Is it wrong to feel sad about this?

V

Vinyl

New Member
I was planning to move in with my boyfriend two months from now (we've been planning it for a year), and today he asked me if I would feel comfortable with his best friend and his girlfriend rooming with us. I said no, and he told me I didn't have to come if I didn't want to, so now I'm trying to find another place to stay.

I feel really hurt by this, mainly because I feel like he's pushing me to the side for his best friend and his girlfriend, because to me it's like, I can either live with all of them or I can find someplace else to stay. I just wish I'd had some input in the matter.

Is it wrong of me to feel sad/hurt? Am I seeing this in the wrong way? Am I overreacting? I'm tempted to say something (negative) about it, but I don't want to get into an argument over something that is no big deal.
 
The Dreamer said:
I was planning to move in with my boyfriend two months from now (we've been planning it for a year), and today he asked me if I would feel comfortable with his best friend and his girlfriend rooming with us. I said no, and he told me I didn't have to come if I didn't want to, so now I'm trying to find another place to stay.

I feel really hurt by this, mainly because I feel like he's pushing me to the side for his best friend and his girlfriend, because to me it's like, I can either live with all of them or I can find someplace else to stay. I just wish I'd had some input in the matter.

Is it wrong of me to feel sad/hurt? Am I seeing this in the wrong way? Am I overreacting? I'm tempted to say something (negative) about it, but I don't want to get into an argument over something that is no big deal.
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It's a BIG DEAL!!:perplexed
 
So wait, how are you his girlfriend and he has another girlfriend???
He doesn't want you that badly obviously..
I'm still confused though :wallbash:
 
Did he give a reason for wanting to move in with them? Was is a rent issue? I think it was wrong of him to basically give you an ultimatum without explaining his reasons for the move. Now, it's not wrong for you to feel this way.

If anything, he's showing his true colors: that he's stubborn, doesn't communicate well, and is unwilling to budge for his woman. Those are dangerous qualities in a man who is supposed to be the head of the household.

I personally don't advocate living with a man who's not one's husband, so maybe he did you a favor. It sounds like there is still more for you to learn about him before you jump into signing a lease with him and two other people.
 
Would it be wrong of me to ask that they not move in? I thought about it, but I didn't want to impose on a friendship or anything of that sort.
 
The Dreamer said:
I was planning to move in with my boyfriend two months from now (we've been planning it for a year), and today he asked me if I would feel comfortable with his best friend and his girlfriend rooming with us. I said no, and he told me I didn't have to come if I didn't want to, so now I'm trying to find another place to stay.

I feel really hurt by this, mainly because I feel like he's pushing me to the side for his best friend and his girlfriend, because to me it's like, I can either live with all of them or I can find someplace else to stay. I just wish I'd had some input in the matter.

Is it wrong of me to feel sad/hurt? Am I seeing this in the wrong way? Am I overreacting? I'm tempted to say something (negative) about it, but I don't want to get into an argument over something that is no big deal.
Click to expand...



Sounds like thats what he is saying.
 
Wow! He's a trip. He asked you if you felt comfortable about it, then when you said no, he says you don't have to move in if you don't want to. Not... well let me talk to them, maybe we can work something else out, etc... why even ask you if he's gonna do what he wants anyway?! Just to say he asked?? No, I don't think it's wrong that you feel sad. You have every right to! As a previous poster said It IS a big deal!
 
The Dreamer said:
Would it be wrong of me to ask that they not move in? I thought about it, but I didn't want to impose on a friendship or anything of that sort.
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no it would not be wrong of you. There is no way my man and i living with another man and his woman..whats up with that??..why all these grown folks wanna be up under each other like that?
Yall having $$ isssues?
 
I think I'm going to talk it out with him more, tell him how I feel, and see if we can reach a compromise... If he tells me that it's either live with them or live somewhere else, I'm going to break up with him... Not really because I feel uncomfortable living with roommates I don't know (I do, but that's not the main reason), just because the way he told me about this makes me feel undermined/unconsidered. I feel like if he is going to say that, I shouldn't have to find different roommates just so I can live near him (we are moving to a different state.)

Would that decision be overreacting? I know I am in a bad mood right now, and I don't want to rush into anything I'd later regret.

I don't know if they're having money issues; I know that I'm not and he's not.
 
The Dreamer said:
I was planning to move in with my boyfriend two months from now (we've been planning it for a year), and today he asked me if I would feel comfortable with his best friend and his girlfriend rooming with us. I said no, and he told me I didn't have to come if I didn't want to, so now I'm trying to find another place to stay.

I feel really hurt by this, mainly because I feel like he's pushing me to the side for his best friend and his girlfriend, because to me it's like, I can either live with all of them or I can find someplace else to stay. I just wish I'd had some input in the matter.

Is it wrong of me to feel sad/hurt? Am I seeing this in the wrong way? Am I overreacting? I'm tempted to say something (negative) about it, but I don't want to get into an argument over something that is no big deal.
Click to expand...

No, you're not wrong, he is. He didn't discuss this with you; he's telling you how it's going to be, which doesn't bode well for your relationship, IMO. He seems extremely selfish, and doesn't seem to understand that there are two of you in this, not just him. I'd move somewhere else, AND find a new man.
 
