Oh goodness, seems like I never learn...

[BroadstreetBully]

Sorry guys, I'm back. Thanks for all the responses, I'm really appreciate everyone's insights and man...I needed this wakeup call.

I agree with you ladies, "He's not that into me". Goodness, you would think I would have learned by now. Whenever guys are interested in me, I can't keep them away. They always call, text, invite me places, etc...Not just flirt. What was I thinking? lol.

Not only that, but lately he's sucked as a study partner. So I'm dumping him in respect to that as well. In the last few days I have found other study partners. I don't think it's healthy for me to crush on someone who should exist solely for academic reasons. There will be more like him in the future who will have some interest in me.

I'm happy that I'm slowly learning to trust my intuition, and to listen to you ladies...not my friends. The issue now is that since I see him everyday, I can't help but still be attracted to him until someone else comes along. It's going to be hard to avoid him. I guess I just have deal until those feelings fade...they always do.

I am so happy I listened to you ladies before I made the mistake of letting him know how I felt. I don't want awkwardness for the rest of the semester. There are 50-11 guys out there who will do more than just flirt with me, they will pursue me to no end. Another lesson learned. Thanks again!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I'd keep it as it is. You already know the answer. Men like to feel they've caught you, not the other way around. You already said you don't think he's as into you and that's a mouthful of gut honesty.

That's true. And in my best relationships it's always been that way.

i voted flirt back a little more...but this is what i mean. flirt in a very fiesty, sarcastic, 'you can't have me' kind of way. don't be all googly eyed with him. don't act available. date other guys, or at least lead him to believe that you always have plans. skip some of your study dates b/c 'something came up'.

basically, if he hasn't asked you out, it's b/c his interest level isn't that high. if you become less available, seem less attainable AND he STILL doesn't ask you out. then, consider yourself certain that he's not that into you. but, you haven't lost anything to get that info.

I agree. While he's simply flirting with me, he might be chasing some other girl.

I'd put it out there once. "...after all of this studying I could go for a _____ (good glass of wine, cocktail, cheeseburger, whatever) and see if he takes the bait.

I'm almost leaning towards "he's not that into you" simply because he's had AMPLE opportunity. Unless you talk about other guys around him or have mentioned "dates" with other people. But there's a part of me that thinks that in HIS mind he might be getting mixed signals from you...

I'd put it out there once, see if he takes the bait - if no cigar I'd move on.

He has had beyond ample opportunity. I don't flirt back, but overall I think that the hunter instinct in a guy would make him pursue you even more if you are not being so obvious about your interest in him. Some guys I am just not into, and even after avoiding them...they still call more.

flirt back and read "that girl" thread.

I will start on it ASAP!

Please don't put yourself out there only to look like an idiot in the end. (I mean that in the NICEST way possible)

If this young man had any intentions beyond friendship and flirting he would act on it. You don't need to nudge him in the right direction. If he flirts and you feel like flirting back I think thats ok but don't think that his flirting will lead to something else. Well, thats not to say that it can't but please not get your hopes up. Men like to flirt, its a game to them. Well women do too but you get my point.

You are right, I would have looked like a complete idiot. If anything some men and women are just flirtatious. He could really like me as a person and enjoy joking around with me. I think sometimes we don't realize the messages we are sending out. I remember I had a good male friend once who thought I liked him as more than a friend and he got his hopes out. Turned out that I didn't, but I had no idea that he mistook my "friendliness" for romantic interest.

Men go for what they want. If he decides you are the one, he will come for you. Meanwhile, get other activities so you are not so caught up in wondering and waiting and looking forward to your study sessions with him.

You're right. And at this point there's nothing to look forward to. He has been slacking and I've found better options.

I say flirt a little more since you are interested. But don't do anything more. Call me old fashioned but I feel like if a guy is interested, he will eventually make a move....you should not even have to flirt.

So TRUE! There are guys who have asked me out when I've only spoken to them in passing a few times. If they want you, they'll come get you.

i think a lady here said, "never make a man your priority when you're only his option". um, well right now, you're not even his option. yet you're putting a lot of effort into trying to figure out his actions. i've been in the same situation as you a number of times. a guy will drop a lot of hints and i'll be hooked on him yet he'll never make any moves. the guys who really wanted a relationship did not waste time asking me out.

i had to learn that unless a guy was going to approach me and make his intentions crystal clear that i wasn't going to care or waste time thinking about what could be. i'm too old for that "hot and cold"/"mixed signals" mess (yes, at 20 ). the truth is that until he expresses some genuine interest (i.e - asking you on a date etc) instead of just flirting (something many guys do even to girls they have zero interest in), nothing will really come of it. don't waste your time.

I have put too much effort in analyzing his actions, and it makes my head hurt. My head should not hurt, I should just be going along for the ride. Thanks.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Hey Red!!! What's up girl?

