Im a mess & i need help :(

[tlbaby23]

UGH i just need to vent!

I feel like sometimes my realtionship drives me crazy!!! It can make me the happiest person in the world n the next im just miserable!
I love my boyfriend but he just gets on my damn nerves sometimes!
Little things make me happy....y is it so hard for guys to do the little things? If you say ur gonna call me CALL ME!
& the way i am is i feel that i cant ignore how i feel. i hate arguing & b!tching all the time but i cant just "pretend" like somethings not bothering me.

Then sometimes i feel like maybe its not him...maybe its me. Maybe im just insecure when it comes to relationship. He tells me he loves me all the time but if he doesnt show it 1 time then i feel like he doesnt care about me. I always feel like i need him to constantly reassure me that he cares.
I did onw of those "6 Signs That You Are Insecure In Your Relationship" (http://blog.tariere.com/?p=659) from googe lol and i relate to all 6! omg am i driving myself crazy or do i sound crazy

How do i not let me insecurities affect my relationship !?

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Well if he is your boyfriend, he should pick up the phone. You all should have an understanding of what you both want for communication.

I don't have much experience with relationships so take my advice with a grain of salt: You shouldn't feel like you are moving into different chapters everyday when you two are together. I shouldn't be a consistant rollercoaster, there should be an open road ahead with occasional stop signs.

What do you get on him about? Have you told him that his actions are in contrast to what he tells you?

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

It sounds as if you need to give relationships a break until you find a way to deal with your insecurities, because you will probably end up running your current SO away and others after him, which will make you feel even more insecure.

Is there a reason why you feel so insecure? Were you hurt in a past relationship?

 

[SurferBabe]

I understand the feeling.

You need to make a vow to yourself to no longer nag him about the things he does not do. There is a way to make him do what you want him to do without having to directly tell him. It is the power of being a woman.

For example, I know my boyfriend cares about me but he used to do this thing that would get on my nerves. He's a fast walker while I'm short and always in heels so I walk much slower. Being a typical man in la-la land, if we were running an errand, like to the grocery store, he'd end up way ahead of me trying to hurry up and snatch the few items we came to get. I was not going to attempt to walk faster to keep up, so I found a solution that did not involve me nagging him to walk slower...

Whenever I'd get stuck behind, I'd stop and start making eyes at the men close by. This would cause them to come up and try to talk to me since they assumed I was there alone on first glance. My guy would hear some guy trying to spit game and immediately turn around and make it known I was with him. This happened twice and since then he has taught himself how to walk slower for me and he keeps me close by. There was no need for me to nag or complain. All I did was remind him that men are always on the prowl and if you don't let it be known that I'm your woman, even at the grocery store, they will try to snatch me up.

That's how you gotta do it. If he doesn't call when he says he will, make yourself super busy for that entire day and miss a few of his later calls. When he finally calls to see what's up the next day, tell him you didn't hear your phone over the loud music. Say in your sweetest, girly voice that since he didn't call when he said he would, you assumed he was busy and didn't want to disturb him so you went out with the girls. Throw in a bunch of "babies" and "sweeties."

 

[tlbaby23]

I only get mad at him when hes out with his friends n he doesnt call me when he says he wills or when i dont hear from him all day. It just annoys me. Yes ive been hurt in the past n he knows everything ive been through so everytime he messes up he'll admit to it n say sorry but im tired of hearing sorry!
Somtimes i feel like maybe its just me because my past relationship i would get mad about the same things im getting mad about now

 

[tlbaby23]

I understand the feeling.

You need to make a vow to yourself to no longer nag him about the things he does not do. There is a way to make him do what you want him to do without having to directly tell him. It is the power of being a woman. "

Very true! I get so caught up in my feelings that i forget that there are ways to get him to listen to how i feel without having to say much at all. Im making things too easy for him n i need to get him back on his toes!

 

[kibbles318]

Before I can fully comment I just need to understand something.... So, what exactly does he do to show you that he doesn't care? Is it only his lack of calling while out?

 

[ms.mimi]

I think you're hyper-focusing on your boyfriend. And that could be because of insecurities, past hurts,etc...And that's normal. You are watching to see if it happens again. But instead of watching for signs, have you thought of focusing that hard on yourself and getting rid of these feelings? Insecurity is cured by self confidence.

