Let me tell ya'll about my epiphany last night......

MzLady78

MzLady78

Well-Known Member
A few weeks ago, one of my friends from high school found me on myspace. Now, this dude was IN LOVE with me back then, but I was with my ex from across the street at the time. But we we'e very close untill maybe 2 years after we graduated. One of our other classmates put together a mini reunion and we all met up last night at this bar and then went to a club down the street afterwards.

It was crazy. I mean, you'd never believe that we hadn't seen each other in 10 years. It was like we never missed a step. So me and him are chillin on the couch and I'm leaning on him so he puts his arm around me. All of the sudden, he kisses me!!! :blush: I was so surprised. We just sat there for awhile and he would occasionally kiss me on the forward or stroke my cheek. It was nice, I can't lie.

It was also a reality check. I'd already decided that I'm never going to have the type of relationship that I want, need or deserve with Mr. "I don't kiss, don't have time for you cause of my 2 kids, can't call you but I'll shoot you a text message". :rolleyes: But it REALLY hit me last night. I got more affection, felt more wanted and special by this dude in a few hours than I have in the entire month and some change I've been seeing this other dude. I just kept thinking "he would really adore me if I was in his life"- there's no doubt in my mind. He's always been a good guy and if I wasn't involved back then, I probably would have given him a chance.

I don't know if what happen was just us getting caught up in the moment or what but even if it doesn't mean anything or go anywhere, I know now that I absolutely cannot settle for this other dude or anyone who isn't giving me what I want. This old friend may not be the one, but there is SOMEBODY somewhere that's capable of treating me the way I deserve to be treated.
 
Glad you came to that conclusion!

Now what's up with this other guy? Maybe things can go somewhere with you two???? That would be nice! Keep us updated!
 
I really don't know.

I mean, physically he's not exactly my type. He's kind of small in stature. With my heels on, we're the same height and I'm only 5'3.

But he's such a friggin sweetheart. I used to bytch to him about my ex all the time (this was before I found out how he felt about me). He never told me to leave him, he always encouraged me to try to work it out even though he felt he was better for me than he was. That's the type of guy he is and I always really respected him for that.

NOTE: While I was typing this, the other dude logged on to his yahoo messenger. Now, Friday I was on the phone with him and it kept hanging up, he lives in an area that a total dead spot for Nextels. So the 3rd time the phone hangs up, I call him back. He doesn't answer. I'm like "oh well". He never called back. So just now I'm like "I called you back Friday". He goes "did you? You should have called the house phone". I'm like "or you could have called me back-from the house phone". :rolleyes: It's always the same shyt with him- all he does is deflect shyt back on me. He doesn't take responsibility for anything.

I knew I needed to step back from him emotionally but I don't think I want him in my life at all anymore, in any capacity.
 
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The lord works in mysterious ways. Maybe this was a revelation that you shouldn't give up on love - might be right in front of you. You don't have to settle for less. Good luck.
 
trini_rican said:
The lord works in mysterious ways. Maybe this was a revelation that you shouldn't give up on love - might be right in front of you. You don't have to settle for less. Good luck.
Click to expand...

He sure does.

It's not a coincidence to me that this happened now, during a time where I've really been thinking a lot about my situation with this dude and my life in general. I spent the majority of my 20s being unhappy. Always getting over somebody or settling for whatever relationship the person I was dealing with wanted to give me. I decided it was gonna be different from here on out. I don't know if we just got caught up in the moment, but I know that I want somebody in my life who makes me feel the way I felt last night.

And this other dude doesn't- not even remotely. :nono:
 
MzLady78 said:
He sure does.

It's not a coincidence to me that this happened now, during a time where I've really been thinking a lot about my situation with this dude and my life in general. I spent the majority of my 20s being unhappy. Always getting over somebody or settling for whatever relationship the person I was dealing with wanted to give me. I decided it was gonna be different from here on out. I don't know if we just got caught up in the moment, but I know that I want somebody in my life who makes me feel the way I felt last night.

And this other dude doesn't- not even remotely. :nono:
Click to expand...