Is this the same guy you were talking about in your class that always stares at you?? I could be mistaken, but I thought I remember you talking about some guy in your class that always stares at you.

<<<I aplogize in advance for the lengthy response, but I just had to get this information out here because I'm in this situation right now!>>>
Anywhoo.... I agree with the other ladies... I would flirt, but more so in an UNattainable way. Like, "you can't have this" type of way. Not in a: "Wow....you are SOOOO smart!" or "my, what big muscles you have!!" type of way. I know in the past that guys feel more comfortable (at least YOUNG guys) with girls who flirt in a bantering back and forth type of way. Like for example, he may tease you, and instead of just laughing or smiling, you give it right back to him in a playful way.

Personally, I'm not going to go out on a limb and say whether this guy is interested or not (because I can't read his mind!), but I WILL say that if a guy is REALLY interested in you, he WILL eventually make a move. It doesn't matter how "shy" this guy is.

I'll give you two examples:

Example 1: I too have a guy "Friend" (I've mentioned him several times on this board already) who I'm in "love" with, but have already started moving on from him due to his "wishy-washy" behavior. I'm in the same situation as you REd! He's a flirt, and so he and I will flirt sometimes, or he'll make jokes w/me. He'll even invite me places/will call and text me at times to hang out. He even gets JEALOUS when other guys seem interested in me. He'd always be hot and cold with his interest towards me. Talk about mixed signals!! BUT!! The thing is, I always felt like nothing ever really progressed beyond a casual (and I do mean CASUAL) friendship. We don't talk about our dreams, fears, hopes, aspirations, etc. You know, things a NORMAL friend would talk to you about?? I gave him ample of chances. Not only that, but I made a fool out of myself trying to let him know I was interested. How silly I was! I have now long-since started to forget about him. Plus, I already know that he's interested in another girl. He's ACTIVELY pursuing and dating her, so I know that he's not "Shy". Trust me ladies, if you ever feel like things just never really "progress" with a guy, then it's safe to say that he's either not that interested, just likes attention, or is dating someone else! I was always hanging and waiting around in the wings hoping that he'd dump his gf and at least give me a "chance". HA!! No more of that wishful thinking! She can HAVE him! I have tried to keep it strictly casual w/him and keep my focus away from him in order to protect my heart, but he'll get upset if I don't acknowledge him!! Imagine that!! So yeah, bottom line....if you feel in the pit of your stomach that he's not interested in you, then you can probably bet that he's not that interested in you. Sometimes you just KNOW.

Example 2: There's this other guy that I know that is quite shy. I don't like him like that, but I was always nice to him. He would act like he didn't see me, or couldn't look me in the eye much, and would actually give me the impression that he hated me! I know I'm a nice person, so I knew it wasn't me. Turns out, I started hearing whisperings from his friends that he "liked me", or people would say that when they would talk to him, my name would always pop up out of the blue. Hmmmm... I just kept being nice to him. I NEVER called him. NEVER texted him. I only invited him out with a GROUP of friends like twice, and all of a sudden, now the guy is inviting me places, calling me/texting me, etc. sometimes. I KNOW that he likes me. And my point is, that if a guy really likes you, he'll FIND a way to let you know EVEN IF he's "Shy". You'll hear something from his friends, or people will be wanting to hook you up with him. You'll sense SOMETHING ladies! Trust me on this!! He'll call you, he'll text you, he'll want to spend TIME with you, and you'll get the sense that if you show him more of your feelings, he WON'T run away. The most important sign of all: Things will progress. Why?? Because he wants it to.

So, if you get the feeling that things aren't progressing with this guy, or you're doing all the work, it's because he doesn't want things to progress too far. He's just having fun flirting.

HEY! No this isn't the same guy. I do have a class with that guy though, and I look at him and wonder why I was even interested in him in the first place. Crazy huh? You are right, even the uber shy will find a way to get you if given the opportunity. I'm pretty shy myself and I've put myself out there before, only to get shot down...but the point is, if I can do it...so can any guy. And this guy doesn't seem like to shy type...he's OUT there. Which is what attracted me to him. And who knows? Maybe he's flirting with me to make some other girl jealous. It's happened before. This is why I'm NOT going to bother with him any longer.

The Bolded is so True and I will tell you this read Why do Men Love B@tche! As well as Catch Him and Keep Him. Go to U Tube's ask a G TV I put it out on a thread some where! These books I am feeling and they do work! ! When you start speaking to guy and acting and reacting to a guy a certian way! Look, in my own dating and mating I am before and after very confident, bold, sexy,sassy etc... I appeal to the mans emotional side as well as physical and too me it is all about Attraction. Once me and the guy hook up then I still keep it going and do not stop!
Remember to Love your self first and take care of you while having fun in the process and saying the truth and being honest with the man he will be drawn to you! Once you put something out there to a special guy you do not have to do it over and over etc.... Do just enough and then Fall Way back talk to other guys do not even notice him have intense conversations! When you speak to him just be honest and have conversations that place questions in his court and not in your court. Do it in a flirty way b/c when a woman pursues a man to the point she will be and appear very needy and a nag these things men hate! Have it together you do not need a man to make you happy have a glow, appeal , aura about you when you so men not just him will be so drawn to you in a good way and not just the loser types. It takes time it can be mastered! I know b/c after a conversation I had with a guy a week ago we have been with each other 7 days non-stop Having fun outside of the box! I am keeping it up and falling back. If he wants me that bad like he does now! I just allow him to be the man! I am having fun in the process and not chaning a thing!
I will post the link for you shortly!

