LovinLocks
Well-Known Member
Here is a situation I am finding it frustrating. 
Background:
S.O. is a loving and devoted dad with 47% visitation rights (would love more; however, ole girl ain't going for that). Apparently [she got busted living alternate life - S & M; she wanted to "do what she wants" and he just stand by idly) as she stated at the psychologist's office during the dying stages of the marriage - he couldn't handle that type of arrangement with his wife, someone who was supposed to love him. Wellll, how many men do you know want their wife (let alone woman) going off to beat, get beaten, and havin' a dominatrix??? This lead to the demise of the marriage.
In comes LL!
I told him when folk ask him questions about me to simply respond, "Ask Lovin' Locks". Well, apparently baby girl was asking him a series of questions about me and he responded properly and she said, "Mommy is not going to be happy with that answer". EXCUSE MEEEEEEEEEE??? I mean, I knew ole girl was going to be all up in, but dayum, I ain't gonna lie I was a little taken aback by the blatant honesty. Oh, but they do say, "Out of the mouths of babes"; don't they?
We have been discussing marriage and my relocating to Florida to join him as his wife. I am very concerned about this daughter/ex-wife thing. They are totally raising this 11 year-old child unlike the manner in which I raised mine (all grown and gone, mind you). When I as there visiting a couple of weeks ago, the little girl burst into the bedroom DOOR CLOSED several times. He starts yelling at her about it. I was just standing there, but it's the principle. She was used to sleeping with them or on the floor by their bed which is fine for a nuclear family I suppose (hmm, maybe that's why marriage didn't work out, hell, you can't get no nookie with the youngun, in the bed with ya and I told him that yesterday too, geez). But "Oh heck no", she replied, to that happening in our bed. He always comments how it will be a change for the little girl, and how she "likes" me and has been wanting him to remarry (LL taking this with a grain of salt).
He states his daughter has told him that her mother drives down his street unnecessarily and that she has seen her mom looking into the windows at his house. Apparently the ex:
The Meeting:
While I was there, one night the ex came to pick up the little girl, I could hear the conversation from the bedroom where I was. I was kinda waiting to be summoned to meet her. When it didn't happen I figured not a prob. I ain't going nowhere. Later I heard she commented to him something about him having me hidden. Next time she came I was sitting in dining room entering data onto my laptop. Little girl invites the woman in to see that I had cleaned the house and she comes in ooohing and aaahing about how clean the house is.
When she makes her way over to me, I extend my hand to shake hers and say, "Good evening Mrs. ____________; I am Mrs. ________". So she starts grinning and steppin' and fetchin' (or whatever you call it) and saying, "Oh no, not anymore!" about being Mrs. __________ (she refused/refuses to give up his last name - which I explained to him is her right, unfortunately) after giving me a surprised look at the way I introduced myself by my last name (me thinking, "Hey, we are not girls, this is business, lady"). Funny thing, by that time I have been all through the house, nose in all kinds of stuff and saw for myself multiple envelopes where she does indeed use his last name. Whatever (regarding her acting like she don't).
Now, I have noticed how some women feign staying connected "on accounta the kids". I've got enough sense to know I need to tread lightly where this child comes into play, but you know what . . . I ain't gonna have girlfriend running my house, all up in my house (oh and yeah, I've put this on the line to him). He's down for it, but to me, it's almost like he skurred of her (not literally), but he allows some behaviors from her that ain't cool if he is going to pursue another relationship. One being her coming all up in the house. I explained to him when I get there she will not/is not to be coming in my house. There is no reason for her to. When she picks up/drops off lil girl there is no reason for her to leave the auto. The girl ain't a baby, doesn't need to be carried into the house. She does not need to be checking out our house. She needs to handle her business over on Munjack where she lives.
I don't think it really makes a difference but she's Black and SO is Italian. I told him yesterday, "Dude, you getting ready to see some serious sister fireworks IF what you say about her not respecting boundaries is true". And, I have shared with him that when/if something goes down between me and her; he is to absolutely have my back and if he has anything to say, do it privately between me and him. My take on it is I have shared with him my feelings about how some of this is being handled and if he has any inkling there will be some "stuff" he'd better handle it before I get there. I am oh so serious about any possibility of miss thang attempting to be all up in mine. "Oh no!, she replied. You didn't want him, so go get beat, beat other men and women like you all into, and be dominated by ya dominatrix and keep it movin'.
The for real messed up thing is I know I must have some sort of relationship with this little girl, but I don't trust her. She was all up in the bedroom and I was concerned about my purse thinking she'd be all up in it trying to find out 411 to tell her mamma. We were at the DMV for me to get FL license and lil girl was all up in mine looking at my papers and such so I tactfully said something to get her to back off [good thing he picked up on it and handled it]. I don't know that I would trust her when I get there, my office area will have my personal papers and such. I guess this is what folk mean by getting old and being settled. You see, there is no one that comes up in my apartment now that I have to be concerned about my personal papers and things. Geez.
I love him and do have high hopes that these external forces will not be our undoing. I keep thinking long as I let folk know their boundaries [if they choose to be ignorant and act like they don't know- it'll be okay). As far as lil girl (who obviously has to be over my, okay "our" house) guess I can simply employ locks: lock the bedroom door, lock the office door, lock my desk/file drawers]. (rolling my eyes reall hard here)
Background:
S.O. is a loving and devoted dad with 47% visitation rights (would love more; however, ole girl ain't going for that). Apparently [she got busted living alternate life - S & M; she wanted to "do what she wants" and he just stand by idly) as she stated at the psychologist's office during the dying stages of the marriage - he couldn't handle that type of arrangement with his wife, someone who was supposed to love him. Wellll, how many men do you know want their wife (let alone woman) going off to beat, get beaten, and havin' a dominatrix??? This lead to the demise of the marriage.
