"IF YOUR HUSBAND COMES HOME PAST 2AM, HE'S UP TO NO GOOD!"

[Zaynab]

For that bolded reason primarily, I think that you, as an adult and a wife, need to reassess your mothers 'words of wisdom' and decide if they apply. You can't reproduce your parent's relationship - and it sounds like you really wouldn't want to, either.

I've lived outside of the US (I'm thinking of Spain, right now), and yeah, if you were going out to hear music, the DJ might not show up until midnight, and the crowd isn't going good until 2am, and yes, there will be a party going on until the sun rises - that was just - normal. The idea of a party that started at 9pm - please. People are just sitting down to eat dinner at 9pm - and they still need to eat, change, drink a lil, and meet up before the party gets started. Kids parties started at 9pm - maybe. And half the guests wouldn't show up til 11, still!

So - from that POV - the late hours (in my mind) aren't an issue, because it's in a different culture. If he was in Brooklyn, it would be an entirely different thought pattern.

Do you have any issues with your DH being out that late besides 'it's going against what mama said'?? If you don't - I'd let the man enjoy his hiphop in non-clockchecking peace.

The way DH and I work things out - as we both refuse to 'clockwatch' on the other, is that we are expected to be home by midnight. If we opt to stay out later, we expect a phone call no later than 12:15, to let the other know that we are cool, and to give a rough estimate of when we think that we will be back home.

Maybe some of the other ladies don't have a collection of night-owl friends - there has been many a night I'm out past 2am, in places other than between someone's legs.

Yeah I went out last month and was out pretty late. I looked at my phone and the time had really gotten away from me. And I was at a wine bar with some white chicks and you know how they like to drink....I texted dh @ like 1:30 to tell him I was on my way, he never responded, called, etc. I got home at 2:30 and this fool was asleep I was like I'm rushing to get home like my daddy was waiting on me and this fool aint even up

 

[JustKiya]

Yeah I went out last month and was out pretty late. I looked at my phone and the time had really gotten away from me. And I was at a wine bar with some white chicks and you know how they like to drink....I texted dh @ like 1:30 to tell him I was on my way, he never responded, called, etc. I got home at 2:30 and this fool was asleep I was like I'm rushing to get home like my daddy was waiting on me and this fool aint even up

See!!

The only reason we even started doing the call was because we worry. *lol* We are both worriers, and it soothes us to have a 'set' time to check in, so that we can ease the one who is at homes concerns, ya know?

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

the locks would be changed. he would have to go right back where he came from. that is disrespectful and if he is having fun to the point where he is coming in with the sun, then that is where he needs to be.

I'm glad you said that LOL...
I just don't understand what a married man with a child could possibly be doing out that late without his wife...
Plus its dangerous in these streets he clearly is not looking out for his family's well being or his own... The song isn't called "The Freaks Come out at Night" For no reason...
He could get in an altercation, there could be a break-in with his 2 year old in the house while he is out partyin with beautiful bachelorettes and his "boys"... Who knows what could go down...
I could understand maybe if this was a business type thing... like my boyfriend is a producer, and we go to the club to meet up with clients and stuff... but its a WE thing and WE always just want to get home to be with each other... even in the back rooms with celebrities, going to clubs is NOT fun for me and my boyfriend... none of these people care about you or have your best interest at heart... there is simply money to be made.
I'm sorry I just don't see the appeal of a club to a married man... I find that to be quite odd... Your discomfort is definitely warranted.

 

[Transformer]

I'm with Kiya. Don't try to apply American culture standards to your relationship. Mom was right about 2am in America. Italy not quite the same. If you feel your relationship is strong and you're happy---forgetitaboutit!

 

[kinkycotton]

If someone is gonna cheat, it does not have to be at 2 a.m. People cheat at all times of the day and even on the job. DH witnessed a married woman having sex with a maintenance guy in a storage room at my old firm at lunch time. But I digress.

I think you and your DH need to talk about boundaries in Italy. I have been to Italy but never lived there. I had no idea that the clubs did not start bumping until 2 a.m. That seems similar to some NYC after hours spots.

The first thing I would do is find out why he wants to be away from the family every other weekend. I get it that people need downtime but when I need downtime, I want to be at home with DH. After that talk, and making sure that he is not unhappy and trying to be away from home for any specific reason, then you can move to step 2.

I don't think you need to tell him that it's okay to roll in at 3:30 a.m. but you do need to be clear that you trust him, trust his judgment and that you expect him to only have his 3:30 a.m. party time maybe once a month. I don't think married men cannot ever go out again but he is married with a small child so he does not need to be up in the club every other weekend when he could be enjoying time with his family. Your son is most likely asleep already when your DH leaves, but that is still time that the two of you could be together. When he does go out every other weekend, maybe go with him a few times. Get a sitter and hang out on the town with hubby.

Don't become the nag. I know some of the nagging wife/girlfriend types and trust me, the men do talk about them. I rarely call DH when he's with his friends while some of the other women call every 15 minutes. They all tell DH that he is so lucky and they want a woman like me. The funny thing is that when DH is out late, it's studio production work. He is a Taurus and likes to be at home & not up in a club unless I ask to go.

I'm such a Taurus. A homebody at heart. His friends are coworkers and I usually hang out with their wives. Now that a month has gone by, he's losing his fire and starting to like being home at a reasonable time, no pout ting, long face, or nothin. And I've started to let go and get a babysitter for LO so we can have a nice evening out together. Thank you so much for the great advice.

 

[JustKiya]

I'm such a Taurus. A homebody at heart. His friends are coworkers and I usually hang out with their wives. Now that a month has gone by, he's losing his fire and starting to like being home at a reasonable time, no pout ting, long face, or nothin. And I've started to let go and get a babysitter for LO so we can have a nice evening out together. Thank you so much for the great advice.

I love it when a story has a happy ending!

 

[kinkycotton]

I know this is crazy late but I wanted to thank everyone for the great advice. You ladies make me want to keep coming back to LHCF!

 

[JustKiya]

I know this is crazy late but I wanted to thank everyone for the great advice. You ladies make me want to keep coming back to LHCF!

Please do!!

It's a high shame to keep that lovely head of hair from us, for one thing!

 

[jaiku]

I am a midnight rambler at heart. I never understood why married people got curfews. You both need to come to an agreement to what time he needs to be home. If he wants to stay out until 6am all the time, that's bad. If its on occasion than that's okay to me.

Personally, as long as you respect me and keep me aware of why you need to be out so late, I don't care. Maybe that'll change when kids are involved.

 

[LightEyedMami]

Im just glad hubby isn't the "club type" so i don't know how i would respond, one thing is for sure.. I would trust him enough not to care what time he would be coming back; and he's respectful enough not to come back at an unreasonable hour.