I have "Why Men Love *****es" and I will continue to read. My only issue with that book is it mainly addresses what to do once you are "dating" or actually in the relationship. Are there any good books for single gals?

This is my input, considering the fact I've never had a boyfriend but through observation: Even if you was mean and showed no interested, if a guy wants to be with you, you will know.
If he is not showing strong interest now, why even bother?Whenever the relationship gets rocky or if you guys get married and encounter a hardship, he won't be willing and trying hard to make it work. You want a guy that really really wants you so that no matter what, he always be willing to hang on strong for love.
If you show interest first, then he will have the power over you. Some men would rather the women do the chasing so that he can be in the position to reject the female
Some men like to flirt, see if he flirts with other girls also. It makes them feel desirable.
My opinion, don't do anything, don't even flirt. Be yourself, until he stops playing around, then you can open up..a little.

So true! Plus when you really think about it, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who didn't take one look at me and decide he HAD to have me. If he's not thinking about me as much as I have thought about him, it's a no-go. You snooze, you lose.

 

[kandake]

Red,

I'm glad you saw the light. LOL. I wanted to add that its ok to still like him. Sometimes we can't turn our feelings off like a light switch. I'm actually struggling with this myself right now. I'm seriously crushing on a guy I dated briefly a few months ago. The calls have stopped but my feelings haven't. But I'll be damned if I pick up the phone to call him. Like you said, the feelings will fade eventually and there will more men to date.

 

[Kiadodie]

I have a guy like this in my life. We have a mutual friend and when we all go out, he'll flirt, ask questions about me..he even suggested we do dinner but never called to follow up .

I'm thinking WTF, then I hear he has a girlfriend in a different state. I'm like, no wonder.

So, trust me, if he isn't pursuing you, it is for a reason. Don't try to make things happen because usually it'll end up backfiring on you. erplexed

 

[Highly Favored8]

I have "Why Men Love *****es" and I will continue to read. My only issue with that book is it mainly addresses what to do once you are "dating" or actually in the relationship. Are there any good books for single gals?

I like Sister Rules by Deane Miller (sp)
Promises From God for the Single Women-By Td Jakes

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I have "Why Men Love *****es" and I will continue to read. My only issue with that book is it mainly addresses what to do once you are "dating" or actually in the relationship. Are there any good books for single gals?

Yes girl! Read "The Rules"! WMLB is great too, but you're right it's more for girls already in relationships. I still keep that book on my nightstand though.

But anyway, "The Rules" are the truth! I had originally dismissed this book as mere fluff and "old-fashioned" ("I can pursue/approach a man anytime I want to! It's the 21st century!") but after learning that doing things "my way" didnt' work out, I'm not dismissing this book anymore. I had to tweak a little rules here and there, but so far it's working for me.

I've now changed my whole attitude overnight, and I have started doing "The Rules". Girl....it's already working to some extent. I feel so EMPOWERED! I also noticed that anytime I would be slightly aloof or act disinterested, this would turn on the "hunter mechanism" in my guy friend. He would do a complete 180! So...guys really do like the chase. So I'm not chasing or pining after my guy friend anymore. NO way Jose! I'm still attracted to him, because like you I have to see him all the time...every week. BUT, my whole attitude has changed regarding him and his wishy-washy behavior. Now days after I read that book, I couldn't care less. If he's interested, then he's going to have to CHASE me...okaay?? I'll cross the bridge of whether or not I'd even want him as a potential boyfriend when I get there. I now realize that you can't make a guy like you, nor is it even your position to make a guy (or anyone for that matter) like you. People like who they like period. We can't control it, so I've stopped trying.

I'm telling you, I feel so relieved! A guy WILL pursue you if he's really interested. Believe it! You're worth it girl!

I'm glad you're moving on from this guy in your class. Maybe he'll realize that you're a cool person once he sees that you're no longer pining after him.

Don't worry about still being attracted to him. We're human. It happens. You can be attracted to someone, but not act on that attraction. Those feelings won't go away overnight. But if you continue to act "as if" you're already over him/have better things lined up for you, then eventually you'll start to feel your attraction for him go down.

