Transformer
Well-Known Member
In my case it is just extreme trust and laziness on my part.
Is It Normal To Be Married And Not Know How Much Your Spouse Makes?
- Thread starter abioni
- Start date
Farida
Well-Known Member
It is very odd and honestly a huge legal mistake IMO.
I live in a community property state so even if we keep our money, debts and assets separate at the end of the day legally we have a 50% stake in everything. That is whether or not the other’s name is on something.
I feel like if you don’t know how much he is making then you don’t have any idea about how much he is spending and his debts.
This is how men have entire other families and secret babies with minimal effort.
Or how husbands die and people find themselves in debt up to their eyeballs because of what their deceased spouse did or didn’t do.
This is one thing I love about community property states - DH cannot even get a loan or spend his retirement funds without my permission. He cannot disinherit me and he cannot legally give away more than half of his life insurance.
Stay woke. Just because your finances or bank accounts are separate doesn’t necessarily mean your income and debts are separate.
I live in a community property state so even if we keep our money, debts and assets separate at the end of the day legally we have a 50% stake in everything. That is whether or not the other’s name is on something.
I feel like if you don’t know how much he is making then you don’t have any idea about how much he is spending and his debts.
This is how men have entire other families and secret babies with minimal effort.
Or how husbands die and people find themselves in debt up to their eyeballs because of what their deceased spouse did or didn’t do.
This is one thing I love about community property states - DH cannot even get a loan or spend his retirement funds without my permission. He cannot disinherit me and he cannot legally give away more than half of his life insurance.
Stay woke. Just because your finances or bank accounts are separate doesn’t necessarily mean your income and debts are separate.
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
I mean I knew SO’s exact salary after we became exclusive though I already had a ball park figure beforehand. I also know how much he stands to make if he achieves the career goals he’s aiming for. 
So no it’s not normal to be married and not know this. And it has legal consequences in community property states. Couldn’t be me.
So no it’s not normal to be married and not know this. And it has legal consequences in community property states. Couldn’t be me.
You don't have to have joint accounts, can manage your accounts separately, or whatever you want . . . but you should ALWAYS know what your spouse makes and ALWAYS know what all the expenses in the household are. This is how people and when I say people I mean women . . . because lets face it, its almost always the woman, get into financial difficulties.
This is how credit scores get ruined. If your husband makes $75K a year and you live in a $500K house you better know where the money is coming from to pay it because one day you wake up and your husband is dead or ran off and you realize that you are bankrupt.
Maybe I am more sensitive because I work in finance and don't play with money.
This is how credit scores get ruined. If your husband makes $75K a year and you live in a $500K house you better know where the money is coming from to pay it because one day you wake up and your husband is dead or ran off and you realize that you are bankrupt.
Maybe I am more sensitive because I work in finance and don't play with money.
Because liking your post is not enough. Pay attention ladies!!!
I trust my husband. He is very open and honest (sometimes to a fault). Don't care. Still asking.
Knowledge is power.
You can still hide money if you need to. But lets face it. If you are in the situation where you feel the need to do that, then you really should know what your spouse makes.
I am not pretending to be fair here. This is to protect women, because we are the ones getting screwed when it comes to this kind of thing.
prettyinpurple
Well-Known Member
No, I don't think it's the norm.
I'm pretty sure the bride's family knows his salary and all of his business in that situation lol.
ckisland
Well-Known Member
I was on the phone with Mr. C while he was at work. This man told me what he makes before tax and what he takes home without me even asking 
. He started grumbling about how much he needs to put into his 401K, retirement, and the fact that he needs to start having some kids to bring his taxes down 
. He started grumbling about how much he needs to put into his 401K, retirement, and the fact that he needs to start having some kids to bring his taxes down 
Froreal3
haulin hard in the paint
We both know what each other makes, but we have separate accounts. We always discuss large purchases. I had my own money, car, house before even meeting him. I was raised by my SAHM (RIH) who never had her own in the marriage to ALWAYS have my own. A bee is never gonna get caught up in no sitcheations.
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
We used to keep separate finances until we started following Dave Ramsey. But even then we knew what the other made so we could plan long term goals.
He doesn't need to know what I make and doesn't ask, but I always know how much he makes. I do tell him how I'm doing in my career and how I'm paying things off so he has a general idea of how I'm feeling about finances. I'll tell him if one job pays more than the last, but not the exact figure usually.
He bases everything on his pay because he wants to keep my working as optional (and also whether I want to work full, or part time) - his father was the same and also from a different culture and that's probably why things are like this.
