How Do You Not Get Wrapped Up in a Guy When.....

[MzLady78]

What else do you do besides date?

And I don't mean that sarcastically - that's how you don't get wrapped in a guy...you do other things.

Take up a new sport/gym activity.
Get involved in some things you've always wanted to do but never did.
Spend more time with friends/family.
Read a new book.
Travel.
Scuba Dive.
Save the World.

There's more to life than men - and the funny part is, men want us more when they realize that we KNOW there's more to life than men.

It's when they realize that we're all wrapped up that they start doing silly sh*t just because they know they can.

ITA with the bolded.

I actually joined a book club, I'm thinking about taking some classes so I have a few things I'm trying to get into.

I just feel no matter what else you have going on, if when it comes to your love life in particular, you only have one person you're spending time with, it's easy to develop an attachment to that person because there isnt' anyone else.

I think I'm just gonna fall back a little to be on the safe side.

I'm out doing stuff

 

[MzLady78]

Awww, thanks MzLady..
I'm in the process of a breakup right now... and a few wknds ago I briefly met a guy who keeps running across my mind. I don't know him or anything, but part of me is excited to talk to him and get to know him just off the vibe I've got from him and what i've heard. This almost never happens to me, so I guess I feel a little anxious. It's my friends SO's friend.. and he's def. a guy that looks good on paper .

I'm sorry about the break up but good luck with the new guy!

 

[MzLady78]

I agree with everything you said. Just cause you're busy doesn't mean you won't think about him, it just means you won't spend ALL of your time with him. Definetely keep your guard up.

Yeah, well that's definitely not an issue right now.

 

[MzLady78]

You shoulda said "well damn where da helz is Poke Chop"! I cannot believe that fool. I agree its all about balance but I still think having a stable is the way to go

Girl, I was so disgusted I couldn't even think of good response.

I'm like do I really look like the type of woman who would find that cute or even remotely amusing.

I wish I could have a stable but you see what I'm working with here, right?

 

[MzLady78]

Oh Boston

I've had three guys introduce themselves to me as such: Swizzy, Beanz, and E

I'm like um, what's your real name? They're like such and such, which I clearly don't remember now, but my friends call me (insert ridiculous name here).
Uh, I would think a guy who is genuinely interested in getting to know a woman would give his respectable name..

Exactly!!

I knew somebody would feel my pain, LOL.

 

[Bunny77]

I've had three guys introduce themselves to me as such: Swizzy, Beanz, and E

Hey, they sound sexaaaay.... hook a sista up!

(NOT!!!)

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

What else do you do besides date?

And I don't mean that sarcastically - that's how you don't get wrapped in a guy...you do other things.

Take up a new sport/gym activity.
Get involved in some things you've always wanted to do but never did.
Spend more time with friends/family.
Read a new book.
Travel.
Scuba Dive.
Save the World.

There's more to life than men - and the funny part is, men want us more when they realize that we KNOW there's more to life than men.

It's when they realize that we're all wrapped up that they start doing silly sh*t just because they know they can.

+1 Co-signing on that!! This is so true!

 

[bLackButtaFly]

What wrong with getting wrapped up in a guy?

I'm wondering the same thing.


It seems like you go out and are doing other things, so what wrong with just dating him until A. things progress or B. things don't progress. I mean I think if you're maintaining a life outside of him, and not doing super coupley things(like picking out china) then it's not really a bad thing to just date one guy.

I've struggled with this myself. I'm seeing a guy right now, and although I'm talking to other ppl he's the only one I'm going out with. I really like him, but I don't want to get caught up. I was talking to my bff about it, adn she was like, "what happens if you get caught up and things go right" I was like, "then I'll have a bf in about 2 months" and she was just like, "well, what's wrong with that?" erplexed her comment just convicted me, like what am I afraid of. It's not like I'm getting hurt less single, and if God sees fit to bless me with a good man who am I to let fear stand in the way. That's not to say I'm putting all my eggs in this basket, but it's something to think about, and just really relaxed me. Like just let it do what it do. If it's meant to be it'll be, and if not you'll be just fine b/c you never made this man your life. JMO.