 

[Bunny77]

RedRiot, it's okay. Sometimes we KNOW better, but once a cutie steps in and tests us, we suddenly want to find ways to make exceptions to the rules and fall back into our old ways... it's easy to know what to do when a man is NOT around... quite a bit harder in an actual real-life situation!

But you've got a good head on your shoulders, so you'll be okay!

(And you know, why is it that some of our friends give the WORST advice? All the stupid things I did because they always wanted me to give someone "a chance")

 

[noemi]

Ita. Since I started with "The Rules" I've been very successful. I was like you Redriot and was always chasing and guessing if he liked me. Once my eyes were opened by "the Rules" I've never looked back. Read it girl!!!

Yes girl! Read "The Rules"! WMLB is great too, but you're right it's more for girls already in relationships. I still keep that book on my nightstand though.

But anyway, "The Rules" are the truth! I had originally dismissed this book as mere fluff and "old-fashioned" ("I can pursue/approach a man anytime I want to! It's the 21st century!") but after learning that doing things "my way" didnt' work out, I'm not dismissing this book anymore. I had to tweak a little rules here and there, but so far it's working for me.

I've now changed my whole attitude overnight, and I have started doing "The Rules". Girl....it's already working to some extent. I feel so EMPOWERED! I also noticed that anytime I would be slightly aloof or act disinterested, this would turn on the "hunter mechanism" in my guy friend. He would do a complete 180! So...guys really do like the chase. So I'm not chasing or pining after my guy friend anymore. NO way Jose! I'm still attracted to him, because like you I have to see him all the time...every week. BUT, my whole attitude has changed regarding him and his wishy-washy behavior. Now days after I read that book, I couldn't care less. If he's interested, then he's going to have to CHASE me...okaay?? I'll cross the bridge of whether or not I'd even want him as a potential boyfriend when I get there. I now realize that you can't make a guy like you, nor is it even your position to make a guy (or anyone for that matter) like you. People like who they like period. We can't control it, so I've stopped trying.

I'm telling you, I feel so relieved! A guy WILL pursue you if he's really interested. Believe it! You're worth it girl!

I'm glad you're moving on from this guy in your class. Maybe he'll realize that you're a cool person once he sees that you're no longer pining after him.

Don't worry about still being attracted to him. We're human. It happens. You can be attracted to someone, but not act on that attraction. Those feelings won't go away overnight. But if you continue to act "as if" you're already over him/have better things lined up for you, then eventually you'll start to feel your attraction for him go down.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Red,

I'm glad you saw the light. LOL. I wanted to add that its ok to still like him. Sometimes we can't turn our feelings off like a light switch. I'm actually struggling with this myself right now. I'm seriously crushing on a guy I dated briefly a few months ago. The calls have stopped but my feelings haven't. But I'll be damned if I pick up the phone to call him. Like you said, the feelings will fade eventually and there will more men to date.

Yeah, the feelings always fade. Funny how those guys I chased who didn't give me the time of day years ago are not knocking my doors down. And at this point I'm not into them.

I have a guy like this in my life. We have a mutual friend and when we all go out, he'll flirt, ask questions about me..he even suggested we do dinner but never called to follow up .

I'm thinking WTF, then I hear he has a girlfriend in a different state. I'm like, no wonder.

So, trust me, if he isn't pursuing you, it is for a reason. Don't try to make things happen because usually it'll end up backfiring on you. erplexed

I don't know if he's single so it's possible he could be dating someone, but just happens to be flirtatious.

I have "Why Men Love *****es" and I will continue to read. My only issue with that book is it mainly addresses what to do once you are "dating" or actually in the relationship. Are there any good books for single gals?

I like Sister Rules by Deane Miller (sp)
Promises From God for the Single Women-By Td Jakes

I will check those out, thanks!

Yes girl! Read "The Rules"! WMLB is great too, but you're right it's more for girls already in relationships. I still keep that book on my nightstand though.

Okay, where can I find this book? I want to start reading it NOW! lol

RedRiot, it's okay. Sometimes we KNOW better, but once a cutie steps in and tests us, we suddenly want to find ways to make exceptions to the rules and fall back into our old ways... it's easy to know what to do when a man is NOT around... quite a bit harder in an actual real-life situation!

But you've got a good head on your shoulders, so you'll be okay!

(And you know, why is it that some of our friends give the WORST advice? All the stupid things I did because they always wanted me to give someone "a chance")

I know! Why?! Listening to my friends gets me into a world of trouble. That's why I'm glad I can get real advice from you ladies.

Ita. Since I started with "The Rules" I've been very successful. I was like you Redriot and was always chasing and guessing if he liked me. Once my eyes were opened by "the Rules" I've never looked back. Read it girl!!!

I need this book in my life, now!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

RedRiot, it's okay. Sometimes we KNOW better, but once a cutie steps in and tests us, we suddenly want to find ways to make exceptions to the rules and fall back into our old ways... it's easy to know what to do when a man is NOT around... quite a bit harder in an actual real-life situation!

