I had another talk with my estranged husband and it looks like it's really going to happen. He has made up his mind and doesn't even want to talk about reconciliation. I'm going to the courthouse this week to get the paperwork, etc.
It will be a clean divorce, meaning, we have no kids or property therfore, there's nothing to argue about.
He's still in my life as a "friend". He helps me out. We're still civil.
Bummer. I my heart breaks because I was the cause of this heartache.
But... I am grateful that I had the opportunity to learn about myself while being with my husband. That relationship forced me to look at the ugly things about myself i needed to change. But i must confess, i'm not perfect, in fact, i'm a little immature and I have a whole lot more to work on. But, i've come a loooongggg way and i am thankful for that.
I could have been in the dark wallowing and feeling angry, rejected, pitiful and holding someone emotionally hostage. That's what I did... That was the old me. I have broke away from this.
Now, if I can only learn to allow myself to be
totally happy. I have to get it in my head that it's ok and believe that i DESERVE to be happy. that happiness isn't just for other people - that it's for me too.
a day at a time...
I do feel hopeful though.
Positive news:
I'm 40 years old and I FINALLY rented a car this weeked
It was soo much fun driving. ah man! i really want to buy one now.
I did have a few "mishaps" lol
1.) drove down the wrong street
2.) got cocky and was listening to music pretty loud. in fact, it was a rap song and i heard sirens, but i thought the sirens was apart of the song so i kept driving along. hahaha. i looked in the rearview mirrow and this cop was RIGHT behind me. then he pulled up right beside me as we were both driving! He looked like he was cursing me out telling me to move out the way. lol. He then drove past me onto wherever he was going.
3.) i almost ran a red light, realized it but i stopped right in the intersection. I looked behind me and began backing up but there were people already crossing behind me. OOOPPS!! I could have hit someone.
I have the bug now. I must get a car
Sorry for the rambling but i had to lighten the mood.
this is me navigating my way through the mean, dangerous, crazy yellow cab driving streets of NYC
~DSylla