Just got finished reading Why Men Love B...
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Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
@Fine 4s Have you read the book? Its not about being nice or mean. Its about respect, not being walked over and setting boundaries. No one is perfect, but when it comes to relationships some womenlook:me) don't know wth to do with men. It gave me insight into how the male mind works and why being bending over backwards ("nice") is not beneficial to any woman in a relationship. Don't confuse being a nice person with being a doormat. You can be nice and sweet and still assert yourself and not be a doormat to men. Most of the things the book taught me I never got growing up, so I was always being the 'nice girl' and bending over backwards to try and please my man ...it got me nothing but heartache. And thats not to say just because you are more assertive etc. he will propose, but it will help you weed out the losers and men who will waste your time or only want one thing.
Hey CurlyNiquee,
Didn't read the book and was responding to other posters comments on the 'nice' point. What you've stated above is probably the main point of the book which is great (If you buy that THIS is the issue.) But IMO, relationships (with people in general) are dynamic and therefore when the balance is tilted in favor of one person to the detriment of the other
That is something no book can teach. So, too much thinking, reading and strategizing is tiring IMO, let my instinct guide me, self love and let my eyes be WIDE open lolBTW, is the premise of the book similar to 'nice guys finish last?'
ladysaraii
Well-Known Member
This is my problem. I crush on people really easily though, but I also fall out of it randomly over weird things. Like, really? i didnt even know you looked like that from the side. Crush over. In the meantime, I suffer in silence.
I read this book a few years ago, I think I need to pull it out and re-read it. I also probably need to send a copy to my sister.
mallysmommy
Well-Known Member
thats what i finally settled on. books like these give good advice but in all reality its just not me. I'm wired to give a d*mn and care when it comes to men. if i care about you im nice, if i dont care about you then im most likely not messing with you. i cant pretend and i dont have the patience to over analyze his actions and my reactions. i can't help it. i will probably continue to hit my head against the wall when it comes to men. im just prayerful and hopeful that there is someone out there who can appriciate the type of person that i am. if not i will be at the pet store buying cats
FlyyBohemian
Well-Known Member
"Why men marry b***** " I love that book! It changed my life! Now I know how to handle myself when dudes try to try me!
CurlyNiquee
Well-Known Member
Hey CurlyNiquee,
Didn't read the book and was responding to other posters comments on the 'nice' point. What you've stated above is probably the main point of the book which is great (If you buy that THIS is the issue.) But IMO, relationships (with people in general) are dynamic and therefore when the balance is tilted in favor of one person to the detriment of the other
BTW, is the premise of the book similar to 'nice guys finish last?'
I think you should read it, its not really so much about plotting and strategizing than it is about self worth/esteem. She doesn't just say, you should respond xyz way without telling you WHY it is beneficial for you to do so. Ultimately it is every woman's decision what she will and will not take, however it must be said that most women reading a book like this aren't the luckiest in love or relationship savvy. I have never read 'Nice guys finish last' so I can't really say if it is comparable. I have it on PDF if you are interested.
CurlyNiquee
Well-Known Member
butterfly_wings
New Member
I read this book in 3 days, I love it, I can see where I went wrong now, next time I'll be more prepared.
Mahoganybeauty
Active Member
melissa-bee
Well-Known Member
The links are in here if anyone else wants them.
I think the ones on the original post got taken down but you can find the active ones further on in the thread.
http://forum.blackhairmedia.com/for-you-bhm-ladies-why-men-marry-*****es_topic330981.html
I think the ones on the original post got taken down but you can find the active ones further on in the thread.
http://forum.blackhairmedia.com/for-you-bhm-ladies-why-men-marry-*****es_topic330981.html
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After I read it I broke up with my on again off again Ex-boyfriend of 4 years. Now I'm with a guy who I've always wanted and deserved.Hey, I worked out how to get to the links thanks. Is it just me who isn't able to view BHM
I went left of the first poster and theres an options tab> view printable version, then you can see the whole thread properly and links.
melissa-bee
Well-Known Member
I clicked on the page again and it works just fine. I thought maybe it's because you're not a member but then I remembered I view the forums at work without logging in at they have the slowest internet ever.
I'm glad you found a way though.
I'm glad you found a way though.
BEAUTYU2U
Well-Known Member
I'm reading now and I'm wondering how this would work for me. Guys usually put me in the "goody-two-shoes" category and because I have a degree, I'm seen as stuck-up. This is where I begin second guessing myself and consciously being nice to offset those generalizations. So ... how to be a B without being a lonely B? That is the question.