But you've got a good head on your shoulders, so you'll be okay!

(And you know, why is it that some of our friends give the WORST advice? All the stupid things I did because they always wanted me to give someone "a chance")

YES!! Why is that?? I made the biggest mistakes with this guy friend of mine listening to well-meaning friends.

I have finally realized that I need to STOP listening to my guy friends and my brother when it comes to the topic of "pursuing men". All the silly stuff I did when I liked my guy friend was because I was getting egged on by my brother! He meant well, but I think he was looking at things from a different perspective. He would always say: "Yeah sure....why don't you invite him to go to x,y,z?? Guys loooove a confident woman. Why don't you call him? I know I'd be flattered if a woman called me. Don't worry if he's acting quiet around you when he comes to what you invite him to. Just keep in mind that he's coming, so he must like you somewhat. Most guys don't even bother with girls that they're not interested in in some way...blah blah blah...." What he forgot to tell me was that even though guys are flattered by a woman showering him with attention, these same guys eventually lose interest very quickly, and they don't usually end up seriously dating and/marrying these women.

So...I learned my lesson about guys the hard way. I can honestly say that my experience w/my guy friend has helped me to learn from my mistakes and learn important lessons about relationships in general. But I'm not looking back. I'm moving on...moving forward. I've been talking to different guys, and I'm keeping it light.

The biggest lesson I learned?? Don't try so hard! Be yourself! You can't make any guy fall for you, or like you. And if a guy likes you, things will be easy. You won't have to analyze him, get into his head, coax him out of his "shyness", analyze his actions....none of that. Things will just flow....

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

You can buy "The Rules" in any Barnes & Noble or Borders book store.

Or, if you want to be "anonymous", just order it off of amazon.com. I personally recommend the book "ALL the Rules", because it combines the first book ("The Rules") as well as "The Rules II" into one big book. Here's the link. http://www.amazon.com/All-Rules-Tim...bs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1222452507&sr=1-1

Buy it and report back!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Alright, so I bought The Rules on Friday and finished both that book and WMLB yesterday. There was some excellent advice in both, and while I don't plan on following either book to a T, I have highlighted and made notes in both...it's that serious y'all!

As for the guy, as soon as I found myself getting over him, he informed me he'd like to take me out to dinner yesterday.

Not sure if I should accept or not. I think he's waiting on an answer. Why does it always happen like this? lol. I guess I'll play it by ear...nothing wrong with accepting a free meal...right?

 

[AnjelLuvs]

^^^ Thats what I am talking about....

I am mad you got the books and already read them... Lol, still awaiting mines in mail... Re:Therules

 

[laCriolla]

Ask yourself if a potential relationship with this guy is worth risking the loss a study partner. Because if it doesn't work out- if he turns you down, your work relationship will change forever.

I wouldn't be so quick to take the 'baby' 'sweetie' 'honeys' as anything other than nice words for a girl he as a vested interest in keeping on his side. by that I mean- the two of you have to have a friendly relationship because he needs your help (Study partner!).

Further, the door is open. If he wanted to take it to another level he would have asked you out.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Ask yourself if a potential relationship with this guy is worth risking the loss a study partner. Because if it doesn't work out- if he turns you down, your work relationship will change forever.

I wouldn't be so quick to take the 'baby' 'sweetie' 'honeys' as anything other than nice words for a girl he as a vested interest in keeping on his side. by that I mean- the two of you have to have a friendly relationship because he needs your help (Study partner!).

Further, the door is open. If he wanted to take it to another level he would have asked you out.

Girl, he SUCKS as a study partner. lol. In the beginning he was definitely helping me out, but now he skips class a lot, etc...so it's tough love there. I have moved on to better study partners.

Yeah, and the terms of endearment...some guys address all women as such. I've realized that. But when I was totally feeling him...it would make my heart melt. Sad.

Yep the door has been open, that is why even though he has asked me out...I'm not jumping at the opportunity to take this beyond friendship. I just happen to be more attracted to men who pursue me heavy. I dunno.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

^^^ Thats what I am talking about....

I am mad you got the books and already read them... Lol, still awaiting mines in mail... Re:Therules

LOL! Keep your highlighter handy!

 

[Paradox]

Alright, so I bought The Rules on Friday and finished both that book and WMLB yesterday. There was some excellent advice in both, and while I don't plan on following either book to a T, I have highlighted and made notes in both...it's that serious y'all!

As for the guy, as soon as I found myself getting over him, he informed me he'd like to take me out to dinner yesterday.

Not sure if I should accept or not. I think he's waiting on an answer. Why does it always happen like this? lol. I guess I'll play it by ear...nothing wrong with accepting a free meal...right?

Wow! Don't know what to say to that!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Alright, so I bought The Rules on Friday and finished both that book and WMLB yesterday. There was some excellent advice in both, and while I don't plan on following either book to a T, I have highlighted and made notes in both...it's that serious y'all!