You know what I think you should do? Focus on rebuilding the friendship you had. Be careful to end one relationship to run into another. The friendship will become a solid foundation for what's possibly the true love you've waited so long for. The reason you want to proceed with caution is that you want him to know that if you and he were involved you wouldn't jump out "like that" if you ran into a friend from the past that you think you have more in common with. A lot of men have insecurities when they're in a relationship. Again I'm very happy for you. There's nothing like that tingling sensation of butterflies in the belly when the right guy comes along.
 
trini_rican said:
You know what I think you should do? Focus on rebuilding the friendship you had. Be careful to end one relationship to run into another. The friendship will become a solid foundation for what's possibly the true love you've waited so long for. The reason you want to proceed with caution is that you want him to know that if you and he were involved you wouldn't jump out "like that" if you ran into a friend from the past that you think you have more in common with. A lot of men have insecurities when they're in a relationship. Again I'm very happy for you. There's nothing like that tingling sensation of butterflies in the belly when the right guy comes along.
Click to expand...

Great advice! I will definitely be sure to take it! :yep:

Like I said, I don't know if he's the one but he really helped me see that knucklehead head ain't and I need to keep it movin'. If nothing else comes out of this situation, I'm grateful for that in itself.
 
MzLady78 said:
A few weeks ago, one of my friends from high school found me on myspace. Now, this dude was IN LOVE with me back then, but I was with my ex from across the street at the time. But we we'e very close untill maybe 2 years after we graduated. One of our other classmates put together a mini reunion and we all met up last night at this bar and then went to a club down the street afterwards.

It was crazy. I mean, you'd never believe that we hadn't seen each other in 10 years. It was like we never missed a step. So me and him are chillin on the couch and I'm leaning on him so he puts his arm around me. All of the sudden, he kisses me!!! :blush: I was so surprised. We just sat there for awhile and he would occasionally kiss me on the forward or stroke my cheek. It was nice, I can't lie.

It was also a reality check. I'd already decided that I'm never going to have the type of relationship that I want, need or deserve with Mr. "I don't kiss, don't have time for you cause of my 2 kids, can't call you but I'll shoot you a text message". :rolleyes: But it REALLY hit me last night. I got more affection, felt more wanted and special by this dude in a few hours than I have in the entire month and some change I've been seeing this other dude. I just kept thinking "he would really adore me if I was in his life"- there's no doubt in my mind. He's always been a good guy and if I wasn't involved back then, I probably would have given him a chance.

I don't know if what happen was just us getting caught up in the moment or what but even if it doesn't mean anything or go anywhere, I know now that I absolutely cannot settle for this other dude or anyone who isn't giving me what I want. This old friend may not be the one, but there is SOMEBODY somewhere that's capable of treating me the way I deserve to be treated.
Click to expand...

Girl, it's funny you are writing on this topic. I went out w/ my guy buddy to a movie last night. I was saying to myself, wow, the guy I just stop dealing with NEVER took me to a movie!!! :ohwell: Isn't that amazing :perplexed ? What little I accepted then...now I was sitting and thinking about my buddy through out the movie while sitting next to him.
He's not my type but he's not bad looking at all, we can hang without getting on each others nerves, he's educated, nice, basically a good guy overall. If it does gradually change to something more, I'd gladly accept
it. :yep:
I decided I want to be treated like I deserve..not like I"m an option :rolleyes:. I won't accept nothing less. :yep:

So, good for you!!! :yep:
 
trini_rican said:
You know what I think you should do? Focus on rebuilding the friendship you had. Be careful to end one relationship to run into another. The friendship will become a solid foundation for what's possibly the true love you've waited so long for. The reason you want to proceed with caution is that you want him to know that if you and he were involved you wouldn't jump out "like that" if you ran into a friend from the past that you think you have more in common with. A lot of men have insecurities when they're in a relationship. Again I'm very happy for you. There's nothing like that tingling sensation of butterflies in the belly when the right guy comes along.
Click to expand...

Great advice, Trini :yep:!
ITA! Sometimes we have tis particular "type" for a mate and God has other plans. MzLady78, I have followed your love life for some time now and you so deserve to be happy! You are maturing with every relationship and I secretly hope that this guy is the "one" for you!
 
