I'm getting a divorce....

[GodsPromises]

My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years and I now realize that we probably shouldn't had gotten married at all. I decided on Wednesday that I'm done and I started to look for housing. This morning he tells me that he wants a divorce and I told him ok I was a step ahead of him and that I was already thinking about moving.

History:

I'm not perfect and I know it. However, "E" gets mad at me and then won't talk for days on end. I say that's not love, you can't love someone and not talk. For him the main issue is the housekeeping. When I married him I let him know that I'm not a perfect housekeeper. With my schedule I maintain the house but it's not going to be spotless. Well, he is a clean freak. I can clean and he will go behind me and re clean so then my attitude is why should I do anything if it's not good enough. He does the same thing to my son. Everything he has asked we ( my son and I) have tried to conform to but each time it's something else. I went home to NYC this weekend. My son and I got back on Monday, by Wednesday "E" had found something else to complain about. Ladies I truly have tried to be want he wants but it is at the point where I never know when the other shoe is going to drop.

I had to finally ask myself am I in love with the man or did I want to stay in this marriage because I liked being a minister's wife. I have decided that I don't need that title but I need to be happy. I need to be myself again. I love sports he doesn't nor will he even sit down and look at it with me. He has never been to any of my son's games nor really supported him in anything that he has done.

Am I sad that my marriage is ended? Yes I am, but I am happy to be able to get my life back and get back to being who I am. I know that I am doing the right thing and I am at peace not one tear have shed.

Please just keep me in prayer for I am going to need all that I can get.

 

[Integrity]

I was sooo shocked to see the title associated with your name, namely because I know he is a minister.

I am so sorry for all this. It really breaks my heart.
LadyR you are in my prayers. NOTHING is impossible for God.

(((HUGS)))

 

[kweenameena]

You will def. be in my prayers. I hate to hear about divorces. Hopefully he'll come to his senses before he loses you. Maybe counseling, a retreat, alone time, a seminar or something like that will help you all. Prayerfully this will just be a temporary separation for the two of you where you'll be able to regroup and come back together.

If not, I pray that the Lord will be with you. I'll definitely pray for your son. This will affect him too! No matter what, the Lord will be with you.

And Integrity is right: NOTHING is impossible for God!

Stay blessed and keep your head up!!!!

 

[GodsPromises]

I was sooo shocked to see the title associated with your name, namely because I know he is a minister.

I am so sorry for all this. It really breaks my heart.
LadyR you are in my prayers. NOTHING is impossible for God.

(((HUGS)))

Mee too me too, but it shows that as ministers' we are not exempt for our issues. That's for your prayers. Like I said I am at peace right now, so I know that everything will be alright. As long as I know that I did everything in my power to make this marriage work I am ok with the outcome. As Shirley Murdock sings in her new single " I'm getting my peace and joy back"

 

[GodsPromises]

You will def. be in my prayers. I hate to hear about divorces. Hopefully he'll come to his senses before he loses you. Maybe counseling, a retreat, alone time, a seminar or something like that will help you all. Prayerfully this will just be a temporary separation for the two of you where you'll be able to regroup and come back together.

If not, I pray that the Lord will be with you. I'll definitely pray for your son. This will affect him too! No matter what, the Lord will be with you.

And Integrity is right: NOTHING is impossible for God!

Stay blessed and keep your head up!!!!

Thanks alot. As for the bolded part I have suggested all of that. One of the problems is that he never made time for us time. We never went anywhere and when we were home it was like we were roommates not a married couple. I truly believe that my husband is one that wants to be married but can't adapt to someone else. I am his 4th marriage so I guess that should say something.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Silence for days on end, seeking perfection in another human..that's not the way to communicate anything except.."I don't care." Make yourself happy..do what you have to do. I'm praying all will go well for everyone.

 

[Integrity]

Thanks alot. As for the bolded part I have suggested all of that. One of the problems is that he never made time for us time. We never went anywhere and when we were home it was like we were roommates not a married couple. I truly believe that my husband is one that wants to be married but can't adapt to someone else. I am his 4th marriage so I guess that should say something.

wow............