As for the guy, as soon as I found myself getting over him, he informed me he'd like to take me out to dinner yesterday.

Not sure if I should accept or not. I think he's waiting on an answer. Why does it always happen like this? lol. I guess I'll play it by ear...nothing wrong with accepting a free meal...right?

OF COURSE!!! Doesn't it always happen this way?? Why am I not even surprised? I'm telling you, those "Rules" are the truth! I don't know what it is, but when you finally don't care anymore, it's almost like your whole body/being/vibe/presence says to men: "I respect myself. I feel good about myself. I'm not pressed. I can have any one of you if I want to. I am a challenge."

That just proves that what you're doing is working! I seriously think that men have some type of special radar! It's almost like they can sense/smell when you aren't pressed for them anymore or are in the process of moving on! Just a few days ago my guy friend (the one I've been so pressed over) invited me to go somewhere this weekend with him. I was there thinking to myself: "Ummm...we haven't really spoken in weeks, and now that I've been RE-reading 'The Rules', applying them, and keeping my distance from you....all of a sudden NOW you want to invite me somewhere?" LOL!! I just acted nonchalantly, smiled very slightly, and just said: "okay". What he doesn't know yet however is that I'm going to have to turn down his invite for this weekend (even though he did ask me a week in advance) because I had forgotten I was invited to a party on the same day. Now, I COULD try to do both, but since I'm no longer "pressed" for him, I'll just turn him down nicely.

Red....I suggest you do the same. In a NICE way of course. Just smile sweetly and tell him: "Oh...I'd LOVE to, but I have other plans that day/night. Thanks for the invite though!" You can't make it too easy for them! Especially when we're dealing with guys who more than likely already sense that we like them. Let him work for you. I'm telling you...it will work like a charm.

Now, if you think that's too harsh, then you can agree to take him up on his invite, but if you're SMART and a "Rules Girl", I wouldn't accept him the first time. Let him know that you have a life, and that if he really is serious about pursuing you, he's going to have to try harder. Trust me on this one girl! Let us know what happens!

 

[Paradox]

OF COURSE!!! Doesn't it always happen this way?? Why am I not even surprised? I'm telling you, those "Rules" are the truth! I don't know what it is, but when you finally don't care anymore, it's almost like your whole body/being/vibe/presence says to men: "I respect myself. I feel good about myself. I'm not pressed. I can have any one of you if I want to. I am a challenge."

That just proves that what you're doing is working! I seriously think that men have some type of special radar! It's almost like they can sense/smell when you aren't pressed for them anymore or are in the process of moving on! Just a few days ago my guy friend (the one I've been so pressed over) invited me to go somewhere this weekend with him. I was there thinking to myself: "Ummm...we haven't really spoken in weeks, and now that I've been RE-reading 'The Rules', applying them, and keeping my distance from you....all of a sudden NOW you want to invite me somewhere?" LOL!! I just acted nonchalantly, smiled very slightly, and just said: "okay". What he doesn't know yet however is that I'm going to have to turn down his invite for this weekend (even though he did ask me a week in advance) because I had forgotten I was invited to a party on the same day. Now, I COULD try to do both, but since I'm no longer "pressed" for him, I'll just turn him down nicely.

Red....I suggest you do the same. In a NICE way of course. Just smile sweetly and tell him: "Oh...I'd LOVE to, but I have other plans that day/night. Thanks for the invite though!" You can't make it too easy for them! Especially when we're dealing with guys who more than likely already sense that we like them. Let him work for you. I'm telling you...it will work like a charm.

Now, if you think that's too harsh, then you can agree to take him up on his invite, but if you're SMART and a "Rules Girl", I wouldn't accept him the first time. Let him know that you have a life, and that if he really is serious about pursuing you, he's going to have to try harder. Trust me on this one girl! Let us know what happens!

This is so true, being mean and knowing the rules works. I advocate it. Just be careful, the rules can only work but so well and you have to follow them well. one of friends that I admired for her meaness, has recently found out her boyfriend was lying on her, and now she all sad,crying, and depressed. the problem was that she was not mean enough, she forgave him 5 times before.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

OF COURSE!!! Doesn't it always happen this way?? Why am I not even surprised? I'm telling you, those "Rules" are the truth! I don't know what it is, but when you finally don't care anymore, it's almost like your whole body/being/vibe/presence says to men: "I respect myself. I feel good about myself. I'm not pressed. I can have any one of you if I want to. I am a challenge."

