I need help FAST.
- Thread starter SoopremeBeing
- Start date
gn1g
Well-Known Member
she preachin! I agree with every thing but I know fo'sho I WOULD NOT marry him under no circumstance.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
Please don't fall for his b.s.
Barbieglamour
i hate socializing....
wow. sorry this happening to you OP.
what a jerk!
what a jerk!
SoopremeBeing
Well-Known Member
Hey everyone, I really appreciate the responses. Here's the latest update(a bit long as its been a few days):
I did something out of my character, and I confronted the girl who sent the messages and also the naked picture. I did this solely based on the reason that she knew good and well we were in a relationship, and still continued to be the homewrecker. I did not threaten her in any way, my message to her was congratulatory: I told her I knew what was going on, and if she wanted him that bad, he was all hers. She of course denied any wrongdoing UNTIL i sent her the screenshots as proof. After 15 minutes, she still denied anything happened, but she also continued to act like a ratchet hoodrat, didn't take any responsibility for what she did, didnt apologize, and even called me names in the process. I found it funny that she was so upset. She also felt the need to tell me they used to date, which doesnt matter to me as it was YEARS ago. He apparently has cut off all communication with her(I made sure of that: he is on my cell phone account, and I was able to log into my account, blocked her and that teacher from calling or texting me or him ever again.) She tried to say "we can meet up and talk like grown women," but seeing how immature she is, it'd be a waste of time.
He is still apologizing, and still denies he cheated. I told him even IF he didn't have sex with anyone else, he shouldn't have allowed those conversations to get so out of control if these women are "headaches and have nothing to offer." I even asked him what he would do if the roles were switched. He said he'd be upset obviously, but would give me the BOD because we are with each other at the end of the night(uh...WHAT?) He went on and on about how he doesn't condone cheating because of his father cheating on his mom, and he was also cheated on by his son's mother. He hadn't had a serious relationship since his BM until he met me. He keeps saying he will do anything to fix his mistake and to get me back. He even suggested couples counseling, which is fine I guess, but at the same time, I'm not the one with the issues. He's essentially been kissing my *** all week, which honestly isn't out of his character. Up until Monday night, he never showed me any signs that he would be unfaithful, or that he couldn't be trusted period. I hate to admit it, but I thought he was a really good man until I saw what I saw. He said "the man you saw in those texts was not the real me. That was a man trying to be something he is not. I don't like not knowing who I'm going home to at night, and I've done all the exploring I can take. I want a family."
I confided in my mom, and she said something that is weird but makes sense at the same time: "People can do whatever they feel until there is the legality of marriage. You are either single, married, widowed, or divorced. Even though you were engaged, you have no legal ties to each other." Which is true, but I don't understand why people think like that. I'm also not going to be that chick who thinks "I don't care what he does, because he comes home to me at the end of the night." I'm sorry but I don't get that mentality, I'm not a celebrity and I'm not dating a rapper, LOL.
I had a nightmare the other night about all of this, and in the moment, I took his phone and checked it while he was sleep: checked his email, FB, and text messages. It was kind of too late as far as the email and FB, but I didn't find anymore evidence. Some of the messages are years old, and he had been spreading the word of our prior engagement. I did read the text messages he sent to his cousin and our roommate: it felt kinda good that he was and has been feeling like sh1t. We are still not together, but I do have several unanswered questions that can probably only be answered in a therapist-patient atmosphere:
1. If you were so happy in your relationship, why did entertain other women with these messages?
2. Why do you continue friendships/relationships with toxic people(women) that you refer to as "headaches" and "always contact you, complaining about their problems?"
3. What is it about these women that they cannot seem to let go of you YEARS after your relationship has ended? Why have you allowed them to get so comfortable?
4. You said the man writing those messages wasn't the man you really are, it was a man trying to be something he is not: who were you trying to be? Are you not content with the life you have?
Wow as I'm typing this, this sounds like a spin-off of the Mimi-Joseline-Steebie J. debacle...weird and yuck.
I did something out of my character, and I confronted the girl who sent the messages and also the naked picture. I did this solely based on the reason that she knew good and well we were in a relationship, and still continued to be the homewrecker. I did not threaten her in any way, my message to her was congratulatory: I told her I knew what was going on, and if she wanted him that bad, he was all hers. She of course denied any wrongdoing UNTIL i sent her the screenshots as proof. After 15 minutes, she still denied anything happened, but she also continued to act like a ratchet hoodrat, didn't take any responsibility for what she did, didnt apologize, and even called me names in the process. I found it funny that she was so upset. She also felt the need to tell me they used to date, which doesnt matter to me as it was YEARS ago. He apparently has cut off all communication with her(I made sure of that: he is on my cell phone account, and I was able to log into my account, blocked her and that teacher from calling or texting me or him ever again.) She tried to say "we can meet up and talk like grown women," but seeing how immature she is, it'd be a waste of time.
