I Told My Bf...

[.:Eden:.]

That there's this male customer that comes into my job everyday, and whenever he sees me he says "hello beautiful". The customer asked me if I have a boyfriend, I said yes and he says "oh he must call you beautiful everyday".

I didn't answer his question, because it kind of caught me off guard that I was getting called beautiful everyday by a guy had no interest in, more than my bf.

So I told my bf that I didn't like that this stranger says it more consistently than he does and that I wanted to hear things like that from him over guy(s) that I don't care for.

My bf said he felt hurt by my statement and wanted to take sometime for himself (meaning he doesn't want to talk/see me). He said my statement brought some insecurity and frustration that he wants to deal with.

I feel bad that I hurt him, I was just trying to express to him that I want to hear that from him more. I'm now questioning whether or not I was justified in my statement and if I wasn't how to go about rectifying that.

 

[GoldenRule]

Don' feel badly. Let him work his way through it. You were just being honest.

 

[LivingInPeace]

What exactly hurt him?

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

He seems to be overreacting I'm not sure if you needed to share that ... in quite that way either. But I wouldn't go as far as calling it "wrong" though.

 

[lux10023]

lmaooooo dude need some time---give him all the time he neeeedddd shiddd!!!!

lmaoooo he sound one sec away from having his period...ugh big baby!!!


you were honest and open and he could've said a simple "ok babes i understand where you are coming from and i will work on that"

 

[PopLife]

Is he usually this sensitive about things?

 

[.:Eden:.]

I wasn't sure how to say it any other way. I thought on it overnight, but I couldn't figure out how to say it any sugar. He always tells me to be honest and upfront with him so that's what I did.

He didn't want to talk about it further so I'm not sure exactly which part he's upset about.

 

[GoldenRule]

I wasn't sure how to say it any other way. I thought on it overnight, but I couldn't figure out how to say it any sugar. He always tells me to be honest and upfront with him so that's what I did.

He didn't want to talk about it further so I'm not sure exactly which part he's upset about.

Well you could have hit it from the angle that you needed to hear more complimentary things from him withOUT mentioning the other cat. Now he's jealous.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Hmm,

It's never a good idea to compare your current beau to another dude. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? I'd be irritated if my man told me about what some next chick was doing for him, especially some stanger. It wasn't what you said, it was the delivery...which would've sounded better as "I don't feel that you compliment me enough", or anything without the comparison.

As for him, he sounds either extra sensitive or extra manipulative (which actually goes hand in hand). Umm, I'm not with either option, but if you don't mind him taking space, then let him have his space....while you work on your "delivery" for the future.

 

[.:Eden:.]

lmaooooo dude need some time---give him all the time he nedddd shiddd!!!!

lmaoooo he sound one sec away from having his period...ugh big baby!!!


you were honest and open and he could've said a simple "ok babes i understand where you are coming from and i will work on that?"

That's what I was expecting, because he's usually open and understanding when I bring things to his attention. I think he was feeling some type of way because I was comparing him to another man or something idk yet until we talk.

Is he usually this sensitive about things?

Not usually, he's typically open to suggestion especially when it comes to our relationship and ways in which he can be better to me. I really didn't expect this reaction.

 

[Xavier]

Does he always act so sensitive? Is he a Cancer?

 

[.:Eden:.]

Hmm,

It's never a good idea to compare your current beau to another dude. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? I'd be irritated if my man told me about what some next chick was doing for him, especially some stanger. It wasn't what you said, it was the delivery...which would've sounded better as "I don't feel that you compliment me enough", or anything without the comparison.

As for him, he sounds either extra sensitive or extra manipulative (which actually goes hand in hand). Umm, I'm not with either option, but if you don't mind him taking space, then let him have his space....while you work on your "delivery" for the future.

Yea, I think I gave too much context, and took a big chunk out of his male ego.

 

[.:Eden:.]

Does he always act so sensitive? Is he a Cancer?

Not usually. He's a Pisces.

 

[Mane Event]

Yeah, I wouldn't be comparing my BF/SO/DH directly to another man.

Imagine if he came to you talking about....The woman I see everyday always tells me I'm a good catch. I need you to say it to me more often than this stranger I'm not interested in

If you need to hear that in your relationships, that's cool and okay to communicate but imagine being in his position.

OAN: Everytime DH tells me how beautiful I am, I get all dramatic say "baby you ain't gotta tell me. I'm reminded every time I step out in public." I get real conceded around hubby...That negro knows I'm the ish!!!

ETA: I think he didn't know how to manage his feelings getting hurt and in his mind his options were to fight or flight.

My girlfriend is similar to you but her BF always chooses to fight and usually responds with "Why do you need me to tell you these things OR Go be with that dude then...blah, blah, blah"

Poor thing is just hurt.

 

[PopLife]

That's what I was expecting, because he's usually open and understanding when I bring things to his attention. I think he was feeling some type of way because I was comparing him to another man or something idk yet until we talk.



Not usually, he's typically open to suggestion especially when it comes to our relationship and ways in which he can be better to me. I really didn't expect this reaction.

Maybe you just caught him on a bad day or he could be the type that doesn't like being compared to other people. I know it would piss me off if SO did this. When you guys talk again try pointing out all the things you do like about him.

 

[.:Eden:.]

Yeah, I wouldn't be comparing my BF/SO/DH directly to another man.

Imagine if he came to you talking about....The woman I see everyday always tells me I'm a good catch. I need you to say it to me more often than this stranger I'm not interested in

If you need to hear that in your relationships, that's cool and okay to communicate but imagine being in his position.

