ZLUVSNEWZEE
Well-Known Member
Deleted.....
Last edited:
Is it wrong to play games after a certain point?
- Thread starter ZLUVSNEWZEE
- Start date
ZLUVSNEWZEE
Well-Known Member
Even weed? I never told him he had to stop smoking. He decided in his own. Its the lying that bothers me
Daeuiel
Cosplay Champ
Well I'm a zero tolerance person when it comes to illegal substances. But from your point of view, you feel that his usage of weed may have cost him gainful employment, and has the possibility to do so again. His continued using, despite his own decision to stop, seems to indicate a dependency issue that is troubling you. What makes him want to smoke so often? Why does he feel that he has to lie to you about it? You need to be able to trust him completely if you're going to marry him.
ZLUVSNEWZEE
Well-Known Member
Good point but I find it difficult to trust anyone completely and don't know if its me or him anymore. I feel like God keeps putting us together and blessing us together but I still don't know of I can completely trust that we'll make it.
Bumping for more wisdom.....
Bumping for more wisdom.....
Seeking8Rights
New Member
Playing games should be the least of your concern (IMO)....
This man is lying to you about not smoking weed........and he lost his job?!
What can you look forward to?
This man is lying to you about not smoking weed........and he lost his job?!
What can you look forward to?
intergalacticartist
New Member
I don't think you can make a person stop, he has to want to stop on his own accord. You need to either accept him as is or leave him alone
ZLUVSNEWZEE
Well-Known Member
He's had a rough life I mean really rough and he's made a lot of positive changes to be a good father provider and man but he definitely has some ways that Ive Had to mold out of him.
CurlyNiquee
Well-Known Member
I wouldn't necessarily call it games lol. Men don't often respond to words and need a little action. However, I think the reason behind why he is lying needs to be examined or your plan may backfire.
I say stop sweatin' him about smoking. If he is doing what he needs to do and it isn't affecting his current employment/household funds etc. then let him smoke his reefer. The minute it does then I would look to take action. But then again I don't view marijuana as serious, so I am a bit biased
. But men don't want to feel like they have to answer to 'mama', the more you nag him about it the more he will sneak behind your back to do it, and lie about it. As another poster mentioned, he has to decide he wants to stop on his own and if its not a deal breaker for you whether he does or not, then drop it.
I say stop sweatin' him about smoking. If he is doing what he needs to do and it isn't affecting his current employment/household funds etc. then let him smoke his reefer. The minute it does then I would look to take action. But then again I don't view marijuana as serious, so I am a bit biased
. But men don't want to feel like they have to answer to 'mama', the more you nag him about it the more he will sneak behind your back to do it, and lie about it. As another poster mentioned, he has to decide he wants to stop on his own and if its not a deal breaker for you whether he does or not, then drop it.
ZLUVSNEWZEE
Well-Known Member
CurlyNiquee
Good point. I do mama him but only cause I feel he needs it but I see what you're saying makes perfect sense
Good point. I do mama him but only cause I feel he needs it but I see what you're saying makes perfect sense
tinkat
Well-Known Member
Many red flags here. He smokes weed which may have caused him to lose his job. Then he lied to you about smoking weed. Now he is avoiding you to a certain extent after you confronted him bc he know he still smoking and you don't like that. Then he smoking in your house. On top of that you feel you have to play games ie manipulate him to do right and he is your fiancé? You cannot change anybody. He may be trying but looking to much at potential can leave you fantasizing about something that will never happen.
ZLUVSNEWZEE
Well-Known Member
tinkat
One thing I've learned in my life if nothing else is that people don't change but they do improve. If he treated me the way he treats me right now for the rest of my of my life id be good that's not to say I don't want better but I don't know if id want better if it had to come in a different package. I know him In and out and there are things that make me concerned but I've already decided that I want to keep my family together so I take the good with the bad
One thing I've learned in my life if nothing else is that people don't change but they do improve. If he treated me the way he treats me right now for the rest of my of my life id be good that's not to say I don't want better but I don't know if id want better if it had to come in a different package. I know him In and out and there are things that make me concerned but I've already decided that I want to keep my family together so I take the good with the bad
Daeuiel
Cosplay Champ
Do you have children together? Are you saying that you'll put up with his dishonesty because you want to stay together?
Seeking8Rights
New Member
ZLUVSNEWZEE
Well-Known Member
Yes we have a daughter. And to a certain extent I am saying that. I'm not saying that anything goes because I don't allow half of the things some women do but I'm not so naive to believe that there's some perfect man out there who will love me right have the right chemistry with me be good to my child and never lie to me. I've got the best I could get with in my requirements for a mate except he's short. So yes I'll let him get away with a lie now and Then to keep this family unit goingDaeuiel said:
ZLUVSNEWZEE
Well-Known Member
Daeuiel
Cosplay Champ
In that case, I don't think anything anyone says here is really going to make a difference, but I hope that you and your family will be happy.
mw138
Well-Known Member
Games and forms of manipulation seem to be a sure fire way for you to end up deeply disappointed. This is a slippery slope. The more you allow him to get away with, the more he'll continue this behavior (with no consequences). As someone else said, either put your foot down or just let it go.