 

[MzLady78]

Well, I think not getting wrapped up and falling back will actually be easier than I initially thought.

I really don't think he's all that interested in me at all.

I don't feel gettng into details right now, but whatever.

 

[bLackButtaFly]

Well, I think not getting wrapped up and falling back will actually be easier than I initially thought.

I really don't think he's all that interested in me at all.

I don't feel gettng into details right now, but whatever.

WHAT!? Oh enquiring minds want to know....

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I think the whole point in not getting too wrapped up in a guy is not due to a fear of commitment, or fear of a relationship. I think it has more to do with not letting some guy become your whole life and reason for being. Because what if you two decide to break up?? Then what?? You would have made this guy your whole life, and would have forgone things that you could have been doing to better yourself, and keep your life interesting.

I don't think that ALL women have to work on not being wrapped up in a guy, but most women have to fight the urge to let their guard down so easily. Especially if you REALLY like a guy.

Plus, remember a lot of guys like a challenge. They like to work a little bit for you. And of course, there are the guys who all of a sudden lose interest as soon as they sense that you're all into them. So, your keeping busy, maybe dating other guys too, and not getting "wrapped up" into one guy will help you stay a bit of a mystery and will probably keep some of these guys interested.

We as women almost have to keep our guard up at first because we tend to get emotionally involved in a guy pretty quickly. Whereas, a guy can be thinking logically since he's just in the "attraction" stage. He's just loving your looks at first, so he can easily come and go as he pleases without getting TOO involved emotionally. Meanwhile, the woman wonders: "What just happened here??" That's just my .02.

 

[Snuckles]

I didn't read through your thread, nor do I mean any disrespect, but get a life. No, seriously, have a life outside of whom ever you are dating. I.E. get involved in something, make new friends, etc . . . and don't always be available when he calls.

Okay, I'm done now.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

MzLady: (and anyone else interested)

Some good books to check out would be:

-"The Rules"
-"Why Men Love B**ches"
-"Why Men Marry B**ches"
-"Date Like a Man" (Written by a black woman!)
-"Think Like a Guy"

All of these books basically advocate having your own life and not making a guy all of your existence. It also encourages high self-regard, and not becoming some guy's door-mat. I enjoyed reading/skimming each one.

It helps, even if you don't usually fall for a guy hard. It's always good to get a few reminders now and then.

 

[MzLady78]

I didn't read through your thread, nor do I mean any disrespect, but get a life. No, seriously, have a life outside of whom ever you are dating. I.E. get involved in something, make new friends, etc . . . and don't always be available when he calls.

Okay, I'm done now.

Nevermind.......

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

I still wanna know the answer to the question. I ALWAYS end up in this situation. Except for one isolated time a few years ago when I was casually dating more than 1 person.

Now I'm down to dating no one. But there may come a day when I meet a somebody I'm interested in again. To meet more than one man with some long-term potential would be like a dream.

How do you NOT put your eggs in one basket when faced with this situation? And yes, I have hobbies and things outside of men. The thing is that the "relationship basket" is completely empty. With only one egg... well, the tendency seems to be to get wrapped up, IMO.

And Mzlady, it's not just Boston. The dating pool here sucks too.

 

[Syrah]

MzLady: (and anyone else interested)

Some good books to check out would be:

-"The Rules"
-"Why Men Love B**ches"
-"Why Men Marry B**ches"
-"Date Like a Man" (Written by a black woman!)
-"Think Like a Guy"

All of these books basically advocate having your own life and not making a guy all of your existence. It also encourages high self-regard, and not becoming some guy's door-mat. I enjoyed reading/skimming each one.

It helps, even if you don't usually fall for a guy hard. It's always good to get a few reminders now and then.

...I'm wondering why all those books that are trying to help women NOT get all wrapped in men have negative titles.

If me having my own hobbies and friends, and wanting to go have a "girls night out" every so often makes me a ***** ... :::shrug:::