 

[simplertimes]

I hope you two can turn around and work this out ....my heart is with you

 

[ultrasuede]

Thanks alot. As for the bolded part I have suggested all of that. One of the problems is that he never made time for us time. We never went anywhere and when we were home it was like we were roommates not a married couple. I truly believe that my husband is one that wants to be married but can't adapt to someone else. I am his 4th marriage so I guess that should say something.

It seems as if he is the type who cuts his losses and moves on rather than trying to work out the problems within the marriage. However this works out for you,I wish the best for you and I will be praying for you. It's very hard to work through your problems when there is no communication. But there is nothing to hard for God.

 

[MrsQueeny]

Wow LadyR I am sorry to hear about this. I will keep you in my prayers. Q

 

[SweetCaramel1]

hugs dear. praying everything goes as you wish

 

[KathyMay]

LadyR my sister I am sorry that you are going through this. I am praying for you and your son during this time.

 

[CandiceC]

I pray everything works out for the best. :Rose:

 

[zora]

LadyR,

I'm SO sad to hear about this. If you need to get away for a weekend to vent, eat,do girlie stuff or pray, please feel free to come over.

I'm here for you.

Z

 

[AMJMJR]

LadyR,
I will be praying for you. When I was going through my divorce, you offered encouraging words. Please feel free to PM if you need to talk.

 

[*Happily Me*]

My heart goes out to you and your family. Divorce can be difficult.

I wish you the very best :Rose:

 

[Demi27]

((((HUGS))))

I just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you.

 

[GodsPromises]

Thanks ladies for your prayers and thoughts. The hardest part is living with someone who you thought loved you and not talk to them. I am trying to move but I have to get the money up to move so it will take some time. I may have a afforable housing apartment available, will know on Monday what is going on with that.

As for my son I think that the peace that he will get will outshine my marriage breaking up. I hope so anyways.

Zora,

I will have to take you up on your offer. I am planning on going to the NY meet at the end of September. Are you going.

 

[alexstin]

My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years and I now realize that we probably shouldn't had gotten married at all. I decided on Wednesday that I'm done and I started to look for housing. This morning he tells me that he wants a divorce and I told him ok I was a step ahead of him and that I was already thinking about moving.

History:

I'm not perfect and I know it. However, "E" gets mad at me and then won't talk for days on end. I say that's not love, you can't love someone and not talk. For him the main issue is the housekeeping. When I married him I let him know that I'm not a perfect housekeeper. With my schedule I maintain the house but it's not going to be spotless. Well, he is a clean freak. I can clean and he will go behind me and re clean so then my attitude is why should I do anything if it's not good enough. He does the same thing to my son. Everything he has asked we ( my son and I) have tried to conform to but each time it's something else. I went home to NYC this weekend. My son and I got back on Monday, by Wednesday "E" had found something else to complain about. Ladies I truly have tried to be want he wants but it is at the point where I never know when the other shoe is going to drop.

I had to finally ask myself am I in love with the man or did I want to stay in this marriage because I liked being a minister's wife. I have decided that I don't need that title but I need to be happy. I need to be myself again. I love sports he doesn't nor will he even sit down and look at it with me. He has never been to any of my son's games nor really supported him in anything that he has done.

Am I sad that my marriage is ended? Yes I am, but I am happy to be able to get my life back and get back to being who I am. I know that I am doing the right thing and I am at peace not one tear have shed.

Please just keep me in prayer for I am going to need all that I can get.

I am so sorry, LadyR.

 

[Windsy]

Sorry to hear this Lady, you are in my prayers. In the end, its your and your son's happiness that counts. Good luck!