OAN: Everytime DH tells me how beautiful I am, I get all dramatic say "baby you ain't gotta tell me. I'm reminded every time I step out in public." I get real conceded around hubby...That negro knows I'm the ish!!!

True, I shouldn't have brought the other guy into the picture and I will apologize for that when we talk. I don't always have the proper filter, so I can accept that I could of approached it better.

 

[ChasingBliss]

One thing I can say about dudes off the street is that they will say anything they think you want to hear to get where they want to be....in the drawers. Your guy KNOWS this whether he tells you that or not cus he's a guy. So when you compare him to the clown who compliments you, he's thinking, "Youre my girl and YOU KNOW that I think youre beautiful even if I dont say it as much as you'd like to hear it....The clown off the street just wants to bone you" I take these compliments with a half a grain of salt. They really mean nothing.


I agree, with the poster who said you should not have added the dude part. If I was to tell dh about every time a guy off the street or at work gave me some kind of compliment or special consideration based off his attraction towards me or how many times some dude said, "hot dayum your husband is a lucky man" ....well it's just something I dont do. Eventually youre guy might say, "go be with them then. Over all they really dont understand what they are doing wrong. In your approach for change, you have to appeal. Any comparison to another guy will repulse--not sure if that's the correct word.

 

[FlowerHair]

Yeah, you shouldn't have compared him to someone else.

It's ok to say what you want from your relationship, but it's not ok to compare him to other men.

That's a no-no...

 

[Lucie]

Delivery is everything. I am glad you see how you could have stated your desire better.

I don't like being compared to anyone. So, if I were in your SO's shoes, I'd be hurt. Not hurt enough to need space but hurt nonetheless. Good luck and I hope he comes around and you two can have a loving conversation with solutions.

 

[Mane Event]

True, I shouldn't have brought the other guy into the picture and I will apologize for that when we talk. I don't always have the proper filter, so I can accept that I could of approached it better.

I completely understand. Sounds like he was just having an "off" day or had a lot of other things going on and that was the last thing he needed to hear.

He'll get over it! Men secretly love when their woman is admired by other men but feels threatened by the direct comparison.

When he does get out of his feelings and finally comes around, find your inner Thi Thi and boost this man's ego back up

 

[.:Eden:.]

One thing I can say about dudes off the street is that they will say anything they think you want to hear to get where they want to be....in the drawers. Your guy KNOWS this whether he tells you that or not cus he's a guy. So when you compare him to the clown who compliments you, he's thinking, "Youre my girl and YOU KNOW that I think youre beautiful even if I dont say it as much as you'd like to hear it....The clown off the street just wants to bone you" I take these compliments with a half a grain of salt. They really mean nothing.


I agree, with the poster who said you should not have added the dude part. If I was to tell dh about every time a guy off the street or at work gave me some kind of compliment or special consideration based off his attraction towards me or how many times some dude said, "hot dayum your husband is a lucky man" ....well it's just something I dont do. Eventually youre guy might say, "go be with them then. Over all they really dont understand what they are doing wrong. In your approach for change, you have to appeal. Any comparison to another guy will repulse--not sure if that's the correct word.

Wow, thank you. Ughhh, that's probably what he's upset about. I definitely messed up with that one.

 

[.:Eden:.]

I completely understand. Sounds like he was just having an "off" day or had a lot of other things going on and that was the last thing he needed to hear.

He'll get over it! Men secretly love when their woman is admired by other men but feels threatened by the direct comparison.

When he does get out of his feelings and finally comes around, find your inner Thi Thi and boost this man's ego back up

Yessss, definitely have to stroke the ego HARD later on.

 

[Tamrin]

Sorry I'm usually very pro work on your relationship. But let this dude go. If he is all in a tizzy and needing some space for a remark you made about him needing to improve? Then you are in for a world of trouble with him. You are young beautiful. We teach people how to treat us and if he does not take your words as motivation then alas you need to let him stay on his time off.

 

[dede1129]

I am pretty sure the fact that you stated that this man comes into your job everyday did not sit well with him either in addition to the comparing because now he is thinking that while you are not with him you are getting fed with compliments that make such an impact on you that you tell your significant other so it's not like you brush it off, you let the comments get to you and eventually he may think that the guy will wear you down through flattery because you have already expressed that he is doing something that you like and now if your BF does start to do it, he will feel like he is competing with the guy who comes to your job instead of just making a genuine effort to make you happy. You made it into a competetive thing by bringing in the other party and their actions instead of it just being about what you wanted with him.

 

[FelaShrine]

Drama queen

 

[Oasis]

him wanting a lil break because you would like to be complimented more often is doing way too much. what a turn off.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Does he always act so sensitive? Is he a Cancer?

That's the first question I was asking myself.

Not usually. He's a Pisces.

Yes a Fish, like Cancer is very sensitive. He was being very forthcoming with you when he said he needed to take some time. Many men take a few days to stew and never tell you anything. When they come back you are pipping mad!!

Not directed at you OP but some of these posters here : why do we as women think men should understand when we need time and space but we call them hypersensitive when they need theirs? And we expect them to talk to us a certain way and treat us a certain way.

Men hurt too, but they are trained since children to never show it. Furthermore, Fish swim away when they are hurt. He'll swim back.

I think since it's something that has been bothering you, it was good you addressed it. I agree with another poster, your delivery and mentioning the other guy could have been better. Men have those sensitive ego's see. And it probably felt like you were coming out of no where. He is probably thinking that he doesn't make you happy.

Have you addressed terms of endearment with him before?
Do you have terms of endearment for him?