Just got finished reading Why Men Love B...

I just bought this book on Nook PC and am currently reading it (On Chapter 4). Wow, It was like reading about myself and my unhealthy dating habits. I did not like what I saw at all, I needed this at this point in my life because seriously I have had no idea what to do/expect from a man dating or in relationships. I am ashamed to say I have been the 'nice girl' way too many times to count. Funny thing is, the one relationship where I wasn't the 'nice girl' and could have been classified as the b****, It was a much more enjoyable experience :lachen:. By the end of that relationship (I told him we needed time apart because he wasn't standing up to my standards of what I wanted in a man/relationship) he was pulling out all the stops to get me back...buying expensive purses/tears/marriage talk etc. It never really dawned on me why he was like that in comparison to my other boyfriends. Now I know, I was for the most part what Sherry defines as a b****.
 
Former doormat checking in.

I truly don't think I would be married (at least not to DH... He woulda headed for the hills if he had met me in college :lachen: ) if I hadn't read these books (and he's just not that into you). Seriously, I was textbook Good Girl. The calling, the neediness, the overcompensating... I think back at some relationships and want to smack former me! Even after reading the books, I had doormat tendencies through a two year relationship I had before I met DH. Now, I get to be who and I am and be cherished, and DH rarely feels unloved lol.

You might backslide a little, but it will be all good eventually.
 
Wahoo, just got the link to the second book on chapter 4 now.

It reminds me off the time when I was seeing someone and he was just so in to me. One time he said to me "I just want to know everything about you!" He looked very enthusiastic about it too. Then when I started to like him and turn in to a fool he just started backing off. I was a total doormat. Then we just ended up FWB.
 
she says not to ask what the ex looks like

:look:

but i want to know!!! :lol: how can i go about getting this information without asking then? :look:
 
That book is a great read and I learned a lot from it. I saw a lot of me in the nice girl. But I also learned that a lot of the guys that I was nice to who are not here would have left even if I was a "*****". They would have been weeded out sooner and I prefer that over wasted energy on someone not deserving of my time.
 
I have both books, very good reads. Especially the first one. I've been trying to find mine so I could just do a reread, but don't knwo where they are.

Anyway, along with experience those words are pretty instilled now. I was just reflecting back on how some of those things I had to really put in effort to 'not call' or 'not care too much'. Lol now I really don't gaf :) And it's cool. It's learned behavior I think; some just got it earlier than others, but it's never too late.
 
Further commentary on "the man must actually give a d--- about you."

I think women are afraid of knowing the truth because they take a man not liking or wanting them very personally and assume something is wrong with them. Who wants to keep feeling like something is wrong with them or that they aren't good enough, etc.? It is essential that women know who they are, value themselves, see themselves as worthy and beautiful, inside and out, point blank, period, without anyone high fiveing their sentiments about themselves. That way they are looking for the icing, the whip cream, not for the man to build their foundation. Then you want to know the truth because so what he doesn't really give a d--- because you don't give a d--- about him either.

A true b---- is not cruel or mean she just loves and adores herself too much to like someone who doesn't like her back. And she prefers being alone to chasing after or pining for a guy. She knows she is the prize. I see women on here all the time say they always like guys who don't like them back. For me that's hard to get because I would not seriously like a guy unless I knew he liked me. Idk but a guy not liking me would be such a huge turn off.
 
tinkat said:
That book is a great read and I learned a lot from it. I saw a lot of me in the nice girl. But I also learned that a lot of the guys that I was nice to who are not here would have left even if I was a "*****". They would have been weeded out sooner and I prefer that over wasted energy on someone not deserving of my time.
Click to expand...

True. My relationship before DH would've been six months instead of two years....
 
melissa-bee said:
Wahoo, just got the link to the second book on chapter 4 now.

It reminds me off the time when I was seeing someone and he was just so in to me. One time he said to me "I just want to know everything about you!" He looked very enthusiastic about it too. Then when I started to like him and turn in to a fool he just started backing off. I was a total doormat. Then we just ended up FWB.
Click to expand...

please pm me the link, if you dont mind :look::yawn:
tia
 
I think there's a difference between being nice and being a doormat...

But maybe it has something to do with how we were raised.
I was taught subconsciously to not be nice because I saw how my mom got walked on by men.
I know I'm not so called nice because
1. I don't cook for my man because we aren't married, so why should I
2. I don't have time to chase him around
3. I was raised to not give up the goods without being in a committed relationship.

But I have a friend that is the complete opposite, and gets stomped on every time for it.

Most women come in contact with bad men before they meet a good man, but there are some good men being run away because some women just simply do too much.

I think women who are like this have a problem with thinking they have to do so much to keep/get a man.
You don't have to do extra things.

