Is he Really Your Fiancee if Theres No Ring???

I

Imani

New Member
Okay, I know this may be a dumb question. But I've never really paid much attention to the various nuances of relationships. As a matter of fact, I'm in my first (semi?) serious relationship at the age of 26 (by personal choice).

Anywho, so around about the time I turned 25, I noticed alot of people around me had fiances. I mean like everyone. It was like "fiance" was the new "boyfriend". But none of these females had rings:perplexed. I mean, I know not everyone is balling, and maybe their dudes can't afford rings right now or whatever (most of these people were fresh out of undergrad or still in grad school), but I mean, at what point do you start calling a dude your "fiance"???

For example, this one chic I knew of was going around calling her man her fiance. Me and him go way back, and when I asked him about it, his response was "well, we're really close". :ohwell:

Like, just because a man had a convo with you about the possiblity of marriage doesn't mean he's your fiance but I'm wondering if thats what some of these females are doing???
 
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Some women are tripping, and are only engaged in their own minds.
Some women have had a man ask, and he hasn't produced a ring yet.
Some women have had a man ask, and don't want a ring for whatever reason.

If you tell me you are engaged, ain't got no ring, and you ain't married within 2-3 years? :look: You fall into category 1, in my mind.

If you tell me you are engaged, ain't got no ring, but are actively making (and paying for) wedding options, I assume you fall into category 3.

Category 2 usually ends up with a breakup or a ring before long.
 
Usually, once you ask the question, "Where's the ring?" you can ascertain exactly HOW serious the term "fiance'" is. :lol:
 
I use to be engaged for about 3 months wo a ring then he finally stepped up.However he was an idiot so he got laid off..for now own if a man is not finacially prepared for marriage and can't purchase me a quality ring then its a no until that happens.Im not saying it needs to be tiffanys but it needs to show he can save up and make a plan of action for something that is imporant...many women now adays let me get off too easy and make excuses for them..he he can't get a ring then he not right for now.
 
Fiance - male
Fiancee - female

But back to the question....I would think that in order for one to consider anothe his/her betrothed, a proposal would have taken place. In my traditional view, a ring MUST be involved in a marriage proposal whether it's a diamond or just a band. IMO you can't consider yourself engaged without a ring.:perplexed
 
I've met women like that too, OP. A dude says that he could see them getting married "one day," and suddenly, ole girl is like, "That's my FIANCE!!"

Uh, nah chick.

The main test to me of an engagement is if there is a proposal. Dude needs to have said, "Will you marry me?" before she can start calling him her fiance. If there is no ring immediately, they need to be going shopping for one like yesterday.

I'm traditional and will be expecting a ring at my proposal. :yep:
 
comike said:
Fiance - male
Fiancee - female

But back to the question....I would think that in order for one to consider anothe his/her betrothed, a proposal would have taken place. In my traditional view, a ring MUST be involved in a marriage proposal whether it's a diamond or just a band. IMO you can't consider yourself engaged without a ring.:perplexed
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Thanks, I was wondering about the spelling. I posted this from work so I didn't have time to research whether it was one e or two. As I said, i've never paid it much attention before
 
I had a fiance with no ring. He ask me to marry him, we set a date and did the dang on thing. I told people I was getting married on xx\xx\xx and that was that. They could glean from that and put 2 and 2 together, duh we were engaged. So it can happen and it does all the time, but most don't freely advertise the fact.

I see nothing wrong with it. A ring an engagement\marriage does not make.

BUT I will agree that the term fiance' is used too freely.
 
Once there is a wedding date and all of your loved ones know you are engaged, then its "for real". A ring doesn't have to be present, but clear intentions do.
 
No there doesn't have to be a ring but many times (as stated) if there isn't one..someone ,usually the woman, has jumped the gun.

But lately I've been hearing many women (23-28yo range) referring to their long-term boyfriend as their hubby/husband and THAT irritates me but I don't say anything. I'm talking about people that don't even live together....

Personally I must have a ring before I announce an engagement and I need to be married via ceremony before I call you my husband.
 
I personally feel that rings are nothing more than an outward symbol of the bond between 2 people. It doesn't guarrantee the marriage will take place and not having one doesn't mean your relationship is less valid. So yes you can be engaged with no ring.

And OP, people do come all out of left field talking about being engaged. IDK why they do that.
 
i understand that the ring is *just* a symbol, but i'd be damned if i was someone's fiancee with no ring... i dont intend on marrying a man who's not financially table enough to buy a ring.

i care about tradition.
 
I'm option 2 then according to Kiya... my thing is I don't want a ring unless it clearly states "She's off limits" without a brother having to ask. LOL. I don't want any old ring and it doesn't have to be a million carats but I have to really like it to commit to wearing it... have only seen one ring I loved and it's discontinued....

I celebrate 4 years with my DH and 1 year of marriage next month... uhm... yea, some things are just realer than a rock on my finger
 
imho this is just another instance were women sell themselves short. If he is serious about marraige then he will have saved or thought out how to finance a ring and propose the right way.
 
