I'm 21 yrs. old...and getting a divorce

[JerriBlank]

I don't even know what to start typing because i feel so overwhelmed.I feel like the world is on my shoulders and i just can't get back upright. I'm not looking for a pity party,but it just feels soooo much better when i can get advice from people who have been where i am now.

We have only been married for eleven months now. i know it's sorry.I know it's not the end of the world,but i just can't seem to grasp that the man who loved me so much a just a year ago to exchange vows with me,is the man that i now realize that i can no longer make a life with. He has changed completely. People say that we see things in others,but choose to look the other way. I am not perfect...but he switched up on me.

The problems started to come when i realized that he was no longer interested in trying to improve our relationship anymore. I was so willing to accept him and his faults because he was trying.This is honorable in my eyes and it makes dealing with our problems so much easier.Then he was acting like he made a mistake.I am trying to respect this,but how can someone change their mind like that?I don't know if i am making sense,but i am upset and hurt and so many other things right now.

I apologize for going on and on,but...well,i just need some help putting things into persepctive,you know?Thanks for listening.

 

[poetist]

Aww, sweetie. I am soooo sorry to hear this. I cant say that I can relate to going through divorce, but I am also a newlywed so I know how hard it can be for 2 people to adjust to married life. Have you guys had any counseling...like with a Pastor or whoever married you?

 

[envybeauty]

so he wants the divorce? not you..

I don't even know what to start typing because i feel so overwhelmed.I feel like the world is on my shoulders and i just can't get back upright. I'm not looking for a pity party,but it just feels soooo much better when i can get advice from people who have been where i am now.

We have only been married for eleven months now. i know it's sorry.I know it's not the end of the world,but i just can't seem to grasp that the man who loved me so much a just a year ago to exchange vows with me,is the man that i now realize that i can no longer make a life with. He has changed completely. People say that we see things in others,but choose to look the other way. I am not perfect...but he switched up on me.

The problems started to come when i realized that he was no longer interested in trying to improve our relationship anymore. I was so willing to accept him and his faults because he was trying.This is honorable in my eyes and it makes dealing with our problems so much easier.Then he was acting like he made a mistake.I am trying to respect this,but how can someone change their mind like that?I don't know if i am making sense,but i am upset and hurt and so many other things right now.

I apologize for going on and on,but...well,i just need some help putting things into persepctive,you know?Thanks for listening.

 

[SilverSurfer]

Wow...sorry that it's been so hard but I think you two need to seek marriage counseling before completely calling it quits.

 

[sunnydaze]

I'm sorry..I know this must be really hard for you right now. You said he doesn't want to try anymore..did he say why?

 

[Sistaslick]

I really feel for you girl. I know what it's like to be married and young-- it can be very difficult sometimes. I said "I do" at 18 years old, I'm 23 now and we still have our times. Sometimes I'm like "Who is this person?" The first 2 years are definitely the hardest. Do you guys have a pastor, or a trusted parent figure or something you can confide in? Please talk to someone, together-- before you call it quits.

 

[JerriBlank]

Y'all, i tried so hard. I brought up the topic of marriage counseling when things started to get really bad,but he doesn't want to.This hurt my feelings so much because that in itself speaks volumes. I would never blame it on being married young,because so many young couples fall and stay in love,and care too much about each other to let stupid things consume their relationship. I tried everything i could think of to make it work.When the topic of divorce came up the frist time,it was like i mentioned shooting him. it was a big no-no. The problems really started to come up when the situation was like me versus his cousin(male).


I feel like he chose someone else over me,regardless of if he was faithful or not.

 

[candiel]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. My heart goes out to you.

I know how hard it can be when you feel like you're the only one trying to make it work.

 

[JerriBlank]

I really feel for you girl. I know what it's like to be married and young-- it can be very difficult sometimes. I said "I do" at 18 years old, I'm 23 now and we still have our times. Sometimes I'm like "Who is this person?" The first 2 years are definitely the hardest. Do you guys have a pastor, or a trusted parent figure or something you can confide in? Please talk to someone, together-- before you call it
quits.[/quote]

This has sooo much to do with it. I feel like he has to work some things out on his own,but he doesn't know how to.None of the males around him can give him advice or just everyday counsel.I just always thought his love for me would make it better/easier or give him motivation.