Boost yours by spending time with people who bring out the best in you like friends& family, changing things that about yourself that need to be changed and giving to & loving others. I would suggest you do these things anyway but especially do a few when you know bf is going be hanging with friends or says he's going to call. Instead of sitting around waiting, change your focus. Focus on self confident building activities like......

~Go to the gym. Start a conversion with a new person, male or female but also get in a good workout.
~Hanging out with a friend(s).
~Visit & catch up with that friend you haven't gotten together with in a loooong time. Bring them a small gift like a small B&BW candle or lotion.
~Invite a friend out for coffee or frozen yogurt.
~Watch some uplifting or motivational movies.
~Make calls to people you owe calls to. Mom, Dad, Grandma, friends,aunt, etc.....
~Do laundry.~You can make calls during this also.
~Get all decked out and go window shopping, treat yourself to Starbucks or a small sample size lotion at B&BW.(Can you tell I B&BW?)
~Give yourself home manicure &/or pedicure.
~Plan outfit for the next week. Making sure to look extra pulled together! Which may lead to running out for a certain color nail polish, hosiery, etc...
~Cook ahead healthy meals for the next couple of days and put in the freezer.
~Manic Clean EVERYTHING!!!!!Then treat yourself to a long bubble bath & Barry White (Earth, Wind & Fire, Prince , Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson -whatever put you in a good mood and is uplifting.
~Get yourself or a love one some flowers. If the florist is open they usually have a growers bunch really cheap. The supermarket usually has carnations or something in season for cheap.
~STUDY!!!! If in school knock out the next chapter or assignment. If not in school open the dictionary and learn 5 words you hadn't heard of and use them in a sentence. I live in Texas so I try to learn a new sentence in Spanish.
~Go to the bookstore or the library and pick up something to read. Pick something that REALLY interests you and is uplifting.
Notice something about these activities? Be good to yourself, enjoy yourself and your life.

 

[tlbaby23]

I think you're hyper-focusing on your boyfriend. And that could be because of insecurities, past hurts,etc...And that's normal. You are watching to see if it happens again. But instead of watching for signs, have you thought of focusing that hard on yourself and getting rid of these feelings? Insecurity is cured by self confidence.

I need to distract myself more from him. I am always waiting for his calls or wanting to chill with him because we're together a lot.

and then i always get the feeling that i have no friends. His friends are always callin him n 90% of the time he'll ignore them for me but once in awhile he wants to chill with them (which is understandable) but my female friends dont bother hitting me up

 

[kibbles318]

I need to distract myself more from him. I am always waiting for his calls or wanting to chill with him because we're together a lot.

and then i always get the feeling that i have no friends. His friends are always callin him n 90% of the time he'll ignore them for me but once in awhile he wants to chill with them (which is understandable) but my female friends dont bother hitting me up

Maybe they don't bother calling you because you've lost the balance of having an outside life and being in a relationship. You said you spend most of your time with him... Not good. It's always good to have a life outside of your SO... I agree with the above poster. Find some things to do outside of him. Call your friends, go out with them.


It can become pretty annoying on the other party when they don't feel like they have breathing room. The complaining and whining will get old fast... Real fast.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Not to be mean but if I were him I wouldnt call that much either. I agree with the other ladies.

 

[kibbles318]

I only get mad at him when hes out with his friends n he doesnt call me when he says he wills or when i dont hear from him all day. It just annoys me. Yes ive been hurt in the past n he knows everything ive been through so everytime he messes up he'll admit to it n say sorry but im tired of hearing sorry!
Somtimes i feel like maybe its just me because my past relationship i would get mad about the same things im getting mad about now

Really think that you need to work on you before being with someone...

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Its called go get a life. Literally. Start having an interest in something besides babysitting your phone lookin for him to call. See, he has a life and he continues to do the things he did before he met you.

I guarantee you that when you start taking an interest in something else like going out and doing you, he'll start wondering why his phone isn't ringing (from you), then he will start calling you tawkin bout some..."wassup..can't call a brotha".

He should be checking for you not da otha way around. In other words, start doing what he's doing.

 

[sheanu]

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