Ladies, How do You approach a guy you're interested in???
- Thread starter Mimi22
- Start date
Mimi22
Well-Known Member
Gigi-07
New Member
I don't think you'll find a lot of advice here on LHCF about how to approach men lol. From what I've observed, the ladies here do not believe in that as they are very much into traditional gender roles of dating.
BUT If you ask me lol, just talk to him like you would any random person you wanted to befriend. After all, there is nothing to lose, and if he's not interested like that, you have a friend to gain. I'm a big believer in becoming friends first, and perhaps lovers later in the relationship. Be casual and friendly, don't flirt though, and approach him as if you are making a new buddy. If you are a part of any clubs, volunteer orgs, a perfect way to get to know him is to invite him to a meeting. if he doesn't come, then it's a lost cause, lol. If he does, that's a good sign. HTH.
BUT If you ask me lol, just talk to him like you would any random person you wanted to befriend. After all, there is nothing to lose, and if he's not interested like that, you have a friend to gain. I'm a big believer in becoming friends first, and perhaps lovers later in the relationship. Be casual and friendly, don't flirt though, and approach him as if you are making a new buddy. If you are a part of any clubs, volunteer orgs, a perfect way to get to know him is to invite him to a meeting. if he doesn't come, then it's a lost cause, lol. If he does, that's a good sign. HTH.
erplexed... 
moonglowdiva
New Member
I wouldn't approach a man. I don't care how interested in him I was. If he doesn't make the first move then it ain't happening. I might make eye contact and smile at him but THAT'S IT!
BTW: I subscribed to the old school method of dating. I'm quitting that and I'm going to do it God's way.
BTW: I subscribed to the old school method of dating. I'm quitting that and I'm going to do it God's way.
starfish
Well-Known Member
I have no current prospects, so I'm an avid looker lol
The last guy I approached was my ex, and it was fairly simple: "Do you wanna dance?"
Now I need to up my game, e.g. guy at a coffee shop, library etc.
How do u approach a guy your interested in?
Thoughts??
I don't believe in approaching men but I use my eyes and smile to let them know I'm interested, then they approach me.
juju
New Member
I just hate the fact i have to approach a guy first it makes me feel like i am cheap.
Some guys don't even notice the signs even if u approach them first,but there is not wrong Mimi if you want to set up ur game in the relationship department.
This days it seems most guys i see are all hooked up with someone (here in Belguim) and it looks like there re no single men anymore out there
Some guys don't even notice the signs even if u approach them first,but there is not wrong Mimi if you want to set up ur game in the relationship department.
This days it seems most guys i see are all hooked up with someone (here in Belguim) and it looks like there re no single men anymore out there
tiara76
New Member
If you are interested in a guy simply open yourself up to him and let him decide if he wants to walk thru the door or not...that can come from eye contact and smiles...it can come from a hello how are you, an introduction or something as simple as that.....set your vibe up and send it out....if he's interested he will respond if not he won't....if he doesn't don't be upset..im a smiler/eye communicator...I have the thank you smile, the courtesy smile, friendly smile and the come hither smirk...draw the guy you focus on to you
as I tell any woman....
men don't choose me
I choose them
if i want him it is made known one way or another......
if a guy approaches me who I didn't specifically choose or haven't decided on what Ima do with him I just play it by ear if Im halfway interested...at that point he still has yet to be chosen...if he's chasing its because he has yet to be chosen not because of anything else....Im not doing anything but being me because Im not worried about if a man wants me or not,
thats not an issue...
I don't deal with men who don't want me ..I don't pay attention to what he says or does...i pay attention to what vibe and feeling I pick up from him...so worrying about whether he wants me or not or trying to make him want me isn't a factor
its about if I want him
and go from there
as I tell any woman....
men don't choose me
I choose them
if i want him it is made known one way or another......
if a guy approaches me who I didn't specifically choose or haven't decided on what Ima do with him I just play it by ear if Im halfway interested...at that point he still has yet to be chosen...if he's chasing its because he has yet to be chosen not because of anything else....Im not doing anything but being me because Im not worried about if a man wants me or not,
thats not an issue...
I don't deal with men who don't want me ..I don't pay attention to what he says or does...i pay attention to what vibe and feeling I pick up from him...so worrying about whether he wants me or not or trying to make him want me isn't a factor
its about if I want him
and go from there
Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
I don't . I let a man chase and pursue me. If I start going after a man I am interested in I will get a big let down. Then it turns out the man is not into me after all and then he is into someone else.
