I really don't think I was overreacting ...

[butter_pecan]

Update: I appreciate everyone's advice. I took some of it, too. We REALLY talked and we're going to talk to either a counselor or our pastor (he's pretty young, open-minded and progressive and gives sound advice). He really apologized and told me that I'm not worth losing over his "comments." ... We'll see. Since he normally doesn't act nuts, I'll give him a second chance. And the counsel should help. Again, thanks to everyone who commented

Ok, so I feel as though my fiance said something really, REALLY stupid. I mean, I was highly offended by this. We've been fighting over this for days to the point where I was gonna break our lease and bounce.

So Saturday, he comes in the house from work and tells me that his best friend was driving down with this white girl that he is dating and that they were gonna stay at our house.

It was short notice, but it was OK with me.

Then, my fiance told me that his best friend said that he and the white girl get along so well and that he'll never go back to dating a black chick. I basically said that it's a copout and it's unfair to women in general for black men to make such generalizations.

My fiance continues by saying "Well, GOOD black men do leave black women for white women or women of another race because they're easier to deal with."

That's not all. Yes, he continues to put his good foot in his mouth.

"When we get to the top, we don't wanna have to deal with a bunch of drama and being screwed over. Black women are so scandalous and try to take you for everything you have."

"I mean, Woody's (his best friend's) girl offers to mow the lawn. Now babe, I don't mean any harm, but I could never see you offering to mow the lawn or taking the car in for an oil change."

Naw, I just pay half the bills, cook, clean, "color" for him. In addition to listening to his many rants about work and dealing with his strange work hours. Nope, I don't do anything AT ALL.

Mind you, I AM F'ING HALF BLACK OVER HERE!!!! *EDIT: I put this in here to be sarcastic and show how ridiculous he's being. I'm not condoning his actions at all. Please believe! I just wanted to clarify that *

So, I got pissed. I yelled at him. He then says:

"See, you not only proved my point, but you validated it."

So I get madder at this point, and now he calls me a "nutbag" and say this is how black women act.

We're basically on the outs right now. Am I really taking this too seriously? When a man starts saying stuff like that, in my mind, I think it's time to bounce.

Is it THAT serious? He takes really good care of me, provides for me, does everything else right basically. But this comment really hurt me.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

Good for Woody's girl. Does she have a ring yet?

Clearly your FH thought you were good enough without the yard work offers to propose. Remind him of that, and is he really that impressed with a chick that offers to cut grass? What is WOODY offering to do in exchange? Is he washing clothes and cooking?

Sit your FH down and ask him where all this is coming from. If he wants all that then he needs to speak up and not let Woody's chick suddenly give him ideas if previously it wasn't an issue.

 

[Jazala]

Sounds like he's serious about how he feels about black women. My advice to you is to believe him and act accordingly.

 

[Almaz]

Why isn't Woody's girl all wifed up now? I am wondering if this how he really feels about Black women HALF or not. It seems like he has some underlying issues with Black women.

Okay Stop paying half the bills stop colourig and listening to all his rants about work. I wonder if he would be so quick to jump on Black women then

I wonder how immature some men can be.

 

[treybaby2005]

No you were not overreacting.How long were you guys engaged?

 

[butter_pecan]

No you were not overreacting.How long were you guys engaged?

Only since July. That's another thing that worries me: For him to say something like that so soon is crazy. I don't wanna marry him and then like Kanye says: "And when he get on, he leave yo a** for a white girl."

 

[Taliah]

He's been having some detrimental conversations lately. He needs some time to hisself.

 

[Bunny77]

Dang, what is with these dudes getting out of pocket talking about white/Latina/Asian women being "better" to their BLACK girlfriends???

I don't know what I would do OP. I don't know. I would be keeping my eyes and ears open though...

 

[BrownieBrie]

I will never understand this garbage. How does he feel about his mother, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, etc? How can a person look at someone so much like them and have such dirty, hatefull things to say?

It's funny how we rarely hear about black women going on and on about how black man tend to be uneducated, incarcerated, baby making machines who can only find success working for some white man (record labels, pro sports etc). Or that because of these reasons we are jumping ship to find us a supportive, honest, hardworking white men (cause that's how ALL white men are).

