SimpleKomplexity
New Member
I didn't know what to say.
My best friend came up to me and expressed concern that she was tired of sharing her body with men. She was tired of being used and abused sexually. She had decided she was going to marry her middle school sweetheart....but he doesn't get out for 2 more years. He's in prison for robbery I think.
He's in prison. At the end of the sentence...it will have been 10 years. He gets out in roughly 2 more years. I was in shock. We are bff so I'm surprised she didn't tell me she was talking to a man in prison, but I realize that is because she was unsure of how I may react. But now that I'm older, I'm pretty open minded. There are no yes no answers, I try to think of things thoroughly.
I tried not to be sensitive. I talked to her calmly the first time she brought it up. I told her to think of things on all different points of view. I told her it was unwise and that I would just see how things played out. In actuality I was trying to buy time to find the right words to say to her and not sound like a douchebag.
A week later after having surgery in my mouth, laughing gas, and pain pills I just said what I REALLY wanted to say. She told me she was gonna tell him to sign the papers so they could wed and they could have conjugal visits.
I didn't even shift my eyes...I just kept lookin in some racks of clothes and said, "You crazy as hell." I think it took her aback because I'm kinda passive and she got really offended at my statement. She said she didn't ask for my opinion. She just told me because I was her friend. She didn't ask for me to judge her.
I shifted my eyes and told her that she may have no asked for my opinion but she opened herself up for it when she told me. She told me she did not. Because of this man, she has changed her religion to Muslim. I told her that her entire life she has been a Baptist. Until someone opened her eyes to historical facts and something new, she thought in the same way. If no one would have expressed their opinions on religion....she would still be a Baptist today. The same is in my situation. If I never tell her my POV she will never look at things in another perspective. I wasn't judging her...but I WAS being a friend, because if I wasn't I would just let her do what she wants and just keep it movin.
I told her that it would be a foolish decision to sign conjugal visits to a man in prison. It is foolish to be bonded in a relationship to a man in prison. Especially from my POV. I don't know about her, but I want a boring life. I don't want to wonder where my next paycheck is coming from. I don't want to wonder if my husband will have a job next month. I don't want to wonder if he will ever return to prison. My idea of excitement is figuring out where I'ma take my babies in the summer....Disneyworld or Disneyland.
I told her because he is a convict, life will probably be hard for them. First of all, nobody is going to just willingly give him a job. He will probably end up doing odd and end jobs, and unless he finds a federal job, he might not have a stable one. That means she will possibly be playing mommy and daddy for their future kids financially.
She may have to support him...even if for a little while. And I don't think that's what she needs right now. She supports everyone right now except herself. She half way raises her brother and schools her mother and financially is there for both of them. I couldn't stand to see another burden put on her in the future because she is my friend.
She claims she has it all figured out. She wants to be an entrepreneur anyway. If he doesn't find a job, they will start their own business. I said what about start up costs? And sometimes in the early years entrepreneurship don't put food on the table. They are a mere investment.
She told me he is different. He has plans to change his life when he gets out. His family is going to find him a job. He has a timeline of where he wants to go. He's different.
I guess this is where my insensitivity comes in. I told her, "Just being honest everyone is "different" in prison. Everyone has a supposedly plan to do better when they get out but I must be from Missouri. I'm from that show me state. Without some proof he can keep walking. And everyone seems to be Muslim in prison. Mostly everyone goes in, becomes a makeshift pastor talking about how they've changed and praying to Allah is right and the Bible is full of errors. Blah Blah Blah.
AND Men in prison have no job. They don't work a 8 to 5 like you and me. They don't go to school. All they do is sit and read and workout. They have all the time in the world to plot and figure out how they are going to get young successful women and live off of them. He gains a LOT from being with you...but wtf do you gain.
And I think you're just doing this for sex. You don't wanna keep giving yourself to men. You're living off a dream. You see him in perfection. You last saw and talked to him when you were in your early teens. Things change. Minds change. You may talk to him on the phone, but you don't KNOW him.
She told me I've been sheltered. I probably don't know anyone in jail. I'm insensitive. A lot of men in jail talk about hwo they gonna cut when they get out. They don't even have a religion. They don't have a plan of action. I only know what I watch on tv.
Maybe she's right. Some prison relationship DO work. But wtf not just wait 2 more years and wait til he gets out. Then she can SEE what he is about. Heck, she waited 8 years...what's two more? I talked her out of it, but I know in the back of her mind she is still considering it.
I asked what if it doesn't work out. She said that's what divorce is for. I told her I don't know wtf God she prays to now, but Christianity holds marriage to be very very sacred. And it ain't ish but a piece of paper until you work on and mold your relationship. It's not like a cell phone plan that you can change whenever u wanna upgrade. It's for sickness and health. Death do us part.
I want a husband he wants to contribute to my life. wtf can he contribute. He can't even pay the water bill. And the water bill ain't nothing more than about $30 in a standard apartment. He can't even pay $15 on that. WTF you need him for? I understand not wanting to be used sexually...but that's what abstinence is for!
