Is he Really Your Fiancee if Theres No Ring???

[Country gal]

My SO has been calling me his fiancee before we were dating. Unless I have a proposal, engagement ring and a wedding date than I am not taking it seriously.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

BUT I will agree that the term fiance' is used too freely.

There are definitely exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, the bolded is the problem.

There are a lot of puddin head chicks that think that dude calling them wifey means they are engaged.

 

[p31woman]

I don't think the ring makes the man's commitment.

I know women who have the ring and have been engaged 3+ years and still can't get the man to set a date.

Yes my DH, did propose to me with a ring. I was thrilled, however, what meant more to me was his willingness and want to set a date...shoot we were only engaged for 5 months!

If my DH would have proposed and didn't have the money for a ring, but set a date, and helped me plan...well...I'd take that over some material thing ANY DAY!

 

[Crackers Phinn]

A ring can also be a way to 'shut her up' in some mens minds.

I've gotten a shut up ring befrore and IMO, you know that's what it is almost from jump.

 

[HAIRapy]

IMO, popping the question and getting a ring should go hand and hand.

I wouldn't even embarrass myself by telling someone I'm engaged if I don't have a ring. As soon as you tell someone you're engaged, the first thing they do is wanna see the ring. I also believe that 1.5 year (I'm being generous with the .5 ) is more than enough time to get married (after proposing). I don't understand being engaged for years and years- why ask if you're not ready? Getting a ring and setting a date is what makes it official.

 

[LoveLiLi]

An ex of mine proposed to me - without a ring. I told him I loved him, but I refused to say we were engaged unless he produced a ring. He was upset because he was the type who thought our love/intention was enough.

If you aren't capable of saving for and producing a ring, then I'm not confident that you're capable of taking on the responsibility of a family and a home.

In the long run he was very irresponsible with his money, and I was relieved that I didn't fall for the bs.

 

[Optimus_Prime]

in the words of the late great Nell Carter: "N. O. E.!"

 

[NOEChic]

my current and my ex proposed to me with no ring...the ex we got married like 4 months later and divorced 3 yrs later.

my current calls me his fiancee and i never told him not to. I still dont have a ring, im waiting for a purse lol. But we know that we will get married in the next 4-5 yrs...we have career aspirations that we both have to do first.

 

[Mariaat40]

While I did get a ring when my DH proposed many years ago, it's an issue of personal preference. An engagement means the man proposed, the woman accepted and they've set a date. I have friends who wear wedding bands (with no engagement ring) who've been happily married for twenty odd years. They chose to invest in their first house or some other form of investment.

 

[ThickHair]

An engagement means the man proposed, the woman accepted and they've set a date.

By your explaination, I was never engaged, I just ended up magically married? Mmmkay Never mind that he did ask me, abeit without a ring, I accepted and we set a date to be married and did follow through. Or is that just the standard with you? Cuz it didn't read that way to me.

 

[JustKiya]

By your explaination, I was never engaged, I just ended up magically married? Mmmkay Never mind that he did ask me, abeit without a ring, I accepted and we set a date to be married and did follow through. Or is that just the standard with you? Cuz it didn't read that way to me.

Urm, y'all are agreeing with each other. She does think you were engaged - he asked, you accepted, ya'll got married.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I've met women like that too, OP. A dude says that he could see them getting married "one day," and suddenly, ole girl is like, "That's my FIANCE!!"

Uh, nah chick.

The main test to me of an engagement is if there is a proposal. Dude needs to have said, "Will you marry me?" before she can start calling him her fiance. If there is no ring immediately, they need to be going shopping for one like yesterday.

I'm traditional and will be expecting a ring at my proposal.

Thank you!! To me, an "engagement" requires a man asking your father/family for your hand, AND for him to ask YOUR hand in marriage. It involves him ASKING period! Call me crazy or old-fashioned, but I would want my man to formally ask me. You only get ONE "engagement story" (unless you marry more than once ), and you want that day/night or HOWEVER he propoeses to be special, and thoughtful.

