If a guy doesn't approach you or ask you out, there's a good reason!

caribeandiva

caribeandiva

Human being
Always. I asked this guy why he never asked me out since i know we like each other for years. Bottom line: He didnt have enough feelings to ask me out so now he has a girlfriend. Boy, am i glad i didnt listen to my friends who told me call him and basically ask him out instead. My instincts were right on the money.

The Rules and Why men love b*tches were right! Stop making excuses for a man. Men are not shy, just really really not interested. It hurts a little but now i can finally move on and not wonder: what if?
 
yea this happened with this guy names jesse
always came into my store and we flirt like its no ones business. but her never approaches me:sad:

last month i seen him in safeway and he had a gf:blush:
thats why he didnt ask me out oh well lol
 
bftscgirl said:
I am sure that y'all are right, but what happens if you never get asked out. Like for me the last time a guy asked me out it was on a "check yes or no" note.:look: And I am so not kidding.:sad: And I will be 31 soon so..................?
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wow... it might be time to reevaluate your tactics or lack of. Ask your friends for advice cause they know you better than anyone. Ask them if there's something you need to change, add, or improve to be more approachable and attract more guys.
 
Sassyb4Classy said:
Wow that's kinda curel if that's true about men, but just because he said that to you doesn't mean all men feel like that!
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I don't it was cruel at all. I was glad he said it cause i felt something was up. It's been my experience that when a guy really likes you, he'll find a way to ask you out. If they don't it's because they're taken, gay, or not feeling you that way. End of story.
 
caribeandiva said:
Always. I asked this guy why he never asked me out since i know we like each other for years. Bottom line: He didnt have enough feelings to ask me out so now he has a girlfriend. Boy, am i glad i didnt listen to my friends who told me call him and basically ask him out instead. My instincts were right on the money.

The Rules and Why men love b*tches were right! Stop making excuses for a man. Men are not shy, just really really not interested. It hurts a little but now i can finally move on and not wonder: what if?
Click to expand...

I completely agree with you. Men who flirt but don't ask you out either have someone already (so they can only flirt, but not pursue) or their just fools who just like the thrill of the chase or of having girls on his jock, but never want to settle down with one.

Even the shyest men I've ever known have asked women out. No excuses for those who don't... they just aren't interested for whatever reason, so move on!!!
 
caribeandiva said:
Always. I asked this guy why he never asked me out since i know we like each other for years. Bottom line: He didnt have enough feelings to ask me out so now he has a girlfriend. Boy, am i glad i didnt listen to my friends who told me call him and basically ask him out instead. My instincts were right on the money.

The Rules and Why men love b*tches were right! Stop making excuses for a man. Men are not shy, just really really not interested. It hurts a little but now i can finally move on and not wonder: what if?
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And this is the TRUTH!!!!! I'm glad you followed your instincts:yep:
 
bftscgirl said:
I am sure that y'all are right, but what happens if you never get asked out. Like for me the last time a guy asked me out it was on a "check yes or no" note.:look: And I am so not kidding.:sad: And I will be 31 soon so..................?
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Have you tried online dating?
 
Yup, I totally agree. :yep: I’ve seen my cousin approach so many guys and it always comes back on her. There’s ALWAYS a reason that he hasn’t pursued or approached you..always. That’s why I always let the guy do the approaching/pursuing. These days it seems like the women are doing the chasing??? :perplexed A lot of guys tell me that.
 
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Yeah.....

The one time I really pursued a guy, it turned out he was married. And I was aggressive with it too. Schemed to get him to give me a ride home so I could be alone with him and everything. I don't know what kind of crack I was smoking.

Never again. :nono:
 
I SO AGREE!!!

I don't approach guys... period. Even in the beginning when we are just talking, he is doing all the pursuing.... I learned a long time ago men have the guts, gumption, tenacity, and courage to do whatever they want to do when it comes to women.

If a guy is looking, flirting and all that stuff... I take it in stride... When he steps up and takes things further... I still let them make all of the first moves for while... don't get me wrong I do respond and will be attentive... But he is going to be very clear on what he wants and demonstrate that to me for a while...

Chasing them from the gate is a NO-NO!
 
And let the church say AMEN!

Diva, you hit it right on the nail. I'm 25 and this just really hit me not too long ago. Even my shyest guy friends say if they were really feeling a female they would openly pursue her with a quickness, no questions.

I've seen this happen with myself and with other female friends. My homegirl was dealing with this guy for years, doing "couple type" things. But he didn't want them to have a title and go public. She was thinking he just wasn't the relationship type and was very private. Next thing we know, he got a new girlfriend, pics up together on the internet and everything. He just wasn't into her like that, period.

yeah, its cruel, it hurts. and guys make it worse by leading females on. maybe they want you around for fun/someone to flirt with and boost their egos. But you just gotta be honest with yourself sometimes.