I just dunno what to do you guys. I don't even know what to say.
My best friend came up to me and expressed concern that she was tired of sharing her body with men. She was tired of being used and abused sexually. She had decided she was going to marry her middle school sweetheart....but he doesn't get out for 2 more years. He's in prison for robbery I think.
He's in prison. At the end of the sentence...it will have been 10 years. He gets out in roughly 2 more years. I was in shock. We are bff so I'm surprised she didn't tell me she was talking to a man in prison, but I realize that is because she was unsure of how I may react. But now that I'm older, I'm pretty open minded. There are no yes no answers, I try to think of things thoroughly.
I tried not to be sensitive. I talked to her calmly the first time she brought it up. I told her to think of things on all different points of view. I told her it was unwise and that I would just see how things played out. In actuality I was trying to buy time to find the right words to say to her and not sound like a douchebag.
A week later after having surgery in my mouth, laughing gas, and pain pills I just said what I REALLY wanted to say. She told me she was gonna tell him to sign the papers so they could wed and they could have conjugal visits.
I didn't even shift my eyes...I just kept lookin in some racks of clothes and said, "You crazy as hell." I think it took her aback because I'm kinda passive and she got really offended at my statement. She said she didn't ask for my opinion. She just told me because I was her friend. She didn't ask for me to judge her.
I shifted my eyes and told her that she may have no asked for my opinion but she opened herself up for it when she told me. She told me she did not. Because of this man, she has changed her religion to Muslim. I told her that her entire life she has been a Baptist. Until someone opened her eyes to historical facts and something new, she thought in the same way. If no one would have expressed their opinions on religion....she would still be a Baptist today. The same is in my situation. If I never tell her my POV she will never look at things in another perspective. I wasn't judging her...but I WAS being a friend, because if I wasn't I would just let her do what she wants and just keep it movin.
I told her that it would be a foolish decision to sign conjugal visits to a man in prison. It is foolish to be bonded in a relationship to a man in prison. Especially from my POV. I don't know about her, but I want a boring life. I don't want to wonder where my next paycheck is coming from. I don't want to wonder if my husband will have a job next month. I don't want to wonder if he will ever return to prison. My idea of excitement is figuring out where I'ma take my babies in the summer....Disneyworld or Disneyland.
I told her because he is a convict, life will probably be hard for them. First of all, nobody is going to just willingly give him a job. He will probably end up doing odd and end jobs, and unless he finds a federal job, he might not have a stable one. That means she will possibly be playing mommy and daddy for their future kids financially.
She may have to support him...even if for a little while. And I don't think that's what she needs right now. She supports everyone right now except herself. She half way raises her brother and schools her mother and financially is there for both of them. I couldn't stand to see another burden put on her in the future because she is my friend.
She claims she has it all figured out. She wants to be an entrepreneur anyway. If he doesn't find a job, they will start their own business. I said what about start up costs? And sometimes in the early years entrepreneurship don't put food on the table. They are a mere investment.
She told me he is different. He has plans to change his life when he gets out. His family is going to find him a job. He has a timeline of where he wants to go. He's different.
I guess this is where my insensitivity comes in. I told her, "Just being honest everyone is "different" in prison. Everyone has a supposedly plan to do better when they get out but I must be from Missouri. I'm from that show me state. Without some proof he can keep walking. And everyone seems to be Muslim in prison. Mostly everyone goes in, becomes a makeshift pastor talking about how they've changed and praying to Allah is right and the Bible is full of errors. Blah Blah Blah.
AND Men in prison have no job. They don't work a 8 to 5 like you and me. They don't go to school. All they do is sit and read and workout. They have all the time in the world to plot and figure out how they are going to get young successful women and live off of them. He gains a LOT from being with you...but wtf do you gain.
And I think you're just doing this for sex. You don't wanna keep giving yourself to men. You're living off a dream. You see him in perfection. You last saw and talked to him when you were in your early teens. Things change. Minds change. You may talk to him on the phone, but you don't KNOW him.
She told me I've been sheltered. I probably don't know anyone in jail. I'm insensitive. A lot of men in jail talk about hwo they gonna cut when they get out. They don't even have a religion. They don't have a plan of action. I only know what I watch on tv.
Maybe she's right. Some prison relationship DO work. But wtf not just wait 2 more years and wait til he gets out. Then she can SEE what he is about. Heck, she waited 8 years...what's two more? I talked her out of it, but I know in the back of her mind she is still considering it.
I asked what if it doesn't work out. She said that's what divorce is for. I told her I don't know wtf God she prays to now, but Christianity holds marriage to be very very sacred. And it ain't ish but a piece of paper until you work on and mold your relationship. It's not like a cell phone plan that you can change whenever u wanna upgrade. It's for sickness and health. Death do us part.
I want a husband he wants to contribute to my life. wtf can he contribute. He can't even pay the water bill. And the water bill ain't nothing more than about $30 in a standard apartment. He can't even pay $15 on that. WTF you need him for? I understand not wanting to be used sexually...but that's what abstinence is for!
I just dunno what to do you guys. I don't even know what to say.