MzLady78 said:
I really don't know.

I mean, physically he's not exactly my type. He's kind of small in stature. With my heels on, we're the same height and I'm only 5'3.

But he's such a friggin sweetheart. I used to bytch to him about my ex all the time (this was before I found out how he felt about me). He never told me to leave him, he always encouraged me to try to work it out even though he felt he was better for me than he was. That's the type of guy he is and I always really respected him for that.

NOTE: ". :rolleyes: It's always the same shyt with him- all he does is deflect shyt back on me. He doesn't take responsibility for anything.
Click to expand...
Sometimes you have to prioritize your wants in a relationship... If attentive, loving, honest, etc are important make sure those things are there first... deal with the height thing later...:yep:

I'd take a short man treating me like gold anyday over a chump treating me like he's doing me a favor...
 
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kia said:
Girl, it's funny you are writing on this topic. I went out w/ my guy buddy to a movie last night. I was saying to myself, wow, the guy I just stop dealing with NEVER took me to a movie!!! :ohwell: Isn't that amazing :perplexed ? What little I accepted then...now I was sitting and thinking about my buddy through out the movie while sitting next to him.
He's not my type but he's not bad looking at all, we can hang without getting on each others nerves, he's educated, nice, basically a good guy overall. If it does gradually change to something more, I'd gladly accept
it. :yep:
I decided I want to be treated like I deserve..not like I"m an option :rolleyes:. I won't accept nothing less. :yep:

So, good for you!!! :yep:
Click to expand...

Exactly!!!!

I feel like he has this kind of "I can take her or leave her" attitude towards me. Who needs that?
 
caribgirl said:
Great advice, Trini :yep:!
ITA! Sometimes we have tis particular "type" for a mate and God has other plans. MzLady78, I have followed your love life for some time now and you so deserve to be happy! You are maturing with every relationship and I secretly hope that this guy is the "one" for you!
Click to expand...

Aww, thank you, caribgirl!

I'm really trying to start paying attention to the warning signs and not waste alot of time on situations that I know aren't productive.
 
harrison said:
Sometimes you have to prioritize your wants in a relationship... If attentive, loving, honest, etc are important make sure those things are there first... deal with the height thing later...:yep:

I'd take a short man treating me like gold anyday over a chump treating me like he's doing me a favor...
Click to expand...

Absolutely! :yep:

Shoot, I gave this 2 baby mama havin', cryin broke every other week, can't pick up the damn phone negro a chance........

Bypassing a guy who I really think would treat me like a queen on basis of height wouldn't make a whole lot of sense.

Plus, when he walked me to my door- I kissed him so obviously there's some kind of attraction.
 
MzLady78 said:
Absolutely! :yep:

Shoot, I gave this 2 baby mama havin', cryin broke every other week, can't pick up the damn phone negro a chance........

Bypassing a guy who I really think would treat me like a queen on basis of height wouldn't make a whole lot of sense.

Plus, when he walked me to my door- I kissed him so obviously there's some kind of attraction.
Click to expand...

No, it really wouldn't so give it a slow go.
 
MzLady78 said:
A few weeks ago, one of my friends from high school found me on myspace. Now, this dude was IN LOVE with me back then, but I was with my ex from across the street at the time. But we we'e very close untill maybe 2 years after we graduated. One of our other classmates put together a mini reunion and we all met up last night at this bar and then went to a club down the street afterwards.

It was crazy. I mean, you'd never believe that we hadn't seen each other in 10 years. It was like we never missed a step. So me and him are chillin on the couch and I'm leaning on him so he puts his arm around me. All of the sudden, he kisses me!!! :blush: I was so surprised. We just sat there for awhile and he would occasionally kiss me on the forward or stroke my cheek. It was nice, I can't lie.

It was also a reality check. I'd already decided that I'm never going to have the type of relationship that I want, need or deserve with Mr. "I don't kiss, don't have time for you cause of my 2 kids, can't call you but I'll shoot you a text message". :rolleyes: But it REALLY hit me last night. I got more affection, felt more wanted and special by this dude in a few hours than I have in the entire month and some change I've been seeing this other dude. I just kept thinking "he would really adore me if I was in his life"- there's no doubt in my mind. He's always been a good guy and if I wasn't involved back then, I probably would have given him a chance.