There is a balance though. You can do things for a man, but you shouldn't go overboard unless he is your husband or you have reached the point of the relationship you want to be.
 
i've read a bit of the book and have to say it was a hard lump to swallow. I am that nice girl...(woe is me!)

but my question that i don't the book harped on enough was that after you have been the B!tch that these me seem to oh so adore *rolls eyes* and they start acting the way that you want then what do you do? continue to be that? are you ever allowed to be the nice girl to your man?
i know that these changes is something that doesn't happen over night, ive been this way all of my life, but after just testing some of these theories within the last few days i got the results that i was wanting. so now what do i do?
 
but my question that i don't the book harped on enough was that after you have been the B!tch that these me seem to oh so adore *rolls eyes* and they start acting the way that you want then what do you do? continue to be that? are you ever allowed to be the nice girl to your man?
Click to expand...

Yeah, that's the question I had for the few chapters I read. I assume she addresses that in the follow up book, because while those things are helpful for the beginning of the relationship when you are trying to establish boundaries and set the tone and whatnot, the things that I read I mostly would not do in a committed or long term relationship.
 
Both books are pretty much the same to be honest. And the main point of the book is to have or create boundaries, not to be a ***** and then nice. When you create boundaries, you more than likely will weed out guys or that relationship that would last a year would last 3 months bc of your low tolerance for bs by putting your foot down more.
 
mallysmommy said:
i've read a bit of the book and have to say it was a hard lump to swallow. I am that nice girl...(woe is me!)

but my question that i don't the book harped on enough was that after you have been the B!tch that these me seem to oh so adore *rolls eyes* and they start acting the way that you want then what do you do? continue to be that? are you ever allowed to be the nice girl to your man?
i know that these changes is something that doesn't happen over night, ive been this way all of my life, but after just testing some of these theories within the last few days i got the results that i was wanting. so now what do i do?
Click to expand...

good for you!!

Keep doing it! I think she really is talking about balance IMO. You know how people always say that relationships/marriages take WORK? I think this is one of the ways that a woman can work at keeping herself happy in the relationship first, and as a secondary desired effect, allow her man to give her what she needs.

And really you shouldn't have to work as hard anymore after applying some of her principles.
 
Being nice is good just not being a doormat .
You cant pretend to be someone you re not ,once you have the man what you re going to do pretend you re busy or be this witch you re not?

I personally think that men who are attracted to this kind of "difficult chase" are the ones who will get bored in a routine and wiil seek excitement after a wh be while .

However ,if you get the basics of this book it might helpful .

What i see works for Me is this :
-Be a nice ,lovely person to be around but dont be too available .
-Smile alot but throw a bit assertiveness and fiestyness in your conversations
(ex .this attractive,very successful man has been chasing me for 10 years ,he s still obsessed with me he said i m a great woman ,knowledgable ,deep ,emotionally connected and know when to put him in his place ,he particularly liked when i called him a selfish moron without being actually mad ,just like that lol )
So give em a Whip and a Caress ,Whip and Caress .

-Call him very rarely .once every 3 months ?if he doesnt call you fug him.
-Text him when you re not busy .dont stop what you re doing to text him .
-Text him first always add a smile and then dont text him at all for days.
-Be sweet and disappear ,come back and pretend you dont even know how long yall havent talked for .

IF he doesnt look for you then he s not intersted ,BUT its important to throw some hints that you re intersted and you re not just playing him ,dating has changed and men got smarter at it .
 
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I think the basis of this book is to put yourself first! So many women but themselves second, third, etc in relationships. If you are looking out for your own best interest and living your life men will be more attracted to you. I guess it's because he has to compete for your attention and men love competition. It's weird how men brains work. Overall this book is for women who don't know the value of their true self and how to assert themselves. Unfortunately the word used to describe independent, confident women is B!@##.
 
hopeful said:
Further commentary on "the man must actually give a d--- about you."

I think women are afraid of knowing the truth because they take a man not liking or wanting them very personally and assume something is wrong with them. Who wants to keep feeling like something is wrong with them or that they aren't good enough, etc.? It is essential that women know who they are, value themselves, see themselves as worthy and beautiful, inside and out, point blank, period, without anyone high fiveing their sentiments about themselves. That way they are looking for the icing, the whip cream, not for the man to build their foundation. Then you want to know the truth because so what he doesn't really give a d--- because you don't give a d--- about him either.

A true b---- is not cruel or mean she just loves and adores herself too much to like someone who doesn't like her back. And she prefers being alone to chasing after or pining for a guy. She knows she is the prize. I see women on here all the time say they always like guys who don't like them back. For me that's hard to get because I would not seriously like a guy unless I knew he liked me. Idk but a guy not liking me would be such a huge turn off.
Click to expand...


hopeful

Truth in every morsel of this post.:yep::yep::yep:

I have come to realize that women also feel that any attention from men is better than having none. So they keep up behaviours that bring in lots of guys, but in the end they are left with picking through the garbage. Why not weed out the garbage from the get-go by the way one conducts herself and the value she places on herself. Great points!

Truth in the red bolded! I do find it interesting that many women still see being the "prize" as in only having the physical assests and they fail to really learn and appreciate anything else of themselves, outside of this.
 
meesch said:
Yeah, that's the question I had for the few chapters I read. I assume she addresses that in the follow up book, because while those things are helpful for the beginning of the relationship when you are trying to establish boundaries and set the tone and whatnot, the things that I read I mostly would not do in a committed or long term relationship.
Click to expand...