It is important to really know the individuals personally before making assumptions.

In my faith, many of us marry without rings, because Scriptural counsel regarding jewelry is encouraged. Jewelry is perceived as unnecessary, among other things. So many people get engaged and married without rings. My parents were engaged and married without rings, and recently celebrated 30 years of a happy marriage. I am a Seventh-Day Adventist Christian. Many Muslims also don't become engaged or married with rings.

Rings are a cultural representation of marriage in the Westernized societies and adopted by people across numerous faiths...but not everyone adheres to it.
 
I'm old fashioned. If there's no ring, there's no engagement as far as I'm concerned.
 
I'm not even all that traditional, but if I get a proposal I would expect a ring and be working on a tentative date for the marriage. I would ideally like to be proposed to w/ a nice ring and creative/romantic proposal. It's ok dude, take your time until you can get it right :yep:
 
I am a traditional girl. If it is culturally the norm to become betrothed without rings then that is fine. However, I to notice people getting engaged, promise rings and preengaged . I think that is a man using you as a place holder just in case something better comes along. I also notice not many aa are getting married. If you get engaged unless you are planning the event of the century you should be married with in a few years not this 15 year engagement so he could shut you up. If you are happy with a long engagement then that is fine this is my opinion.
 
Bunny77 said:
I've met women like that too, OP. A dude says that he could see them getting married "one day," and suddenly, ole girl is like, "That's my FIANCE!!"

Uh, nah chick.

The main test to me of an engagement is if there is a proposal. Dude needs to have said, "Will you marry me?" before she can start calling him her fiance. If there is no ring immediately, they need to be going shopping for one like yesterday.

I'm traditional and will be expecting a ring at my proposal. :yep:
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I use to work with a lady like that. They had been dating/engaged 20+ years. She would hold on to every little thing he said.:nono:
 
divya said:
It is important to really know the individuals personally before making assumptions.

In my faith, many of us marry without rings, because Scriptural counsel regarding jewelry is encouraged. Jewelry is perceived as unnecessary, among other things. So many people get engaged and married without rings. My parents were engaged and married without rings, and recently celebrated 30 years of a happy marriage. I am a Seventh-Day Adventist Christian. Many Muslims also don't become engaged or married with rings.

Rings are a cultural representation of marriage in the Westernized societies and adopted by people across numerous faiths...but not everyone adheres to it.
Click to expand...

I definitely understand what you're saying. I have a family member who does not get into traditional western social norms on a lot of issues. I know for a fact if she were to ever be married there would probably not be a ring.

However, the ladies which made me think to start this thread were people I knew somewhat personally or indirectly (we run in the same circles, friend of a friend, etc) and they DO believe in the idea of a wedding ring/proposal, it just never materialized.
 
no ring...no fiance---period

how do you propose without a ring--like its traditional to have something a cow--goat--ring--something--
 
Let's see..
My SO has asked my parents for my hand in marriage :giggle:
He has told his parents of our intention to marry
We have a date set.
We are shopping for rings (well actually he is since he thinks I'm crazy :rolleyes:)

He is not my finacé until I get my rock :mad:
 
The whole "you don't HAVE to have a ring to be engaged" deal only works if people truly believe that. A GANG of folx are hanging on to that as an excuse, not a real reason.
 
A ring can also be a way to 'shut her up' in some mens minds.

Ask for my hand in marriage, present me with a ring, set a date, begin the wedding planning, let our families know and start making payments... It's not really official until you sign that license but those steps show he's serious about me. :yep:
 
Imani said:
Thanks for your responses ladies. I was really wondering about this bc among my social circle, it just kinda seemed like this exploded overnight with everyone saying they had a fiance. I do think a man could be serious about wanting to get married without a ring, esp if he is young/getting his feet planted in his career. However, I think there are some delusional females who haven't gotten a real proposal and then there are some trife negros who are stringing said females around with false hopes.

I had one guy friend who had moved to a new city after graduation for his first job and his girlfriend remained in school to finish her degree. They were supposedly engaged and he had not bought a ring bc he simply didn't have the money. Also, this dude cheated on her during his year in XYZ city alone:nono:, with no protection:nono: (I know, people tell me alot of their business!:look:). His excuse was that he was just bored and lonely:ohwell:. She moved to XYZ city with him for grad school, he eventually got the ring after about a year and they are now married.

The female I spoke about in my initial post, after a bunch of drama, and breaking up and getting back together, (oh and he cheated too, again with no protection:nono:), they finally broke up. Within a year she met someone else who was serious about putting a ring on it and is married now.
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Ok and an engagement ring would do what?????? The men wouldn't have ho'd around and cheated and did an assortmant of other things.
 
I only know of one couple that got engaged without a ring. She needed a car, so he bought her the car in place of the ring. They've been married for a few years now and wear their wedding bands.

It worked for them, but I will buy my own d@mn car...I want a ring! And that sucker best be paid off before we march our happy selves down the aisle because I will not be paying for my own engagement ring as if it's a household bill. :eek:ffrant:
 
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