 

[envybeauty]

^^maybe he can find a married man that he respects to get advice from. a coach, a former teacher, mentor, coworker, etc. just make sure you suggest someone you believe to be of good character and not someone who is married but out running the streets trying to act otherwise.

 

[JerriBlank]

Candiel-That is exactly how i feel

Nvybeauty-Seriously,not one person comes to mind.But i will keep looking and praying that God sends someone...because that person would be a miracle.

I can't believe how honest and sweet and unselfish you ladies are.

 

[frostydoll]

I hope things work out for the best. I don't have any advice since I've never been married. Keep your head up!!!

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I have nothing of great value to contribute other than to say I'm really sorry and that hopefully you can make something positive out of an unfortunate situation, even if it's just a learning experience in some manner.

I hope everything works out for you!

 

[MissScarlett]

Candiel-That is exactly how i feel

Nvybeauty-Seriously,not one person comes to mind.But i will keep looking and praying that God sends someone...because that person would be a miracle.

I can't believe how honest and sweet and unselfish you ladies are.

(((HUGS))) I'm sorry you're going through this!! The first few years IMO are so tough, its just adjusting, learning to compromise, sacrifice, learning how to BE MARRIED. I really wish you all could talk with someone. Its easier to just say forget it than to try, which is probably what he is doing. I've been married 8 years but there were times I just wanted to throw the towel in.

 

[eyunka]

I too was married and 21 and divorced a year later. I can say I think age had alot to do with us. I had only been away from home a shore time and was very naive to alot of things. The way I say my parents growing up, my dad took care of everything and that is what i expected of my husband.

Our problems started with finiances living beyond our means and anyone of this board can tell you that is a recipe for disaster all on it's own. Plus i only married this man after knowing him for 3 months....stupid i know and you will learn just as I did it will make you a better person for it. My exhusband also cheated on me as well.

Just don't do what i did put the blame of me asking what did i do wrong, why does he not want to be with me? yada, yada. You can continue to make efforts to make it work but in your heart if you know he is not happy why make him stay? Is that fair....he has to want to make it work on his ownm then you know it is sincere and not because you are constantly asking, not to say you are.

If after awhile you see that this is not what he wants start making steps to accept it and move on....it's a hard process. I had another male companion to help my transition.

The male companion is not my husband of 10yrs. I really hope things work in you favor. Good Luck

 

[Poobity]

(((hugs))) I've been there. I got married at 21 and was divorced at 24. Things can't work out unless both parties want them to.

 

[Xavier]

I am sorry that you are going through this. I hope you and your husband can work it out.

 

[Amber_moon]

Wow. Your post hits so hard with me, because Im 21 and we are in our 11th month now too.

Im sorry things are bad right now. *Hugs*

 

[Evolving78]

Y'all, i tried so hard. I brought up the topic of marriage counseling when things started to get really bad,but he doesn't want to.This hurt my feelings so much because that in itself speaks volumes. I would never blame it on being married young,because so many young couples fall and stay in love,and care too much about each other to let stupid things consume their relationship. I tried everything i could think of to make it work.When the topic of divorce came up the frist time,it was like i mentioned shooting him. it was a big no-no. The problems really started to come up when the situation was like me versus his cousin(male).


I feel like he chose someone else over me,regardless of if he was faithful or
not.

I sent you a pm. Please get back with me ASAP!

 

[JerriBlank]

Wow ladies! Thank you guys sooo much. It seems like i was just stuck with nowhere to go.
I decided that we needed a break from each other a couple weeks ago,so i went to Georgia and then to Mississippi to visit my sisters,and also to give him some chill time,without me. He was so excited about me coming back,and then the very next day,before i had even been home for 24 hrs.,we were at it again.

I am so tired of the endless bickering and we just decided really fast to divorce. Now time can may bring changes,but for now that seems like our "way out." I moved out of our apartment.I will still be praying about this. I really want to make the right choice. Maybe more time apart will help us???I don't know,but in all seriousness,you ladies have me thinking.I don't want to just give up,but i feel like he has. I will be living away from him though,just to see what really living apart will do to us.

I recieved a pm from a member here,and it touched me so much that i really want to share it with you guys and i hope she doesn't mind.
she said that sometimes,God allows the people that we focus on the most to act out,so that we can divert our attention back to him.I cannot add anything else to that,because i feel like that sums it up completely.

It is surprising to me that so many of you have been there,but i really appreciate your support.thanks again.