Is He Off Limits?
- Thread starter ndidirod
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SummerSolstice
New Member
if ur friend is a decent human then it shouldn't matter
SelahOco
Well-Known Member
In college I had a huge crush on this guy and everytime he tried to talk to me, I just froze up.
I liked him so much and all my friends knew it. One day one of my closest friends comes in talking about she going on a date with him and just kind of announced it to the room.
I was mad at her because I felt she could have talked to me about it. I would have had no problem with it, but with her being my close friend I just expected her to be more caring.
We stayed friends and a few years later she started creeping with another one of her really close friends boyfriend. They would all be out together and when her friend left the table, they would sneak a kiss, etc.
She ended up marrying the dude and ended her friendship with the girl. So, my friend was a skallywag for sure.
I said all that to say, he's not off limits but chat her up about it first to let her know the deal and that you didnt know, etc.
If you care about her feelings just run it past her.
She probably won't care, if she's sane.
I liked him so much and all my friends knew it. One day one of my closest friends comes in talking about she going on a date with him and just kind of announced it to the room.
I was mad at her because I felt she could have talked to me about it. I would have had no problem with it, but with her being my close friend I just expected her to be more caring.
We stayed friends and a few years later she started creeping with another one of her really close friends boyfriend. They would all be out together and when her friend left the table, they would sneak a kiss, etc.
She ended up marrying the dude and ended her friendship with the girl. So, my friend was a skallywag for sure.
I said all that to say, he's not off limits but chat her up about it first to let her know the deal and that you didnt know, etc.
If you care about her feelings just run it past her.
She probably won't care, if she's sane.
darlingdiva
Well-Known Member
I know, right? That's the part that sounds suspect to me. It raises more than an eyebrow that she's revealing this crush of hers after she realizes that he's feeling you.
You said that she's a casual friend and a social buddy, so I say go for it! If she were really your girl (and had any sense of self-worth), she'd be happy for you instead of pining over a guy who obviously has no interest in her.
lesedi
All is well with me
I was in a situation like this actually. Me and a friend were at a bar and my friend saw a guy near the door that she said was cute. We kept looking that way so I could see if I agreed with her and he thought I was making eyes at him and he came over. He had NO interest in my friend whatsoever.we chatted the whole night ...to cut to the chase, we ended up dating for 2 years... I lost that friend because she said i betrayed her. But she didn't even know his name and even if she did, you call dibs on HUMAN BEINGS!!!!!
hopeful
Well-Known Member
SelahOco
Your situation is completely different. Your friend was trife: a close friend and she knew about your crush and she was bold and inconsiderate with her "announcement." Which friend married the dude? The trife one or the other one? Either way, good luck to them on that because dude was trifling too.
Your situation is completely different. Your friend was trife: a close friend and she knew about your crush and she was bold and inconsiderate with her "announcement." Which friend married the dude? The trife one or the other one? Either way, good luck to them on that because dude was trifling too.
SelahOco
Well-Known Member
hopeful
The trife friend. My friends back then (we all lived in the dorms together) said I was being petty, etc. I was trying to tell them it's not about the dude, it's about how she handled herself. Like she just didn't care about my feelings....that made me feel some kinda way.
So, later when I left the school, she got real close w/ some new girls, one of which was dating the dude she ended up marrying.
TracyNicole
Well-Known Member
I agree that this situation is totally different. In this case they seem to be social acquaintances not close friends and neither actually knows the guy really. I'm the situation with Selah's friends that girl was clearly on violation of the friendship code.
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The bolded is what gets me. She waited until after the guy was feeling me and I was feeling him. I personally think that its selfish for her to call dibs on dude after all that. If she were a real friend, she would've sat back and let us be. Anyway, I've exchanged numbers with him but I don't know what I'm going to do yet ....
I talked with one of my other friends and she assumed that this girl and I were close friends. Err?? Y'all tell me what you think of our friendship (casual or close?):
- If I had a wedding, I wouldn't make her part of the bridal party (and I know she wouldn't make me part of hers)
- If I had a wedding, I'd invite her for the simple fact that I don't want her feeling left out
- I've known her for 11 years; but we see each other about a few times in the year
- Every time we've hung out, except for one time, it has always been in a group setting
- I've never confided in her about anything and vise versa
- Every time we've hung out, it has been socially (i.e., trips, parties, etc.)
- I know nothing about her relationship history and vise versa
- I honestly don't know much about her personal stuff and vise versa
- She's never met my family; I've met her mother only once
- We hardly talk; just hang out
What do y'all think?
- If I had a wedding, I wouldn't make her part of the bridal party (and I know she wouldn't make me part of hers)
- If I had a wedding, I'd invite her for the simple fact that I don't want her feeling left out
- I've known her for 11 years; but we see each other about a few times in the year
- Every time we've hung out, except for one time, it has always been in a group setting
- I've never confided in her about anything and vise versa
- Every time we've hung out, it has been socially (i.e., trips, parties, etc.)
