I'm getting a divorce....

Yes he is older than me by 20 years and you may have some points in what you are saying. However, the other three marriages was before he was a minister so it's not because he is a minister. The only reason I married him was because I believed in "old things pasting away and he being a new creature in Christ" meaning that he was going to come into this marriage with a different attitude because of his walk in Christ. I do believe that alot of this is his upbringing. It's sad because I see him going the same way as his mother - old and bitter.

BillsBackerz67 said:
Lady is your husband considerably older than you are? I only ask becasue you said its his forth marriage. I think this guy just wants someone to boss around and doesnt necessarily want romance or compassion in his marriage. Maybe he just chooses to continually get married because its more accepted in the ministry than having a long time companion or girlfriend like most older men enventually do if they dont settle down wiht anyone. For the most part this is how most people after 40+ years of marriage start to act and it turns into a roomate situation more than anything else:ohwell:. Im sorry that you have to go through this.
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zora said:
Unfortunately, I can't. I made plans to go, but school has interfered......again.

I would still love for you to come and stay with me in Bmore though. And we can do a girl's dinner out with your LHCF sisters. Anything to show you we support you.
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Thanks Zora, I will have to take you up on your offer, maybe sometime in October
 
Hi there, I'm not a frequent poster here, but I just wanted to offer my prayers to you and your son, I know what you're going through because I just filed for one myself after an 8yr marriage. Actually your post is very similar to my reasons. I spent so long trying to make him happy (which I know now is impossible) I lost myself. I'm sure it won't be an easy process, but your reward will be great because you will get YOURSELF back.
 
Hey Sis,

I was so surprised when I opened this thread. I'm still shocked but know that my prayers are with you.

Have you tried counseling?
 
I'm not going to say sorry, cause I'm sure you thought it out and came to the best decision for you and your child:yep:. I will say I wish you the best and pray for God to give you strength through this strenous time.
 
LadyR said:
My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years and I now realize that we probably shouldn't had gotten married at all. I decided on Wednesday that I'm done and I started to look for housing. This morning he tells me that he wants a divorce and I told him ok I was a step ahead of him and that I was already thinking about moving.

History:

I'm not perfect and I know it. However, "E" gets mad at me and then won't talk for days on end. I say that's not love, you can't love someone and not talk. For him the main issue is the housekeeping. When I married him I let him know that I'm not a perfect housekeeper. With my schedule I maintain the house but it's not going to be spotless. Well, he is a clean freak. I can clean and he will go behind me and re clean so then my attitude is why should I do anything if it's not good enough. He does the same thing to my son. Everything he has asked we ( my son and I) have tried to conform to but each time it's something else. I went home to NYC this weekend. My son and I got back on Monday, by Wednesday "E" had found something else to complain about. Ladies I truly have tried to be want he wants but it is at the point where I never know when the other shoe is going to drop.

I had to finally ask myself am I in love with the man or did I want to stay in this marriage because I liked being a minister's wife. I have decided that I don't need that title but I need to be happy. I need to be myself again. I love sports he doesn't nor will he even sit down and look at it with me. He has never been to any of my son's games nor really supported him in anything that he has done.

Am I sad that my marriage is ended? Yes I am, but I am happy to be able to get my life back and get back to being who I am. I know that I am doing the right thing and I am at peace not one tear have shed.

Please just keep me in prayer for I am going to need all that I can get.
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Wow...as a minister, I woudl think divorce would be the last thing he would want. Sorry to hear you had to live like that. People see individuals on the outside and have no idea what it's like to live with them. I knew a man used to serve in church faithfully. He was a hellraiser at home and physically abused his wife. THe church peole thought he was such a nice man but they didn't know what it was like to live with him.

You have to be happy in this lifetime and I wish you all of that!!
 