That just proves that what you're doing is working! I seriously think that men have some type of special radar! It's almost like they can sense/smell when you aren't pressed for them anymore or are in the process of moving on! Just a few days ago my guy friend (the one I've been so pressed over) invited me to go somewhere this weekend with him. I was there thinking to myself: "Ummm...we haven't really spoken in weeks, and now that I've been RE-reading 'The Rules', applying them, and keeping my distance from you....all of a sudden NOW you want to invite me somewhere?" LOL!! I just acted nonchalantly, smiled very slightly, and just said: "okay". What he doesn't know yet however is that I'm going to have to turn down his invite for this weekend (even though he did ask me a week in advance) because I had forgotten I was invited to a party on the same day. Now, I COULD try to do both, but since I'm no longer "pressed" for him, I'll just turn him down nicely.

Red....I suggest you do the same. In a NICE way of course. Just smile sweetly and tell him: "Oh...I'd LOVE to, but I have other plans that day/night. Thanks for the invite though!" You can't make it too easy for them! Especially when we're dealing with guys who more than likely already sense that we like them. Let him work for you. I'm telling you...it will work like a charm.

Now, if you think that's too harsh, then you can agree to take him up on his invite, but if you're SMART and a "Rules Girl", I wouldn't accept him the first time. Let him know that you have a life, and that if he really is serious about pursuing you, he's going to have to try harder. Trust me on this one girl! Let us know what happens!

Crazy isn't it? I think men do have some type of radar. He's asked twice and I haven't answered. I might accept eventually, but until then I have other stuff going on. But as a poor college student, a free meal sounds nice. If I keep this up I might get groceries to last me the month. Hmmm...

I am going to reread The Rules and go back and highlight some more key points, I have to tweak it to fit my lifestyle...being a college student and all. Too many fine dudes on campus to be caught up over one!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Crazy isn't it? I think men do have some type of radar. He's asked twice and I haven't answered. I might accept eventually, but until then I have other stuff going on. But as a poor college student, a free meal sounds nice. If I keep this up I might get groceries to last me the month. Hmmm...

I am going to reread The Rules and go back and highlight some more key points, I have to tweak it to fit my lifestyle...being a college student and all. Too many fine dudes on campus to be caught up over one!

Yes girl! That's the spirit! That's the right attitude to have.

I too have started to re-read "All the Rules" again so that I can drill that stuff into my head. It's getting a little easier to do. I have to admit. I find myself not as anxious, pressed, or seeking to please people these days. Now days I just have the attitude of: "If you like me, then fine. If not...I don't care!" I still know my self-worth regardless of how people (that goes for men OR women) feel about me. As long as I know that I'm a good person, have good manners, and treat people the way I would want to be treated, then I don't have anything to worry about. You can't make people like you. I have finally realized this. You especially can't make a guy like you. He either likes you, or he doesn't. He's either attracted, or he's not. Plain and simple.

I'm telling you, this attitude will attract guys like moths to a flame, because it's something that you exude in your demeanor, the way you carry yourself, and your actions. I used to have this "air" all the time when I was still in school in college. I wasn't even really thinking about any guys because I was so focused on my school work, getting good grades, and finally graduating. I had guys pursuing me, liking me, and even wanting to take me out, but I didn't pay them any attention since I wasn't interested in most of them anyway. Do you know that some of those SAME guys are STILL pursuing me/interested in me after 2+ years?? But after I graduated, I lost my "edge" because now I was thinking about dating seriously, and so I kind of lost that "air" for a while.

Not anymore... I'm back to being a "Rules Girl". After 2 years of seeing things done "my way" fail (calling guys, texting guys, making things "easy" so a guy can pursue me, dropping him hints of interest, giving him cards, etc.), I have finally wisened up. And I feel SO much better.

I'm now focusing on me, my hair, my hobbies, traveling, and anything else I want to do with my future.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Yes girl! That's the spirit! That's the right attitude to have.

I too have started to re-read "All the Rules" again so that I can drill that stuff into my head. It's getting a little easier to do. I have to admit. I find myself not as anxious, pressed, or seeking to please people these days. Now days I just have the attitude of: "If you like me, then fine. If not...I don't care!" I still know my self-worth regardless of how people (that goes for men OR women) feel about me. As long as I know that I'm a good person, have good manners, and treat people the way I would want to be treated, then I don't have anything to worry about. You can't make people like you. I have finally realized this. You especially can't make a guy like you. He either likes you, or he doesn't. He's either attracted, or he's not. Plain and simple.

I'm telling you, this attitude will attract guys like moths to a flame, because it's something that you exude in your demeanor, the way you carry yourself, and your actions. I used to have this "air" all the time when I was still in school in college. I wasn't even really thinking about any guys because I was so focused on my school work, getting good grades, and finally graduating. I had guys pursuing me, liking me, and even wanting to take me out, but I didn't pay them any attention since I wasn't interested in most of them anyway. Do you know that some of those SAME guys are STILL pursuing me/interested in me after 2+ years?? But after I graduated, I lost my "edge" because now I was thinking about dating seriously, and so I kind of lost that "air" for a while.