I can't stand these types of "proposals" where the guy talks to the woman over the phone and says something along the lines of: "you know you're gonna marry me right??" or..."why don't we get married?" I had a friend of mine say that her guy proposed to her like that...over the phone!

I'm sorry, but when I get formally engaged, I want it to be something surprising, something that he has thought and planned out, and I want it to be a QUESTION that he asks me in person! It would be nice if he is a little nervous and unsure if whether you'll have his hand! He shouldn't feel like: "oh...I know I got this one in the bag. I'll talk about marriage...that'll shut her up". No way!

IMO, popping the question and getting a ring should go hand and hand.

I wouldn't even embarrass myself by telling someone I'm engaged if I don't have a ring. As soon as you tell someone you're engaged, the first thing they do is wanna see the ring. I also believe that 1.5 year (I'm being generous with the .5 ) is more than enough time to get married (after proposing). I don't understand being engaged for years and years- why ask if you're not ready? Getting a ring and setting a date is what makes it official.

I agree. And instinctively men know this. So, unless he's suddenly dirt-poor (because why would he even think he could be married without a decent job to support a family?? ), he should wait until he knows he can afford at least a cheap band to give the woman. Most men want their woman to feel proud to display the engagement ring that he bought "his woman". Most men are usually prideful about this. So if he doesn't care that you look "still on the market", I'd be concerned. Now, every situation is different, and who knows?? Maybe I would later on down the line accept an engagement w/out a formal ring too. But my WISH would be to have a formal ring and a formal ROMANTIC proposal.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Btw...a close friend of mine told me just last weekend that her boyfriend has basically asked her to marry him.

Well...actually, they were talking on the phone and he told her that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. I was soooo happy!!! But she's already got wedding dates in mind and everything! Wow... I would just take it easy if I were her and would wait because he hasn't really formally ASKED her yet. You know??

Or...maybe I'm too old-fashioned. Maybe these days things have changed...

 

[Mortons]

Btw...a close friend of mine told me just last weekend that her boyfriend has basically asked her to marry him.

Well...actually, they were talking on the phone and he told her that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. I was soooo happy!!! But she's already got wedding dates in mind and everything! Wow... I would just take it easy if I were her and would wait because he hasn't really formally ASKED her yet. You know??

Or...maybe I'm too old-fashioned. Maybe these days things have changed...

See when you have to add in extra terms like "basically asked" "Pretty much said" ummm yeah just let it go and wait for the ring. Cause it wasnt serious

 

[Bunny77]

Btw...a close friend of mine told me just last weekend that her boyfriend has basically asked her to marry him.

Well...actually, they were talking on the phone and he told her that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. I was soooo happy!!! But she's already got wedding dates in mind and everything! Wow... I would just take it easy if I were her and would wait because he hasn't really formally ASKED her yet. You know??

Or...maybe I'm too old-fashioned. Maybe these days things have changed...

I'm with ya... now, this boyfriend could eventually pop the question and all would be good. But I would not be setting wedding dates and thinking I was engaged based on that statement.

That sounds like the person I mentioned in my first post in this thread. The BF said he could see himself married to her and then she started telling people that she was "engaged."

(They broke up a year later... got back together down the road and THEN he formally asked for her hand in marriage, but that was FIVE years later, okay?)

 

[Jade Feria]

Thank you!! To me, an "engagement" requires a man asking your father/family for your hand, AND for him to ask YOUR hand in marriage. It involves him ASKING period! Call me crazy or old-fashioned, but I would want my man to formally ask me. You only get ONE "engagement story" (unless you marry more than once ), and you want that day/night or HOWEVER he propoeses to be special, and thoughtful.

I can't stand these types of "proposals" where the guy talks to the woman over the phone and says something along the lines of: "you know you're gonna marry me right??" or..."why don't we get married?" I had a friend of mine say that her guy proposed to her like that...over the phone!

I'm sorry, but when I get formally engaged, I want it to be something surprising, something that he has thought and planned out, and I want it to be a QUESTION that he asks me in person! It would be nice if he is a little nervous and unsure if whether you'll have his hand! He shouldn't feel like: "oh...I know I got this one in the bag. I'll talk about marriage...that'll shut her up". No way!