IMO, even Dhs need a little fire underneath their @sses every now and then:look:
 
Keshieshimmer said:
I am reading this book now. Wow I have a lot to learn. For me it is easy being nice and accommodating. I guess that is why I am single.

However the thing I wonder about this whole thing is that the qualifier is that the man must actually give a d--- about you right?
Click to expand...


Yes..most definitely. In fact, I would venture to say that even though being a B----- may entice SOME men just for the challenge sake, I don't think those same men would stick around unless he was really interested in the woman as well.

meesch said:
she says not to ask what the ex looks like

:look:

but i want to know!!! :lol: how can i go about getting this information without asking then? :look:
Click to expand...

Maybe try checking Facebook?? :sekret: :look:


hopeful said:
Further commentary on "the man must actually give a d--- about you."

I think women are afraid of knowing the truth because they take a man not liking or wanting them very personally and assume something is wrong with them. Who wants to keep feeling like something is wrong with them or that they aren't good enough, etc.? It is essential that women know who they are, value themselves, see themselves as worthy and beautiful, inside and out, point blank, period, without anyone high fiveing their sentiments about themselves. That way they are looking for the icing, the whip cream, not for the man to build their foundation. Then you want to know the truth because so what he doesn't really give a d--- because you don't give a d--- about him either.

A true b---- is not cruel or mean she just loves and adores herself too much to like someone who doesn't like her back. And she prefers being alone to chasing after or pining for a guy. She knows she is the prize. I see women on here all the time say they always like guys who don't like them back. For me that's hard to get because I would not seriously like a guy unless I knew he liked me. Idk but a guy not liking me would be such a huge turn off.
Click to expand...

Very nicely said hopeful :yep:

You always have the most simplistic yet thought-provoking posts. :)

I agree wholeheartedly with everything you've said, and it took me a while to come to the "I AM THE PRIZE" mentality. Books like "WMLB", "WMMB", "The Rules", and "HJNTIY" really helped to wake me up and "see the light"...thank goodness! Oh! And I will also add...John Gray's book "Mars & Venus On a Date" is also another good read for those of you interested....:look: It's like a "softer" version of "WMLB", but it is written by a man, and he pretty much reiterates what Sherry says in her book, but with a gentler twist. It also explains more about WHY men are the way they are. :yep:

The only thing I kind of disagree with however is the last statement. I know I've been one of those ladies who say that all the guys that are interested in me, I'm not into, and the ones I AM into aren't.....blah blah blah. :blah: But I think what most of us women are saying is NOT that we "never" like guys who like us back, it's more so that the guys that DO like us aren't guys we are interested in. Either they are trifling, losers, or we're just not attracted to them. Some men can "grow" on you....and others well.......can't. :look:

And yet, the guys we MIGHT be interested in (not necessarily "pinning after" however) either are lukewarm, or aren't interested. NOT that they hate us or anything, but more so that they perhaps probably have sooo many OTHER options that they don't feel the need to settle down so quickly or look our way. *shrug* Who knows?? All I know is that these days, I'm not even really worried anymore. :hand: Either a guy is interested or he's not. I want the guy who WANTS ME and ME only. Now days I just weed out from the guys who like me, who I'm personally interested in. Not that every guy who likes me I instantly reject. No...:nono:


Imo...there's a difference, but Idk if I'm making any sense....:look:
 
I'm just saying don't even allow yourself to crush on or deeply like a guy unless he likes you back, period. Lukewarm, too busy, too many other options, etc. should be a turn-off to women, thus making him less attractive and less of a catch.
 
i always took that to mean like a TYPE of guy. like for me, im interested in doctors but they dont seem to be interested in me :look: :lol:
 
IDK, I just want to be me. If I'm nice I'll find someone who can appreciate that. Period point blank. Too much thinking about how to be just right is ...just tiring.
 
Fine 4s said:
IDK, I just want to be me. If I'm nice I'll find someone who can appreciate that. Period point blank. Too much thinking about how to be just right is ...just tiring.
Click to expand...


@Fine 4s Have you read the book? Its not about being nice or mean. Its about respect, not being walked over and setting boundaries. No one is perfect, but when it comes to relationships some women (:look:me) don't know wth to do with men. It gave me insight into how the male mind works and why being bending over backwards ("nice") is not beneficial to any woman in a relationship. Don't confuse being a nice person with being a doormat. You can be nice and sweet and still assert yourself and not be a doormat to men. Most of the things the book taught me I never got growing up, so I was always being the 'nice girl' and bending over backwards to try and please my man ...it got me nothing but heartache. And thats not to say just because you are more assertive etc. he will propose, but it will help you weed out the losers and men who will waste your time or only want one thing.
 
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People should just read the book instead of ASSUMING what it's about.

sheesh. Every assumption has been WRONG so instead of making matters worse, just read it.

I reread it again during the week and I was reminded of how great it really is. Amazing advice and she really is a comedian with her words lol
 
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