If your BFF's man cheated....

[Blkprincess]

on her, but she had no clue....would you ever tell her? I've found out from my best guy friend that my BFF's man, now husband cheated on her. my guy friend and I have been friends for 12years, he's is truthful to a fault and I've always thought that my BFF's man had cheated on her before because of the way she acts with....following him to the clubs, jealous rages, even though she never admitted it. but, you know how guys just be comparing stories. would you feel guilty for not telling her? some friends might get mad at you for even suggesting it even though they in their heart it was true. what would you do? I'm in a similar situation, I was her maid of honor and everything....but knowledge of what he did to her is what I plan on taking to the grave, it would devastate her too much.

 

[Laginappe]

It depends on the conversations I've had with my BFF. If there'd been no discussions, I'd tell her just to cover all of the bases. I'm still a BFF to her having given her knowledge about the reality of her situation than I would be if I kept quiet out of fear that she'd be angry.

If someone is really worthy of the title of Best Friend Forever, then we've gone to the mat over more than a few significant issues. I don't know much, but I know that my relationships with my Best Friends require truth. In our friendship would be disrepectful of the term BFF to claim to be such while at the same time keep secrets that hurt said BFF.

With my BFFs we know that while you might be mad at me today, you can't ever hate me for telling you the truth. We are always going to tell it as we see it.

You can't be a coward and call yourself my BFF.

 

[Blkprincess]

I know what you mean, my heart is heavy with guilt for not telling her. but you know how some people will get mad at you like it's your fault, their anger thrown on you. what if telling her backfires...I've hinted at it many a times....I can't tell her now especially when her mother-in-law has recently moved in with them....she says they couldn't argue now if they wanted to. in my heart, I know she knows, but won't bring herself to admit it to herself.

 

[poetist]

I know what you mean, my heart is heavy with guilt for not telling her. but you know how some people will get mad at you like it's your fault, their anger thrown on you. what if telling her backfires...I've hinted at it many a times....I can't tell her now especially when her mother-in-law has recently moved in with them....she says they couldn't argue now if they wanted to. in my heart, I know she knows, but won't bring herself to admit it to herself.

If you "know she knows" then leave it at that. Even though she is your BFF, there are things in her marriage (especially matter of infidelity) that she is not going to share with you. That being said, since according to you, she already knows or suspects these things, I seriously doubt that you confirming it will help matters. If anything, it will cause added stress in her marriage and possibly strain your relationship with her.

Furthermore, no matter how "trustworthy" your guy friend is, I would NEVER approach anyone, much less my BFF, about allegations of infidelity that come via heresay. It just seems uber messy. If her husband is indeed unfaithful, she'll find out and accept the truth about her relationship in due time. As her BFF, your job is to just be there for her and support her if/when ish hits the fan..

Good luck.

 

[MrsBurns82]

I dont know the relationship you have with your BFF but I would tell mine pranto and I would kick her b-utt-y if she didn't tell me.

 

[Solti]

Hell naw...

If she came to me on some "I think he is, but I dunno for sure, what do you think type mess" I would tell.

But VOLUNTEERING?

Hell naw...

In these cases the messenger always get shot. She will either ask him and he will deny deny deny. Then they will be mad at you. Or. She will get angry, get sad and then be mad at you or distant with you. Cause either way, you dropping the news will NOT break them up for the long term.

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil...

 

[Windsy]

HECK NO!!!

Did it once and it broke up a friendship!!!! Neva again.

 

[SouthernJewel]

YES!

My loyalty is to my BFF,not him.If she doesn't appreciate my loyalty then screw her! She isn't a friend.

 

[tocktick]

personally, i would tell my bff(s). this is because i know that they deserve better than to be with a guy who was dishonest and disrespectful. i couldn't imagine that it would be easy and it would hurt me to tell her but it would hurt me more to see him playing all happy families when he knows deep down that is a damn liar and just plain nasty. additionally, in this day & age where stds are rampant, i would not want someone i consider a best friend to be with a guy who could potentially expose her to something nasty. you have no idea if the person you've caught him with is the only one or if there were more (and still are).

i also would not tell the guy that i knew about his nasty arse before telling her (i.e - one of those "tell her bf you know so that he confesses to her" type deal) because if he already has it in him to be sneaky and deceptive then i wouldn't doubt that he'd start saying lies in her ear about how i'm "jealous" of their relationship etc; basically stuff that would mean when you do eventually come to tell her, she does not believe you.

i think if the roles were reversed, i'd want my bff to tell me even if i considered myself happy with my relationship with the dude.

now, what my friends decide to do after i give them this info is another thing entirely. i've even heard about some so-called bff's rejecting their friends when they've told them. for me, i'd be willing to face those risks.