He is still apologizing, and still denies he cheated. I told him even IF he didn't have sex with anyone else, he shouldn't have allowed those conversations to get so out of control if these women are "headaches and have nothing to offer." I even asked him what he would do if the roles were switched. He said he'd be upset obviously, but would give me the BOD because we are with each other at the end of the night(uh...WHAT?) He went on and on about how he doesn't condone cheating because of his father cheating on his mom, and he was also cheated on by his son's mother. He hadn't had a serious relationship since his BM until he met me. He keeps saying he will do anything to fix his mistake and to get me back. He even suggested couples counseling, which is fine I guess, but at the same time, I'm not the one with the issues. He's essentially been kissing my *** all week, which honestly isn't out of his character. Up until Monday night, he never showed me any signs that he would be unfaithful, or that he couldn't be trusted period. I hate to admit it, but I thought he was a really good man until I saw what I saw. He said "the man you saw in those texts was not the real me. That was a man trying to be something he is not. I don't like not knowing who I'm going home to at night, and I've done all the exploring I can take. I want a family."
I confided in my mom, and she said something that is weird but makes sense at the same time: "People can do whatever they feel until there is the legality of marriage. You are either single, married, widowed, or divorced. Even though you were engaged, you have no legal ties to each other." Which is true, but I don't understand why people think like that. I'm also not going to be that chick who thinks "I don't care what he does, because he comes home to me at the end of the night." I'm sorry but I don't get that mentality, I'm not a celebrity and I'm not dating a rapper, LOL.
I had a nightmare the other night about all of this, and in the moment, I took his phone and checked it while he was sleep: checked his email, FB, and text messages. It was kind of too late as far as the email and FB, but I didn't find anymore evidence. Some of the messages are years old, and he had been spreading the word of our prior engagement. I did read the text messages he sent to his cousin and our roommate: it felt kinda good that he was and has been feeling like sh1t. We are still not together, but I do have several unanswered questions that can probably only be answered in a therapist-patient atmosphere:
1. If you were so happy in your relationship, why did entertain other women with these messages?
2. Why do you continue friendships/relationships with toxic people(women) that you refer to as "headaches" and "always contact you, complaining about their problems?"
3. What is it about these women that they cannot seem to let go of you YEARS after your relationship has ended? Why have you allowed them to get so comfortable?
4. You said the man writing those messages wasn't the man you really are, it was a man trying to be something he is not: who were you trying to be? Are you not content with the life you have?
Wow as I'm typing this, this sounds like a spin-off of the Mimi-Joseline-Steebie J. debacle...weird and yuck.
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To me the whole single vs. married thing means yes he can do what he wants, but it also means you are free to cut ties with him without explanation since you aren't married. It doesn't make sense to me to allow someone to cheat and live like a single person right up until the wedding day. Once you take the step of being exclusive, and especially once you are engaged, that should be it.
If you already have to forgive and forget before you even say I do, how much more BS will you have to deal with after. Marriage has its rough spots and you don't want to always be scared he's going to run to someone else when you are having problems.
Him trying to be something he's not sounds like he was trying to impress someone, which is really immature.
I wouldn't worry about the other women. It's all about him. Good luck if you do decide to work it out.
Sent from my HTC Evo
If you already have to forgive and forget before you even say I do, how much more BS will you have to deal with after. Marriage has its rough spots and you don't want to always be scared he's going to run to someone else when you are having problems.
Him trying to be something he's not sounds like he was trying to impress someone, which is really immature.
I wouldn't worry about the other women. It's all about him. Good luck if you do decide to work it out.
Sent from my HTC Evo
sorry you're going through this. what are you going to do now? what are your next steps?
I think everyone here will suggest you do something to work towards a healthy you. and sometimes that means cutting out things we desire that will hurt us in the long-run, such as more confrontation or digging for more info. you kind of have everything you need to know - he's not trustworthy. and if you decide you dont want to be married to him, additional info won't prove any more than just that. instead you might find out things that hurt you more.
anyone that has been through this has the urge to confront the other woman. and rarely RARELY will you get any satisfaction from doing so. i think you found that out. people don't really ever admit to wrongdoing, they usually resort to attacking, which sounds like she did. that confrontation is an example of something that will lead to more pain down the road for a short temporary satisfaction.
basically i'm saying that in my opinion any digging for info you do will lead to more questions and that you should just "move on" and make sure he can't contact you b/c he'll wait and then try to sweet talk you. guys get bored, do dumb things and then are challenged with the thrill of trying to get you back. it becomes a cycle. love isn't that extreme. this is not a romantic movie, and basically it's dysfunctional. you are so deserving of real love, love that does not need a roller coaster rise and fall. other members may have opposing opinions.
I understand the questions you have, and have had them myself. but you may want to give thought to the possibility that he may not know the answer. he just may not know. or the answer isnt rational, or you wont find it satisfying. he did it because he felt like it at the time, and he was being selfish. you were the victim. so I really dont think you should bother trying to understand the WHY and just look to the future and focus on healing from what happened and finding happiness. best to you.
just my $00.02
ManeStreet
Well-Known Member
well its too late now but instead of confronting I would have interviewed her. Ive actually done this b4 & it works great. You remove the misplaced anger & ask her ti be str8 up with you. U approach the woman without conflict & just ask her what was going down between them. Women love to spill the beans if you approach them the right way. You ask...How things got started. What if anything he told her about u & your relationship. Does she know about anything else you should be aware of.
