The other day this older lady in my friends office text messaged him that she did not have on any underwear.He is not thinking about her, does not think she is attractive at all. She started emailing him and gave him her number first.
I also think that he is in the wrong for leading her on though.
i'm sorry but that was funny to me. I guess she cant take a hint.
that's funny!
I love your whole post!Yeah girl....I've done the "church thing" too.
Trust me....I've now learned that if a guy is REALLY interested in you, and is TRULY "single", he will pursue you. He won't let you get away! The pain of losing you to someone else would be too great for him, that it would be foolish for him to NOT make a move. You see what I'm saying?
Please, don't make the same mistake I made and assume that the guy is "shy". Trust me, I've seen even the shyest guys make a move, even when I never gave them ANY hints (flirting, smiling at them 24/7, laughing at all his jokes, coming up to say hi and all that other nonsense) that I was even thinking about them! So....what does THAT tell you??
So, my advice is...be nice, be friendly, but please don't pursue.It has not worked in my favor, nor has it worked in the favor of my girl friends.
I'm not saying that it doesn't work for SOME women, but honestly....dont' you want to feel like YOU were the one being pursued? Not the other way around???
If I enticed a guy into liking me by pursuing him, in the back of my mind I'd always kind of wonder whether or not he really liked me for me, or only liked me because I pursued him. Not only that, but I'd fear that some other female could possibly take him away from me by just pursuing him like I did.
So yeah...don't pursue men.Some things in life will probably never change in nature. Your guy friends may even tell you that they actually like for women to pursue them and all that nonsense.
ETA: If you REALLY want to do a "lunch date" with him in a slick way, why don't you ask your friends to invite him along with an odd number of people (this is key) to have lunch, and maybe see if he comes. If he does, you can probably guage his interest when you talk with him. If he likes you, he'll eventually ask you out/call you. I find that calling or keeping in touch is a BIG thing.But if you two go to church together, see each other quite frequently, are comfortable talking and FLIRTING together, but yet he STILL never makes a move....then I'd just assume that this guy likes me as a friend only, or is taken/more interested in someone else, and just move on.
Who knows....you may be pleasantly surprised in the future, but at least you wouldn't have made a fool out of yourself by trying to pursue him if he wasn't really all that interested.
Yeah girl....I've done the "church thing" too.
Trust me....I've now learned that if a guy is REALLY interested in you, and is TRULY "single", he will pursue you. He won't let you get away! The pain of losing you to someone else would be too great for him, that it would be foolish for him to NOT make a move. You see what I'm saying?
Please, don't make the same mistake I made and assume that the guy is "shy". Trust me, I've seen even the shyest guys make a move, even when I never gave them ANY hints (flirting, smiling at them 24/7, laughing at all his jokes, coming up to say hi and all that other nonsense) that I was even thinking about them! So....what does THAT tell you??
So, my advice is...be nice, be friendly, but please don't pursue.
So yeah...don't pursue men.
ETA: If you REALLY want to do a "lunch date" with him in a slick way, why don't you ask your friends to invite him along with an odd number of people (this is key) to have lunch, and maybe see if he comes. If he does, you can probably guage his interest when you talk with him. If he likes you, he'll eventually ask you out/call you. I find that calling or keeping in touch is a BIG thing.
Who knows....you may be pleasantly surprised in the future, but at least you wouldn't have made a fool out of yourself by trying to pursue him if he wasn't really all that interested.
I've kept things normal with him, smile, etc etc. I dont wanna make a move! Ur so right, I know I would jus keep wondering if he was really with me becuz he cared or becuz I wore him down 
lol
. I have stopped listening to my friends who say give him time he's a good guy he's so shy! (because he quiet).BS...Uh he ain't that quiet cause trust me he is a man...who will take some if you give him some!
Asking a man out only flatters his ego. It doesn't make him suddenly realize how much he likes the woman asking him out.Your guy friends may even tell you that they actually like for women to pursue them and all that nonsense.
Crystalicequeen Thank you sooooo much!!
I havent done the lunch date, but the invite as a big group sounds like a harmless idea! i think i'll ask around and see how I can pull it off.
I'm just trying to save other women from making the same mistake my girlfriends and I made! I wish I had known this stuff myself! Actually, in the back of my mind I always knew what the "rules" were, but when you REALLY REALLY like a guy, and you get "sprung", you tend to forget and throw all caution to the wind. "oh...he's probably 'shy', so maybe he needs some coaxing/encouragement", or... "maybe he doesn't really know that I like him...." Haha! Yea riiiiiiiight.... Trust me, no matter how much you try to rationalize it, unless the guy is from another planet, if he sees a girl that seems nice, and SMILES at him genuinely, trust me...he is going to make a move in SOME way (even if it's fumbling over his words, always hanging around you 24/7, or teasing you mercilessly) IF he's really interested and single. Sometimes even if he isn't so "single". 
Geez, I hope he likes me...he is so smart and handsome
He should be asking himself: "I hope she likes ME!" 