 

[God_Favor]

I told my BF and she totally flipped out on me---I got the info from 1 of our old college friends who was dating him--she had NO idea that my BF/Roommate was engaged to this new guy she was really feeling-I told because my loyalty was to my friend-she tells him and he flips everything on me and she believes him--------he stayed at our apt a week after I let her know the scoop and talking about a grown a** man rolling his eyes lol--they have since divorced--She apologized and admitted she was wrong-But ,today if I see her new man walking into a hotel kissing a women-he ain't gotta worry about me telling a thing!!

 

[Crackers Phinn]

My girls, and I'm talking about the ones that we go allllllllllllll the way back to 8th grade back in 1987...THEM CHICKS know me like that. And they know that if I say they man cheating, I'm not trying to pull an okie doke.

I do have friends that I'm cool with, but I choose to stay out of their personal business because the sun rise and shine on their mans ass.

 

[SouthernJewel]

My girls, and I'm talking about the ones that we go allllllllllllll the way back to 8th grade back in 1987...THEM CHICKS know me like that. And they know that if I say they man cheating, I'm not trying to pull an okie doke.

I do have friends that I'm cool with, but I choose to stay out of their personal business because the sun rise and shine on their mans ass.

I agree. If we're just "cool"? Nah! I ain't telling ****. But if you're my ace boon coon? Heck yeah! I'm snitching!

 

[sonce]

on her, but she had no clue....would you ever tell her?

Well, if she's my BFF then yes, I would tell her. I hate cheaters, so I feel honor-bound to make sure every last one gets caught and punished. And if she got mad at me, then I'd let her go because that's a delusional heifer who doesn't know a real friend. I don't see a BFF of mine getting mad at me for something like that though because I don't befriend weakminded women and all my friends know that I am blunt and unapologetic about the truth.

If she's not my BFF though, then I would tell her, but anonymously.

 

[gabulldawg]

I wouldn't want some of you as my friends! erplexed OP wouldn't you expect your girl to let you know if something wasn't right in your relationship? I think if you guys are cool like you claim you are it's your obligation to mention it to her. She should already know what your intentions are if you are good friends. I have a few good girlfriends that I have known for a few years and would definitely say something if I saw one of their men out where they shouldn't be or with someone they shouldn't be with. I would let her do what she wanted with the information, but I would definitely pass that information on.

 

[SouthernJewel]

I wouldn't want some of you as my friends! erplexed OP wouldn't you expect your girl to let you know if something wasn't right in your relationship?

Right. Some responses have me---> :scratchch

 

[janiebaby]

Nope and I tell all my friends that if such and such were to happen I would not tell them. If they continue to be my friend thinking that my view will change that's on them.

 

[janiebaby]

Right. Some responses have me---> :scratchch

I've seen people's friendships breakup while ole girl and her "man" stay together forever.

I've also seen people get killed for sticking their nose and someone else's business while again ole girl and her "man" stay together forever.

I've also seen friends get pulled into their friends' mess while again ole girl and her "man" stay together forever.

I'm not going out like that. When they make up I won't be able to fully share in their happiness and likewise when they break up I won't be able to fully share in their pain so everything that happens between them is on them.

 

[T_shea]

Hell NO! I told a friend of mine that I'd been friends with for12 years and I saw my roomate kissing the guy in the club. She told him that she was feeling him from a few years ago when she first met him and he said and I quote " you shoulda told me. I would been ****ed you" and this is while his fiance (my ex friend was pregnant) Needless to say he ran home and fed her some bull**** and I ended up telling her, she said I was a hater and since then we haven't spoke. But they are married now and still together.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I've seen people's friendships breakup while ole girl and her "man" stay together forever.

I've also seen people get killed for sticking their nose and someone else's business while again ole girl and her "man" stay together forever.

I've also seen friends get pulled into their friends' mess while again ole girl and her "man" stay together forever.