Youd be surprised how many of those questions you listed in your earlier would be answered. At the end of the day she knows a side of him that you dont know. Blaming a 3rd party gets you nowhere but gathering info from them & using that info for your benefit is priceless because everything hes telling you now is lies to keep you from walking.
Youd be surprised how many of those questions you listed in your earlier would be answered. At the end of the day she knows a side of him that you dont know. Blaming a 3rd party gets you nowhere but gathering info from them & using that info for your benefit is priceless because everything hes telling you now is lies to keep you from walking.
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FlawedBeauty
Well-Known Member
Confronting the other woman only goes so far. If she was gettin the peen and likes it she will most likely keep her mouth shut so not to piss him off and risk losing the peen, or the man if her feelings are caught up in it.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Chile I'm glad you let her know someone else saw her nasty pics, sex talk and you shoulda told her she is damn lucky you didn't post them on Nude Africa America, f/b or wtheva. I have never gotten the I want answers bit because basically it doesn't really matter what is done is done. You will never get the answers you want or be satisified.
I believe in dealing with what is real and true. As I said before you have to decide what is a deal breaker for you and you alone. Not cho momma, girlfriend or us can help you on that. If you want that man back and it sounds like you do. Take the chance and be prepared to deal with the outcome. Its not guaranteed to be negative or positive because nothing in life is totally guaranteed outside of God's love.
I've cheated before in a relationship my damn self for varied reasons so I don't think folks are always habitual cheaters because I was not and am not. It was a one time thing and it was basically trying to get revenge on a ninja. That siht was totally unsatisfying and I learned to walk away if I couldn't handle said behavior or the lack of trust issues.
Let me say this also you are not the only woman that this has happened too. The fact of the matter is he encouraged the behavior and fully participated in it so he is a real CAD. I found bucket arse nakid pictures and texts but the dude wasn't participating with the thirsty chick so she was basically just sending pictures to a dude that just didn't discourage the behavior but I bet he did after I found that information.
You still never answered if you guys had that kinda communication between yourselves prior to being engaged because I believe that is of importance imo.
She ain't no slutbucket in my opinion if you believe in participating in that sort of sexual communications yo damn self . Just because he has a girl would be kinda irrelevant since she isn't the person in a relationship with you. Sounds like she feels like because she had him prior to you anything goes until he shuts that mess down himself. Men will be men but you don't have to accept a damn thang if you don't want to or forgive him. You can easily just move on with your life unless the pros outweigh the cons. The ball is in your court just remember to stay true to yourself because its your life and your love that is at stake. Nobody can live your life but you. Good luck on whatever you decide to do.
I believe in dealing with what is real and true. As I said before you have to decide what is a deal breaker for you and you alone. Not cho momma, girlfriend or us can help you on that. If you want that man back and it sounds like you do. Take the chance and be prepared to deal with the outcome. Its not guaranteed to be negative or positive because nothing in life is totally guaranteed outside of God's love.
I've cheated before in a relationship my damn self for varied reasons so I don't think folks are always habitual cheaters because I was not and am not. It was a one time thing and it was basically trying to get revenge on a ninja. That siht was totally unsatisfying and I learned to walk away if I couldn't handle said behavior or the lack of trust issues.
Let me say this also you are not the only woman that this has happened too. The fact of the matter is he encouraged the behavior and fully participated in it so he is a real CAD. I found bucket arse nakid pictures and texts but the dude wasn't participating with the thirsty chick so she was basically just sending pictures to a dude that just didn't discourage the behavior but I bet he did after I found that information.
You still never answered if you guys had that kinda communication between yourselves prior to being engaged because I believe that is of importance imo.
She ain't no slutbucket in my opinion if you believe in participating in that sort of sexual communications yo damn self . Just because he has a girl would be kinda irrelevant since she isn't the person in a relationship with you. Sounds like she feels like because she had him prior to you anything goes until he shuts that mess down himself. Men will be men but you don't have to accept a damn thang if you don't want to or forgive him. You can easily just move on with your life unless the pros outweigh the cons. The ball is in your court just remember to stay true to yourself because its your life and your love that is at stake. Nobody can live your life but you. Good luck on whatever you decide to do.
SoopremeBeing
Well-Known Member
Well I've known the dude since 2005 and we really only lost touch around the time he had his son in 2008(he was in a relationship with his BM in which he claims ended because she cheated, and I was in an abusive relationship in which I wasnt allowed to talk to any of my male friends, even the gay ones). Once we reconnected and starting dating in 2011, we did do those things, text, pictures, Skype, alladat.
Trust me I'm no prude, and I don't judge women who take pics like that. She just needed to do that with her own man, not mine. I just found her laughable because if the roles were reversed and I was sending her man a$$ed out photos of myself, she'd be at my door, ready to fight. Maybe she was mad because I wasn't yelling or cussing at her, I guess she was confused. But she's a bird, maybe she IS mad because she's not getting the peen anymore(so they both claim), but it's a big city, he aint the only ninja out here. All in all, she's irrelevant, and I really have no desire to speak to her ever again.
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