I don't mind IR, but this ticks me off. I try to keep an open mind about race and relationships, cause you can't help who you love. But why do BM in IR always feel the need to put BW down?

Okay rant over, lol!

And OP no, you did not over react. That upsets me a little and he's not my fiance.

 

[-Volare]

Dang, what is with these dudes getting out of pocket talking about white/Latina/Asian women being "better" to their BLACK girlfriends???

I don't know what I would do OP. I don't know. I would be keeping my eyes and ears open though...

It's happened to me before too...constantly comparing me to WW and AW...I couldn't take it anymore so I bounced. OP- I'm not gonna tell you to leave your man but talk to him and find out why he's saying these things.

 

[butter_pecan]

I will never understand this garbage. How does he feel about his mother, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, etc? How can a person look at someone so much like them and have such dirty, hatefull things to say?

It's funny how we rarely hear about black women going on and on about how black man tend to be uneducated, incarcerated, baby making machines who can only find success working for some white man (record labels, pro sports etc). Or that because of these reasons we are jumping ship to find us a supportive, honest, hardworking white men (cause that's how ALL white men are).

I don't mind IR, but this ticks me off. I try to keep an open mind about race and relationships, cause you can't help who you love. But why do BM in IR always feel the need to put BW down?

Okay rant over, lol!

And OP no, you did not over react. That upsets me a little and he's not my fiance.

I agree with all of this wholeheartedly! I go up to NYC often by myself to go visit the females in his family (mom, grandmom, aunts, cuzzos), and I'm sure they'd feel this same exact way.

 

[Taliah]

Does he have other friends or exposure other's in great relationships with black woman?
This one friend might just have him caught up in his drama temporarily.
I would just hate to see you leave, especially since you've done nothing wrong. This can work. He just needs to see things differently.

 

[butter_pecan]

It's happened to me before too...constantly comparing me to WW and AW...I couldn't take it anymore so I bounced. OP- I'm not gonna tell you to leave your man but talk to him and find out why he's saying these things.

I understand what you're saying though.

I've been thinking long and hard about his comments though ...

 

[butter_pecan]

Does he have other friends or exposure other's in great relationships with black woman?
This one friend might just have him caught up in his drama temporarily.
I would just hate to see you leave, especially since you've done nothing wrong. This can work. He just needs to see things differently.

That could be it. His two best friends are Woody (the guy mentioned) and a lesbian.

Some of his friends are married, his brothers are married. But I'm not sure if they're good relationships or not.

For the most part, his friends are either single, in lukewarm relationships, or only date interracially.

 

[Lucie]

I am not in a good mood to begin with and reading your story made me even angrier. How dare he make those comments to you? I forgot that all black men were perfect. A relationship consists of compromise. Okay, so she cuts the grass, does he want to give her a cookie? With all the things mentoned that you do, what sort of man would be able-bodied enough to cut the grass and let their wife do it? Not to say a woman shouldn't but most men I know don't want their wives out in the hot sun doing that sort of thing IF it can be helped. Does she clip his toenails with her teeth too? I think I saw the couple you mentioned on Maury Povich.

 

[butter_pecan]

I am not in a good mood to begin with and reading your story made me even angrier. How dare he make those comments to you? I forgot that all black men were perfect. A relationship consists of compromise. Okay, so she cuts the grass, does he want to give her a cookie? With all the things mentoned that you do, what sort of man would be able-bodied enough to cut the grass and let their wife do it? Not to say a woman shouldn't but most men I know don't want their wives out in the hot sun doing that sort of thing IF it can be helped. Does she clip his toenails with her teeth too? I think I saw the couple you mentioned on Maury Povich.

Lmao! That's my point exactly. I don't give a damn what race you are. Or even if you had a golden "tool" I'm not doing hard labor like that. That's what you're there for! To be a freakin' man.

 

[Taliah]

Does she clip his toenails with her teeth too?

ROOOOOLLLLIIINNG!

 

[envybeauty]

I would tell him to go get his White girl.

Half nothing. You ain't white and he thinks you are an ABW (angry Black woman). He needs better role models.

 

[Lucie]

ROOOOOLLLLIIINNG!