 

[blazingthru]

I am so sorry to hear about this, I know what your going through the silence is very painful and difficult to deal with and right now I am going through a divorce as well, I honestly tried everything that I could to remain with my husband. My husband was very abusive, Still I thought it would turn around but it didn't and he left. My friends and family tried to make me feel bad that he left but doesnt' the bible say live in peace, and if he goes you are no longer bound. Well I believe that and now I have peace in my home. Peace, I sleep good at night, no one complaining and talking down to me and making me feel bad. Scaring me with sudden noises. Its good coming home now. And while I regret that my marriage ended I would not trade in peace of mind for nothing. Nothing and I had the pleasure of telling him that. I love me some peace.

 

[MissJ]

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. I hope everything works out for the best.

 

[Integrity]

I am so sorry to hear about this, I know what your going through the silence is very painful and difficult to deal with and right now I am going through a divorce as well, I honestly tried everything that I could to remain with my husband. My husband was very abusive, Still I thought it would turn around but it didn't and he left. My friends and family tried to make me feel bad that he left but doesnt' the bible say live in peace, and if he goes you are no longer bound. Well I believe that and now I have peace in my home. Peace, I sleep good at night, no one complaining and talking down to me and making me feel bad. Scaring me with sudden noises. Its good coming home now. And while I regret that my marriage ended I would not trade in peace of mind for nothing. Nothing and I had the pleasure of telling him that. I love me some peace.

So sorry. Man has become so hard hearted it breaks my heart. Breaking every promise they made at the alter. hugs

 

[gottabme247]

LadyR, I'm a newbie, but I wanted to let you know that I applaud you for realizing that you weren't happy and, although you are not happy with getting a divorce, you are willing to let it go, if for nothing else but to be free. Free to be who you are or to rediscover other things about yourself. God loves you with all of His heart, and please don't think you are letting God down. With every divorce there is a mourning period..let yourself grieve if you need to, then pick yourself up and enjoy your life!
I pray that you will be completely restored in every area of your life. Keep God first in your life. I pray that your son will not grow up to follow in any of the negative things he may have seen in your marriage.

 

[mscocoface]

I am sorry to hear about your situation. Maybe one day this test will become a testimony and help others.

I was in a similar situation and stayed for 20+ years. The peace of mind I had when I realized I would no longer have emotional drama in the house helped me to become a better mother and person.

I did not want it to fail but it takes two to make a relationship work. I would recommend that even though he may not have wanted counseling you and your son may need someone to be able to talk with. If you have family that can talk with your son while you are healing would be a good thing. My sisters and mother were helping me with my son while I was trying to heal.

Even though a lot of the damage came from my ex's issues I wanted to be able to understand what part did I play in this situation and also I did not want the baggage of this marriage to hamper me in my new life and if and I mean if I ever decided to be with another person again.

There is an excellent course if you can find it in your area called Divorce Care that is biblically based that will take you through all the different issues that you will be challenged with when dealing with a divorce. It really helped me and helped me help my son. I am so thankful this course was around.

It was so great that I began volunteering to help teach the course and I found a new church home because of it. Check out the website. See if anyone is teaching this around your area. If not I think you can purchase the material on line. It is worth getting.

It was a real God send for me. There is lots of material on the site you can get.

http://www.divorcecare.com/

There was also a book by Myles Monroe that I continued to read over and over the first year of my divorce it is called



Single, Married, Separated and Life after Divorce by Myles Munroe (Paperback - Jan 1, 2005)
This book help me understand and focus on me and bettering my life after divorce.

I am here and willing to listen anytime you need. PM if you ever have the need to do so. I have walked in your shoes and know your situation first hand.

Let it all be well with your soul sweetheart. Remember you have lots of support and help around you, just ask when you need it.

Take care, blessings and prayers for you and your son.

 

[GodsPromises]

Thank you so much for your kind words.

LadyR, I'm a newbie, but I wanted to let you know that I applaud you for realizing that you weren't happy and, although you are not happy with getting a divorce, you are willing to let it go, if for nothing else but to be free. Free to be who you are or to rediscover other things about yourself. God loves you with all of His heart, and please don't think you are letting God down. With every divorce there is a mourning period..let yourself grieve if you need to, then pick yourself up and enjoy your life!
I pray that you will be completely restored in every area of your life. Keep God first in your life. I pray that your son will not grow up to follow in any of the negative things he may have seen in your marriage.