In comes LL!
I told him when folk ask him questions about me to simply respond, "Ask Lovin' Locks". Well, apparently baby girl was asking him a series of questions about me and he responded properly and she said, "Mommy is not going to be happy with that answer". EXCUSE MEEEEEEEEEE??? I mean, I knew ole girl was going to be all up in, but dayum, I ain't gonna lie I was a little taken aback by the blatant honesty. Oh, but they do say, "Out of the mouths of babes"; don't they?
We have been discussing marriage and my relocating to Florida to join him as his wife. I am very concerned about this daughter/ex-wife thing. They are totally raising this 11 year-old child unlike the manner in which I raised mine (all grown and gone, mind you). When I as there visiting a couple of weeks ago, the little girl burst into the bedroom DOOR CLOSED several times. He starts yelling at her about it. I was just standing there, but it's the principle. She was used to sleeping with them or on the floor by their bed which is fine for a nuclear family I suppose (hmm, maybe that's why marriage didn't work out, hell, you can't get no nookie with the youngun, in the bed with ya and I told him that yesterday too, geez). But "Oh heck no", she replied, to that happening in our bed. He always comments how it will be a change for the little girl, and how she "likes" me and has been wanting him to remarry (LL taking this with a grain of salt).
He states his daughter has told him that her mother drives down his street unnecessarily and that she has seen her mom looking into the windows at his house.
Apparently the ex:- does not overstand why they can not be "friends"; the break-up was horrific for him, trust me
- does not respect boundaries
- asks probing questions which are none of her business about him and his life (of course some are in the name of "we have a child together"). now I KNOW he has total control over that
- expects him to be at her beck and call, i.e., pick child up on days which are not part of the agreement at her convenience because when he offered to have the little girl come over his house versus going to after school care ole girl didn't go for that
erplexed - consistently asks him inappropriate (in my opinion) things pertaining to me; i.e., where does LL work, what kind of car does she drive, can't you get $ from LL, etc.
The Meeting:
While I was there, one night the ex came to pick up the little girl, I could hear the conversation from the bedroom where I was. I was kinda waiting to be summoned to meet her. When it didn't happen I figured not a prob. I ain't going nowhere. Later I heard she commented to him something about him having me hidden. Next time she came I was sitting in dining room entering data onto my laptop. Little girl invites the woman in to see that I had cleaned the house and she comes in ooohing and aaahing about how clean the house is.
When she makes her way over to me, I extend my hand to shake hers and say, "Good evening Mrs. ____________; I am Mrs. ________". So she starts grinning and steppin' and fetchin' (or whatever you call it) and saying, "Oh no, not anymore!" about being Mrs. __________ (she refused/refuses to give up his last name - which I explained to him is her right, unfortunately) after giving me a surprised look at the way I introduced myself by my last name (me thinking, "Hey, we are not girls, this is business, lady"). Funny thing, by that time I have been all through the house, nose in all kinds of stuff and saw for myself multiple envelopes where she does indeed use his last name. Whatever (regarding her acting like she don't).
Now, I have noticed how some women feign staying connected "on accounta the kids". I've got enough sense to know I need to tread lightly where this child comes into play, but you know what . . . I ain't gonna have girlfriend running my house, all up in my house (oh and yeah, I've put this on the line to him). He's down for it, but to me, it's almost like he skurred of her (not literally), but he allows some behaviors from her that ain't cool if he is going to pursue another relationship. One being her coming all up in the house. I explained to him when I get there she will not/is not to be coming in my house. There is no reason for her to. When she picks up/drops off lil girl there is no reason for her to leave the auto. The girl ain't a baby, doesn't need to be carried into the house. She does not need to be checking out our house. She needs to handle her business over on Munjack where she lives.
I don't think it really makes a difference but she's Black and SO is Italian. I told him yesterday, "Dude, you getting ready to see some serious sister fireworks IF what you say about her not respecting boundaries is true". And, I have shared with him that when/if something goes down between me and her; he is to absolutely have my back and if he has anything to say, do it privately between me and him. My take on it is I have shared with him my feelings about how some of this is being handled and if he has any inkling there will be some "stuff" he'd better handle it before I get there. I am oh so serious about any possibility of miss thang attempting to be all up in mine. "Oh no!, she replied. You didn't want him, so go get beat, beat other men and women like you all into, and be dominated by ya dominatrix and keep it movin'.
The for real messed up thing is I know I must have some sort of relationship with this little girl, but I don't trust her. She was all up in the bedroom and I was concerned about my purse thinking she'd be all up in it trying to find out 411 to tell her mamma. We were at the DMV for me to get FL license and lil girl was all up in mine looking at my papers and such so I tactfully said something to get her to back off [good thing he picked up on it and handled it]. I don't know that I would trust her when I get there, my office area will have my personal papers and such. I guess this is what folk mean by getting old and being settled. You see, there is no one that comes up in my apartment now that I have to be concerned about my personal papers and things. Geez.
I love him and do have high hopes that these external forces will not be our undoing. I keep thinking long as I let folk know their boundaries [if they choose to be ignorant and act like they don't know- it'll be okay). As far as lil girl (who obviously has to be over my, okay "our" house) guess I can simply employ locks: lock the bedroom door, lock the office door, lock my desk/file drawers]. (rolling my eyes reall hard here)
Last edited:
. I haven't relocated to FL yet either (was simply there for a visit two weeks ago and that's when I met the lil angel). Oh, crazy woman is gonna be fun (for a minute). I'm more concerned about the lil angel 'cause SHE would be all up in my house half living there, if you feel me.
but said he just couldn't get off into that lifestyle. She said she wanted to do what SHE wanted to do; didn't want to be married to him any more. 
