It Finally Happened To Me!

[peachykeen]

Nevermind. I deleted my original post.

It was a story about a woman who didnt want to go natural because she felt her natural hair texture wouldnt be pretty. I tried to tell her that she might be surprised like me and her hair would actually be curly. Then she got immediately insecure, got mad and tried to make it seem like I was trying to be special.

 

[blessedandlucky]

that's unfortunate that she wasn't ready to hear you and kudos to you for trying.

i do think that it is harder (socially speaking) for black women without a curl pattern to transition. there are still a lot of negative attitudes about hair with no curl pattern and they are more likely to just relax. i hope that it goes without saying that this is SOME not ALL women. lhcf is pretty accepting, although 3bc,4a usually get more comments after the BC, i've noticed.

i trust that we'll continue to support each other on and off the board. just my two cents

 

[kblc06]

Umm...yeah I would've felt somekindaway had you made the same remark to me. A more appropriate response would have been " You would be surprised what your hair can show you when you give it the proper care. Growing healthy hair has nothing to do with your texture but has everything to do with how you take care of your hair." Sometimes our intention is to be helpful but we end up inserting our foot in our mouths instead . It's okay- it happens sometimes.

 

[peachykeen]

Yeah after my conversation with her I really see the need for us to support each other more concerning hair. Hair texture and length are still a hot button issue in our community.

 

[peachykeen]

Double Post Sorry!

 

[peachykeen]

Umm...yeah I would've felt somekindaway had you made the same remark to me. A more appropriate response would have been " You would be surprised what your hair can show you when you give it the proper care. Growing healthy hair has nothing to do with your texture but has everything to do with how you take care of your hair." Sometimes our intention is to be helpful but we end up inserting our foot in our mouths instead . It's okay- it happens sometimes.

I commented about texture because she made a comment about texture. She said she wasn't going natural because her texture wasnt "pretty" enough. Her response to me showed her insecurity.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

eeeeyea I don't think it was the best approach to tell her "hey, ya never know you might have a curly hair texture if you went natural!"....actually, chances are, she wouldn't....I'd simply let her know that she'd be amazed at the versatility and styling options and lengths she could achieve with her natural hair.....not make it contingent on having for lack of a better term "good hair".

I'd tell her that the only reason her hair was "lifeless" is because she wasn't using the right products/employing the proper techniques. I'd then give her some basics like washing/conditioning /DCing while in braids, only combing while wet with condish or while straight etc.

I'm really glad I have the tightly coiled texture of my ancestors because if someone gives me the "oh well you have the hair for that" I whip out a texture shot on my digicam proudly display my coarse coilies and they have no more sass for me....and ask me to write down recs for them.

You dont have to have curly hair to have a fullfilling enjoyable natural experience, you simply have to love your hair for what it is, learn its likes and dislikes, find out how to keep the styles protective, chic and varied and have fun with it

That said, I know you were coming from a good place, hopefully you'll have a more all encompassing response next time.

 

[peachykeen]

You all I have deleted my post. And will probably say nothing to anyone else who talks to me about hair. I have enough problems and don't need to take on anyone elses. If I offended the lady it was not my intent. I am sorry to her.

But, black women have got to get informed and stop being so sensitive. Why should I pay because her hair is not curly? How is that my fault? And, what's so stupid is that she didnt even know what her hair texture was since she had never been natural in her adult life.

 

[Americka]

You all I have deleted my post. And will probably say nothing to anyone else who talks to me about hair. I have enough problems and don't need to take on anyone elses. If I offended the lady it was not my intent. I am sorry to her.

But, black women have got to get informed and stop being so sensitive. Why should I pay because her hair is not curly? How is that my fault? And, what's so stupid is that she didnt even know what her hair texture was since she had never been natural in her adult life.

There was no need for you to delete your post. Once we begin our healthy hair journeys, we are all eager to share any little tidbit of information with anyone who will lend us an ear. However, we have to be careful with the words that we choose and how we put them together. Consider it a learning experience, Peachykeen.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

/\ Theres no need to take this so personally, sometimes we mean well and use the wrong words and say the wrong thngs.......take it as a learning experience and do better next time.....thats all....no one said you have to take on anyone elses baggage...we're just saying take a step back and look at the implications of your response to what the woman said.

I think the ladies of LHCF are in a very unique position to help reverse many women's complexes about their hair by educating them and exposing them to healthy hair practices and its universality. Thats not something to run away from....its something to embrace. If you can help someone, why not pay it forward?

Finally, its not just people that have type 3 curly hair that encounter dismissive statements from other sista's I get those statements too because people assume that since my hair is long it must be of a looser texture....I take that opportunity to educate and empower and we both leave feeling good I write down some tips tricks, the url to my blog and its awesome....you'll get better at it....don't give up

 

[peachykeen]

Thank you, I think you are right I have learned my lesson. I am going to have to choose my words very carefully. Even when I didnt know about healthy hair care. I was never offended when people talked to me about hair. But, I guess if its a sore spot for a person then I could see it being offensive. Maybe next time I will just say nothing for a while and just listen. I was caught off guard cause she came up to me and asked for my help.