My new thing, is to never be the pursuer, always the pursued!
 
kia said:
Yup, I totally agree. :yep: I’ve seen my cousin approach so many guys and it always comes back on her. There’s ALWAYS a reason that he hasn’t pursued or approached you..always. That’s why I always let the guy do the approaching/pursuing. These days it seems like the women are doing the chasing??? :perplexed A lot of guys tell me that.
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Yep, its an epidemic. You should hear some of the things these females are saying and doing to pursue some of my guys friends. :nono:
 
caribeandiva said:
Please do tell. I could use a good laugh.
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The other day this older lady in my friends office text messaged him that she did not have on any underwear. :ohwell: He is not thinking about her, does not think she is attractive at all. She started emailing him and gave him her number first.

I also think that he is in the wrong for leading her on though.
 
HEY Caribbeandiva

This is some hard truth. There's this guy at my church that I'm going crazy over :drunk: we talk, we laugh, we blush, and WE know we're single. However, he hasnt asked me out yet....:wallbash:

My friends are trying to ask him for a lunch date, but i'm too nervous. I mean if he was interested, he would say something...RIGHT?!?! lol :lachen:
 
Mimi22 said:
HEY Caribbeandiva

This is some hard truth. There's this guy at my church that I'm going crazy over :drunk: we talk, we laugh, we blush, and WE know we're single. However, he hasnt asked me out yet....:wallbash:

My friends are trying to ask him for a lunch date, but i'm too nervous. I mean if he was interested, he would say something...RIGHT?!?! lol :lachen:
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Yeah girl....I've done the "church thing" too. :rolleyes:

Trust me....I've now learned that if a guy is REALLY interested in you, and is TRULY "single", he will pursue you. He won't let you get away! The pain of losing you to someone else would be too great for him, that it would be foolish for him to NOT make a move. You see what I'm saying?

Please, don't make the same mistake I made and assume that the guy is "shy". Trust me, I've seen even the shyest guys make a move, even when I never gave them ANY hints (flirting, smiling at them 24/7, laughing at all his jokes, coming up to say hi and all that other nonsense) that I was even thinking about them! So....what does THAT tell you?? :lachen: Not only that, but I've also found that even when the guy is REALLY shy and can't express his interest or what not, usually SOMEONE knows that he's interested in me (either his friend, buddy, brother, sister, the little boy down the street....SOMEBODY!), and I can typically tell that he's interested even if he didn't say a word. Maybe someone else hinted at it or something, but usually I will kind of get a feeling even if the guy is shy and quiet.

So, my advice is...be nice, be friendly, but please don't pursue. :nono: It has not worked in my favor, nor has it worked in the favor of my girl friends. :( I'm not saying that it doesn't work for SOME women, but honestly....dont' you want to feel like YOU were the one being pursued? Not the other way around??? :confused: If I enticed a guy into liking me by pursuing him, in the back of my mind I'd always kind of wonder whether or not he really liked me for me, or only liked me because I pursued him. Not only that, but I'd fear that some other female could possibly take him away from me by just pursuing him like I did. :ohwell:

So yeah...don't pursue men. :naughty: Some things in life will probably never change in nature. Your guy friends may even tell you that they actually like for women to pursue them and all that nonsense. :rolleyes: DON'T BELIEVE IT! They may say that, but just watch....when it comes down to that really *special* woman that they like, and REALLY want to settle down with...they are MORE than happy to pursue HER. :lol:

ETA: If you REALLY want to do a "lunch date" with him in a slick way, why don't you ask your friends to invite him along with an odd number of people (this is key) to have lunch, and maybe see if he comes. If he does, you can probably guage his interest when you talk with him. If he likes you, he'll eventually ask you out/call you. I find that calling or keeping in touch is a BIG thing. :yep: But if you two go to church together, see each other quite frequently, are comfortable talking and FLIRTING together, but yet he STILL never makes a move....then I'd just assume that this guy likes me as a friend only, or is taken/more interested in someone else, and just move on.
Who knows....you may be pleasantly surprised in the future, but at least you wouldn't have made a fool out of yourself by trying to pursue him if he wasn't really all that interested.
 
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Bunny77 said:
I completely agree with you. Men who flirt but don't ask you out either have someone already (so they can only flirt, but not pursue) or their just fools who just like the thrill of the chase or of having girls on his jock, but never want to settle down with one.

Even the shyest men I've ever known have asked women out. No excuses for those who don't... they just aren't interested for whatever reason, so move on!!!
Click to expand...

Isn't this the truth?
You'll see them sweating and stumbling over their words... but still they get it together enough to ask you out.

I don 't know how many times i've gotten an msn message, or been hanging out with a shy guy friend who tries to flip the script (you know... the one who just wanted to be your friend.. but it turns out, really, they were just too shy to say anything)... they get all serious with the big talk " I have something to tell you... or I have to ask you something important" :ohwell:

Makes me think If these guys can go all this length to do it, why can't the guy that's been flirting hard at the grocery store step up his game and do the same thing?

REASON: NOT THAT INTO YOU.
 
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