And Miss*Tress you're on point with that comment about men's egos.
OMG! I've never posted in the relationship forum...heck I rarely even come over here in the forum..
You ladies have enlightened me. My last serious relationship was seven years ago and I have only dated (unfortunately still single). Well anywho, I can totally relate to what everyone has said and thanks for the advice. My girl-friends tell me oh you don't put yourself out there or you need to step up to the plate and go after what you want. Ok every single time I follow their wonderful "married-minded" advice I make a fool of myself. Which leads me to question this current guy I am seeing. I really like him and "believes he likes me". We have gone out, been intimate (not intercourse) and talk quite a bit on the phone. We have have known each other for about 9months. He is in between jobs he is a finacial analyst but his job got eliminated, he is a single father also and about 9months ago got full custody of his daughter, recently purchased a house and new car.
Well, he tells me he dont't hang out because he have so much to do. His daughter is 13 for heavens sake she can most things...or when he haven't called in like a week or sometimes two he'll say he just hustling working his parttime job until he starts his job in Aug. (as a teacher).
As I type this and after reading your responses I have realized that maybe he's NOT into me
Huh, now I know LOL Thanks ladies, y'all keep it real!
No more resentment. But as far as holding out hope for something more with him in the future??? Girl please! Those days are over! If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. It's not any skin off of my back. And when he invites me places, I only go SOME of the time. The rest of the time, I have other plans with other friends. No sense in me bending over backwards for a guy when he hasn't made his intentions really clear. ESPECIALLY when he's more interested in another girl right now. Now, I'm not going to say however that there haven't been exceptions. There have been times when a guy who wasn't all that interested in a girl at first, has started to develop feelings for her after spending a lot of time with her, etc. That's just how guys are made. BUT...you better believe it wasn't due to her pursuing him! Things just happened to progress naturally. This actually happened to my sister and her husband. They were always friends, but when he met her he was REALLY interested in another girl. My sister didn't even really like him "like that". She was interested in another dude. But my sister and her guy friend just happened to continue to keep in touch and spend time together over the years, and they had a good relationship, so when their significant objects of affection went to the wayside, my sister and her guy friend ended up together. 
They're married now. So...it can happen. But, it wasn't because my sister pursued HIM. If you haven't read it, go pick it up at a book store, borrow it from a friend, or read it online...something! That book has been a saving grace for me! Now anytime I feel like pursuing a guy, I just pick up that book as a "refresher course". 
No problem girl!
No no no no no girl! You should be telling yourself: "I wonder if he is up to MY standards, because I know my self-worth."
When you get in this frame-set, it will help prevent you from pursuing men. I learned the hard way to get more in the mind-set of the "pursued/pursuee" instead of the "pursuer".
Remember....WE are "the prize"!!
This is a great thread!
Hahah!! GMW, this quote had me rolling!!
Isn't this the truth though?? Girl....FRIEND-zone his behind!
That's what I've done to another guy friend that I was so madly "in love" with. After I realized that he was only attracted to me, but was REALLYinterested in another chick, I've long since started to put him in the "friendzone" category. I'm nice, fun-loving, and cordial to him now days.
So...yah....ladies we are the prize.
So, due to my past experience, my new moto is this: If you do happen to fall for a guy that's not into you (it happens to everyone so don't worry), or is not as into you as you are into him, then please by all means, DON'T pursue him. However, continue to be yourself, smile, be nice and friendly, and accept his calls or invitations SOME OF THE TIME, but please don't be pressed, hanging by the phone, analyzing his every word/action, texting or phoning him, inviting him places, etc. Just be patient, but continue to live your life to the fullest, and see other guys. Who knows?? You may be pleasantly surprised! The guy you've been eyeing may eventually come around. But in the meantime, don't put all your eggs in one basket, or start to pursue HIM. EVEN if you two are "friends".
Another thing that helped me was the book WMLB.
We just have to let them do it....
YES!!!! YES!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!
We women are beautiful creatures. Period, and when we are happily living our lives and open in our hearts to love coming in, and accepting of others good will towards us, WE GLOW! The glow is like a beacon, and will draw out the best in every person you touch, be it a cashier, your co-workers, family, friends, potential mates, strangers etc... We have to take the time to do what GENUINELY pleases us, not selfishly, rather lovingly....
Keep in mind there are just times that we will be interested in a guy, and he is not interested... and no amount of manipulation will change that... however if we all consciously come from a place of genuine interest in ourselves and our lives... WOW!!! the effect of that on others around us, is impossible to measure.... but we will see it in our lives blooming...
See not getting busy just for business sake, but really getting into ourselves, and knowing that great friendships is where anything begins, and knowing that men are going to pursue us, and knowing that we are GEMS, and knowing that even on a bad day we are still desirable... knowing that God wants us all to have a happy ending... and trusting that in being our true selves, and honoring ourselves as much as we can (as we all are works in progress) and knowing that everything will be fine... it always works out.... It just takes time for some of us to get how worthy we are, and not from a conceited place, but from a confident/knowing/gracious/loving etc.. place...