Not anymore... I'm back to being a "Rules Girl". After 2 years of seeing things done "my way" fail (calling guys, texting guys, making things "easy" so a guy can pursue me, dropping him hints of interest, giving him cards, etc.), I have finally wisened up. And I feel SO much better.

I'm now focusing on me, my hair, my hobbies, traveling, and anything else I want to do with my future.

Yep, my way hasn't been working, so I'm eager to accept the challenge of doing things a new and fresh way.

Now my problem is that decent guys do not approach me, only playboys and thugs. According to The Rules I should never approach a guy. I just don't know how I could go about meeting decent guys without at least smiling at one or just striking up a friendly conversation. How do you do it?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yep, my way hasn't been working, so I'm eager to accept the challenge of doing things a new and fresh way.

Now my problem is that decent guys do not approach me, only playboys and thugs. According to The Rules I should never approach a guy. I just don't know how I could go about meeting decent guys without at least smiling at one or just striking up a friendly conversation. How do you do it?

I agree, it CAN be hard sometimes if you can't be the one initiating contact with men, but trust me...men will approach you if they're interested.

For me personally, I go to my place of worship every week, so I'm usually surrounded by guys. I get to practice "The Rules" on them. Plus, I go to work everyday where there are a slew of men to practice "the rules" on. I don't even say hello to most men anymore. Before I used to go out of my way to say hello to men first, wave, be chipper and cheery. But now, I just smile demurely, and let them say hello and I'll say hello back.

But as far as meeting NEW men...all you have to really do is follow what the book says. Get out of the house! Even if you have to spend time with your girlfriends, go out and DO something! I find that a lot of my different girl friends know different guys and can introduce you, or throw a party where you'll get to meet all kinds of guys. If you don't like the party scene, you can go to book clubs, book stores (great place for meeting people), museums, art shows, etc. The possibilities are endless! Some people meet their future boyfriends just by frequenting a particular cafe they go to where they see the same person all the time.

I don't see anything wrong with smiling at a man first if he makes eye contact with you. There's nothing wrong with being friendly and inviting. But going over to him, initiating a conversation, etc....that's a no-no for "The Rules". I'm going to try it and see if it works. I notice though in my previous experience (when I was unknowingly being a "rules girl" in the past), that most men will notice you and will come up to you simply if you smile, laugh, and look like you're having fun with your friends. Female friends are the best, because when we get around our female friends we tend to exude a certain energy that men find irresistable. A guy friend once told me this. We're usually laughing, joking, being carefree, feminine, and having fun. So, don't underestimate girls' night out!

Also, traveling to different areas opens up the way for a lot of opportunities. I'm trying to travel overseas next year for vacation and to get a much needed change of scenery, so I know that the door will be open for me to meet new people!

It can be done Red. I'm sure you have some connections somewhere.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Hi thats all thats needs to be done right there... GETTING OUT OF HOUSE... Lol...

 

[aribell]

Even little things that we wouldn't even consider as "pursuing" is pursuing in a man's eyes. He may not be able to put his finger on exactly why he's not interested in you, or why he lost interest in you, but usually it's due to either pursuing him, or being TOO available or eager for his his love &/attention.

This is a subtle one that took a minute for me to learn. I would say/do things for a guy I was interested in in the name of "niceness" and to make sure he knew that I was interested. But I'm slowly being convinced that men should get nothing from us until they've actually done all the work to win us over completely. General respect and courtesy, yes. And compliments are nice every once in a while. But other than that, nada. I think when a woman goes out of her way to really try and show a man her interest, it can come off as her trying to trying to win his love...and that's not a good look. He has to win you.

Figuring out when we're giving too much can be difficult. But IMO, until a real commitment is there, we shouldn't be giving anything at all.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

This is a subtle one that took a minute for me to learn. I would say/do things for a guy I was interested in in the name of "niceness" and to make sure he knew that I was interested. But I'm slowly being convinced that men should get nothing from us until they've actually done all the work to win us over completely. General respect and courtesy, yes. And compliments are nice every once in a while. But other than that, nada. I think when a woman goes out of her way to really try and show a man her interest, it can come off as her trying to trying to win his love...and that's not a good look. He has to win you.

Figuring out when we're giving too much can be difficult. But IMO, until a real commitment is there, we shouldn't be giving anything at all.

I agree. I has been hard for me to finally accept this, but I'm learning. Whenever I wasn't interested in a guy I did nothing to show him my interest yet that didn't stop him from pursuing me. It shouldn't be any different with a guy I'm interested in. I've learned the hard way. Do we have a Rules challenge or something similar?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I agree. I has been hard for me to finally accept this, but I'm learning. Whenever I wasn't interested in a guy I did nothing to show him my interest yet that didn't stop him from pursuing me. It shouldn't be any different with a guy I'm interested in. I've learned the hard way. Do we have a Rules challenge or something similar?

Haha...Nope, but I can create one!

 

[♦K.O♦]

The thread is so on time for me. I'm getting this book!