That is the question.I think the title is misleading. I bought the first book for a nicey friend and skimmed it before I gave it to her. Felt like many parts were written by me lol. I don't think it's about being a *****, but it was a good title to catch attention. I think systems are made to have parts taken from that appeal for the individual, or you can soften an approach to suit you.
BEAUTYU2U
Really?! Don't change your personality and second guess to suit guys in that way IMO. The right type of man for you won't be intimidated by a degree to make such silly generalisations Or maybe you could date other guys with degrees. Speaking from the UK quite a lot of people my age have them, so it's not really been a problem. Just seems like these guys are not your match possibly.
BEAUTYU2U
Really?! Don't change your personality and second guess to suit guys in that way IMO. The right type of man for you won't be intimidated by a degree to make such silly generalisations
Or maybe you could date other guys with degrees. Speaking from the UK quite a lot of people my age have them, so it's not really been a problem. Just seems like these guys are not your match possibly.
BEAUTYU2U
Well-Known Member
I think the title is misleading. I bought the first book for a nicey friend and skimmed it before I gave it to her. Felt like many parts were written by me lol. I don't think it's about being a *****, but it was a good title to catch attention. I think systems are made to have parts taken from that appeal for the individual, or you can soften an approach to suit you.
@BEAUTYU2U
Really?! Don't change your personality and second guess to suit guys in that way IMO. The right type of man for you won't be intimidated by a degree to make such silly generalisations
Thanks. I do get more attention when I ignore men. Then I get bad advice from friends, "Dang, quit being cold ... flirt with him."
lolWhen I have a potential suitor I tend to direct my focus to whether I like them, whether they are right for me and whether they are worth my time. Apparently it makes me seem friendly, yet reserved. I've worked out this may be partially the reason men fall first.
I think if you are thinking about yourself too much its easy to start worrying about the guys perceptions of you and whether you are the right girl for him. IMO I think that's where a lot of women panic a bit and then start doing things that don't really work to their advantage.
snugglez41685
Well-Known Member
I read this book a few years ago. I would go in Barnes and Noble after work everyday to finish it,lol. Good book. Found out I was being way to nice.
DarkJoy
Bent. Not Broken.
From reading this thread I downloaded this book and just got through much of the first chapter.
This from a woman who dated in her teens, was married and monogamous for 20 years, and now back on the market after almost 22-years---THIS BOOK IS RIGHT. lol
The first paragraph, I realized I am the b----. Before my prev marriage, a few men chased me FOR YEARS. My phone rang off the hook. Lots of dates, dinners, offers for trips, you name it. My 'nice' friends were so dang perplexed?! One was so rude about it, "girl, you got short nappy hair, overweight--i don't get why they don't leave you alone?!" Silly girl (she is 43 now and still single, btw). These jealous friends were all ideal physically but they lacked (and some still do in their 40s) in laying down those boundaries from the FIRST minute. Why wait until the first date to lay down the law? lol
Now being single again, it took time to get my groove back so I floundered a bit and still do from time to time. It never ceases to amaze me, though. The same stuff that worked on 18yo boys still works on men 40-50! The thing is, my boundaries are even FIRMER than before and they love it! One dude chatted me up for a year no sex no kissing, just talking, and well...my pocket was never empty. I eventually had to let him go though.
Ladies, we must remind ourselves to be true to our boundaries. If a man steps over them, enforce them like a terrier after a squirrel in a hole.
ok, back to the book...
This from a woman who dated in her teens, was married and monogamous for 20 years, and now back on the market after almost 22-years---THIS BOOK IS RIGHT. lol
The first paragraph, I realized I am the b----. Before my prev marriage, a few men chased me FOR YEARS. My phone rang off the hook. Lots of dates, dinners, offers for trips, you name it. My 'nice' friends were so dang perplexed?! One was so rude about it, "girl, you got short nappy hair, overweight--i don't get why they don't leave you alone?!" Silly girl (she is 43 now and still single, btw). These jealous friends were all ideal physically but they lacked (and some still do in their 40s) in laying down those boundaries from the FIRST minute. Why wait until the first date to lay down the law? lol
Now being single again, it took time to get my groove back so I floundered a bit and still do from time to time. It never ceases to amaze me, though. The same stuff that worked on 18yo boys still works on men 40-50! The thing is, my boundaries are even FIRMER than before and they love it! One dude chatted me up for a year no sex no kissing, just talking, and well...my pocket was never empty. I eventually had to let him go though.
Ladies, we must remind ourselves to be true to our boundaries. If a man steps over them, enforce them like a terrier after a squirrel in a hole.
ok, back to the book...
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