It works for us.
He bases everything on his pay because he wants to keep my working as optional (and also whether I want to work full, or part time) - his father was the same and also from a different culture and that's probably why things are like this.
It works for us.
MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
Your DH is your next of kin. So, in other words, if the unforeseen happens and you can't speak for yourself, he becomes your voice. Couples have to do what works for them, but for ME, it makes no sense to be close enough to someone/feel comfortable enough with them to give them that much power in your life, but you all can't/don't feel like you can share how much money you make? What's withholding that information from each other going to do?
Amen.
If I die my paperwork/accounts are there for him to go through to tell people I'm gone and see my status. Where I live he wont have to carry anything I haven't paid off either.
All of the household bills that will actually affect him are in his name and I don't pay towards them. Therefore if I died right now he and my accounts would be fine.
I can tell him anything - if not I wouldn't have married him. Though whether I can tell a man (or friend, or family member) anything doesn't = that I actually tell them everything, especially when they haven't asked. Dunno how to explain that because its just a personality type and nothing to do with how I feel about people. If something were to happen where my income becomes important and we have to sit down and figure something out of course we'd work it out to the penny. Different situation.
Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
This thread makes marriage sound wack as hell.
bubbles12345
Well-Known Member
Lol why do you say that?
Everything Zen
Well-Known Member
Man, if I knew these options were available in marriage then my "need my personal space/need my 'me' time" self would have warmed up to the idea ions ago.
Apparently it doesn’t work too well bc they just got an annulment a couple of weeks ago after being together less than one year.
Everything Zen
Well-Known Member
FH been handing me his whole checks in order to handle the bills as soon as we were committed. The only reason why we have separate bank accounts now is because his job is 1099 and it’s just easier for tax purposes and mine keeps track of reimbursements for my work purposes. He has no problem showing me what’s in that other account.
Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
Some of these responses
This topic should be a non-issue in marriage IMO. No use in being married if you can't know super basic stuff. All of this what he can and can't know, what people are funny about, what we do and don't keep separately is too much work for me.
Kalani
Well-Known Member
Apparently it doesn’t work too well bc they just got an annulment a couple of weeks ago after being together less than one year.
Aw, sorry to hear that. Guess you can’t have it all.
Everything Zen
Well-Known Member
Aw, sorry to hear that. Guess you can’t have it all.
They’re two kids that have yet to figure out who the hell they even are separately alone together (mid 20’s). They thought marriage was checking a box that was a status symbol that was supposed to fulfill them or some mess
I’ve been here to pick up the pieces. 
biznesswmn
Well-Known Member
I know all his financial business. He don’t too much care about mine
Women need security, whether he is providing it or we are. This is important information
Women need security, whether he is providing it or we are. This is important information
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
It’s only as simple or complicated as you make itSome of these responses
I personally am not going to live in the same house with and procreate with someone whose income I know little to nothing about.
It’s only as simple or complicated as you make it
I personally am not going to live in the same house with and procreate with someone whose income I know little to nothing about.
Right?!?! You are giving this person something far more precious than money.
You don’t have to track every penny but I encourage women to know enough about mutual finances so that they can spot if a whole other family’s support worth of money is missing. If you make a lot it should either be spent where you can see it or in savings/investments. Oh and it might not be an extra family but could be drugs, gambling or plain old bad decisions.
I know too many women who think all is well and end up in poor houses with their children because they didn’t know what was happening with money until the husband passes.
They way some of these women out here take care of men, I'm sure that the mans income doesn't really matter.
With the people I personally know, it is crazy and bizarre to not know a mans income before marriage. How do you plan kids and such? Just weird and irresponsible.
With the people I personally know, it is crazy and bizarre to not know a mans income before marriage. How do you plan kids and such? Just weird and irresponsible.
kimpaur
Well-Known Member
How would one go about finding this if you're dating? I have an idea of his monthly expenses and know he always has to pay instead of getting a tax refund but that's about it. I have no clue what he makes a month and we aren't at that stage where I can just ask, either. But I want to be nosy lol. Any tips on sleuthing?
Leeda.the.Paladin
Well-Known Member
I just asked my husband when we were dating/thinking about marriage. But I made it clear that a decent income was something I was looking for in a potential husband. But I don’t know if that would work for everyone. My DH is the type who prides himself of being a provider and doesn’t see a potential gold digger in every woman.
We also both sat down after being engaged and looked at credit scores/ reports
Similar threads
