Marriage Proposal (Sort of)- Would You Accept?

OP, you don't know if you are coming or going.

Somebody please page that 'Newport 100' member!

Seriously, the fact that you do not trust this man is all you need to say, "NO THANKS!"
 
ladysaraii said:
I'm pretty sure he said they should get married now. They just wouldn't live together for 2-3 years.
Click to expand...

This is the really dumb part. Why get married and not live together for 2-3 years? Sounds like a citizenship thing. Otherwise why not wait until he is done "saving"?

Because waiting does not benefit him. It is the perfect set up. Marry, but live apart so he can be with his wife from back in Africa, (that is here pretending to be a cousin), then get a divorce when he has his citizenship.

I have seen this done, only they all lived under one roof and the American wife (my friend) didn't know. I kept telling my DH that "cousin" was his wife. They always spoke in another language in front of her. She (the cousin) always cooked and cleaned and the laundry. They acted too familiar even for cousins for me. DH said I was crazy. No, I didn't say anything to my friend I had no proof. But after he got his citizenship it all came out. They are divorced. No one mentions it though. She acts like it never happened and he never existed.

Eta: nope twice this has happened. a friend of DH from college did this to a girl. But at least she tried to turn him in to immigration but it was too late.

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y
 
Last edited:
I hope he isn't trying to use her for papers...that is cold blooded....

people get popped in the knee caps for doing mess like that...


ETA: OKAY....
I just reread the story and reading is fundamental....I've changed my tune and I rarely come in here with my guns blazing but his story is fishy as heyall. OP DO NOT marry this man please. What kind of ninja got his ish together now (since he is able to stack paper), wants you to pop out some babies but wants ya'll to live far apart from each other for YEARS :nono: No ma'am, absolutely not. There are some evil people in this world love and this one has a hidden agenda...

Men know the way to our heart is through their words and he is saying EVERYTHING you want to hear right now...but in your heart you know something is up or else you would not have came here asking for advice.
 
Last edited:
I see no marriage proposal expressed here... there is nothing to accept from him... :perplexed

Don't create something that isn't there... continue to stop communicating with him.
 
You know best your relationship with him. Go with your instincts on this and stop asking strangers that can only answer based on their own life experiences and baggage.
 
w332 said:
He's one year older than I am. He's a foreigner. He worked REALLY hard to get this job in his field in the U.S- but it's in a far away city. If I say yes, he'll work hard to move up and work to make sure we move in together in 2 years- he'll try to transfer to a city where we can both work. Also, we would have a church wedding later because that's what he really wants. He's trying to figure out a way to make a relationship work under these circumstances.
Click to expand...

Nevermind. I see that someone else mentioned the Immigration "pink elephant". :lol:
 
Last edited:
HanaKuroi said:
This is the really dumb part. Why get married and not live together for 2-3 years? Sounds like a citizenship thing. Otherwise why not wait until he is done "saving"?

Because waiting does not benefit him. It is the perfect set up. Marry, but live apart so he can be with his wife from back in Africa, (that is here pretending to be a cousin), then get a divorce when he has his citizenship.

I have seen this done, only they all lived under one roof and the American wife (my friend) didn't know. I kept telling my DH that "cousin" was his wife. They always spoke in another language in front of her. She (the cousin) always cooked and cleaned and the laundry. They acted too familiar even for cousins for me. DH said I was crazy. No, I didn't say anything to my friend I had no proof. But after he got his citizenship it all came out. They are divorced. No one mentions it though. She acts like it never happened and he never existed.

Eta: nope twice this has happened. a friend of DH from college did this to a girl. But at least she tried to turn him in to immigration but it was too late.

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y
Click to expand...

This makes no sense. I know people will do crazy things out of desperation, but to be laying up in the same house acting like its all kosher with your husband and the other woman he is sexing is just bizarre. What woman would tolerate that? I'm talking about the immigrant wife. I can't! I just can't.
 
SincerelyJane said:
This makes no sense. I know people will do crazy things out of desperation, but to be laying up in the same house acting like its all kosher with your husband and the other woman he is sexing is just bizarre. What woman would tolerate that? I'm talking about the immigrant wife. I can't! I just can't.
Click to expand...

She didn't know they were messing around. He was helping out his "cousin" by letting her stay there. She stayed with them because they were family. The messing around didn't occur in front of my friend. I don't know why this was okay with the cousin. I know his father had multiple wives, so I figured it was a cultural thing and the cousin was okay with it. I still don't exactly know how my friend found out. It is a taboo subject.

Eta: she met him on black planet and no one wanted her to marry him. They got married very soon after meeting. I think it was 3 months after they met they got married.

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y
 
Last edited:
Ogoma said:
You know best your relationship with him. Go with your instincts on this and stop asking strangers that can only answer based on their own life experiences and baggage.
Click to expand...

You know this has been going on for years. This situation and the OP is not new. People are talking like they know because of the past threads that op has partially obscured by editing or deletion. I remember this situation. After all the sympathizing in the past and encouraging she comes back talking about this guy, again. We all thought that was over. He did not treat her well at all. To see her so easily reeled back in, was disappointing. So, less sugar coating is seen.

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y
 
Ogoma said:
You know best your relationship with him. Go with your instincts on this and stop asking strangers that can only answer based on their own life experiences and baggage.
Click to expand...