Prose Princess
New Member
Just because she wants to approach the guy does not mean she's taking the "hunting" element away from him. She could just say hi, and he would still have to work to get her to go out with him romantically, but that's still considered approaching him. If I were single again, I would not hesitate to at LEAST get cute, smile at a guy, and say, "Hey, what's up?" Not trying to diss anyone who's into the Rules and everything, but on a larger scale, the whole gender socialization thing is complete bulls***. Women want to complain about not being treated as equals in society, but then turn around and let the men be the only proactive ones who go for what they want. AGAIN, I want to stress that this is not a personal attack on anyone, I'm just expressing my disdain for gender socialization in America. Just my personal opinion. Life is too short to wait around for things to come to you, and that's essentially what we as women have been taught to do. When you have the opportunity to be old school and the guy comes to you, that's fantastic! But there is nothing wrong with at least striking up a conversation with the guy to see if there could be something there.
Honestly, if you're still worried about being too straightforward with this man and him thinking you're cheap (which can happen), just do yourself up really nice the next few times you know you're going to see him, smile at him and greet him. Do that three times, and if by the third time he still hasn't tried to talk to you, leave him alone. HTH!
Honestly, if you're still worried about being too straightforward with this man and him thinking you're cheap (which can happen), just do yourself up really nice the next few times you know you're going to see him, smile at him and greet him. Do that three times, and if by the third time he still hasn't tried to talk to you, leave him alone. HTH!
discobiscuits
New Member
I smile, walk up, say hello, introduce myself. Always works. I'm not cheap and initiating a conversation does not make me feel cheap. After we speak, he then has the opportunity to pursue me if he wants to. I never chase men and introducing myself to one is not the same as chasing a man. I don't spit game and I always get the man.
eta i've had several men (friends/coworkers etc) tell me that they sometimes feel intimidated by women (b/c we look evil, unapproachable & unsmiling) and MEN HATE REJECTION. If the woman initiates the convo, they will do the rest.
Prose Princess
New Member
Lol "Ey boy! Lemme holla atchu for a minute!!"
No, that was good advice though. That's what I was trying to say before I got on my soap box.
Bunny77
New Member
I don't approach men, but here's how I get men in public places to approach me. 
Positioning... okay, so if I see a cute guy at Starbucks and we walk in at the same time, I might say something random to him about something he's wearing, etc. Or if he orders an interesting beverage, I might say, "Is that good? I want to try that sometime, but I always get the same thing every time here. I need to change it up!"
If you're already sitting down, then get up to go to the condiment area right around the time he's getting his drink. That's an opportunity to then say something.
Maybe sit at a table close to his if you are both getting your food/drink at the same time. You migt be able to say something to him about the book he's reading or whatever else you can figure out to discuss.
If the guy doesn't carry on the conversation after your lead in, then move on. The key is, you're not approaching, but you're being open, friendly and making yourself approachable to a man!
Positioning... okay, so if I see a cute guy at Starbucks and we walk in at the same time, I might say something random to him about something he's wearing, etc. Or if he orders an interesting beverage, I might say, "Is that good? I want to try that sometime, but I always get the same thing every time here. I need to change it up!"
If you're already sitting down, then get up to go to the condiment area right around the time he's getting his drink. That's an opportunity to then say something.
Maybe sit at a table close to his if you are both getting your food/drink at the same time. You migt be able to say something to him about the book he's reading or whatever else you can figure out to discuss.
If the guy doesn't carry on the conversation after your lead in, then move on. The key is, you're not approaching, but you're being open, friendly and making yourself approachable to a man!
Mimi22
Well-Known Member
This is sound amazing advice!
I honestly understand the concept of waiting for someone to approach u. However I dont experience this often
I'm not mean looking etc, but if i see a guy I want to be confident in my approach with some tips on my sleeve to do so!!Keep 'em rolling ladies
Soul♥Flower
Well-Known Member
I think this is good advice. I've just recently stopped trying to attract men and have just been my friendly self to whomever. What I have noticed is that men notice these things. They are more likely to approach a woman who seems open to meeting new people, and who seems comfortable with herself among "strangers".