*CherryPie*
Well-Known Member
What exactly are you asking for? It seems, you already have it under control.....
ZLUVSNEWZEE
Well-Known Member
I decided not to play the game and now I'm just unsure of the future of this relationship. I realize that people only do what they want to do but I can't deal with false promises and people telling me whatever I want to hear. He will tell me that he won't smoke, that he agrees he shouldn't be then sneak and do it then when I catch him in the lie he acts like I'm wrong then the next day he tries to act like nothing happened. Well I've decided that I'm not going to marry somebody I don't trust. There would have to be some grand gesture for me to reconsider and I already know he has too much pride for that so he can do whatever.
Women have to stop putting up with any old damn thing just to keep a man. especially black women. Id rather be single than to live a life with somebody I can't even trust. There's 6 billion people on this earth no reason for anyone to disrespect themselves for somebody who ain't even worth it in the end. I know I'm singing a different song than earlier in the post but I've had time to think
Women have to stop putting up with any old damn thing just to keep a man. especially black women. Id rather be single than to live a life with somebody I can't even trust. There's 6 billion people on this earth no reason for anyone to disrespect themselves for somebody who ain't even worth it in the end. I know I'm singing a different song than earlier in the post but I've had time to think
Seeking8Rights
New Member
Good on you. Seriously.
Now you just have to stick with it and focus on finding someone that you can TRUST, prove themselves as a provider and not put their pride and selfishness before you and your child.Everyone has a little pride, but I do know that a man who loves a woman will not let his pride get in the way of respect and happiness.
Establishing boundaries and realistic standards for yourself and your child is step in the right direction. You deserve someone who you can trust, won't lie to you, do things that will jeopardize your or your child (or themselves for that matter), someone who will be a provider and a good leader before your child.
Kindheart
Well-Known Member
Seriously people,yall dont even know how many times your ex s or current man lied to you .
Some of you seem a bit harsh with judging this man ,is it possible that the only solution for every little thing is Dump him ?There has to be a compromise ,and yes you cant change him but you can help him make these changes by making them more appealing to him .
OP i d forbid him to smoke in the house .Forbid not" its ok a couple of times " as you have a child in the house is not Ok at all .Be assertive .
He doesnt respect your authority because you let him do what he wants ,not saying be hard on him just explain that smoking in the house or at work is not acceptable and mention the reasons why is not .
Be understanding but careful about being too bossy as he will lie and sneak around you just like children do with bossy mothers.
You love this man ,and he s lucky to have you ,as long as he respects you and your family unit there is a bright future for you guys.
Perhaps you can show him researches where it shows that Maryjane burns neurons and gives symptoms of paranoia,memory loss and anxiety .
Some of you seem a bit harsh with judging this man ,is it possible that the only solution for every little thing is Dump him ?There has to be a compromise ,and yes you cant change him but you can help him make these changes by making them more appealing to him .
OP i d forbid him to smoke in the house .Forbid not" its ok a couple of times " as you have a child in the house is not Ok at all .Be assertive .
He doesnt respect your authority because you let him do what he wants ,not saying be hard on him just explain that smoking in the house or at work is not acceptable and mention the reasons why is not .
Be understanding but careful about being too bossy as he will lie and sneak around you just like children do with bossy mothers.
You love this man ,and he s lucky to have you ,as long as he respects you and your family unit there is a bright future for you guys.
Perhaps you can show him researches where it shows that Maryjane burns neurons and gives symptoms of paranoia,memory loss and anxiety .
Last edited:
Seeking8Rights
New Member
Really? You are missing the point. But I won't go there....well I will just a little bit....
Dude lost his job and has no clue as to why. AND he lies about smoking weed, when she expressed that she doesn't like it.
This is about trust which is HUGE in a relationship. If you don't have trust then you have NOTHING.
Be assertive huh? I wonder if you would say the same thing if dude was smoking crack.....
Last edited:
tinkat
Well-Known Member
She asked a question and she got opinions which I don't think were harsh just realistic. I would not let the opinions of others make me dump someone if it is something fixable. I just saw red flags especially when she was considering playing games to get her way. And yes men lie but it don't make it ok. It's one thing to lie about eating my last turtle candy vs lies that can affect family as a whole.
Seeking8Rights
New Member
ZLUVSNEWZEE
Well-Known Member
I agree that all men lie but I don't want to be the woman who sits back and allows it. now if he came up to me and said let's talk about this, let's fix this then that's when I would set the boundaries assertively but he hasn't done that.instead he acting like I'm wrong and overacting. I don't know where we'll end up but right now I don't care what he does cause in my mind he's already made his choice. But I do appreciate women who vote for sticking it out though
*CherryPie*
Well-Known Member
OP, what made you completely turn in the opposite from where you were going? You were prepared to stick with this man through whatever. Now, you're ready to throw in the towel.
What new developments occurred? I'm just curious.
What new developments occurred? I'm just curious.
Similar threads