This is something you discussed for a year. AN ENTIRE YEAR..
And within one day it all went out the window because you didn't want to move in with them? No questions asked? No "Well maybe we could...?"
Wow.
~*Janelle~*
 
WTH? Why should you feel bad about saying no???? You and your boyfriend have been planning for a year. You should have been consulted FIRST on this matter. And if it is a problem for you then you AND your boyfriend should make other arrangements.

The only way I could understand his point of view is if it is a matter of money for him... but you and he definitely need to discuss this... it IS a big deal! :ohwell:
 
Did he tell you about the other roommates before? That's crazy. You have every right to be upset. I'd be seriously pissed if it was sprung on me the last minute.
 
:nono: I would not want to live with another couple either. I don't care for the idea of living with a man that is not my husband I think this guy is showing how he truly feels about you. I would talk to him but if he is not willing to continue your plans to move in without this other couple, I would seriously consider dumping him.
 
Although, I dont advocate living together before marriage...I would say that you have every right to be upset.

If the two of you have been planning this move for over a year, when the best friend and his girlfriend approached your SO about moving he SHOULD have said "I need to talk to DREAMER about it before I make any commitments and get back to you." After you BOTH discussed it, then he should have gone back to them with YOUR MUTUAL decision. If there were some other considerations (money, hard times, etc.) maybe the TWO of you could have reached and agreement and then gone to the BEST FRIEND + GF and said....WE are willing to stay together for 2 months so you can get on your feet. etc or whatever arrangement YOU felt comfortable wotj.

The fact that your SO is like oh well YOU can live somewhere else is TOTALLY out of line and extremely INCONSIDERATE. I D NOT think that breaking up with him is overreacting because to me that is a HUGE RED FLAG and is him TRULY SHOWING HIS FEELINGS especially since you all are moving to a DIFFERENT STATE. That is out of control to just let your woman find her own place BY HERSELF in a BRAND NEW state that you planned to move to TOGETHER.

Dreamer, I think that you should express how you feel, state why you are upset, explain what you would like the solution to be, and if he doesnt show EFFORT and CONSIDERATION to reconcile then BREAK UP with him. He is not showing that he is WILLING to compromise and put you first....which are characteristics that are NEEDED in marriage. So although it may hurt, and it seems like you all have been together for a while, overall you will save yourself the heartache of a divorce or failed marriage down the line. Please keep us updated on how the situation works out.
 
awesome advice! :yep:

OP - this is a big deal and i hope you make the best decision for you...

brownsugarflyygirl said:
Although, I dont advocate living together before marriage...I would say that you have every right to be upset.

If the two of you have been planning this move for over a year, when the best friend and his girlfriend approached your SO about moving he SHOULD have said "I need to talk to DREAMER about it before I make any commitments and get back to you." After you BOTH discussed it, then he should have gone back to them with YOUR MUTUAL decision. If there were some other considerations (money, hard times, etc.) maybe the TWO of you could have reached and agreement and then gone to the BEST FRIEND + GF and said....WE are willing to stay together for 2 months so you can get on your feet. etc or whatever arrangement YOU felt comfortable wotj.

The fact that your SO is like oh well YOU can live somewhere else is TOTALLY out of line and extremely INCONSIDERATE. I D NOT think that breaking up with him is overreacting because to me that is a HUGE RED FLAG and is him TRULY SHOWING HIS FEELINGS especially since you all are moving to a DIFFERENT STATE. That is out of control to just let your woman find her own place BY HERSELF in a BRAND NEW state that you planned to move to TOGETHER.

Dreamer, I think that you should express how you feel, state why you are upset, explain what you would like the solution to be, and if he doesnt show EFFORT and CONSIDERATION to reconcile then BREAK UP with him. He is not showing that he is WILLING to compromise and put you first....which are characteristics that are NEEDED in marriage. So although it may hurt, and it seems like you all have been together for a while, overall you will save yourself the heartache of a divorce or failed marriage down the line. Please keep us updated on how the situation works out.
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It's a valid reason to be upset.

Correct answer - OK honey, I will let them know they cannot live with us.
Wrong answer - If you don't like it, you can find another place to live.

If we spend enough time with a person he gives us the complete story of who he is whether or not we pay attention.
 
Okay, so I spoke to him about it... Turns out he only wanted roommates/ responded that way because he was upset that I was planning to only live with him for a year. (Then move into a dormroom for college.) We are on break right now, and I'm still not sure what the living situation is going to be, but at least he wasn't being as much of an ass as I'd originally thought he was.
 
The Dreamer said:
Okay, so I spoke to him about it... Turns out he only wanted roommates/ responded that way because he was upset that I was planning to only live with him for a year. (Then move into a dormroom for college.) We are on break right now, and I'm still not sure what the living situation is going to be, but at least he wasn't being as much of an ass as I'd originally thought he was.
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What does "he only wanted roommates" mean?

You mentioned moving into a dorm, so how old are you guys?
 
I meant that as in, that's the only reason he is setting up roommates even though he knows I'm uncomfortable with it.
 
Even if you're only there for a year it's a damn year.
I moved in with my SO last year and it was a hell of an adjustment with 2 people... 4 is going to be nuts and strain friendships.
 
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