I saw a woman say that on Maury Povich that her husband didn't like toenail clippers and she had to use her teeth. She was also only allowed 30 minutes to call her family Sunday afternoon. She couldn't call her friends because she wasn't allowed any. Her kids were her friends! I wish a **** would ask me to cut his toes with my teeth. I'd put his toes in a food processor. Geez, I am angry tonight! WOOSA!

 

[butter_pecan]

I saw a woman say that on Maury Povich that her husband didn't like toenail clippers and she had to use her teeth. She was also only allowed 30 minutes to call her family Sunday afternoon. She couldn't call her friends because she wasn't allowed any. Her kids were her friends! I wish a **** would ask me to cut his toes with my teeth. I'd put his toes in a food processor. Geez, I am angry tonight! WOOSA!

 

[butter_pecan]

I saw a woman say that on Maury Povich that her husband didn't like toenail clippers and she had to use her teeth. She was also only allowed 30 minutes to call her family Sunday afternoon. She couldn't call her friends because she wasn't allowed any. Her kids were her friends! I wish a **** would ask me to cut his toes with my teeth. I'd put his toes in a food processor. Geez, I am angry tonight! WOOSA!

That's disgusting and degrading! I'd never be that hard up for anybody.

 

[Taliah]

I wish a **** would ask me to cut his toes with my teeth. I'd put his toes in a food processor. Geez, I am angry tonight! WOOSA!

I gotta try to find this on youtube...cause that's just sick.

But on a serious note. I think OP man's mind is just not prepped for marriage. Get his mind right and learn him...if you really love him and all that good stuff.
Is he spiritual? Whatever he worships get counsel with that group and get his mind where it needs to be.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Well I couldn't be Woody's girl because ain't no way I'm mowing the lawn. So let that WW mow Woody's lawn while I'm sitting back pretty letting a man be a man.

I'm tired of some of these BM placing other women above their own. It's stupid because other races of women are in no way putting a BM above anybody. If they were, BM wouldn't be the targets of racism day in and day out. Why aren't these non BW out there fighting for BM's rights? These aren't men, these are boys talking this mess. If they love WW and AW so much, PLEASE go out and have them. I don't have time to deal with an ignorant brother who spews out stereotypes when he is the main target of stereotypes from the day he's born. Knee-gro please.

 

[Taliah]

When you go to that counselling session make sure he understands that he has a lot to give.
I feel like when people in relationships feel like they have nothing to offer, or not living up to the other person's standards, they do a lot of taking.

 

[MyHeavenlyFatherKnows]

Um....he also just told you why he is "ok" being with you....ur only half black---so look at it this way.....u are a step up

 

[butter_pecan]

Um....he also just told you why he is "ok" being with you....ur only half black---so look at it this way.....u are a step up

That's why I threw that in there. Because that's how I looked at it.

 

[JewelleNY]

Dang, what is with these dudes getting out of pocket talking about white/Latina/Asian women being "better" to their BLACK girlfriends???

I don't know what I would do OP. I don't know. I would be keeping my eyes and ears open though...

This is so true Bunny! My own brother now dates a Hispanic woman who doesn't work but she has moved in and does his feet, cleans his face, gets the pimples, basically "caters" to him and now all black women are pitiful and "black men bashers" and blah, blah, blah

He even now talks crap about black women in front of her, did this at our family reunion. My sis had invited him to a professional event when he was single and he had such negative things to say about the single black women there yet my sis says the women were so nice and sweet and gave him their numbers. Yet, this new chick I don't think has a hs degree but she is just so much better than

It was a new low ladies to have your older black brother, who spent 20 years + with the Nation of Islam, talk this way

 

[Taliah]

^^um hum. A taker. When he's ready to give and stop taking, he'll be back, or find a woman not with all that nonsense.

 

[FluffyRed]

I dunno why it didn't make me mad. Is he panicking about the wedding? He makes some stupid comments. I think he needs some alone time. He's taking you for granted. Any way you can be a little less available?

 

[butter_pecan]

I dunno why it didn't make me mad. Is he panicking about the wedding? He makes some stupid comments. I think he needs some alone time. He's taking you for granted. Any way you can be a little less available?

Yes. I have a ton of things I can be doing now that I think of it ...