- I know nothing about her relationship history and vise versa
- I honestly don't know much about her personal stuff and vise versa
- She's never met my family; I've met her mother only once
- We hardly talk; just hang out
What do y'all think?
Last edited:
neonbright
Well-Known Member
No he isn't off limits, sounds like your friend is playing the high school game. " I have a crush on him, don't know him but I hope one day he notice me and we date."
Girl go on, get to knowing the guy.
Girl go on, get to knowing the guy.
LivingDol1
Well-Known Member
He is not off limits... Get to know the dude.
Hope your friend gets over it. No man is worth losing a good friend over. But then again, if she gets all pissy about it, you will see true colors come out.
Hope your friend gets over it. No man is worth losing a good friend over. But then again, if she gets all pissy about it, you will see true colors come out.
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
This happened to me, my best friend and I ran summer track and I saw this FINE specimen of a boy. I told my friend that I thought he was cute, and I would try to chat him up. We both knew the boy, but he didn't seem interested in me. We all go on a track trip and I am hanging with some friends, my friend and the boy were talking and he asked her to be his girlfriend. She came back into the hotel room and told me they were boyfriend and girlfriend. I was a little bit salty at first, but I didn't care after that night.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
ndidirod I don't know from all you posted above sounds like ya'll might be more than I just run in to dis fool on the skreet status. Honeymajig
Do you call her to invite her to anything or ya'll just run in some of the same social networks. I got mo question but I'm gon go back and read. I'll edit dis herre later if need be. 
ndidirod I don't know from all you posted above sounds like ya'll might be more than I just run in to dis fool on the skreet status. Honeymajig
We just run in the same social network.
InchHighPrivateEye
Well-Known Member
A casual friend? Humph, she is bold for pulling you to the side like that, really bold, y'all ain't close like that, he isn't checking for her, you didn't even know she had a crush on him, she is acting like she is in 2nd grade. No, he is not off limits. @ndidirod What did you do? Please update.
Yes to this! I hate when people try to cast a wide net placing everybody off limits. No maam. Go for it, OP. It might be weird between you and your friend, and that's sad, but...yall don't sound that close anyway.
Really, she was foul for trying to make you feel bad by telling you about the crush anyway. I mean, unrequited love sucks, but....it's unrequited, so I mean...
Thanks for all your advice, ladies. I've decided to see where things go with the guy. The fact is, this friend and I are not ride or die friends. Plus, if she were any kind of friend, she wouldn't have pulled me to the side like that. Instead, she would've been happy for me. I know for a fact, I wouldn't have pulled her to the side if roles were reversed.
PretteePlease
#fakeworkouts
Snooze you lose. She never let me know til we started making go go eyes at each other.
Girl bye
I'm going for what I know. Now if I knew she wanted him b4 I would decline.
Girl bye
I'm going for what I know. Now if I knew she wanted him b4 I would decline.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
ITASnooze you lose. She never let me know til we started making go go eyes at each other.
Girl bye
darlingdiva
Well-Known Member
Call him!
The bullet points above is why you should call him.
ETA: I saw your last post; make that move, girl!
Bnster
New Member
I would feel awkward, but no he is not off limits.
The GF seems selfish to mention her crush after noticing the guy's attention on her friend instead of her. Hum, she doesn't sound like a really good friend. She was telling her he is off limits.
I had a crush in the past and I didn't let my GFs know, if he was interested in them so be it, it wasn't meant to be. He is my buddy friend today and never dated any of my gfs.
In circumstances like how OP mentioned and if I wasn't really interested I would be thinking of a way to turn his interest for me to her instead.
The GF seems selfish to mention her crush after noticing the guy's attention on her friend instead of her. Hum, she doesn't sound like a really good friend. She was telling her he is off limits.
I had a crush in the past and I didn't let my GFs know, if he was interested in them so be it, it wasn't meant to be. He is my buddy friend today and never dated any of my gfs.
In circumstances like how OP mentioned and if I wasn't really interested I would be thinking of a way to turn his interest for me to her instead.
*CherryPie*
Well-Known Member
Girl, you better go out with him!!
Don't you take a back seat to a trifflin' so-called friend.
Don't you take a back seat to a trifflin' so-called friend.
Mrs. N Lugo
New Member
I wouldn't go out with him. The situation Is already too dramatic for me. So many fish in the sea, throw him back in the water. Anyway if it's meant to be, it is going to be even of you toss him back in...but at this point you should respect her feelings and keep it moving.
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Mis007
New Member
DragonPearl
Well-Known Member
Lol! Tell it.
I think that was very selfish and manipulative for the friend to put her on a guilt tripping spot like that. A real friend would have just step back. If the man wanted her, he would have gone after her. She needs to get over it.
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