Ladies we got this..... and men know it... and that is why they pursue us!
This thread is definitely a "right now" thread for me. I was going through this same thing with a guy that I met a year ago. We were drawn to each other immediately and after all this time... I was still waiting for him to ask me to be his girl. LOL, I know I was pitiful.
Thanks for the reminder. Although, he thinks I'm cool and is always giving me compliments and makes side remarks about "we", etc., ... but he doesn't step up to the plate -- he's just not that into me. Like Crystalicequeen123 mentioned, if something happens it does, if it doesn't oh well. I'm just not attached to the thought of being in love with him anymore.
I just remembered something that happened between us about 4 months ago. There was a point in time when I was so in like with him that I just couldn't stand it anymore. After weeks and months of picking up the phone EVERY single time he calls and waiting for his calls... I just stopped taking his calls period. So now homeboy is calling me like crazy and leaving me messages and one of the messages was like "hey, where are you... I've been calling and calling you - You used to ALWAYS pick up the phone when I called you." When I heard him say that, that's when it really hit me. I finally answered his call, and he was like "whew, I thought another man came around and took you from me". Lol, I just let that slide and didn't say a word. It's like he's stringing me along... ahhhh!
Anyways, I'll stop rambling now. It's cool... He's just not that into me. I'll live.
Preciouzone
We live like 5 min. away from each other but still! lol* Men I tell you. I've learned that men don't like what comes TOO easy to them. It's more intriguing to them if you're out living your life, having fun, and going on about your business without them. You know what this tells me?? This tells me that he knows that you like him, and he knows that he's just keeping you on the backburner for right now. Because if he didn't, he wouldn't have said that. Trust me, I just recently came to the conclusion w/my guy friend too that I'm on the "backburner"....just in case things dont' work out with him and this other girl. I'm wondering though, if we're not subconciously making ourselves look worse and worse, and more like a doormat by pretending not to notice what they're doing. 
I'm wondering though, if we're not subconciously making ourselves look worse and worse, and more like a doormat by pretending not to notice what they're doing.
This is what I struggle with. Should I just call him out on his behavior? Or just pretend like I don't care nor notice it? Maybe just let things flow naturally?? I don't think I should "call him out" per se (guys will probably always deny it anyway, or call you "psycho" or "delusional"), but I think my not being as "available" to him like I've been in the past will sort of give him the hint. Like Sherry Argov says, men don't respond to words. They respond to NO CONTACT! Your actions speak louder than your words IMO.
Needless to say, I was speechless. I felt like an idiot. Here I was as cute as I could be with some new perfume, uncomfortable stilettos, spiral curls in my hair, strolling down the streets of SF looking for some expensive a$$ furniture that I had no plans on buying - all because I was sprung on some dude who clearly wasn't that into me.
Preciouzone, Listen to her! She's on point about what she's telling you. I too think i was on the backburner with this dude. oh well, if it happens it happens but i sure aint gonna sit around waiting for him to make up his mind.Yeah, the same thing happened to me too. I used to always respond to my guy friend's text messages any time he would text me, but lately I've been kind of sparce with the text messages back to him. I figure...."what's the point??", and also...my text messages are racking up for the month, and I don't have the money to be spending on text overages per month! I need a new plan with unlimited text messaging!
Anyway, so after a few times of doing that, I guess he started getting kind of "concerned". One day a few weeks ago, he texted me because we were planning on going somewhere to hang out, but the plans were sketchy, so I just went on about my business forgetting about the plans. Well, do you know that when he texted me and I didn't respond that day (I honestly was busy doing something else), he dropped by my house unexpectedly saying he was "just in the area".
Sherry Argov is right. Men don't respond to words....they respond to ACTION. And NO contact!
Preciouzone, if I were you...I wouldn't take anymore of his phone calls. Well...okay, maybe that's a bit rude. If I were you, I'd only take his calls SOME of the time. The rest of the time, you're busy. He'll soon start to learn that he has to "step up his game" if he's really interested in you. You have to be unpredictable! Men like that.
Another thing struck me...he said that he was afraid some other guy came and swept you away from him.
This is what I struggle with. Should I just call him out on his behavior? Or just pretend like I don't care nor notice it? Maybe just let things flow naturally?? I don't think I should "call him out" per se (guys will probably always deny it anyway, or call you "psycho" or "delusional"), but I think my not being as "available" to him like I've been in the past will sort of give him the hint. Like Sherry Argov says, men don't respond to words. They respond to NO CONTACT! Your actions speak louder than your words IMO.
Maybe I have the wrong view of this, but I figure that as long as my guy friend isn't disrespecting me verbally, I really don't need to "explain" anything to him. I'll let my actions speak for themselves when I'm suddenly "busy" sometimes when he wants to do something, or invite me over or whatnot.