I concur^^^

ladysaraii said:
That's still soon and not two to three years from now. So doesn't preclude him from marrying her for a green card
Click to expand...
I doesn't but if he had a green card issue he would want to do it right now. He wanted to wait 2 years but he moved it closer to because she was not interested in waiting that long. Waiting to marry someone in 8 months will not benefit him if he is trying to get a green card. Plus it's not easy like it used to be. USCIS will seek to establish that the couple lives together in those cases. Also a conditional GC is the first thing given, After 2 years the petitioning spouse has to sign to waive conditions before the permanent GC is given.
 
Um.... ladies no need to give further advice. There's advice people NEED to hear and advice people CAN hear. It's apparent OP wants to marry the man. OP go with your heart. Seriously I do wish you the best of luck.
 
HanaKuroi said:
You know this has been going on for years. This situation and the OP is not new. People are talking like they know because of the past threads that op has partially obscured by editing or deletion. I remember this situation. After all the sympathizing in the past and encouraging she comes back talking about this guy, again. We all thought that was over. He did not treat her well at all. To see her so easily reeled back in, was disappointing. So, less sugar coating is seen.

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y
Click to expand...

I don't think all the advice is necessarily bad. It just whatever I or anyone else tells her would be based on our experiences (or experiences of people we know). She is going to do what she wants so she should listen, or ignore, her instincts and only have herself accountable if it doesn't work out the way she hoped.
 
If you decided to marry OP, please seek some counseling and therapy. You clearly don't trust him even if you have strong feelings for him. In addition, boundaries need to be set regarding YOUR expectations in this relationship. It just does not feel like he is taking a co-operative effort in this faux proposal. If he gets to have his way in all things from the get go, it will set a bad precedent for the marriage. Ask yourself "Will I really be getting what I want out of this?" first before everything else. Good luck!
 
Hi Ladies! Thank you for your comments. I wanted to give you an update. I know my story isn't new because this guy is the kind of man who will pop up periodically. And each time he's been popping up, he'll do something more attention grabbing like propose to get married in June as he did this last time.

I told him I thought about it some more and my answer is still no. He said he doesn't like that answer, and he will think of it as only a break, but he will leave me alone. Knowing him, I know this means he'll check back with me in a few months to see if I changed my mind, so I made sure to reply to him, "Thank you for agreeing to leave me alone. Take care." I hope he gets the message I don't want to be contacted again so I can move on. I think I will finally move on when I meet someone new and much better than him.

I used to think "how can he do this to me?" and "he's so evil" but I now honestly believe he wants a good relationship and he wants to be married and settled and secure, but he doesn't know how to get there with a woman because he's just not the right kind of man- he doesn't know how to love anyone but himself. That's why he's so educated, charming, handsome, AND still single even though he doesn't want to be!
 
Last edited:
w332 said:
Hi Ladies! Thank you for your comments. I wanted to give you an update. I know my story isn't new because this guy is the kind of man who will pop up periodically. And each time he's been popping up, he'll do something more attention grabbing like propose to get married in June as he did this last time.

I told him I thought about it some more and my answer is still no. He said he doesn't like that answer, and he will think of it as only a break, but he will leave me alone. Knowing him, I know this means he'll check back with me in a few months to see if I changed my mind, so I made sure to reply to him, "Thank you for agreeing to leave me alone. Take care." I hope he gets the message I don't want to be contacted again so I can move on. I think I will finally move on when I meet someone new and much better than him.

I used to think "how can he do this to me?" and "he's so evil" but I now honestly believe he wants a good relationship and he wants to be married and settled and secure, but he doesn't know how to get there with a woman because he's just not the right kind of man- he doesn't know how to love anyone but himself. That's why he's so educated, charming, handsome, AND still single even though he doesn't want to be!
Click to expand...

Good for you!!! Wishing I knew more level headed people that ask for advice in real life.
.....
 
This dude makes no sense. I totally agree with the previous posters...this is no marriage proposal..this man is a joke.
 
w332 said:
Hi Ladies! Thank you for your comments. I wanted to give you an update. I know my story isn't new because this guy is the kind of man who will pop up periodically. And each time he's been popping up, he'll do something more attention grabbing like propose to get married in June as he did this last time.

I told him I thought about it some more and my answer is still no. He said he doesn't like that answer, and he will think of it as only a break, but he will leave me alone. Knowing him, I know this means he'll check back with me in a few months to see if I changed my mind, so I made sure to reply to him, "Thank you for agreeing to leave me alone. Take care." I hope he gets the message I don't want to be contacted again so I can move on. I think I will finally move on when I meet someone new and much better than him.

I used to think "how can he do this to me?" and "he's so evil" but I now honestly believe he wants a good relationship and he wants to be married and settled and secure, but he doesn't know how to get there with a woman because he's just not the right kind of man- he doesn't know how to love anyone but himself. That's why he's so educated, charming, handsome, AND still single even though he doesn't want to be!
Click to expand...

Girl. .didn't I tell you that he didn't like your answer? A manipulater and a control freak, be glad you're rid of him. Make sure to block your email address too..
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

N
After 2.5 Years of Long Distance
2
Replies
33
Views
1K
jhcprincess
jhcprincess
Naturefreegirl
Indescent Proposal
Replies
13
Views
252
prettynatural
prettynatural
straightlovely
Letting Go of the Past
Replies
9
Views
270
Crystalicequeen123
Crystalicequeen123
kweenameena
  • Poll
Would you accept the gift?
Replies
28
Views
490
Bachelorette
Bachelorette
B
What would you do? He wants to wait on marriage...
Replies
12
Views
225
BroadstreetBully
B
Back
Top