultimatums or deadlines; it's about honoring, respecting and cherishing the person you are with and supporting that person and their choices/ decisions. He didn't respect your decision. It seems he's doing a lot of talking, where are his actions? He says he wants to marry you, why not ask you properly, heck do it in person? Why not woo you, date you, earn you? He wants you to move with him in 2-3 years; when you truly love a person, you can hardly stand to be away from that person for a minute! Why would he put you on standby to wait until HE'S settled? What about your needs? He has trust issues and so do you; that alone makes all of this a NO. I feel like he's pulling a bait and switch OP and I hope you protect your heart by following your brain and keeping the answer a NO.
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nopeYes, I now realize this man is a master manipulator. He is SMART! I noticed he's using what he thinks I want to get me back and get my attention - "marriage" and "babies." He's even using phrases that I use to subconsciously connect even deeper with me. He's sick! It almost worked- I almost believed him. But what makes me pause is that he has a history of being misleading with me. So his sudden declaration of love seems like a big lie- or either a fleeting mood. Neither of which I have time for.
I moved to a huge city, am working hard to move up in my career, and he sees this and wants to jump in the equation (or just throw a monkey wrench in it). And he knows his intentions are not good- they're only good for him b/c his career options suck right now and he is stuck where he is...his friends are all married, and now he wishes he had married someone too.
I won't speak to him again, and we won't be friends.
What a dirty dog. We went to college together. I would NEVER lift a finger to hurt him- even at this point. But he could repeatedly and selfishly try to hurt me. It's amazing that people are so evil. I've lived a sheltered life. I thank the good Lord up above, my parents, my siblings, and you ladies for helping me
!
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Okay, so yesterday I told him I want to remain friends only. He told me to give it more thought- at least until the end of the week. Since he's pushing, I said fine, I'll call you on Friday if I change my mind.
So, he just submitted a written proposal to me outlining his plan for our future with exact dates of when he'll have a better job, and when we'll have the wedding ceremony, even scheduled our visits.
So, he's making this harder.
He even ended by saying we should give it another try because I married the wrong person before, and he broke off his engagement to the wrong person.
So, he just submitted a written proposal to me outlining his plan for our future with exact dates of when he'll have a better job, and when we'll have the wedding ceremony, even scheduled our visits.
So, he's making this harder.
He even ended by saying we should give it another try because I married the wrong person before, and he broke off his engagement to the wrong person.
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Rastafarai
Well-Known Member
Don't fall for it. He is rushing you for a reason. His motives do not appear to be sincere.
I don't get the sense of urgency either- unless it's because he knows I will start dating soon. And meet someone else while he's stuck in the middle of nowhere trying to hang on and move up in the company he works for.
HanaKuroi
Well-Known Member
*busts down the door*
Please, PULEAZE tell me This isn't that SAME guy.
If it is, with all seriousness, you really need therapy to help you OP. This is just plain sad if this is the case.
I have not read the thread.
I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y
Please, PULEAZE tell me This isn't that SAME guy.
If it is, with all seriousness, you really need therapy to help you OP. This is just plain sad if this is the case.
I have not read the thread.
I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y
I haven't spoken to him on the phone in 8 months. He kept emailing, and I would sometimes give a very short reply. Last week he said something like "All I ask is that you at least hear me out once and if I can't convince you, I'll let you be." I said ok, I listened to him for 10 minutes saying how he loves me and wants to make it work now. I said let me think about it and hung up. I emailed him I thought about it and just want to be friends. He said think some more, and today sent me a one page plan for our future.
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Yep, same guy!
RocStar
Well-Known Member
You can either communicate with him or not. It is up to you.