I don't know if what happen was just us getting caught up in the moment or what but even if it doesn't mean anything or go anywhere, I know now that I absolutely cannot settle for this other dude or anyone who isn't giving me what I want. This old friend may not be the one, but there is SOMEBODY somewhere that's capable of treating me the way I deserve to be treated.
Click to expand...

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember saying the last thread don't waste your time on that guy. You're too pretty to put up with that stuff.

i used to get so frustrated over a guy I was dating because he would only want to hang out once in a blue. Then after him I started dating other guys and they actually wanted to do things with me on a regular basis. I felt the way you did like wow, it feels good to have someone want to sepend time with me.

We should never settle for less.:nono:
 
locabouthair said:
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember saying the last thread don't waste your time on that guy. You're too pretty to put up with that stuff.

i used to get so frustrated over a guy I was dating because he would only want to hang out once in a blue. Then after him I started dating other guys and they actually wanted to do things with me on a regular basis. I felt the way you did like wow, it feels good to have someone want to sepend time with me.

We should never settle for less.:nono:
Click to expand...

It is frustrating.

I have to say I'm really disappointed but I feel like I've given him plenty of opportunities to step his game up. Doesn't seem to me like he really wants to.
 
He'll be back as soon as you start acting like you're no longer interested in him. I don't know your faith but ask God for the kind of man you want, and list the qualities you want in that man - out loud. Believe what you ask for when you pray and you shall have the petition that you ask of him. Try it, the results will shock you. All it takes is belief. I believe you and everyone out there who needs and wants someone to treat and make them feel special deserves it. There's someone for everyone. Sometimes we have to be more open minded. Sometimes that may mean crossing color barriers but know that if you're going out with an open mind and receptive heart you will find the one that's perfect for you (all the single ladies)

:wave: hi my Fl Hair Sister - waving at Caribgirl (hugs mama)
 
trini_rican said:
He'll be back as soon as you start acting like you're no longer interested in him. I don't know your faith but ask God for the kind of man you want, and list the qualities you want in that man - out loud. Believe what you ask for when you pray and you shall have the petition that you ask of him. Try it, the results will shock you. All it takes is belief. I believe you and everyone out there who needs and wants someone to treat and make them feel special deserves it. There's someone for everyone. Sometimes we have to be more open minded. Sometimes that may mean crossing color barriers but know that if you're going out with an open mind and receptive heart you will find the one that's perfect for you (all the single ladies)

:wave: hi my Fl Hair Sister - waving at Caribgirl (hugs mama)
Click to expand...

Beautifully put!!

Thank you so much for the encouragement!

:bighug:
 
MzLady78 said:
Great advice! I will definitely be sure to take it! :yep:

Like I said, I don't know if he's the one but he really helped me see that knucklehead head ain't and I need to keep it movin'. If nothing else comes out of this situation, I'm grateful for that in itself.
Click to expand...

I love it! I'm happy that you've had this epiphany.

That's so true when you realized you need more affection, love, whatever from a potential mate. I think sometimes we get caught up with other things and forget that if he doesn't have the basic qualities we're looking for then he doesn't fit, period. I hope you find someone who'll make you feel how you did that night.

Best of luck!
 
bLackButtaFly said:
I love it! I'm happy that you've had this epiphany.

That's so true when you realized you need more affection, love, whatever from a potential mate. I think sometimes we get caught up with other things and forget that if he doesn't have the basic qualities we're looking for then he doesn't fit, period. I hope you find someone who'll make you feel how you did that night.

Best of luck!
Click to expand...

Yep. :yep:

He and I actually had a convo this morning. I told him again how I felt about this situation and he proceeded to tell me I have too much time on my hands. :rolleyes: I'm like, that's really not the problem here and told him while I can appreciate the fact that he has to be there for his kids and stuff that I have my own needs and they're not being met. So it's whatever.
 
I'm so happy you had that epiphany. It solidifies that you WILL find the right one for you. And he is right around the corner. :yep:
 
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