I'm not going out like that. When they make up I won't be able to fully share in their happiness and likewise when they break up I won't be able to fully share in their pain so everything that happens between them is on them.

@ the bolded, been there done that.

In theory, telling a friend about her man is the right thing to do. In practice, that ish can cause you both more trouble than it's worth.

 

[janiebaby]

My girls, and I'm talking about the ones that we go allllllllllllll the way back to 8th grade back in 1987...THEM CHICKS know me like that. And they know that if I say they man cheating, I'm not trying to pull an okie doke.

I do have friends that I'm cool with, but I choose to stay out of their personal business because the sun rise and shine on their mans ass.

Ok, I really need to start reading pass thread titles because this was hilarious

 

[stinastina]

I wouldn't want some of you as my friends! erplexed OP wouldn't you expect your girl to let you know if something wasn't right in your relationship? I think if you guys are cool like you claim you are it's your obligation to mention it to her. She should already know what your intentions are if you are good friends. I have a few good girlfriends that I have known for a few years and would definitely say something if I saw one of their men out where they shouldn't be or with someone they shouldn't be with. I would let her do what she wanted with the information, but I would definitely pass that information on.

I agree with you, BUT some women just do NOT want to hear it. My BFF did not want to know. She even told me so. Now that didn't stop me from throwing little hints like why did he need a babysitter while you were in the hospital and he wasn't at your side ? Or, why did he get a hotel room at a conference downtown but you couldn't come and yall live 30 minutes from the hotel ?
He had to be the one to tell her (even though he already told her he cheated on his first wife several times and with her, too !). And even when he told her, she didn't want to tell anyone else. Some women are just like that.
As for me, I would want to know even if a stranger told me !

 

[gabulldawg]

I agree with you, BUT some women just do NOT want to hear it. My BFF did not want to know. She even told me so. Now that didn't stop me from throwing little hints like why did he need a babysitter while you were in the hospital and he wasn't at your side ? Or, why did he get a hotel room at a conference downtown but you couldn't come and yall live 30 minutes from the hotel ?
He had to be the one to tell her (even though he already told her he cheated on his first wife several times and with her, too !). And even when he told her, she didn't want to tell anyone else. Some women are just like that.
As for me, I would want to know even if a stranger told me !

Me, too, girl! But I do see your point.

 

[MzTami]

I had a BFF in high School, and er'body knew her man was a dog, including her. She was in denial and didn't want to hear it.

I stay out of folks that are love blind business. On the otherhand, I'm not blind and would like to know. That's me though, others don't want to hear the truth.

OP..your gurl knows, stay out....

 

[sky_blu]

Well if you say that you suspected it all along because of how "she acts" then she probably already knows. I would leave it along if they already married and being she probably already knows, she might not want you to know out of embarassment. So just keep it that way and dont bring it to her unless she says something. *sidenote* I usually would say tell her but it sounds like she already knows and is foolishly staying there.

 

[EbonyEyes]

My mom told her best friend at the time that her boyfriend was cheating on her and she became angry at my mom and ended the friendship. They didn't talk for years. They have since reconciled and she apologized to my mom for being upset at her for just trying to protect her. My mom told me to never tell a woman that her man is cheating on her because of the above experience.

However, if this is my best friend and I love her as I love myself, then the information I have will be given to her - absolutely. If I consider myself to be someone's friend that means I care deeply for his/her emotional and spiritual well-being as well as his/her physical health. Another option is to drop an anonymous note explaining that her man is cheating and how you, anonymous, know he's cheating.

I understand the "I won't tell because they tend to shoot the messenger" philosophy completely, but sometimes I must place my friend's life and welfare over my own comfort even if that means I get hurt by losing them.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

i've told my girl before and it created a huge conflict and I will never do it again. it put me in a very very bad position.

my sister did as well last year for her real good friend and the man ambushed my sister's apt with her kids and tried to kill them. police got involved and everything. he bust down my sister's door. very bad outcome.

really, us women KNOW when a man is dipping out on us. we do, he acts different. all of a sudden he is hanging out with the boys more etc etc. we really do NOT need anyone to tell us.

i would give hints but that's as far as it goes. i don't want to be responsible for ruining anyone's marriage/family. because that's how the person will see it.