I agree. And instinctively men know this. So, unless he's suddenly dirt-poor (because why would he even think he could be married without a decent job to support a family?? ), he should wait until he knows he can afford at least a cheap band to give the woman. Most men want their woman to feel proud to display the engagement ring that he bought "his woman". Most men are usually prideful about this. So if he doesn't care that you look "still on the market", I'd be concerned. Now, every situation is different, and who knows?? Maybe I would later on down the line accept an engagement w/out a formal ring too. But my WISH would be to have a formal ring and a formal ROMANTIC proposal.

So true! ITA with all that! I guess I'm old-fashioned too, because I expect to have a formal engagement that he planned out, takes me by surprise, and tops it off with the RING. Thank you.

Females be reachin.

 

[Mariaat40]

Urm, y'all are agreeing with each other. She does think you were engaged - he asked, you accepted, ya'll got married.

Yep. We're saying the same thing.

 

[Ladybelle]

I'm married whether I wear the ring or not, I think the same sentiment can apply to engaged couples. The "ring" is only supposed to be symbolic and I think that sometimes people worry so much about the symbolism they forget about the reality. The ring makes you no more or less married. That's just imho....

.... stepping away now.

 

[Jade Feria]

I'm married whether I wear the ring or not, I think the same sentiment can apply to engaged couples. The "ring" is only supposed to be symbolic and I think that sometimes people worry so much about the symbolism they forget about the reality. The ring makes you no more or less married. That's just imho....

.... stepping away now.

I'd have to disagree, because in that case, you have a marriage license. Whether it's a ring or the license or a wedding or whatever, you still have something to signify that it's official and you're not just walking around with delusions of grandeur.

If a man legitimately and outright asks a woman to marry him and she accepts, they are engaged, ring or not. I personally want a ring present at my engagement, but that's just me.

But a man saying, "I could see us getting married one day" or "I could see myself spending my life with you" does not a proposal make. If you have to go through deductive reasoning and truth tables to figure out if he proposed to you, or if you have to come up with phrases like "he BASICALLY proposed" or "he PRETTY MUCH asked me to marry him"....he probably didn't. P and Q is not true my friend!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I'm married whether I wear the ring or not, I think the same sentiment can apply to engaged couples. The "ring" is only supposed to be symbolic and I think that sometimes people worry so much about the symbolism they forget about the reality. The ring makes you no more or less married. That's just imho....

.... stepping away now.

Well yeah that's true. I mean, in all honesty in a perfect world, a ring would not mean diddly squat. It's just a "symbol".

HOWEVER, unfortunately we don't live in a "perfect world", and in the American culture, a ring on a finger is a big deal. For example, if your husband refused to wear a ring on his finger symbolizing that he's married, would you be okay with that?? I know I wouldn't! I would be leary about why he didn't want to showcase the fact that he is a married man and is "taken".

Let's face it, other women notice if a man has a ring on his finger or not. And when a man doesn't wear a wedding ring on his finger "just because", he is being deceptive IMO. Case in point...I know a guy who is a friend of a guy friend of mine who is married, but I saw him at a party one time (keep in mind, this guy is GOOD-looking!), and I thought that he was single! I didn't approach him of course, but I just kept noticing that he was looking at me throughout the night. Well, eventually he approached ME and came up making small talk and asked me all kinds of questions, etc.

Well, a few days after the party I asked my guy friend about him and whether or not he had a gf, and do you know what he told me?? He told me that he was MARRIED!!! HE said that he has to talk to his friend about that because he always does that. He misleads a lot of ladies. Here I was thinking he was single & available, and fool turns out to be married! I'm thinking: "then why didn't you bring your wife to the party, and more importantly why were you all up in MY face?? "

Ugh...some guys I tell you...

 

[Aviah]

I agree a ring can symbolize how serious you are, but your engagement has to be more than that. Likewise with marriage, you may wear a ring for him, but he may take it off for everyone else.