LadyR,

I just wanted you to know that I will keep you in my prayers and I'm sorry to hear about this. As a woman who has gone through it and came out alright, I can only encourage you to stay strong and keep your head up. There is no price for peace of mind and I didn't realize that until I got it back after 3 years of marriage myself. So hugs to you and keep the faith!! :rosebud:
 
I don't know really. I do think that he does consider the problems my fault. It's like if you and your son did this and that it would be ok, but you can only change so much and when you realize that no matter what you do at some point you are back at square one, you have to know when to give. I have my son to look after and it is not fair for him to walk around uncertain and not sure when "dad" is going to snap.

alexstin said:
Why won't he go to counseling? Does he consider the issues in your marriage to be your fault?
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If you plan anything in October, please keep us posted. I would love to show up and give you support. :yep:

You have to do what is best for you and your son. I am in a situation myself where I need to decide to move forward or cut strings. It is not on the same level of situation. I just wish you the best.
 
syze6 said:
Wow...as a minister, I woudl think divorce would be the last thing he would want. Sorry to hear you had to live like that. People see individuals on the outside and have no idea what it's like to live with them. I knew a man used to serve in church faithfully. He was a hellraiser at home and physically abused his wife. THe church peole thought he was such a nice man but they didn't know what it was like to live with him.

You have to be happy in this lifetime and I wish you all of that!!
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I would think so also, I know it was the last thing on my mind. However, every time we get to this point and this is not the first time, the first thing he says is I want out. I'm like you are not going to though my marriage in my face everytime you get mad. So this time I'm done and if I am wrong in God's eyes I will have to deal with that but I can't live like this.
 
What a wonderfully supportive thread. Lady R I'm so sorry that things have worked out this way. But I applaud your strength. It takes courage to say "enough is enough." I'm very proud of the steps you are taking to create a less stressful and more peaceful life for yourself and your son. I am so surprised that a "minister" is behaving this way. As a minister, doesn't he provide counselling to others? Does he think that because he is a minister he doesn't need counselling? Or that his position places him on a higher tier? Whatever his problems, I am so glad to see that you are not playing the victim. There's a scripture that says that "God gives us a peace that surpasses all understanding" or something like that. You seem very calm in the midst of this storm. God is granting you that peace. You and your son are in His care. Everything's going to be alright. I can just tell.

As you can see, you have a very supportive family on this board. Keep us posted on how you're doing! There are some very compassionate ladies here. We can deal with the good days and the bad.
 
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You know, I'm all for working things out but I have never been the type to stay where I'm not wanted and when I make the decision to walk around and I'm calm that is when it is real and I'm done. I am at peace. Now I have to find a place to live and the money to use to move but it will come about somehow.

donna894 said:
What a wonderfully supportive thread. Lady R I'm so sorry that things have worked out this way. But I applaud your strength. It takes courage to say "enough is enough." I'm very proud of the steps you are taking to create a less stressful and more peaceful life for yourself and your son. I am so surprised that a "minister" is behaving this way. As a minister, doesn't he provide counselling to others? Does he think that because he is a minister he doesn't need counselling? Or that his position places him on a higher tier? Whatever his problems, I am so glad to see that you are not playing the victim. There's a scripture that says that "God gives us a peace that surpasses all understanding" or something like that. You seem very calm in the midst of this storm. God is granting you that peace. You and your son are in his care. Everything's going to be alright. I can just tell.

As you can see, you have a very supportive family on this board. Keep us posted on how you're doing! There are some very compassionate ladies here. We can deal with the good days and the bad.
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LadyR said:
You know, I'm all for working things out but I have never been the type to stay where I'm not wanted and when I make the decision to walk around and I'm calm that is when it is real and I'm done. I am at peace. Now I have to find a place to live and the money to use to move but it will come about somehow.
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I feel you LadyR.....hugs to you. I'm praying for you sweetie.
 
I am glad you have found peace...I have no doubt that much greater things are in store for you and your son!!!
 
LadyR said:
You know, I'm all for working things out but I have never been the type to stay where I'm not wanted and when I make the decision to walk around and I'm calm that is when it is real and I'm done. I am at peace. Now I have to find a place to live and the money to use to move but it will come about somehow.
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Might be very helpful to consult an attorney. Sending positive thoughts your way.
 
I feel so sad to see this. I truly have you (all three of you, husband and your son) in loving prayers.

O' the devil is such a liar! I'm just two smacks away from him and his mess.

Jesus, we need you now. Intervene with your Divine and loving power. Let your love prevail and fall upon these hearts as a warm shower of your precious, precious love...

In Jesus' name...Amen.
 
I will certainly keep you in my prayers, LadyR.
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You deserve happiness. Keep your head up!
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