Men take a chance when they approach a woman and a lot of them still worry about being rejected. I don't worry about getting "booked" anymore, I just introduce myself and act like they just met their newest buddy. lol Less pressure that way....and it has been working (finally!lol)
ETA: I've come to the conclusion that men can smell desperation a mile a way. Just know that when it comes to this man-woman thing, women are ALWAYS in control. Why? because we have the one thing that they think about the most....sorry to be so crass, but it's true. Don't give your power away girl, be proactive, open, but not too flirty....that smells like desperation and can attract the wrong type of guy.
Last edited:
ITA - projecting "friendly" does work. Even if you're not looking at them, the thought that this person that just entered yoru space could become your best friend in the future makes you project a different energy.
One of my friends used to always tell me, "If you treated men the way you treat your friends, you'd a been married by now."
I do tend to think the worst of dudes early on... only because they usually deserve it. 98% of the time.
Soul♥Flower
Well-Known Member
You're friend is so right, I just wished I had figured that out a lot sooner.
....Oh and one of the compliments I've been getting, since I've changed my outlook on dating, is "I love your energy", and that means a lot more than a compliment on looks IMO.
Last edited:
discobiscuits
New Member
Your post is the same thing as approaching (you came to him and initiated a convo/contact) the difference is the tactic. You do the (indirect) covert, subversive tactical approach LOL. I think that is a a good one too and probable the best way. You do the initiating but he thinks it was his idea. LOL. My direct assault on the citadel approach LOL works also.I don't approach men, but here's how I get men in public places to approach me.
Positioning... okay, so if I see a cute guy at Starbucks and we walk in at the same time, I might say something random to him about something he's wearing, etc. Or if he orders an interesting beverage, I might say, "Is that good? I want to try that sometime, but I always get the same thing every time here. I need to change it up!"
If you're already sitting down, then get up to go to the condiment area right around the time he's getting his drink. That's an opportunity to then say something.
Maybe sit at a table close to his if you are both getting your food/drink at the same time. You migt be able to say something to him about the book he's reading or whatever else you can figure out to discuss.
If the guy doesn't carry on the conversation after your lead in, then move on. The key is, you're not approaching, but you're being open, friendly and making yourself approachable to a man!
tiara76
New Member
You're friend is so right, I just wished I had figured that out a lot sooner.
....Oh and one of the compliments I've been getting, since I've changed my outlook on dating, is "I love your energy", and that means a lot more than a compliment on looks IMO.
so on point mama....please believe how you feel about yourself, the space you are in, the vibes you give off are all picked up on.....one way or the other....
my friends runnin joke with me is
"tiara and that damn energy" because so many people make specific comments on the vibes and energy they pick up...
you get back what you put out...if you feel love for yourself, treat yourself good, think highly of yourself others will too...the ones who don't won't even be in your in your scope..or else you will bring out the good side of them that they will show you
if you have the opposite energy you are gonna attract the man who treats you like you treat yourself...no matter if he pursues you for ages or not....when he finally "gets" you....the question is will he want to keep you or treat you right and give you positive feelings
Bunny77
New Member
You know, it's funny because when I think of "approaching," I think of going up to a dude and being like, "Hey, I'm Bunny77. What's your name?"
And I'm thinking, no way jose... I'm not doing that!
But I definitely think there can be some strategy in not being that direct, but positioning yourself. Like you said, dudes love to think it was their idea and YOU were the one who plotted it all along.
My best example of this was seeing a cute guy at a basketball tournament and I really wanted to meet him. So I made friends with his friend and sat near his friend. When dude came over to talk to his friend, the friend introduced us and he was like, "Wow, who is she? I didn't know she would be sitting here!"
Ha ha ha ha ha.....He ended up inviting me to dinner with all of his friends that night!
(Bad news is that he had a girlfriend, but in terms of getting a positive response, it worked!)
MissMeWithThatIsh
New Member
Kudos to the women who have successfully approached, but anytime I have, I have failed and been rejected miserably. While I would love to encourage any woman to "assert herself" with a man, lmao it only works when he has caught me already.
The most I can do is give eye contact and friendly conversation.
The most I can do is give eye contact and friendly conversation.
discobiscuits
New Member
Bunny: you are right but me, I don't gat the time fo dat. LOL. i still think ur way is the best way. no matter what, i ain't gonna sit around waiting on some dude to come to me. i will walk past him & drop something & let him pick it up or i'll be in the store and ask him to get something off a higher shelf like i can't do it. hey what ever it takes but i'ma giterdone! LOL
Similar threads
