Thank you so much for this post!! ITA agree with Jouelzy's video and I like her crass delivery (because I can be the same to prove my point) but I do agree that it's not for everyone. People fail to realize that when you possess attributes that give you a privilege, like lighter skin, wealth, being physically fit, etc. that people who do not have such things might criticize you because they know that it doesn't matter how much they criticize you, you will always be on the winning end. Is it right? Not at all, but just know that the same people who might pick on someone who has looser hair or light skin because as a whole, society as a whole still puts them on a pedestal. While I do think that we as women with kinky/coarse type 4 need to learn what works best for our hair, how is that possible when the so-called "natural hair community" as inclusive as it claims to be still perpetuates the notion that curl definition and elongation is what all natural hair should look like? As someone who has transitioned multiple times, I know exactly the frustrations that Jouelzy talks about as far as marketing of natural hair products, and to be honest, the things that work best for me are not even products designed for or marketed specifically for natural hair.
I had a similar discussion with my roommate earlier this year about assumptions and perceptions of Black women. My hair is naturally 4a/4b but I wear weaves most of the time, and my roommate's hair is 4a/4b too, but she wears her hair out in natural styles or braids most of the time. I'm dark skinned and she's light skinned with light eyes, however she made the point that men tend to be drawn to women like myself who wear their hair straightened or in long weaves because it's more of a conventional look. To be honest, based on what I've seen when we go out and how men on our campus fawn over her, I disagree with that. I think in general, most people, especially Black men have a preference for lighter skinned/looser haired women, and although she has type 4 hair, I think people are more willing to make a pass for someone like her because she has light skin and light eyes, as opposed to someone like myself who is darker skinned with traditional African features, even when I have a conventional hairstyle such as straightened hair or a weave. While I get her point that we still have eons to go for the general acceptance of natural especially type 4 natural hair on Black women, I think other factors contribute to what passes are given to people based on other aspects.