 

[Stormy]

Thanks alot. As for the bolded part I have suggested all of that. One of the problems is that he never made time for us time. We never went anywhere and when we were home it was like we were roommates not a married couple. I truly believe that my husband is one that wants to be married but can't adapt to someone else. I am his 4th marriage so I guess that should say something.

Yes it does say something. It says that it's HIM not you. He sounds like a person who finds fault in everything with everybody and will never be happy.

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, but glad you are at peace and doing what you feel is best for you and your son. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years and I now realize that we probably shouldn't had gotten married at all. I decided on Wednesday that I'm done and I started to look for housing. This morning he tells me that he wants a divorce and I told him ok I was a step ahead of him and that I was already thinking about moving.

History:

I'm not perfect and I know it. However, "E" gets mad at me and then won't talk for days on end. I say that's not love, you can't love someone and not talk. For him the main issue is the housekeeping. When I married him I let him know that I'm not a perfect housekeeper. With my schedule I maintain the house but it's not going to be spotless. Well, he is a clean freak. I can clean and he will go behind me and re clean so then my attitude is why should I do anything if it's not good enough. He does the same thing to my son. Everything he has asked we ( my son and I) have tried to conform to but each time it's something else. I went home to NYC this weekend. My son and I got back on Monday, by Wednesday "E" had found something else to complain about. Ladies I truly have tried to be want he wants but it is at the point where I never know when the other shoe is going to drop.

I had to finally ask myself am I in love with the man or did I want to stay in this marriage because I liked being a minister's wife. I have decided that I don't need that title but I need to be happy. I need to be myself again. I love sports he doesn't nor will he even sit down and look at it with me. He has never been to any of my son's games nor really supported him in anything that he has done.

Am I sad that my marriage is ended? Yes I am, but I am happy to be able to get my life back and get back to being who I am. I know that I am doing the right thing and I am at peace not one tear have shed.

Please just keep me in prayer for I am going to need all that I can get.

Say it aint so mama say it aint so....But believe me I understand where you are coming from. My husband and I hit another major wall in our marriage and to be honest thoughts of leaving crossed my mind because of the betrayal but I prayed on it and God lead me to stay. You have to do what God wants for you and your life. If your husband is not what he wanted then maybe he is telling you that its time you move from the situation. You have so much going for your LadyR, you were surely a blessing to me in my time of need. I still take all the words that you said to me to heart and they are what is keeping me going. I know that you did all that you can and God might be telling you its time to move on. I am not for divorce but I am not for being unhappy either. Love you girl and hit me up if you need someone to talk to!!!

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Lady is your husband considerably older than you are? I only ask becasue you said its his forth marriage. I think this guy just wants someone to boss around and doesnt necessarily want romance or compassion in his marriage. Maybe he just chooses to continually get married because its more accepted in the ministry than having a long time companion or girlfriend like most older men enventually do if they dont settle down wiht anyone. For the most part this is how most people after 40+ years of marriage start to act and it turns into a roomate situation more than anything else. Im sorry that you have to go through this.

 

[zora]

Thanks ladies for your prayers and thoughts. The hardest part is living with someone who you thought loved you and not talk to them. I am trying to move but I have to get the money up to move so it will take some time. I may have a afforable housing apartment available, will know on Monday what is going on with that.

As for my son I think that the peace that he will get will outshine my marriage breaking up. I hope so anyways.

Zora,

I will have to take you up on your offer. I am planning on going to the NY meet at the end of September. Are you going.

Unfortunately, I can't. I made plans to go, but school has interfered......again.

I would still love for you to come and stay with me in Bmore though. And we can do a girl's dinner out with your LHCF sisters. Anything to show you we support you.